CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Monday morning, it took all of Manda's courage to emerge from her borrowed room. When she walked into the kitchen, thank baby Jesus, T-Bear and Moke weren't there.
But Sara and Billie were.
Both looked as if they'd just walked out of a fashion shoot for biker chic. Billie wore a purple sweater with a deep cowl and flutter sleeves over olive skinny jeans and boots the burnished dark ash-blonde of her hair, which was in long curls. Sara was cool perfection in a pale gray tunic with peekaboo shoulders and matching leggings over red flats that matched her nails and lips.
Sara watched Manda walk into the kitchen, her gaze as chilly as the frost on the grass outside. Billie looked troubled, but said nothing.
Manda nearly turned and ran. Her empty stomach twisted and her headache, caused by crying half the night, jacked up ferociously, as if a vice had been tightened around her temples.
She looked from the Flyers’ first old lady to the coffee pot and back. "Do you mind if I have cup of coffee?"
Sara tipped her head, her pale blonde waves of hair stirring elegantly. "Help yourself."
Billie said nothing until Manda filled a mug and turned to face them. Then she shook her head.
"I don't get it," she said. "T-Bear is a great guy, and you two seemed to really hit it off. Why would you... push him away like that?"
Manda opened her mouth to explain, and then closed it, clutching her mug with both hands. She wasn’t sure if she could talk without crying.
Except, she had to. Billie had been nothing but kind to her, as had her sister Lesa. Manda was not going to walk out of here with them thinking she was some kind of heartless bitch. If this was her one chance to explain, she had to take it.
She owed it to herself. To the new, stronger Manda.
She walked to the table, and sat across from them. Sara’s gaze was like Stick’s, too chilly to meet, so Manda focused on Billie.
“It’s kind of a mess,” Manda said, clutching her coffee mug, warm in her cold hands. “It happened so fast…”
Billie leaned forward, her gaze softening. “It’s okay, hon. Just tell us.”
So Manda told them. She told them about meeting T that first night, and how she’d fallen into bed with him, thinking it was a date.
How he’d rescued her from Rezan’s betrayal, then persuaded her to come here from the hospital, promising to keep her safe.
How he’d taken her to JJ’s, where she’d found a way to help him at least a little.
And how their sexual relationship had grown to a level of heat and intimacy Manda had never experienced, or even hoped to experience.
“And then last night,” she said, her coffee cup blurring as she gazed at it. “He said… we should move in together. And I… it’s just too fast. I just can’t.”
“Not after what happened with your ex, hmm?” Billie asked.
Manda nodded. “Right. And despite all that’s happened, T and I have only known each other ten days. But I… I hurt him and now I feel terrible. Like a total bitch, because who turns down the chance to be with him? The sweetest, sexiest, bravest guy ever.”
When the two women were silent, she looked up to find them gazing at her, different versions of the same rueful, amused smile.
Sara sighed. “Okay. Glad we got that cleared up. Here’s what I think you should do. Move out, because… well, awkward, right? The Heights Motel rents rooms by the week. It’s central, clean, safe and cheap. If you need a ride, we'll make that happen."
Manda looked up at this. "Okay, thank you. I’ll do that.”
Billie smiled at her. “And, I know things seem black right now, but give it time. T may be impulsive, but he’s not one to hold a grudge, especially when he’s into you the way we’ve seen.”
"I hope so," Manda managed, her voice thick with tears. "I… I don’t want to lose him from my life. But right now, I need to get a job, and some money. I'll pay you back for the clothes and stuff."
Then a horrible thought hit her. “Oh, my God. And the hospital bill. I owe for that too.”
Sara’s eyes widened. “You do? Who paid that?”
Manda’s eyes filled with tears again. “T-Bear. But he can’t afford that, not if he and Moke are going to buy JJ’s Auto. So I have to pay him back as quickly as I can.”
Billie winced. “Okay, but don’t, ah, do anything crazy to make the money, right?”
Manda shook her head and wiped her wet cheeks. “Shyeah, no. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna go whore myself or something. Been there, done that, don’t want the tee-shirt.”
Billie snickered. “Sorry, but T’s right. You are funny.”
Manda drained her coffee cup, and set it down. “Awesome—maybe I can be the comedienne barista, and make lots of tips.”
Sara chuckled. “You just might.”
Billie tapped her hands on the table. “So, Manda, you want breakfast?”
Manda shook her head. “No, I don’t think I could eat.”
“Okay, then here’s what we’re going to do…”
Back in the room that had been hers, Manda showered and dressed while Billie stripped the bed. They both cleaned the room, got the clean sheets and towels from the dryer, and remade the bed.
When the bathroom was scrubbed clean, the floor mopped and every other surface dusted and wiped down, Billie helped Manda carry her things outside.
Outside, it was a lovely, warm day. The compound was quiet, all the Flyers seemingly gone.
Fine, then.
Manda might long for one last glimpse of T-Bear, but it was better that he was not there. She couldn’t have born another dark, cold look from him.
From the clubhouse parking lot, Manda could see the main road through Airway Heights. “I can walk to the motel.”
Billie gave her a look. “I don’t think so. You may be moving out of the clubhouse, but you’re not leaving the Flyer family. We women have to look out for each other, even when our men are being bull-headed biker men.”
So, Manda climbed into Billie’s SUV, and was ferried to her new ‘home’ in style.
And before Billie drove away, she made sure Manda had in her contacts Billie, Lesa, Sara and Velvet. “Because she really likes you, and if you need something and don’t call her, she’ll be pissed.”
The Heights Motel was a small, one-story motel on the south side of the main drag through town. The office was on the end, with the rooms laid out in a straight line from there. As covered walkway in front had been enclosed, creating an indoor hallway.
A small, thin woman with silver hair poked her head out of a sitting room behind the office. She looked Manda over with interest. "Be right with you, hon." She said something to someone behind the door and then came to stand behind the high counter. "Now, how can I help you?"
"I need a room," Manda said. "For a week?"
The woman nodded. "Okay. Cash up front, I'm afraid. Had some rent-and-runs lately."
"How much?" Manda asked, tensing.
"Well... how 'bout ten a night?"
Manda blinked. That seemed really, really cheap to her. But then again, she wasn't about to argue—unless the rooms were dumps, or something.
"Rooms are clean and in good repair, bedding and towels are furnished, you can cook in the microwave, and there's a dorm-size fridge," the woman told her. "I'll just need to see your driver's license, and a vehicle license number if you have one."
Manda tensed even more. "I don't have a driver's license. It was stolen, along with my purse and, uh, all my luggage."
"Oh, hon," the woman said. "That's terrible. You get anything back?"
Manda flushed. "No. But... I have money." She held out one of the hundred dollar bills T-Bear had given her. "And I can pay ahead every week." If she got a job. If she didn't, she was in deep trouble, any way you looked at it.
"Okay. So, what's your name?"
"Manda, I mean Amanda Kowitsky."
The woman chuckled. "Amanda, huh? I'm Wanda."
Her smile was infectious, and Manda found herself smiling back. "All the awesome names end with -anda, right?"
"Right." Wanda handed Manda a brief registration form, took her phone number, and handed over a room key. "Okay, hon, welcome to the Heights Motel. Grocery store's a block that way, and you've already seen the little cafe's and fast food places around us. Got any questions, give me a holler, I'm generally here or my granddaughter is."
"Thank you."
"And you need any help getting that new license and your other id, you let me know, okay?" Wanda offered. "I know people at city hall, the police station and the sheriff's office. One way or another, we'll get you sorted."
Manda's eyes stung at this warm offer. "Thanks again." She smiled at the small woman, and followed her directions through a covered walkway along the front of the building to Room 2.
To her relief, although the carpet and furnishings were a bit worn, they were immaculate, and the bathroom smelled faintly of chlorine, nothing more. Manda set her bags down, and then, without giving herself time to think or worry, she combed her hair, checked her makeup, and set off for the Flying Bean coffee stand to apply for a position as a barista.
An hour later, she had a job.
She celebrated her good fortune by walking to the grocery store where only days before, she'd purchased the ingredients to make cookies for T and the guys.
This time, she bought a salad, ready-made turkey sandwich and carton of deli soup. She added a small box of bargain chardonnay, a banana and muffin for breakfast, and carried her purchases back to the motel.
She poured herself some wine in the plastic bathroom glass provided with her room, sat cross-legged on the bed, and called her best friend, so she wouldn't have to celebrate her independence alone.
"Hi," she chirped when Chloe answered her phone. "Great news. I have a job, and a new place to stay."
There was a short silence. "Really?" Chloe asked, her voice hesitant. "That's... that's good, right?"
"You bet," Manda agreed. She took a drink of wine, and made a face. It tasted exactly like bargain wine.
"Okay," Chloe said. "But... are you sure you're okay?"
"Why do you keep asking me that?" Manda laughed. "I did what you suggested, and it's all good. I start work tomorrow morning—training, that is. Have to learn how to run the coffee machines, and all that."
"Right," her friend agreed. "You just sound... weird. And I think maybe I was too pushy. That you were in a good place and I—"
"No, no," Manda said. "I totally needed to get out of there. You were right, he wanted us to move in together. Can you believe it? 10 days, and he w-wanted us to be a couple. Right, like that's gonna work."
"Oh, God," Chloe mumbled. "I should've stayed out of it. Me and my big mouth."
"So, how's your classes going?" Manda asked, drinking more wine.
Chloe sighed. "Fine, thanks. I did okay on the test. But Manda, maybe you should—"
"No, no," Manda repeated, waving her hand in dismissal even though Chloe couldn't see her. "Quit second-guessing, girlfriend. You and mom were right—better to be safe. After Tim, I don't need to be hooking up with another guy right away. I'm gonna keep myself to myself, do my new job and... get a life."
"Your mom gave you the same advice?" Chloe sounded like she was choking. "Oh, my God... now I know I screwed up."
Manda frowned into her empty wine glass. Her celebration wasn't turning out to be very cheerful. And she needed cheer, lots of cheer, to stave off the hollow feeling in her chest. The feeling that said she was the one who'd screwed up. Even though Sara and Billie had agreed that T-Bear was impulsive, Manda still felt as if she’d failed to grasp something precious offered to her.
"But, Clo," she asked, clutching her phone. "If... if it was real, wouldn't he have been willing to go slow? To give us time to just date and stuff, instead of insisting on all or nothing?"
"Well, yes."
Manda sighed. "That's what I thought." Although, maybe in her quest for slowing down, she'd gone too far. She truly hadn't meant to make him think she wanted to just be 'fuck buddies'. Euww, she hated that term. Or worse, leave him believing that she might want to sleep with other guys. No way could she imagine that. Not after experiencing John 'T-Bear' Turner's brand of loving.
"Anyway," she mumbled. "It's over. Time to move on."
And wasn't that going to be fun, working on Main Street in his little town, where she'd see him go by morning, noon and night. Except that she wouldn't be working nights, so at least she'd be spared that.
This thought didn't help.