CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

“I hope he didn’t vanish because of something I said.” Blue, fortunately for his health and longevity, managed to deliver the line without a hint of smarminess. With Noelle’s mood being the foul murk it was, if he stepped one Coyote toe out of line, she was going to end him. She’d send him sailing through the window of his own plane and worry about the depressurization later.

Didn’t matter that they were five miles up. She was an elf. Assuming she didn’t fall on any fae-forged swords, she could possibly survive the drop.

Why am I even in this stupid plane?

She hadn’t known what to do when Tamatsu had teleported away. After she’d spat the word soup to tell him that for eight hundred years, his voice had been in her body, absorbed into her own, he’d looked at her with a mix of confusion and hostility that had made her blood go cold. Then he’d vanished, and she’d stared after him, still not knowing how to fix things. There was no precedent for them to look back on.

She’d gotten on the plane because Blue had said, “Let’s go,” and her brain hadn’t been able to brook a refusal.

“No,” she said hostilely, rooting her phone out of her tote.

Blue bounced his eyebrows. “Well, all righty, then.”

She needed to talk to someone. Clarissa could talk her down from the ledge. She, better than anyone, would know how to handle the unpredictable natures of Fallen ones.

“Meant to tell you though,” Blue said, “you could have given me a little hint in advance that you were going to bring a being as deadly as him along with you. That would have been nice. I nearly swallowed my tongue when you walked up.”

Of course, Noelle had neither Wi-Fi nor a cellular connection. They were descending, but she didn’t yet have a signal. She wanted to have a plan of action from the moment her feet touched the ground in Maria.

Willa could wait, and Blue would have to, too.

Blue shrugged. “I’ve got a good base of knowledge about the arcane, but I don’t know anyone who’s ever met an angel in person.”

She stared out the window at the runway and the small town beyond it.

Pretty little place. Quiet, but friendly. There was an actual community, and Noelle hadn’t really had one since the elves had scattered. Her community had been her plus Jenny, and she realized that she needed more. Perhaps seeing Clarissa again had reminded her that she needed to have some people around her who knew her.

“They’re everywhere,” she muttered in response to Blue’s statement, and tapped the toe of her shoe impatiently. “Fallen and not Fallen.”

“How’d you happen onto that one?”

“Luck. I was in the right place at the right time.”

“And when was that?”

Slowly, she turned her gaze from the window and stared at him. She wasn’t in the mood to be coy, but there were certain questions men knew damned well they shouldn’t ask a lady. “Many centuries before you were born.”

“Fair enough.” He turned to Kenny. “When we touch ground, I need you to give my pop a call and let him know the schedule isn’t going to have any wiggle room in it tomorrow.”

Kenny winced and loosened his bow tie a bit. “You think he’s going to believe you?”

“I don’t give a damn if he does or doesn’t. If he wants me to prove I’m not in town, I can, if only to soothe his ego. He’s gotta understand, though, that even if I were available, I wouldn’t give him what he wants.”

“Am I preventing you from being present at some other obligation?” Noelle asked.

“No. To be perfectly honest, I appreciate having new reasons not to be at my father’s beck and call. The old ones were getting stale.”

“I’ll ask you again.” The family drama of other supernatural beings was something she really wanted to avoid being a part of. All too often, arguments tended to turn into bloody fights. That was the one thing she didn’t miss about having family anymore. “Was there something critical you were supposed to be doing?”

He shrugged. “Depends on who you ask.”

“I’d say your father would think that you marrying that woman is pretty critical,” Kenny said quietly.

“You’re supposed to get married tomorrow?” She didn’t give a single damn if she sounded like a bitch, if Blue was abandoning some lady before she made it to the altar.

He stared at her, unblinking. Unapologetic.

“You’re a bastard.”

He neither confirmed nor denied that he was. In fact, he didn’t say anything until the plane was skidding toward the end of the runway in Maria and Noelle’s phone buzzed with incoming messages.

“Never met the chick,” he said coolly as he unfastened his seatbelt. “All I know is that she’s from the right kind of Coyote family, and she’s still young enough to have kids. I’ve seen pictures. She’s cute enough, I guess.”

“But?”

“But if I had wanted to get married—which I don’t—I’d like to do the deed with someone I picked myself.”

“Are you a romantic, Mr. Shapely? I didn’t get that impression from you.”

“Why, because I flirt? Flirting is simply a signaling of interest, but believe it or not, I do discriminate.”

“And yet you came on to me.”

“Fuck yeah, I did. I’ve got a thing for women who are bad for me, and you sure as shit move like you could put me on my back and take me for a hell of a ride. But if I’d known you were carrying a torch for one of those Armageddon-makers, I would have been on my best behavior.”

Forcing out a frustrated breath, she unfastened her seatbelt, too. She believed him. He might have been a jerk, but he seemed to generally be an honest one. “I’d say that carrying a torch is putting things mildly. Among my kind, we call the sort of connection that Tamatsu and I have ‘tethering.’”

“Never heard of that before. Is that something like having a mate?”

 “I suppose that comparison will do in a pinch, but there are some important distinctions. Tethering is a magical connection to a balancer. Procreation is just a small part of the bond.”

“And he’s the only person who can do that for you?”

“I believe so. I’ve never heard of any elf being able to be tethered to more than one person, even after their first partner has died.”

“So, you love him?”

At the intensely intrusive question, she stopped scrolling through her text messages and looked up at the Coyote.

No smile, for a change. Not even an eyebrow cocked out of place. He was as serious as he ever was, and obviously in desperate need of a lesson on deep attachments.

“I’ve spent the vast majority of my life linked to him, heartsick over him. No one else on this planet has ever found me so curious or so …” Running her thumb along the volume switch on her phone, she took as deep a breath as she could and let it out. “So necessary.”

Not even Clarissa had needed her that much. She might have served the queen, but she didn’t really belong to her. Clarissa could have replaced her if she’d needed to. Noelle was Tamatsu’s foil, his balancer. He couldn’t replace her.

“Yes, Mr. Shapely. I love him.”

Turning his focus to the window, he nodded.

She turned her attention back to her messages. She flagged the ones from the office to forward to Jenny, deleted all of the messages from Willa, save the last one, and paused at the message from Tarik.

“WHAT HAPPENED?”

“Shit,” she whispered. By then, he had to have encountered Tamatsu.

“Everything all right?” Blue asked.

“Sure. Everything’s fine,” she said drolly.

Kenny cleared his throat as though he were hesitant to interrupt. “Is there someplace here to rent a car?”

Noelle closed her eyes and stretched her legs out in front of her to roll her ankles. The joints throbbed as if hot pokers had been lanced through her bones, and she regretted wearing heels. Late fall was for flats and she always forgot that. “If memory serves me correctly, and it sometimes doesn’t this time of year, there’s a very small agency up the road. I think the company is Budget.”

“That helps.”

The pilot pushed the door open and greeted the airport worker on the tarmac.

Kenny walked toward the front of the plane, phone to ear, corporate credit card grasped in his hand.

Noelle scooped up her bag and stood, all set to return Tarik’s message, but Blue stopped her with a hand on her shoulder and a furrowed brow. “You want my advice?” he asked.

“I’m not certain I do. You’re skipping a wedding tomorrow at which you’re supposed to be a guest of honor. Your credibility is on the rocks.”

“Fair, but let me give you this advice, anyway. Ready?”

Gritting her teeth, she waved her hand in a get on with it gesture.

“My mama used to always tell me this, and she was a smart lady, so I believed her. You see, folks like us, well, we tend to forget sometimes that things aren’t supposed to be easy. The sooner we come to terms with the fact that we’re meant to have messier burdens than the rest of folks, the easier we’ll get through one day to the next. We’re not normal people.”

“That’s an understatement,” she whispered. “But am I so wrong for wanting something to be easy for a change?”

“Hell no, you’re not wrong for it.” He nudged her toward the door. “Naïve a little? Sure. I don’t care how old you are, but all of us fall victim to that on occasion. There are still too many days when I wake up thinking my father has given up on making me his sucker.”

“I’m sure you’re exaggerating.”

“Then obviously, you don’t know enough about Coyotes.”

“I can’t argue with that.” Carefully descending the stairs in spite of her wobbly ankles and weak knees, she kept one eye on the ground and the other on her phone. She tapped out and deleted three different messages to Tarik, and finally sent:

She didn’t expect an immediate response from Tarik. He’d sent the text two hours prior, right around the time she’d lost her signal, and he was likely occupied.

“I got a car.” Kenny waved his phone at Blue. “Someone from the rental agency is going to drive it over and take us to the office to fill out the paperwork. They’re holding the place open. They usually close at three.” He added in a mutter, “Gotta love small-town hours.”

“I plan to learn to.” Noelle’s voice was tired as her phone buzzed. The message was from Willa.

Noelle responded with yes, and then

A less-than-subtle query, perhaps, but she didn’t know what else she could do. She refused to have him disappearing on her when his lust was riding him. She wanted to trust that he wouldn’t turn to another, but after she’d hurt him—again—she wouldn’t be at all surprised if he’d wiped his hands clean of her once and for all. Willa responded:

Leaving Blue and his assistant on the tarmac, Noelle shouldered the airport’s office door open and walked past the clerk and then out the front door.

She didn’t plan on hoofing it all the way into town—and certainly not in fuck-me heels—but she needed to put a little space between her and people.

Blue poked his head out the door. “Where are you going?”

“Once you get your car business squared away, set your GPS to the motel. There’s only one, and it’s right in the middle of town. I’ll meet you there in an hour.”

“With your friend?”

Noelle gave a dismissive wave and kept moving.

Willa had responded.

“Shit.”

Moving toward the road, Noelle sent a text to Tito.

Without waiting for the response, she dialed Clarissa’s number and put her phone to her ear.

Two rings.

Four.

At six, she didn’t think Clarissa would answer, but then came the former queen’s breathy, “I don’t know whose number this is, but tell me you’re someone I know.”

Lola materialized in front of Noelle, solemn and calm as always and standing with her hands in her skirt pockets. She tilted her head in query.

Noelle mouthed, “One moment.” Then, into the phone, she said, “It’s me. Noelle.”

“Ah, good. I can’t always trust my psychic nigglings.”

“In my experience, they were always spot on, but listen. I’m ashamed to call to say this, but … I fucked up.” Again.

“What did you do?”

“Well, I found Tamatsu’s voice.”

Lola’s neutral mask actually cracked then. Her dark eyes went round as saucers.

“Well, that’s good news!” Clarissa said. “Why do you sound so hopeless?”

“Because when I say I found it,” Noelle said haltingly, and carefully choosing her next words, “what I mean is, I have it.”

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.”

Noelle pulled in a deep breath and then forced it out.

Lola offered her arm.

Noelle took it. In a moment, they were in Lola’s salon.

Tarik paced in front of the dark television, wings out, arms crossed.

“Hello?” Clarissa said.

Only mildly dizzy, Noelle plopped onto the settee and set her tote on the floor. “Sorry. Lola teleported me. I … What was I saying?”

“You said that you have his voice.”

Noelle gave her head a hard shake to clear it. “Yes, well, he spoke, and we quickly figured out that he can talk as long as he’s touching me. His voice is in me, Clarissa.”

Clarissa muttered something scandalously vulgar in Gaelic, then said, “It backfired. Of course. I don’t know why I didn’t come to that conclusion before now, but perfectly obvious, isn’t it?”

“Pardon?” Whatever Clarissa was getting at was certainly not perfectly obvious to Noelle.

“Your magic. I didn’t think of the possibility before, because these scenarios don’t happen every day.”

“Gods, I would hope not.”

Lola, who must have excused herself to the kitchen at some point, had returned and thrust a steaming teacup at Noelle.

Noelle nodded gratefully, accepted the cup, and took a long sip. Strong black tea, lightly sweetened. Exactly what she needed.

“You can’t use your magic on the person you’re tethered to,” Noelle said. “The results, to say the least, will be unpredictable and, in some cases, the magic gets reflected back. Why do you think I couldn’t defend myself better against Lorcan? I couldn’t use my magic on him.”

Noelle sucked some air through her teeth. “That actually makes too much sense. After I took his voice, I felt like I’d swallowed an elephant for a while, but I thought that was just my anger and anxiety clawing their way down. I was so upset.”

“Given the circumstances, I understand why.”

“So, how do I get it out?”

“I don’t know, but don’t be discouraged yet. Let me do some research. I’ll get Bill’s son Claude to help. He has a knack for these sorts of things.”

Groaning, Noelle pinched the bridge of his nose. “He’s going to think I’m an idiot.”

“Do you care?”

“Yes, I—” Noelle cut the words all off, because of course she had an ego. She was a trained warrior and ego sometimes helped her be bold. She was ashamed that as a much younger woman she’d done something rash and cruel in a fit of baseless jealousy. They’d all done unforgivably impetuous things, people like them … because they weren’t people. Not in the ways that mattered.

“No,” Noelle said softly after allowing herself a minute to think. “I don’t care if he thinks I’m an idiot. I behaved like one. I suppose I should take my licks with some dignity.”

“That’s quite mature.”

“I could never tell when you were joking, and I still can’t.”

Clarissa chuckled. “Should we come to you or will you come to us?”

Noelle looked up at Tarik, who stared at her openly as if he were waiting for information. He likely was. Naturally, he’d be concerned about his friend and what Noelle planned to do to help him. “I’ll come to you. I have an introduction to make for a new friend first. There’s Coyote drama in Maria.”

“I see. We get Wolf drama here. Mostly, it’s all fun and games, but when those Wolves feud, they really go at it, and we end up having to harbor a bunch of them at the farm here until tensions cool.”

“You’ve gone from being a queen to being in charge of a soup kitchen for supernatural vagrants.”

“Basically the same thing, if you think about it. I’ll be on the lookout for a message from you.”

“Right. Until then.” Noelle ended the call and turned her phone over and over in her hand.

She didn’t want to look up. Didn’t want to meet the gazes of the ancient creatures before her and read the judgment in their stares, but she probably deserved them, too.

So, she did.

She looked to Lola first and smiled grimly. “People write songs about women like me.”

Tutting, Lola twined her fingers in front of her belly and turned her gaze to the ceiling. “People will forget. They always forget.”

“Are you speaking from experience?”

“I know what passion can do to people. I know what regrets feel like, too. Fortunately, the worst of what I’ve done has been lost to history. There is no oral record of my exploits, of when I was new in this world and so eager to experience things. I had no regard to how my actions would affect the people around me.” She looked down, but not at Noelle.

At Tarik.

His gaze on her was steady and unblinking, his jaw tight and posture rigid as a soldier’s.

She turned slowly to Noelle. “You were practically a baby.”

She’d been a very young elf, but so had Clarissa. Clarissa hadn’t made those kinds of mistakes. Clarissa had selflessly sacrificed time and time again for the good of elf-kind, and they were the same age, give or take a few months.

Noelle had no excuse.

“You’ll have to forgive yourself at some point,” Lola said.

“Maybe, but when? Obviously, I owe karma some more suffering. And when all is said and done and I’ve finally repented, then what? Do I still get him, or will I have to let him go because I needed too long to fix myself?”

“I don’t have an answer to that.”

“No.” Noelle turned her phone over and stared at the text message bubble on the screen. “I don’t expect you to.” Grabbing her tote by the straps, she stood. “I need to meet a Coyote. I’d better get walking.”

“Would you like me to carry you?”

“No, I need the fresh air.” Noelle tried to smile for her, but her cheeks twitched at the effort. Her face wasn’t going to let her lie about how she felt, although she was used to telling lies. She told little ones every day to placate egos and to make unimportant transactions pass more smoothly, but some took more out of her. For instance, the lie that she was just fine.

She wasn’t, and hadn’t been for a very long time.

“You know where I am if you need me,” Lola said softly.

“Yes. Thank you.”

Noelle was outside and halfway down the block, heading toward the motel, when she realized she had an extra shadow, and that the shadow had wings.

Her glance over her shoulder revealed that Tarik followed at a respectful distance.

“Making sure I don’t abscond with Tamatsu’s voice?” she asked. “Well, you don’t need to.” She continued her trek, eyes forward so she didn’t have to see the wings and feel the damned guilt. “I’ll find some way to give it back to him, even if I have to cut it out.”

“For some reason, I believe you are speaking in literal terms.”

“You’d be right.”

“You think he’d want that? You think he’d want you to destroy yourself?”

“I don’t know, but I’d deserve it.”

“Is that what you really think?”

“Yes.” She nodded and stepped off the curb and into the street.

“Does your tethering magic make you so morbidly practical, or is that simply your personality?”

She laughed drily. “Probably a little of both. I was bred to be the woman I am, and warriors of my rank are almost always solo. No one was supposed to be with me. I’m impossible to be with.” As she stepped up onto the opposite curb, she glanced over her shoulder again. “Do you know where he is? Do you know what he’s doing?”

“He is my friend. I could always find him if I needed to,” Tarik said.

“Would you find him if I asked you to?”

“That depends on what you will do when you see him.”

“You’re wonderful to care about him so much.”

“Not only him.”

Bewildered at his statement, she stopped.

Tarik caught her arm and paused her movement. “Should people not care about you as well?”

She had no answer right away, and she didn’t know what it meant that she didn’t.

“You made one error, Noelle.”

“A massive one.”

“A mistake you likely wouldn’t have made if you’d known each other better or longer. The same holds true for him. Do you think he would have touched anyone else if he’d truly thought you’d indulge him?”

“I would hope he wouldn’t have, because I would have helped. I would have done everything in my power to keep him from losing control in ways that weren’t productive.”

“Or in ways that could harm you?”

“There’s only one way he could harm me, really.”

“And how is that?”

So obvious.

Feeling pathetic, she shrugged. “By rejecting me.”

Tarik’s brow furrowed.

“I mean, the other shit’s not ideal.” She shook her head hard and started walking again. “I don’t want him to touch anyone else, and I don’t ever want to be in a position where he has to do desperate things to keep his hungers from hurting him. I don’t want to be that bitch who has to tell him no when it’s my fault he’s hurting in the first place.”

“Do you not hurt?”

She stopped moving again. Thinking had become too difficult.

“Does your pain mean nothing?” he asked. “Does your pain have less worth than his?”

The silence between them felt heavy. Mocking, even, but she didn’t have any words to speak to fill it.

Tarik placed one large hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “At some point, and hopefully soon, you’ll both have to decide that you’ve suffered enough. You have to so you can move on.”

“Together?”

He rubbed her shoulder and got her moving.

His lack of response didn’t do much for her blue mood, but silence was better than an outright ‘No.’