Chapter Thirty
I watched Vaughn get dressed. I loved that he looked good wearing crisp white shirts or T-shirts. The idea slipped in that it helped him in his job. He was a chameleon.
I fluffed my wet hair with a towel. The shower had felt good.
“We need to go over the details,” he announced. He secured his belt.
“What details? Because I wanted to talk to you about what kind of counsel you should get. I think it’s best if we meet with someone before you turn yourself in.”
“Em, that’s not happening.”
I dropped the towel. “Of course it is. It’s the only way. You said you aren’t leaving without me. And I can’t pretend that it’s ok if you leave. This is the best option. I can use my connections at the law school. We’ll find an amazing attorney.”
“Just stop.” He held up his hand. “There is another way.”
He reached into his back pocket and handed me a passport.
I examined the cover and flipped it open.
“Holy shit. That’s me.” I looked at him. “Vanessa Thorne? What is this? Who did this? Is this real?”
“That is your new identity. I liked the name. I didn’t have a lot of options. You can’t be selective when it comes to creating a person who doesn’t exist.”
I dropped the document. “You bought a fake passport for me?”
“It’s more complicated than that, but yes. It’s a new identity. It’s not fake. Vanessa Thorne now exists. You look very real to me.”
I sat on the bed. “I can’t believe this. I can’t believe you would think this is even a possibility.” I traced the golden eagle on the front of the passport.
“It’s the reality of the situation. I told you I wasn’t leaving without you. How else did you think we’d leave the country together?”
My mouth hung open. “We aren’t supposed to leave the country. We’re supposed to use the law to get you out of this. We come up with a plea deal. I can talk to Agent Kenneth. We’ll trade evidence and information.”
“I don’t think you understand what I’m saying.”
I blinked. “This isn’t possible. I can’t run.”
He took my hands in his. “You won’t be running. You’ll be living.”
“I don’t know enough. I don’t know how this works.” My eyes lifted to his. “I suppose you have a new name too?”
He shook his head. “I haven’t yet decided on this trip. I thought I’d let you choose for me. It seemed fair since I picked Vanessa.”
“I don’t know who you are,” I whispered.
“You do know me. You know who I am. Look at me, Em.”
I met his gaze.
“Do you trust me?”
God, I knew I should say no. That I didn’t trust anything about him. He was a liar and a criminal. He had evaded authorities and betrayed his country. But I did know him. I knew his soul and he knew mine.
“I don’t know how to call you another name. To switch back and forth like this.”
“Then don’t. I’m Vaughn. I’m yours. That’s all that matters.” He traced my lip with his thumb. “Just make sure not to use that one in public.”
“Oh God,” I uttered.
“It will be easier than you think. You’ll get used to it.”
“But what about my life?” I looked around my tiny room. It was dawning on me what all of this meant. There was more at stake than slipping up on false names.
“You can visit it sometime.”
“It’s almost Thanksgiving. My mom will freak out.” I was grasping at the most insignificant details.
“Moms do that anyway.”
“And my job? The students? My classes?” I gawked at him. “I have cases and clients who depend on me. And what about Greer? I just walk out on the lease and leave her with the apartment?”
He eyed me. “She has Preston.”
“I have a huge case. With Lana. You met her. She’s counting on me to help her.”
He brushed my hair away from my face. “She will be in good hands. I admit, not as good as if you were her attorney, but still she will be taken care of. They all will. You have to put yourself first for a change.”
“And I should just walk away from the faculty position? Abandon my mentees?”
He smiled. “Let Addie have it.”
It was a long shot I’d get the position anyway. I had made certain of that with my last meeting with Max.
“Garrett?” I looked at him. “Oh God, he would think I abandoned him again.”
“I thought he was in a good place right now. I think he would want you to do something good for yourself.”
This was insane. The actual definition of insanity lay in the fake passport I held in my palm. I wasn’t this person.
“I’m not a criminal, Vaughn. I protect the good. I go after the bad guys. That’s why I’m an attorney. That’s why I put in so many hours at the clinic. It’s why I moved to D.C. It’s why I’m at American. I’m not a thief. I’ve never committed a crime—ever.” I felt the panic boiling just under my skin. I didn’t know if I could breathe. “What you’re asking is … crazy. It’s impossible. It’s … it’s … is it treason? Am I a traitor too?” My eyes were frenzied.
“Hold on. Hold on.” He gripped my shoulders. “Drink this.” He put a glass of water in my hand. “Take some breaths. We can slow this down a second.”
I did as he told me.
“Better?” he asked.
“Yes.” My pulse was under control. I felt less likely to faint. The cold water and deep breaths seem to steady me enough.
“Ok. Listen to me. I’m not offering you a job at Blackwing. That’s not what I do. I’m not asking you to be a thief, as you so kindly call me. And, yes I am asking you to leave your D.C. life, but I’m offering you a new one. One that I’m in. You will get to see your family again. You will get to go home. But I don’t know when. What I know is that we’ll be together. And as far as I’m concerned that’s the only fucking thing that matters. Do you get that? It’s all that matters.”
Could I do this? Could I give up my life? Was there a side of me that Vaughn saw that I couldn’t see? Did he truly believe I could create a new identity? I had to find the answers because the alternative was to go back to the darkness. To live in pain without him. To forever know that I turned him away. That I made the choice to end our story.
“I can’t un-love you,” I answered.
“Neither can I.”
I took an expansive breath. “And if I don’t accept your offer?” I searched his eyes.
“I won’t ask a second time.”