Chapter One
Three years and five months later
“Knoah? Earth to Knoah.”
I glanced from the window to see my roommate and dear friend standing at the door to my office. “Hey, Sawyer. Sorry, I was lost in thought. What’s up?”
Nonchalantly, I straightened a folder on my desk. It was almost lunchtime, and I had nothing to do. It was going to be a long day. I’d been working late the last few days to keep my mind off things for the upcoming events I was planning. I always worked late when I was troubled. And recently, the past had been resurfacing more than I wanted.
Sawyer quirked her brow as she watched. “You look more than lost in thought. Everything okay?”
Shifting in my seat, I mustered up a smile. “Everything’s fine.”
“Just a sec. Bosslady’s calling me,” Sawyer said as she left the office doorway.
Not long after I started working here two years ago, Sawyer did as well. We became instant friends and then roommates. At first, I’d been apprehensive about how fast we clicked, but then I accepted it as fate. I needed a friend, and so did she. Sometimes it was okay if things moved fast.
From the look on her face, I knew she didn’t believe my halfhearted attempt. The bags under my eyes were probably the first indicator. I hadn’t slept worth a damn in the last week. I doubt I hid that well from her. When Sawyer slept for shit, I noticed it, too.
The strange thing was we never asked each other about it. Maybe that was what made us perfect roommates.
I rolled my neck to relieve some of the tension. Today was my birthday. And beside the week of my wedding anniversary, it was one of the hardest weeks for me.
Four years ago, Dylan made it one of the most special days of my life when he proposed to me on my birthday. I sighed as I tried to keep my emotions in check.
Our parents wanted us to wait to get married —at least until I finished my master’s. If I hadn’t insisted on getting married, we wouldn’t have been in Paris… and Dylan would still be alive.
After a long discussion, Mom and Dad came around to the idea in the end. Dylan’s mom… not so much. To this day, things were strained between us.
She hated me.
I struggled to keep my thoughts from drifting to painful reminders of the past. Focus on today, not yesterday. I mustered up a more genuine smile as I recalled Dad and Mom singing to me this morning. They sang off key and out of sync—I loved it.
“Now there’s a smile that doesn’t look like someone pissed in your cereal.” Sawyer was back at the door and clapped her hands for emphasis.
Oh geez, cheerleader Sawyer is out.
“We can’t have the birthday girl down. My brother wants to take us out to lunch to celebrate your special day. It’ll be fun. We’ll even get dessert.”
Sawyer’s brother, Cameron, was the exact opposite—always calm and in control. Over the last couple of years, he’d become a good friend of mine. I think Sawyer and her family wanted us to date, but our relationship was strictly platonic. Thankfully, a couple of months after we’d become friends, Cameron met his soon-to-be fiancée. He was like an adopted brother to me.
“That’s nice of Cameron.”
“You’re like family, Knoah. It’s what we do. Plus, we can hear about what all he has planned for his fancy-schmancy proposal.” Sawyer rolled her eyes. She was not a fan of his girlfriend, Monica. I had to agree; at times, she was a little uppity.
Maybe the distraction would be good.
I checked the clock. It was half past eleven. “Is he ready for us?”
“Yeah, he said any time after eleven. I was on a conference call for the Brown wedding.” She leaned dramatically against the doorframe. “I have officially gotten Bridezilla incarnate as a client. I may not survive this.”
I snickered. From the stories Sawyer told me, the bride was crazy. The woman wanted everything in multiples of nine since it was her lucky number. And she was convinced that Elvis Presley’s spirit needed to be channeled through special crystals in order to give musical vibes to their unborn son, who was yet to be conceived.
A hand went to her brow. “That woman is going to cause me to start drinking at work. This last phone call, Bridezilla wanted to add a monkey as her ring bearer.”
“Are you serious?”
“I shit you not, Knoah. A fucking monkey. And to top it off, she wants it to wear an Elvis wig and a white costume with rhinestones. This woman has officially caused me to hate Elvis. I have no burning love for him anymore.” She huffed. “At least it’s close to Halloween, so maybe everyone will think it’s a costume party.”
I was nearly bent over with tears streaming down my face, imagining Sawyer’s reaction as Bridezilla made these requests.
Standing straight, she flipped her black hair over her shoulder in exasperation. “That’s fine. Make fun of me. I’m going to tell Mickey I need your help at the wedding.”
Gasping, I stood. “You wouldn’t!”
“Oh, I would.”
“Sawyer! It’s my birthday!”
She giggled. “Then be nice. I’ll be right back. Let me grab my purse.”
“Okay. Truce. I’ll do the dishes for the week.”
Winking, she said, “Deal. I’ll meet you up front.”
I gathered my things and went to the front. Mickey, our boss, was in her office. Five years ago, Mickey had started As You Wish Event Planning. We handled everything from corporate events to weddings to Christmas parties. Sometimes the title of the company fed our clients the idea that anything was possible. Case in point—the monkey dressed up as Elvis for the ring bearer.
People were crazy.
Somehow, the super-crazies always landed in Sawyer’s lap.
I motioned through the glass window to my boss that I was headed to lunch. After putting her call on hold, she said, “Happy birthday, Knoah. Feel free to leave when you’re caught up on work.”
“Thanks, Mickey. Would you like me to bring you back any lunch?”
She gave me a professional smile. “No, I have an off-site meeting in an hour. I won’t be back. You girls have a great weekend.”
“You, too.”
Promptly, she returned to her call. The mysterious weekly Friday rendezvous. In all honesty, I knew hardly anything about her except the fact that she worked a lot. Overall, she was a good boss and allowed me to do my job.
The television in the lobby was on a news station. It was about a new drug approved by the FDA. I closed my eyes, thrown back to the day of the explosion. A chemical spill within the pharmaceutical facility had caught fire. Someone had not followed protocol, and that ended up costing many lives—including Dylan’s. The only reason I survived was because I’d been knocked back into the store where I’d bought the water. Dylan saved me.
He’d always put me first. Always.
After he died, the sadness and fallout of all I’d lost gripped me and wouldn’t let go. I hadn’t been able to go back to college to get my master’s in public relations. The last three years had been difficult, but any step forward was a step in the right direction.
But… I wasn’t sure I’d ever find myself again.
The screen changed, and I shook my head, remembering my therapist had challenged me to focus on the positive for my birthday this year. It was time to live for me. Easier said than done.
Another challenge: Find something to do for you on your birthday. Something out of the ordinary you wouldn’t normally do. The day was nearly halfway done, and I hadn’t figured it out yet. I was determined to excel at this challenge.
Does lunch with Cameron and Sawyer count? I doubted it.
Sawyer bounced back into the reception area, stuffing sticky notes into her purse. I mashed my lips together. To say she liked sticky notes was an understatement. It was more of an obsession. “What? I made a few lists for Cameron.”
“I wish I’d bought stock in sticky notes prior to meeting you. No doubt you keep them in business.”
Sticking her tongue out at me, Sawyer walked to the marble-walled entrance that housed the elevators, her red heels clicking on the polished floor.
Thoughts of what to do still had my mind turning. It was supposed to be a full moon tonight. We had a condo on the beach. Maybe walking along the ocean tonight would count as doing something for me. Since I did that often, I doubted my therapist would agree.
Ugh.
What am I going to do?
The elevators whisked us up two floors. As You Wish was on the first floor, a computer programming company on the second, Cameron’s marketing firm was on the third, and Shaw International was on the fourth through sixth. I’d only ever been to the first and third floors.
The elevator was empty. Sawyer popped her gum. “Have you decided what we’re doing for your birthday tonight?”
“How about drinks and dancing?”
Sawyer’s eyes lit up like Christmas trees but then dramatically started looking around the elevator. “Did someone do something with my friend, Knoah?” She pulled my blond hair. “Is there an impostor? Knoah? I’m going to save you! Don’t worry, I’m here.”
I rarely went out. No wonder I’d shocked her. This definitely had to count as doing something for me. Internally, I smiled as I swatted her hand away. The doors dinged open, and I pushed past her. “I think the monkey has made you overly dramatic today.”
She fist pumped. “Yes! Yes! And yes! Twenty-six looks good on you if this is how we’re going to spend it. I can’t wait to tear up the town tonight.”
That seemed extreme for what I planned, but there was no need to pop Sawyer’s bubble. Plus, she’d spend the rest of the day with her pads of paper, listing out reasons why I should let loose and tear up the town versus a more balanced approach. A sticky note invasion was not my idea of a good time.
A weight lifted. I had a plan now. Whew. Wanting to be able to deal with my life and live it had never been the hard part. However, not feeling guilty for surviving was almost unbearable.
Someday…
Sawyer waved to the receptionist. “Cameron had an impromptu meeting but asked you and Knoah to wait outside his office.”
“Thanks, Sara,” Sawyer called over her shoulder. I waved as we walked by.
The space was fun in color and decor with the urban theme throughout. Smaller cubicles filled the area. A hum filled the office as employees worked. All of the offices along the wall had reflective mirrors. It was odd and creepy to me. Why not have regular windows with blinds? The main boss in New York seemed to be a control freak. He wanted his managers’ eyes on the operation at all times.
Cameron was the head of this branch. He reported to the main office in New York City. Only in his midthirties, he had done well for himself. I stood awkwardly in front of Cameron’s office window, not knowing where to look. Someone was in there. An incessant need to look at the reflective glass nagged at me.
My head felt like it swiveled from left to right trying to avoid staring at myself. Finally, I gave into the urge and looked. I only saw my reflection, but something unexplainable kept me there. It was weird yet exciting at the same time. Tingles erupted over my skin. The reaction freaked me out a little. Sawyer grabbed my shoulder, distracting me. “I can’t believe we are going out tonight. Like, you’re going out. We’re going to have so much fun.”
“It will be.” And for the first time in a while, I actually believed we would have fun tonight. Maybe I wouldn’t have to fake it.
This was something I’d been working on extensively with my therapist—moving forward with my life. I felt like I was on the brink of breaking through. Maybe tonight was the night.
Cameron’s door opened, but from where I was standing, I wasn’t able to see inside. That elusive something continued to hold me in place.
Cameron walked out, pulling my attention from the glass. He was obviously related to Sawyer with the dark hair and hazel eyes. “Hey, Sawyer.” He put an arm around Sawyer and gave her a quick hug. I loved how much he adored his sister. Then he gave me a big hug. “Happy birthday, Knoah. I’m sorry. I have a marketing crisis and can’t make lunch.”
Smiling, I responded, “Thank you. I understand. Thanks for thinking of asking in the first place.”
“I’ll make it up to you.”
I tightened my grip on my purse as I waved him off, trying not to look back at his office. “You don’t have to do that. We’ll grab something at the deli.”
Shaking his head, Cameron said, “I made arrangements at your favorite Greek restaurant. Everything is all set.”
“You didn’t have to do that, Cameron. But thank you. Your parents took me out to dinner last week and made my favorite meal the week before. It was beyond thoughtful and appreciated.”
Sawyer added, “You know what a big deal birthdays are to us Wades. I’m still pissed you managed to not tell me for so long.”
“I know.”
Oh, yeah, birthdays were a big deal for the Wade family. Each child picked their favorite restaurant at which to celebrate and also received a home-cooked meal of their favorite foods from Tonya, their mother.
Somehow, I’d managed to keep my birthday from Sawyer until about eleven months ago when she realized I’d avoided the topic every time it came up.
My family celebrated similarly, but for the past few years, I requested to keep it more low-key. Dylan had spent many birthdays with my family, and the memories were painful at times.
“Cameron, I have another meeting in thirty minutes.”
The deep voice came from Cameron’s office before a man appeared in the doorway. When our eyes connected, it felt like the earth stopped and the air rushed out of my lungs. Those green eyes were amazing. He tipped his head in my direction and gave a smile that sent goose bumps racing across my skin. Should I say something? My mouth felt dry.
“Yes, let’s finish our discussion. I apologize for the delay.”
Sawyer gave Cameron a quick hug. “Thanks, bro. I’ll call you later. We’re going out tonight for Knoah’s birthday—dancing and drinks—if you want to join us.”
“I’ll check my schedule and let you know.” He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t get into too much trouble tonight, Sawyer.”
The man who hadn’t been introduced kept his eyes on me during the entire exchange. And I liked the way his gaze made me feel. Nervously, I set my bag on the nearby decorative table to give myself a reason to look away.
“Scout’s honor.” She added a little salute for effect and then pulled out her sticky notes. “Here are two checklists for you. I did one for Mom’s birthday party in two weeks. The other is what I need from you to finish your weekend away with Monica.” The scowl on Sawyer’s face belied her friendly words as she choked out the woman’s name.
I envied the relationship between Sawyer and Cameron. All my life, I wondered what it would have been like to have a brother or sister. If it would have made things hurt a little less.
The men disappeared back into Cameron’s office, but the door remained slightly ajar. The stranger had a powerful vibe, something I’d never felt before. His perfectly tailored suit meant he probably was some high-ranking executive. Who is he? Somehow, I’d have to find a way to ask Cameron nonchalantly.
Wait. What am I thinking? I froze when I realized where my thoughts had taken me. For a moment, Dylan hadn’t existed at the forefront of my mind. My chest tightened. Get it together. You’re okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. In my right hand, I held my phone with a death grip.
Sawyer was speaking, but her words weren’t registering. I assumed she was ready to leave, so I nodded. I needed to remind myself of everything my therapist told me. It’s okay to move forward. It’s okay to want to live. It’s okay to have a life.
“Knoah?”
My head whipped around at the familiar timbre I’d cut out of my life completely three years ago.
What is he doing here?
To continue Garrick and Knoah’s story, click here: