“Why are you at this shitty gym?”

Alexa slowed the speed on the treadmill and switched from running to walking. She swiped at the sweat on her brow and grabbed her water bottle out of the holder to swallow several mouthfuls of the cool liquid.

“I take it your meeting with Jake didn’t go so well?” Xander crossed his arms and stood off to the side of the treadmill, studying her.

“Oh, yeah. It went great.” The sarcasm was baked into her voice as hot as black cement on a summer day. “He actually remembered something.” She screwed on the cap of the water bottle and slipped it into the holder before staring down at the rotating fabric beneath her feet.

“Well? Is it something important?”

She faked a laugh as she looked back over at Xander. “Depends. You think I’m important?” She jabbed at the stop button.

“He remembered you? You serious?”

“Well, he remembered that he knows me, at least.” She stepped off the treadmill and grabbed one of the complimentary hand towels by the cooler. As she draped the towel around her neck, she studied her image in the full-length wall mirror. They were alone in the small hotel gym.

“So how’d you handle it?”

She swiped the towel over her face, and then their eyes met in the mirror. “Like an arse.”

“I should have gone with you.” He came up next to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, his gray eyes still holding hers. His brows quirked up as his lips twitched. “You still have feelings for this bloke?”

“Ugh.” She tipped her head forward, pressing a hand to her face. “No,” she grumbled, not sure if she was lying to him or herself—maybe both. Because there had been something between them tonight—something that went beyond words. She wasn’t quite sure if she could describe the moment when she saw Jake bent over in pain in his office when she had first seen the scars on his back.

And when they had kissed, for one tiny fraction of a minute she felt like Alexa Ryan, the woman. Not the agent. Not the person who had to lie to every man she met.

No, she felt like someone who could have more, even if it was for only a moment.

Her fingertips bit into her palms as she tried to reel in her emotions, not ready to share them with her best mate and partner. “Xander?”

“Yeah?”

She wet her lips and sucked in a breath. “You ever get lonely?” She swallowed as her eyes found his again. There was a warmth there, despite their steely color.

He dropped his hand from her shoulder and swiped it over his hard, square jaw before bringing it up to the nape of his neck. There was a flicker of seriousness there, but it passed as quickly as it had come. “Of course not, love. I have you. I have the agency. And I have a woman in every city I travel to.” He lifted his shoulders in an innocent manner.

“Even here? In Montana?” She almost laughed.

“Maybe not here.” He winked at her and patted her on the back. “Come on. Get yourself some rest. We have a long day tomorrow.”

“Yeah. Okay.”

She said goodbye to him outside her hotel room and then went into the bathroom for a shower.

Once undressed, she stared at herself in the mirror as her finger traced the scar by her hipbone.

She shut her eyes and skirted her hand up her breastbone and to her lips, resting them there as she remembered Jake’s kiss.

I’m in so much bloody trouble.

* * *

“Just got off the phone with Matt. Sam hasn’t found anything new from Reza. And GCHQ says they haven’t found anything of use on the drive yet—”

“Wow. You’re full of good news.” Alexa focused on the snowflakes drifting outside the window as she and Xander sat parked in Jake’s driveway. They were waiting for Special Agent Trent Shaw to show up for their web conference. Xander unbuckled his seat belt and turned on the radio. Soft country tunes drifted into the air for just a moment before Xander jabbed at the buttons, trying to switch the music.

“They’ll find something eventually,” Xander said. “We need to be optimistic.”

“Any news from Tenley and John? They were supposed to meet with Berat today in Istanbul, right?” It was Tuesday, their normal day of contact.

“Not yet.”

Just then, she noticed taillights reflecting off the dark wood of the cabin. Alexa peeked at the side mirror and spotted a SUV pulling in behind them. “They’re here.”

“You ready for this?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” She fought back the urge to check her appearance in the dashboard mirror, knowing that Xander would give her hell for it. “Let’s do this.”

Xander came around next to her once they were out of the car, holding on to her forearm as if to protect her from slipping on the snowy driveway. “Don’t want you busting your arse,” he said as a smile met his lips. But the smile soon faded once the two men in suits stepped out of the SUV.

The men posted to guard Jake, who were sitting in the car parked in front of Xander and Alexa’s rental, remained in their vehicle. They must not have had the clearance to be a part of the web call.

“You must be Agent Ryan,” Agent Shaw mumbled as if the words were an inconvenience to his mouth. “And good to see you again,” he added when looking Xander’s way.

Alexa recognized Shaw from the hospital. “Thank you for meeting with us,” she said when she realized Xander wasn’t going to speak.

“Not like we had much of a choice,” Shaw said dryly, and then tipped his head at the tall man to his right. “This is Special Agent Harris. He’s from the D.C. field office.”

“Ma’am,” Agent Harris said and nodded.

“We can drop the formalities, right? Call me, Alexa, please.” She smiled, hoping to bridge some sort of alliance with the closed mouth Feds—she needed them to open up to her agency finally.

“Works for me, Alexa. I’m Randall.” He smiled at her and gave her a slight wink, and she was relieved he seemed to have a little more of a personality than Shaw.

“Call me Trent, then,” he grumbled.

After a moment, she flicked Xander’s hand from her forearm, embarrassed by her partner’s protectiveness over her. They were the same age, so why he treated her like a kid sister was beyond her.

“Let’s get this over with so we can get back to London,” Xander said, mimicking Trent’s grumpiness.

They followed after the agents and Alexa swallowed and shut her eyes for a brief moment when Trent’s fist tapped at the door. She wasn’t ready to see Jake again. To face the anger in his eyes.

Her eyes flashed open when she heard the click of the door latch. Alexa’s eyes landed on Jake as he stood there in the doorframe, his broad shoulders hidden beneath a dark brown, button-down shirt that made the color of his eyes appear even darker.

He looked straight at her. Practically through her.

Xander rested his hand on her back, offering her support, sensing her nerves.

Jake’s eyes shifted down in one quick movement, taking note of Xander’s arm behind Alexa’s back, and then his jaw clenched.

Shit. Did he think . . .? Not that it mattered what he thought. She and Jake weren’t together, after all. Hell, they’d never technically been a couple. And besides, she was here to work a case, not get her head and heart twisted up in some insane mess.

“How are you?” Trent asked Jake.

“Just great.” His voice was icy, and she missed the sweetness and humor she’d heard from him before. He stepped back and waved his hand, motioning them in and out of the cold.

Alexa shrugged off her winter coat and unwrapped the scarf from her neck. She took her cue from the others, resting her things over the top of the couch in the living room. Her gaze flickered to the hall to where his bedroom was. Where they had kissed.

When she looked up, Jake was watching her from across the room, his arms crossed as he stood in front of the lit fireplace. The flames roared, and the heat from the fire radiated throughout the room, warming her. Or maybe it was Jake who was making her hot.

“Where should we set up the computer?” Trent asked, clutching a laptop bag.

“Kitchen is fine,” Jake answered.

Trent and Randall went into the kitchen, but Xander remained at Alexa’s side. Jake also hadn’t moved.

“Jake, you remember my partner, Xander, right? He met you at the base before you came back stateside.”

Xander approached Jake and held out his hand. “Good to see you again, mate.”

Alexa took a few steps closer as the two alpha males stared each other down. Both were tall and muscular, strength rippling through every inch of their bodies. But Xander was like family to her, and Jake—well, he was something entirely different.

Jake didn’t say anything, but he finally shook Xander’s hand.

“Shall we?” Xander tipped his head to the kitchen.

“Could you give us a minute?” Alexa asked Xander.

“Sure.” Xander nodded at Jake and moved into the kitchen to join the agents.

“How are you?” she softly asked while stepping up in front of him.

Jake placed a hand on the mantel above the fireplace and looked down at the dancing orange and red flames. “You mean after what happened last night?”

“Um. Yeah.”

When he looked back at her, she could see irritation burning in his irises. “How do you think I am?” Jake lowered his hand and moved past her, his shoulder brushing against her as he left her alone in front of the fire.

She released a deep breath and went into the kitchen. Randall and Trent had set up a laptop on the kitchen table, and they were pulling up a secure network.

“Looks like they’re online. They’re ready,” Randall said. A few seconds later, Laney appeared on screen alongside two men Alexa didn’t recognize. She had to assume they were members of Parliament.

Laney didn’t introduce herself or the men she was sitting next to at the table. And Randall and Trent didn’t say their names, either. Alexa assumed they already knew each other. They’d probably been going back and forth for days.

“We’re waiting for the information, Special Agent Shaw,” Laney said, clasping her hands on the desk in front of her, appearing confident as always. “We’ve already been working with NSA on a case, and that case appears to have crossed into FBI territory. So, now we’ll be needing to work with your officers as well.”

Maybe they hadn’t chatted as much as Alexa had thought—wouldn’t they have known this already? What in the hell were the Americans hiding?

“What does NSA have to do with this? I wasn’t informed that they were involved.” Trent looked over at Randall, his brows pinching together.

“Maybe if you had bothered to take at least half of our dozen calls—you’d know this.” Laney shook her head, clearly irritated with the Feds. “Speak first, and we’ll explain next.” She leaned back in her leather chair.

Jake folded his arms and stood off to the side, out of the view of the webcam. He stared out the window over the kitchen sink as if he had nothing to do with the current conversation.

“I’m not prepared to talk about classified information just yet,” Trent answered.

Of course, not. This is a waste of time.

Laney chuckled, and it wasn’t her polite laugh. No, it was her “I’m going to kill you” laugh. “Then what the bloody hell are we doing having this conversation right now—and why did you leave London in the first place? Are you planning on taking a plane back here then? The agents you left in London for investigative purposes aren’t ranked high enough to give us a damn thing.”

Clearly the Americans had done that on purpose.

“What do you want to tell us, Special Agent Shaw? Because I’m losing patience and running out of time. We have sources that have verified an impending attack on British soil, and this attack is from the group that we believe was holding your agent.”

“And you were working with the NSA about this before Agent Summers’ abduction?” Randall asked.

“Yes. We’re tracking a cyber terrorist group known as Anarchy. Well, they use the computer ‘at’ symbol before their name. ‘At Anarchy.’ Are you familiar with them?” Laney asked.

“Heard of them, but cyber is not our territory,” Randall answered.

Alexa’s lips parted. “That doesn’t make sense.” Alexa looked up at Trent, confused. “I assumed you were after Anarchy, which is why they took your agent.”

“We have nothing to do with hackers or cyber terrorists.” Trent rubbed a hand down his jaw and glanced over at Jake. “Why do you think our mission prior to the explosion is connected to yours? What is it that you’re not telling us?”

Alexa was about to speak, to yell at him again for being such a roadblock to their investigation in the last week, but Laney held up her hand. “We decrypted intel after the explosion from a hacker connected to Anarchy that led us to believe your American was taken by their group.” Laney looked over at the men at the table and then stood up, pressing her hands to the desk and leaning forward a little until she seemed to fill the computer screen. “So, Special Agents Shaw and Harris, are you ready to share your information? Could you please enlighten us on what your agent was doing in the U.K. prior to the explosion, so we can figure out how our cases are connected?”

Jake’s attention was now glued to the back of the computer, the muscles in his jaw tight, his chest lifting in deeper breaths. It had to be hard for him to listen to all of this, to know he might be able to help if only his memories hadn’t betrayed him.

“We’re not at liberty to go into depth, but what I can say is that we were a part of a joint task force in Sicily. It included CIA and the military, as well as Jake and one other FBI agent. Jake was chosen for the assignment because of his unique knowledge of the HVT.” HVT—high-value target. “We’ve been tracking Qasim Ansari, one of the military commanders of ISIS, for two years now, and Jake’s been the lead agent in charge of counterterrorist activity related to Ansari on American soil. We received credible intel that Ansari would be in Libya, and so we set up at our base in Sicily to take them out. Unfortunately, our mission was compromised, and our men were attacked off base.”

Jake’s brows furrowed, his eyes darting to Trent. Alexa wondered if this was the first time Jake had learned of the nature of his mission. Although Qasim Ansari wasn’t a man that Alexa had personally been after, she’d heard of him. He was one of the most wanted men in the world by all agencies.

“And what happened to the other agents with him? Did they see anything? Did they see who took Agent Summers?” Laney asked.

Trent and Randall exchanged looks once again, and Alexa got a bad feeling in her stomach. She could see it in Jake’s eyes, too. He knew that something was wrong.

“Jake was the only survivor. Both SUVs transporting the agents were ambushed. The first was taken out by a long-range missile. And the second vehicle flipped as a result of the explosion. The men in the second vehicle were shot and killed. Except for Jake, of course.” Trent’s voice took on a softer tone this time. There was pain in his voice as he had spoken. He’d lost men.

Alexa looked over at Jake. His head was bowed, his eyes closed. For an agent, it was almost a fate worse than death to be the sole survivor on a mission.

“I’m sorry, Jake. We wanted to tell you, but—” Trent stepped out of view of the camera and approached Jake, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Why me? Why’d they take me?” Jake asked.

“I don’t know. Could’ve just been the way things went down,” Trent answered.

“I’m sorry for your loss, but if we want to prevent more deaths, we need to get a handle on this and fast. I don’t know how much time we have until the group makes their move. My assumption is that they were using your agent for information. Or for more dramatic purposes,” Laney said.

Jake stepped away from Trent and turned to the counter, bracing the edges of it. Alexa wanted to go over and console him, but she remained in place.

“Perhaps they wanted to use him to transmit a message. We’ve seen that plenty of times with ISIS,” Randall said.

“But this isn’t making sense,” Alexa spoke up, pulling her gaze away from Jake’s back and shifting, so her face was fully in front of the screen. “There has never been any connection between ISIS and Anarchy. Anarchy has funneled money to anti-Western militant groups, but never once to ISIS. In fact, they have denounced ISIS’s actions in the past. Anarchy only supports attacks against Americans and the British. And they’re not motivated by religious fundamentalist ideas.”

“They’ve given money to Al Qaeda before,” Xander noted.

“But that’s only to support efforts to rid Americans and British from Afghanistan and Pakistan. They have never shown any interest in anything related to Syria or Iraq,” Alexa said.

“Well, it looks like they’ve started. We have intel suggesting that Anarchy took Agent Summers. If he was taken from Sicily while on an OP to kill an ISIS leader, we have to assume there is a connection between ISIS and Anarchy now,” Laney said.

Alexa had been studying the group for the last fifteen months, and there was nothing to indicate that Bekas would support ISIS. It was completely outside his MO. “With all due respect, I have to disagree.” Alexa straightened her spine and faced Trent, hoping Laney wouldn’t cut her off. “How’d you know Ansari would be in Libya? Where’d you get your intel?”

“What are you saying, Alexa?” Laney’s voice echoed through the laptop speakers.

Alexa waited to see if Trent would answer the question before she directed her attention back to Laney.

“NSA intercepted several emails relating to Ansari and his whereabouts. We followed up and verified that Ansari was really there, and then we pushed for the go-ahead to send in a team,” Trent said.

“Do you think we could have a look at the messages?” Alexa’s eyes met Xander’s, and she could see the acknowledgment in them—he saw where this was going.

“I’ll see what I can do, but why?”

“Alexa, are you suggesting Anarchy was behind this?” Laney asked.

Alexa released a breath. “I think that is more likely than Anarchy being affiliated with ISIS.” Her hands landed on her hips as she confronted her boss. “I know Bekas, ma’am. And I know this wasn’t a coincidence. If Anarchy took Jake from Italy, then they were the ones who made sure he was there in the first place. Maybe not him, specifically, but they wanted an American agent.”

“So, you’re saying the messages we intercepted were planted by this cyber terrorist group?” Randall scrubbed a hand down his jaw, his voice echoing an edge of disbelief.

“She might be right,” Xander said. “They dangled some forbidden fruit in front of you all—Ansari—knowing you’d take the bait.”

“I’ll talk to the Director of the NSA,” Laney said. “I know him. I’ll get those messages.”

“And what will that prove? If this group lured our men there, we already know why, right?” Randall asked.

“I’m betting not,” Alexa was quick to respond, “because anytime Anarchy does something, it’s never as it seems.”

“Fine.” Trent exhaled. “I’ll look into Anarchy, as well. But I’m not as familiar with the group—would you give me a quick rundown?”

Alexa’s stomach lurched. She looked over at Jake, and a harsh pain crawled up her spine. She felt so sorry for him. And for all the people he’d lost that he couldn’t even remember.

“Three years ago, there was an American and British joint OP to take out a leader of Al Qaeda,” Laney began after a moment. “He was a couple of kilometers outside Kabul in an area deemed relatively safe from civilians, but the building was close to another home.”

Laney switched the screen to show her computer instead of the conference room. A picture of Kemal Bekas displayed in the lower right-hand corner of the screen. Although she’d never met him, she knew his olive skin, jet black hair, and piercing blackish-brown eyes by heart. “Government officials gave the go-ahead for a drone strike, ruling that the neighboring home was empty.”

Images of the aftermath of the drone strike were displayed on the screen—a decimated home where the al Qaeda leader and his men had been. A hundred meters behind the house was debris—a child’s doll and suitcases scattered about.

“I remember this,” Trent murmured.

“Kemal Bekas’s wife and twin eight-year-old daughters had just arrived at the home near the targets a moment before the drone took out the Al Qaeda leader. Bekas has Kurdish and Turkish backgrounds, as well as English. But his wife was Afghan and English. She was visiting family in Afghanistan on holiday.” Laney switched over to a screen showing the Bekas Tech Tower in Istanbul. “Bekas is a wealthy businessman. His headquarters were in London, as he held British citizenship. But after the loss of his family, he demanded answers for what had happened to his family. Answers we couldn’t give him.” Laney’s face was back on screen now.

“So what happened?” Trent asked.

Jake’s back was still to everyone, his shoulders hunched forward, one hand now covering his face.

“He moved his company to Istanbul two years ago since he had Turkish citizenship from his father. Then, a few months after that, we began noticing unusual activity surrounding Bekas. We had decided to keep an eye on him after he threatened our government. We’re pretty sure he created the group as a means of retribution. He wants vengeance against us and you guys for what happened to his family.”

Laney removed her glasses and clasped them in her hands in front of her stomach as she stood in front of the long, oval table. The men beside her had yet to speak, and Alexa wondered what their purpose was in this. Were they just watch dogs there to ensure that no one said too much?

“Drone strike, huh?” Trent looked down at the floor for a moment, and everyone remained quiet for a minute.

“They say for every drone strike we use to take someone out, we get fifty new enemies as a result,” Randall said.

Alexa couldn’t agree more. She’d never been an advocate for the use of drone attacks unless absolutely necessary.

“Just curious, but why the name? Why ‘at-Anarchy’? I’d expect something a bit more focused on hating Western civilization.” Randall looked at the computer screen, and then over at Alexa and Xander.

“He only has two people in his inner circle. A Russian businessman and a wealthy Frenchman. Most of his followers are in their twenties. They’re from all over the world, and they’re looking to create trouble and make money. I doubt they even know Bekas’s true motives. We think he used this hacker group and the name to recruit young hackers to do his bidding and uses the organization as a front for what he really wants,” Alexa explained.

“And what do you think the ultimate goal is?” Trent asked.

Alexa raised her shoulders. “If you became mentally unstable and sickened by grief after you lost your wife and daughters, what would you do?”

“So tell me something. If you know this Bekas guy is the head of a terrorist organization, why aren’t you arresting him? Hell, why aren’t you murdering him?” Jake suddenly asked, facing them.

Xander looked over at Jake. “This is the real world. We can’t simply go and murder people, especially a millionaire businessman. Bekas is unlike any terrorist we’ve faced recently. He hides in plain sight behind this network of hackers, and we still haven’t directly connected him to any of the crimes committed by Anarchy. It’s not that easy to arrest someone, or even kill them, in friendly territory. We need to catch him with his hand on the trigger, so to speak.”

Jake glanced up at the ceiling, and Alexa didn’t envy the man. How was he was expected to exist—to thrive—in a world that he had no clue about?

“I suggest we work together,” Xander said when Jake remained silent. Of course, they didn’t have a choice, did they?

Alexa glanced at Laney as she pulled her chair out and sat down.

“I’ll have to talk to my people in D.C.” Trent thrust a hand into his pocket and pulled out his mobile.

“Fine,” Laney noted. “For now, Alexa, Xander, you can come back here. Unless you think—”

“No.” Jake spun around, his hands curling into tight fists at his sides. His eyes went straight to Alexa, and she couldn’t break his hold. “Alexa stays.”

“And you think you get to make the orders because . . .?” Xander approached him, angling his head to the side as he peered at Jake with narrowed eyes.

Jake released a lungful of air and looked over Xander’s shoulder at the others. “I’m beginning to remember things, and I think Alexa is why.” Jake maneuvered around Xander and stood in front of Trent and Randall.

“Shit, Jake. What do you remember? Why the hell didn’t you say something sooner?” Trent lowered the phone.

“You should have bloody led with that,” Laney said.

“I was planning to say something, and then you guys began talking about all this intense shit.” Jake gripped the back of the kitchen chair as if he needed it for support. Maybe he did.

“And what do you remember, Agent Summers?” Laney asked.

“I’ve been remembering moments from my time in the military, so yesterday when something came to my mind I thought it was related to that. But then again this morning it was clearer. And after this meeting, I realized my memory is from the ambush in Sicily.”

Nervous anticipation spiraled through Alexa.

Jake shut his eyes as if he were trying to drag the memory to his mind. “I remember the SUV in front of me exploding. Right before my vehicle flipped, the driver was shot straight through the neck. Me and another guy tried to get out once the SUV was on its side, but we were trapped. I scrambled to get my sidearm, but—” He opened his eyes. “Shit, that’s all I can remember.”

“Not what anyone looks like or . . .” Xander pressed.

“No, but there’s something else.” Jake sucked in a breath, and then released the air through his nose. “I don’t know what the men looked like who tortured me, but I remember being beaten, and I remember seeing something. There were maybe a half a dozen vests lying on a bed in the room, all weighted down with explosives and wires.”

“Suicide vests? In my Goddamn city?” Laney was back on her feet and reaching for her mobile.

Jake came around in front of the camera to look at Laney. “Ma’am, I’m sorry I don’t remember more. Believe me, I want to stop these assholes who killed my teammates—even if I can’t remember the names of the fallen men. But I can feel it . . . the memories. They’re there.” He tapped at the side of his head. “I just can’t seem to access them, yet.” Jake looked over his shoulder at Alexa. “But I think Alexa can help me get them back.”

“And why the hell would she be able to do that?” Trent asked.

“Because we know each other,” Alexa answered for him.

“Come again?” Trent angled his head and moved around Jake to confront Alexa.

She remained firm in her wide stance, refusing his attempt to intimidate her. “We met at a party a year ago,” she told Trent.

“And I think being around her is helping trigger my memories. So, you see, I need her.” Jake held his hands in front of him, palms up as if he were pleading for a handout. “I think being around anything familiar from the last ten years of my life will help.” He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “I want to be a part of the team. I want to be on the OP that brings down the sons of bitches who killed my partners,” he gruffly said.

“Hell, no. You’re still in pain. You were in a damn explosion and tortured. You can’t be running around Europe.” Trent folded his arms, shaking his head.

“It might be a good idea.” Xander looked at Laney. “Whoever had him thinks he’s dead. No one will be looking for him. And maybe if he’s part of the OP, it will help him remember something important. It might help us bring these motherfuckers down.”

Alexa was surprised by Jake’s sudden willingness to help. He’d been resistant to the idea yesterday. Maybe learning he was the sole survivor of his OP had changed his mind. Or maybe he was becoming the man he had once been as he slowly regained his memories.

Maybe he had even remembered more of their time together. She didn’t think he’d ever want to see her again after last night, but now he was asking for her to stay with him. Something had changed, at least.

“I need time to think about this,” Trent said.

“Me too,” Laney echoed. “Alexa. Xander. Call me when you leave the house and hold off on booking your flights for now. I’ll be in touch.”

The transmission ended.

“I, um . . .” Alexa tugged her lip between her teeth as she studied the room full of men. “I need some air.” She darted out of the kitchen and went straight out the front door, not taking time to grab her jacket.

She glanced at the agents in the parked car and wrapped her arms around her, hugging herself as she walked to the left side of the front porch. It was still snowing. Fat flakes fell from the sky, splattering the white-coated terrain. She was freezing, but the numbness exhilarated her.

“Alexa.”

She looked over as Jake came out of the house with her jacket in hand. He shut the door behind him and slowly approached her, offering her jacket even though he hadn’t bothered to grab his own.

“Thanks.” She took it from him and pulled it on.

“I thought you hated me,” she said. He came up next to her and rested his wrists on the railing, leaning forward as he looked off in the distance.

“How could I hate someone I barely know?”

“Do you really think I can help you get your memories back?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” He pushed off the railing and cupped the back of his neck as she faced him. “I don’t know if I still want to be an agent when this is all over, but I do know I can’t live with myself if I don’t try and help. I may not remember the man I became, but I’ll damned sure try. There’s no way I can stand back and let people die when there’s a chance that I can help. And I want justice for the other men on my team who didn’t survive . . .”

She knew how he felt. She wasn’t prepared to tell him why or how she knew, but she hurt for him. And she needed him to know that. “Jake, you don’t need to be alone in this.” She rested a hand on his forearm and realized that the material of his shirt was already chilled from the icy cold.

“I don’t?” He raised his brows as his eyes found hers.

“I came here so you could help me.” She lifted her shoulders in embarrassment as she heard the echo of her words. “I mean, help the case. But if I can help you—”

“You know,” he interrupted, taking a step back. “I don’t have a wife or daughters, but like you said in there—if someone hurt my family, I don’t know if I’d snap, too, like this Bekas guy.”

“You would never hurt innocent people.”

“No, maybe not, but I’d sure as hell kill whoever was responsible.” He gritted his teeth and looked down. “And you know what scares me?”

“What?”

“That wasn’t who I was twelve years ago. I wasn’t a killer. Hell, I’d catch a spider in my house and let it free outside instead of squashing it.” He turned from her. “And now I’m a man who wouldn’t think twice about murder. I’m not sure if I like being this guy, but I feel him inside me . . . and he’s clawing his way out.”

She reached for his arm, trying to turn him. “There is a big difference between you and Bekas. If you’ve killed in your past, it was to save others. And I’m sure the military and FBI changed you.” He faced her now, his eyes growing darker, his breathing heavier. “How could it not?” Her fingers still rested on his arm, trembling slightly as emotions coursed through her. “I don’t know the man you were twelve years ago, but I know the kind of guy you were last year.”

“Oh yeah?” He took a step closer to her, and she lowered her hand. He angled his head, his eyes dipping to her mouth for a moment.

Was he remembering their kiss? Their kisses?

“You were incredibly funny and charming. There was nothing hard about you—well, other than . . . um, your body.” Her cheeks warmed as Jake’s gaze slid back up to her eyes. “Shit, I didn’t mean to say that.”

“I take it we did a lot more than kiss last year.”

Before Alexa could respond, she looked over Jake’s shoulder to see Xander and the FBI agents coming out onto the porch.

“You ready to go?” Xander asked as he put on his coat.

“We’ll be at the hotel, Jake. I’ll call you later tonight or in the morning,” Trent said as Randall went ahead to their SUV.

“Sure.” Jake shoved his hands in his jeans pockets, pulling his shoulders forward a little from the cold.

“I don’t think you’re physically or mentally ready to go out into the field,” Trent said in a low voice. “But if I get approval, then I won’t stop you if that’s really what you want.”

Jake only nodded at Trent before he left.

Xander was still standing a few feet away. He was waiting for her, but she couldn’t seem to make herself leave.

“You going to be okay?” Alexa asked Jake.

“I’ll be fine,” he finally answered before turning away from her and walking with slow steps into the house.