Chapter Twenty-One
Sawyer
Our first official day off from the tour occurred during our stop in Denver, and I was free until a banquet later that night that I was attending as Kurt’s guest. The previous night’s concert had gone off without a hitch. The way my parents had acted still hurt, but it had happened for so many consecutive years, in some ways I’d grown calloused to it. I would forever be sorry for what had happened with Mattie and Adriane. But I deserved a sliver of happiness.
I’d been waiting in the doctor’s office to be seen for the last thirty minutes. Thank goodness for the rental car. It was time to get my birth control shot. I had researched prior to coming on the trip and booked the appointment weeks ago. The office here coordinated with my regular OB/GYN. Shots were easier— I didn’t have to remember to take a pill every day. Kurt was meeting with Waldo and Sandy, the public relations manager. Apparently, the public loved a good romantic story about me being Kurt’s first committed relationship, and he was wading through all the shit, as he called it.
“Ms. Wade.”
“Yes. Coming.”
I followed the nurse back to get my blood pressure and weight taken. I had gained nearly four pounds since my last shot three months ago. Ugh, road life is not favorable to my waistline. No wonder a couple of my dresses felt a little tighter.
The nurse handed me a cup. “Urinate in the cup up to the line. Directions on how to clean up and get a proper sample are on the wall in the restroom.”
I took the cup, a little confused. “I normally don’t have to do this.”
The young nurse gave me a sweet smile. “Since you’re a first-time patient, Dr. Edwards likes to have this done. She’s a thorough doctor.”
“I understand.”
Quickly, I did my business and placed the cup on the counter as directed. At least the next time I needed a shot, we would be back home in Orlando. It was normally a ten- to twenty-minute ordeal in total. While I waited for the doctor, my phone rang. It was Jordan.
“Hello?”
“Hey, now a good time?”
Hesitantly, I answered, “Sure.”
“Cameron told me. Is it true?”
“About me and Kurt?”
“Yeah.”
“Yes, it’s true. We’re together.”
“Fuck.” He sounded aggravated. “We were good together.”
“I think were is the right word to focus on, Jordan. There wasn’t much to our relationship besides sex.”
He chuckled. “When you guys break up, call me. I can be a great rebound fuck.”
Yuck. No. I wasn’t even going to react to that. “It was good seeing you, Jordan. I wish you the best.”
“Same to you.”
Another twenty minutes passed before the doctor walked in. I amused myself with lists on my phone while I waited.
“Good morning, Ms. Wade. How are you feeling?”
“Great.”
“I’m going to go through a few questions, talk about your history, if that’s okay.”
Dr. Edwards appeared to be in her mid- to late thirties, and she watched me with intelligent eyes framed by stylish glasses. “Sounds great. Ask away.”
“Do you have any medical concerns you’d like to discuss?”
“None that I can think of right now. This is just my routine shot. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened since my last one—none that I can think of. Dr. Russell in Orlando said he sent the requested files over.”
“Yes, he did.” Nodding, she placed the clipboard in her lap and focused on me. “How have your periods been?”
“Same as always. I’ve been on the Depo shot now for four years. After the first year, my periods became almost nonexistent. Totally positive effect of the shot, in my opinion.”
Why was it taking so long to get my shot? I wanted to make it home and surprise Kurt with some new lingerie that had just arrived.
“Well, Ms. Wade, I assume that since you’re here for your birth control shot, it would be a surprise to learn you’re pregnant.”
The room spun.
Time stood still.
Pregnant.
I had to have heard her wrong.
The blood drained from my head, and I leaned back, woozy. “Wh-what? I just had sex like three nights ago for the first time in ages. We used condoms. I haven’t missed a shot. H-how? I mean, I know how. I just…”
The doctor looked at the sheet of paper on her clipboard. “From your hormone levels, I believe you’re quite a bit more than a few days pregnant. We wouldn’t be able to pick it up that early via a urine test.”
This had to be a mistake. “B-but…I hadn’t had sex since November. Like two months ago.” I put my hand to my head. “This cannot be happening.”
Kids were not in the plan. Kurt was barely able to admit to being in a committed relationship. And now a baby. Not to mention that I was an emotional mess at times.
“Let’s do an ultrasound and see how far along you are. Do you need to call anyone?”
Oh hell. Call Kurt? Right now? “N-no.”
“Okay. Let’s get you set up.”
On numb legs, I walked to the ultrasound room. I followed the nurse’s directions, completely disconnected from what was happening. The cold glob on my stomach was the only precursor to the screen coming to life.
“That’s the baby’s heartbeat. Aw, I love when you’re able to start seeing them.”
It was like a song. Beautiful. But still, I was shocked. Not able to process much. “How far along am I?”
The baby was a blob. Were they supposed to be blobs?
The technician clicked the screen a lot before she said, “Looks like around eight weeks. Conception probably took place the last week of November. I’d estimate your due date to be around August twenty-first.”
“Fuck me,” I murmured.
“Excuse me?”
“Fantastic for me!” Such fake enthusiasm.
The screen shifted again. “Let me take some more measurements, and then we can look at the baby. I’ll explain what you’re looking at and give you some pictures.”
“Thank you.”
What else am I supposed to say? What should I be asking? The screen had measurements all over it, and that’s when I started to panic. I wasn’t sure how long this went on before the doctor came in. I sat up and pushed the wand aside, not able to look at it anymore. There’s a baby inside me. My breaths came faster, and my vision began to blur. “Is everything okay, Ms. Wade?”
No response from me.
“I want you to slow down your breathing. Look at me and breathe with me so you don’t pass out.”
I focused on the black frames of Dr. Edwards’s glasses as I breathed at the same speed. My heart rate slowed and my vision cleared. November? I’ve been pregnant since November? What unhealthy things have I done since then? Worry consumed me.
Panicked, I started babbling. “Is the baby okay? I had no idea I was pregnant.” Tears formed out of nowhere. “I’ve had alcohol. I’ve had sushi.” Then a sob escaped. “I just became a dog parent. And, yeah, I’ve kept him alive. But you can put him in a crate. This is a person. Like a real human person. I’ll be a baby parent. I…I…This…”
“Shh…let’s talk this out.”
I took in a stuttering breath. And then another.
When I had calmed down, the doctor asked, “How much did you drink?”
“I had a few shots when we went to a club. Prior to that, I had some wine at Christmas. Maybe a few drinks prior to that. I don’t remember. I had no idea. I’m not some terrible, irresponsible person.”
The doctor looked at something the tech hander her. “All the measurements, the heartbeat, everything looks fine. Your baby looks healthy, Ms. Wade.”
“Are you sure?”
The doctor looked at the scans again. “Yes. Though I would advise against any further drinking, it doesn’t appear to have done any harm.”
I sighed as relief coursed through me.
The tech left, leaving me with the doctor. “What’s your dog’s name?”
“George. He’s a labradoodle. Though I thought he was a lap poodle. But Kurt and I decided to coparent him.”
She smiled. “I have a labradoodle, too. They are amazing with children.”
I remained silent, still processing all the information racing around my head.
“I know you’re in shock.”
“Yeah…yeah, I am.”
It occurred to me that if I’d decided to sleep with Jordan, this would have been worse—so much worse.
The doctor wrote something on the pad in her hand. “I’m going to give you a prenatal vitamin prescription. We have a pharmacy downstairs that will fill it for you. I’m also going to give you some pamphlets with things to do and things not to do. It’ll be easier to process and less overwhelming. There are books to read, if you’d like some suggestions, but they can be overwhelming.”
“Thank you.”
A kid? A child of my own? I wasn’t supposed to have one. It was my self-induced punishment for what had happened with Mattie.
“I understand unplanned pregnancies can be a bit of a shock. I had one myself.”
That snapped me out of my thoughts. “You did?”
“Yes, I know what you’re feeling. Give yourself a day or two to let it sink in.”
It would take more than a day or two for this to sink in. And how in the world am I going to tell Kurt?