Chapter Twelve
Iris
Allison left me a note on the kitchen table. She was out again with Goth Guy, and part of me was happy for my friend even through my sadness. This Goth Guy thing had been going on for a few weeks now, and she seemed to really like the guy, even if she hadn’t brought him around to the apartment much. Part of me was crushed she wasn’t around, as I could have used a friend to talk to, but then again, I wasn’t sure I had the strength to relive out loud Seamus’s assault and how scared I was. How badly it could have gone.
My shoulders shook, and I hurried to the bathroom to take a scolding hot shower. Okay, it wasn’t literally that hot, but I kept the heat up as high as I dared. I felt so filthy, so desolate; I needed the heat to take it all away. Gathering up my loofah and some soap, I scrubbed myself as well. I ran the sponge over me until my water finally went cold. Shivering, I turned it off and grabbed my fluffiest bathrobe and was soon curled in on my side in my bed. Tears fell from my eyes, but I didn’t make a sound.
If I cried out loud, it’d make it too damn real.
I laid like that for what felt like hours and was almost asleep when I heard a knock on the door. At first, I thought it might be Allison, especially if she’d forgotten her key. She sometimes did that; the girl was a bit absentminded. Then again, as I walked to the front door, I expected to hear a lot more cursing and drunken kicking at the door frame. Again, Ally had left her key in random places and clubs and pubs more than once.
Suspicious, I peeked through the keyhole and then sighed. It was Callum.
“I thought I made it clear that I needed to be alone.”
Through the keyhole, I watched as he held up his hands, palms flat to me. “I’m sorry. I just needed to talk. I couldn’t leave things like they were.”
I hesitated then with my hand on the lock, but the raw pain in his eyes was enough to make me finish unlocking everything. He was as worried for me as I was for myself. I knew he hadn’t meant for anything to happen tonight, but that didn’t change what had gone down. It didn’t make me feel safer. But if Callum wanted a few more minutes to talk, then I could accommodate that.
Maybe I needed more solace than I’d left to either of us earlier this evening.
I eased the door open slowly and then shut it behind him. My hand twisted the lock automatically; it was dumb. It wasn’t like Seamus was lurking in every corner. It just felt better being locked in my fortress. Maybe it would help for a while.
“You should have told me,” I began.
“I was trying to…”
“Not tell me anything just like you didn’t mention the ball.” I slid down onto the sofa and put my hands in my lap. “If we’re going to be a real couple and not just a fling, then you have to trust me. You have to trust me to protect myself, and you have to trust me not to break when you tell me bad news.”
“But it would have scared you. Bloody hell, having that arse Seamus skulking around scared me. I just wanted to protect you.”
“You can’t protect me with lies, Cal. No one can do that.”
He looked away, his blue eyes downcast. “I know that now.” Callum sat down beside me on the couch and slowly placed his left hand over mine in my lap. “I care so much about you.”
“I know,” I said, even though my throat felt clogged as I said it. Until then, I wasn’t sure if he felt a fraction of what I felt for him. After the foundation gala lies, I wasn’t sure of anything. “But if you care about me…if you feel about me the way you once felt about Priscilla, even a bit, then you have to trust me. You wouldn’t have shut her out.”
“No, never.”
“Then why would you do that to me?”
He sighed. “You won’t like my answer.”
“At least you can give me an honest one.” He looked at me again, fully in the face, and I almost lost myself in the depths of his gaze. Almost. But I needed my answer. “Please, you owe me that much.”
“You’re young, luv, and I need to protect you. I just didn’t think you could handle it.”
“But you know I can handle it now.”
“You should have screamed. I’d have been able to try and castrate him a lot earlier.”
“True, but we got out of there in one piece and without any nosy reporters the wiser or any foundations ruined. That’s what matters.”
He squeezed my hand. “You never have to be that selfless.”
“I think me or a foundation’s reputation, one that can do so much, is an easy choice.”
He shook his head and stroked my cheek with his free hand. “Very few things are worth you in danger, believe me on that.”
“But you understand I’m your partner in all of this, not some junior party. We’re in a relationship together,” I said, bracing for him even now to say I wasn’t in his life like that, that he was changing his mind. “We have to be fifty-fifty.”
He nodded, and when he spoke, his voice was that same low rumble that made heat flare through my belly. “I care about you, and I trust you. I just want to do more to take care of you.”
I smiled back at him. “Then that you can do. I…it was scary…terrifying even, but you did protect me. Maybe this is my loopiness talking or the worry, but I need you, Cal.”
He quirked his head at me, his intense eyes studying me carefully. “When you say that, do you really mean it? You’ve had a terrible night, luv.”
“I just need to feel safe, and no one makes me feel safer than you. Please, I mean it.”
“If you’re sure.”
I kissed him then, my tongue tangling with his and promising so much more after this. “I’m positive.”
Nodding, he stood first and then, reaching down, gathered me into his arms. It was like being a bride on her wedding night, and that wasn’t exactly on my mind, but I needed something more. It wasn’t just fun for me anymore. I needed some sign of commitment, some sign that he meant more to me and that I meant more to him in return.
Callum carried me over the threshold and set me down on the bed. I unbelted my robe and let myself be laid bare for him. My hair was still a wet, floppy mess, and I was sure my eyes were swollen from crying. I must have been a mess. But I was his mess as he was mine.
“You’re one hundred percent.”
“Yes,” I said, smiling up at him. “I just want you, Cal. I just need to feel anything else.”
He nodded and reached into his pants pocket for a condom. “Not to seem like I was planning this when I came over or anything. I’ve had this on me since this morning at dictation in case things got more wild than usual in the office.”
I blushed. There was something flattering in knowing he was so turned on by me that he wanted to be prepared in case. I’d been better since our torn condom scare about being sure with my birth control on time, but it was best to be as safe as possible. We just couldn’t have a baby. It would doom everything.
“That’s fine.”
Callum grinned that roguish expression at me and stripped. Like always, his body was a revelation, as if a Greek god had come down from the heavens and decided to make love to me and only me. He made short work of slipping on the condom and was soon striding to me, like a hungry jungle cat stalking his prey across the savannah.
I was more than happy to be caught.
He hovered over me, the heft of him firm above my body and the intoxicating scent of his musk and cinnamon circling in my nose. More heat flared from my stomach down through my core. Wetness began to touch my legs. I was ready for him. Maybe because of the fear and the almost tragedy tonight. I just needed to know we were together in this, that we were partners.
“I care about you so much, luv. I know that we’re usually carried away with everything, that it’s the fire and the passion and I’m domineering and you’re my vixen, but there’s more to it than that. If I haven’t made that clear enough, then I’m so sorry about that.”
He bent lower and kissed my lips. He tasted of chocolate and maybe a hint of spice, whatever he’d eaten as far as finger foods at the gala. He tasted like home.
“I care about you too. And I’m glad we’re partners.”
“Yes, partners,” he said, and then Callum pressed his length inside me, through my core and deep into my innermost channel.
As always, I hissed at the heat of him and the way he stretched me, the way he made me feel fuller than I could have ever thought possible. He slid in slowly, still mindful of the fact that I was only a few weeks into having sex, that I was still so tight. Callum could be rough, and sometimes I wanted that. There were times when our animalistic passion made us go at it so fast and furious that everything almost seemed like a blur. But I was always amazed with how gentle he was with me too. I wasn’t porcelain, and I wouldn’t break. At the same time, with him cradling me, with his hips making slow thrusts into my body, I felt like the most valued thing in his world.
I pushed up my hips to meet his and moaned as he bent his head down to capture my mouth with his. The moaning didn’t last long, not when we were locked in erotic kisses just as our bodies were interlocked with each other. The waves of pleasure started cresting through me as he pumped harder. Then Callum shifted just right, and the waves turned into a tsunami. I screamed loudly and dug my heels into the mattress. My body shook, and everything overcame me so strongly that I almost passed out.
He pulled out of me and snuck off to the bathroom to get cleaned off. When he returned, he brought me a towel and a cold glass of water. Cal was always a gentleman like that. He slid onto the mattress next to me. Curling up around me, Callum drew me to his chest. Leaning up against him was almost as warm as a thick blanket.
He kissed my temple. “Partners, luv. I like the sound of that.”
“Me too.”
His arms tightened around me. “Still, if that rat bastard ever touches you again, I’ll end him.”
“I know, but tonight…I couldn’t let you do something you’d regret. Nothing messy, nothing horrible to blow back on you.”
He nodded and nuzzled his nose in my hair. “Thank you.”
“No, thank you for saving me.”
“I’d tear through heaven and earth for you. Don’t ever doubt that.”
My voice was almost steady as I replied, and I was proud of me for that. It was just impossible, deep down, to know what was true. That went double for a relationship so new and untested, for the first I’d ever had.
“I don’t,” I lied. “I know you care, that you’ll protect me with everything you’ve got.”
“Good,” he said, hugging me tight, my guardian against the night. “Because there’s nothing on earth that’s truer than that. Nothing.”
“Of course.”
But as I fell into a deep sleep, I just wished I could feel the truth of his words down to my bones. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to the point where I believed them.