Chapter Seventeen
I checked on Will before I went to bed. He slept comfortably in the RV and Manny swore he’d woken up and eaten a full meal earlier. He seemed to be recovering well. Wang was on watch duty, monitoring the surveillance equipment. Steiner snored on the couch. When I finally made it upstairs, Neil was fast asleep on his cushion and Ash was working on his laptop. He lay on the bed where I’d left him, wearing only his T-shirt and underwear, with his foot wrapped and propped up on a pillow.
“What are you working on?” I asked while I wiggled out of my blue jeans.
“Oh, nothing.” He set aside his laptop on the night table and watched me undress.
“Hey,” I said. “This is not a peep show, you know.”
He smirked. “If you’re taking your clothes off, it’s my show for sure.”
I was very self-conscious about my body, but I was getting used to Ash’s attention. His interest gave me a confidence boost. The glee in his stare had me giggling inside. Astonishing. How could a lopsided smirk make me feel so giddy?
“Tempers around here are running high,” I said, while I slipped on my pajama pants. “Steiner put up quite the tantrum.”
“Can’t say as I blame him,” Ash said. “I wouldn’t have liked it either if my team had fallen apart so easily.”
The way he said it. The irreverence in his voice. The way his blue eyes sparkled with mischief set off my alarms.
“Ash?” I narrowed my eyes on him. “Did you guys set up Steiner to test him?”
His shoulder rose up and down. “I didn’t say that.”
I cocked my fists on my hips. “Ashton Hunter, you better tell me the truth right now. Did Will fake his seizure?”
“Unfortunately, no,” Ash said, his mirth gone. “Will’s seizure was for real and so was the untimely arrival of Fish and Wildlife. But the circumstances did precipitate the opportunity to test Steiner’s reliability.”
“So you left Steiner alone with me to test his loyalties?”
“How little you know me.” Ash’s gaze sparkled with a trace of irritation. “You were never alone with him. The whole time you were at the barn, Wang was stationed nearby, with his rifle trained on Steiner.”
I gaped. “Wang wasn’t with you?”
“He was where he was supposed to be, with you,” Ash said. “He was concealed from everybody. Don’t forget, he’s a trained sniper. He loves that shit. He reported Will’s seizure on an alternative com channel. Manny’s rover didn’t get stuck in the mud. He held back on purpose, to see what Steiner would do if he thought he was alone with you.”
“What about you?” I said. “Did you fake that run? No way. I know you were hurting when you got back.”
“Neil and I were checking on that faulty camera,” he admitted. “We did run all the way back.”
Holy Mother. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”
“I’ve been telling you all along,” he said. “We have to be fluid. You’re a bad liar and a terrible actress. Steiner would’ve known if you didn’t believe the situation was real.”
Maybe he had a point, but I wasn’t a happy camper.
“Don’t be mad at me.” He put out his hand. “Come over here. Please?”
The kindness in his eyes. The fact that I was sure he’d acted for my benefit. The electrical buzz disrupting my brain waves... I groaned, but I took his hand anyway and ended up wrapped in his arms and happier for it.
“I don’t like it,” I mumbled against his lips.
“I know.” He kissed me some more.
I tore my lips from his mouth. “I want to be on the private channel too.”
“Okay.” He kissed me again.
“Okay?” I mumbled between kisses. “You promise?”
“Promise.” He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “Now, Lia, please, I’ve gone too long without you. I find that particularly trying. Can we do something about that?”
The delicious shiver was back with a vengeance. “We can’t,” I said. “This creaky old house is full of grown men who will know very well what’s happening in this room at the first sound.”
“They think it’s happening right now.”
“Really?” I said. “Why would they think such a thing?”
“Because we’re together and alone and sex is what happens when people like you and me are together and alone.” He kissed me again. “Because they know I want you every time I see you and that I’m having a hell of a hard time keeping my hands off you.”
The space between my legs flooded like a creek after monsoon rains.
“Oh, well,” I mumbled between kisses. “In that case, maybe we can be really quiet?”
“Let’s play, Lia,” he said. “We need some R & R. Are you up for a little game?”
I cocked an eyebrow. “What kind of a game?”
“A game where I call the moves and you make them.”
I eyed him skeptically. “Sounds like a one-sided kind of game.”
He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. “What if I promise I’ll make it worth your while?”
“Do we have to play that one?” Uneasiness crawled up my spine. “I mean, can we play some other game?”
“Of course,” he said. “You name the game and I’m there. I just thought we could combine a good time with a bit of therapy.”
“Therapy?”
“Trust therapy, to be specific,” he said. “The kind of therapy that helps you trust me.”
The intensity in his eyes. Yes, this was somehow important to him. I should at least try it. Still, I wavered. Making love with Ash was always a thrilling experience, but I wasn’t sure how I’d react to commands, even if I knew they were pretend commands. The nature of his request brought up treacherous memories of pain, degradation and grief, recollections of fear that tensed my muscles, tightened my shoulders and gave me a bad case of cold feet.
Ash read my reaction. “Forget I said anything.” He hugged me against his chest and kissed the top of my head. “My bad. How about we watch a movie instead?”
I looked up at him. The concern that deepened the lines on his face filtered through my fears and soothed the old grief that pained me. This was Ash. I could trust him. I did trust him. And he was right. I so wanted to be free of the fear. I wanted to reclaim my emotions, heal myself and learn to enjoy different kinds of sex like a healthy adult. I wanted to please Ash too. Was it wrong? I didn’t think so. For once, I wanted to be normal, carefree and maybe even daring in the bedroom. Could I start to work on all of that today?
“Um...” I chewed on my lip. “Maybe we could try this game of yours and see what happens?”
“We don’t have to,” he said. “Best course of action is to wait until you’re totally comfortable with me.”
“I do feel comfortable,” I said, “with you, I mean. It’s me I doubt sometimes, but you could be right. A little trust therapy could help.”
He studied my face. “I don’t want to rush you.”
“No, really, I want to try this game of yours.” I squeezed his hand. “We can’t operate out of fear, right? That’s what you said. We have to operate out of our strengths. I’m willing to give it a try. Are you?”
He sighed. “I’ll only try it if you promise me that the moment you feel iffy, you’ll let me know. You can say no to anything and quit at any time. Those are my conditions and they’re nonnegotiable. Are we clear?”
“Okay.” His condition made me feel safe about trying out something new. It helped that my body craved Ash so much that I was ready for him now.
“All right then.” He planted a kiss on my lips. “Let’s play.”
I shivered inside. “What should I do first?”
“Stand up. Good.” The intensity in his eyes ramped up. The planes of his face set into stern lines. His voice turned suddenly exacting. “Take off your top,” he said. “I want to see you naked.”
His bluntness startled me. A bubble of fear surged up my throat. All those years of snarled commands slammed me hard. Steady. This wasn’t that. Breathe. I stole a look at Ash. He winked at me. A rush of affection lent me the strength to step up to this brand-new plate. Cope. The raw sexuality exuding from him was irresistible. Goose bumps prickled my skin in a race that convened at the sensitive nexus between my legs. A game, that’s all it was, a game he wanted to play. Surely I could play it too?
I drew in a deep breath and took off my top slowly, revealing my tummy first, then my midriff, before I pulled the shirt over my arms. A sudden bout of shyness flushed my cheeks. I’d been naked with Ash many times before, but this was different. I was having problems with the idea of blatantly exhibiting my scarred body. Therapy. The first thing I had to do was get comfortable in my own skin. My body was fine as it was. My body was mine. I chose who I wanted to share it with. Ash was the one.
He reached up and, lowering my face to his, kissed me, infusing me with wallops of unmistakable affection. My heart swelled. My pussy began to melt on the spot. Ash grinned. We hadn’t even started and he was already cheating.
“How are we doing?” he asked.
“Good.” I let out a nervous giggle. “What next?”
“Go on,” he said, back to the firm tone. “You know what I want to see.”
I reached back and unhooked my bra. I held the bra in place as I slipped one arm out from the strap, then the other. The affection in his eyes reassured me. The authority in his voice lent me the confidence to set the bra aside. His gaze caressed my breasts like a brush of fine silk. My nipples perked under his scrutiny.
“Lovely.” He built me up with his praise. “Very fine indeed.” He paused and spoke more forcefully. “Now, take off your bottom. Come on, get to it.”
Feeling more confident by the moment, I turned around, slid the flannel sweats down my legs and dropped them to the floor. I peeked over my shoulder, watching him watching me. I liked the intensity I spotted in his eyes. His stare consumed every movement I made, wasting nothing, appreciating everything. If he wanted to see me undress, then undress I would.
His boxers tented over his generous erection. I could almost feel his gaze trailing my body’s curves like hands, tapering into my waist, widening around my hips and gathering beneath the halves of my ass. Excitement moistened my panties and pulsed in my sex.
“Turn around,” he said gruffly.
I straightened my spine and squared my shoulders before I turned to face him. The passion I spotted in his eyes made me feel beautiful, wanted and admired. I drew taller.
He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and pointed at a spot before him. “Over here.”
I walked to the space between his knees. He rolled my panties down my legs as if unwrapping a candy bar. He kissed my belly button. Every cell in my body buzzed with the contact. His lips followed a crooked trail to my pubis, where his mouth brushed over my bristle before his tongue tasted the length of my sex and his lips pursed on my clit. My knees buckled.
This game of his was delicious. Therapy was a lot more pleasant than I had anticipated. I didn’t care if our game leaned toward crass or vulgar. I didn’t want to think about whether it was right or wrong. I stood on the tips of my toes and offered more of me. I relished the chance to please him. Whatever he wanted, I needed to give. Whatever he craved, I wanted to satisfy.
I swayed on my feet, dangerously close to collapsing.
“Careful now.” He helped me to the floor. “On your knees.”
I dropped to the braided carpet with a sense of relief. I didn’t think I could stand on my own any longer. I landed between his legs, gasping for breath in the shelter between his knees. My arms entwined about his good leg. I kissed his calf, the inside of his thighs. I rose on my knees and kissed the erection testing the fabric of his shorts.
I nuzzled his underwear, burrowing my face in his groin. I rubbed my head against his bulk and breathed in his arousal’s enthralling scent. I delved into his boxers’ slit and pressed my mouth to his cock, sliding my lips over his erection’s solid heat. I’d never had him in my mouth before. My mouth watered in anticipation.
He let out a strained breath. “Are you sure?”
“Totally sure.” I tugged playfully on his boxers’ elastic band.
“Christ, Lia, you’re killing me over here.” He took in a deep breath and steeled his voice. “You want it?” He pulled his cock out of his boxers and offered it to me. “You can have it.”
My lips parted to take him in. They slid down his shaft in a long journey that filled all the space in my mouth and dead-ended at the back of my throat. His entire body replied to my tongue. He groaned in a way that had me trembling too. I loved the feel of him in my mouth. I twirled my tongue around his girth, enfolding him against my palate.
He sat at the edge of the bed watching me. Beneath partly drawn lids, his eyes sparkled with blue fire. Occasionally, a gasp or a hiss would escape him, but most of the time, his lips were white and pressed tight together, as if his body had resolved to trap both sounds and seed.
As I worked my mouth over his cock, he entwined his fingers in my hair. He grew so excited I had difficulty swallowing the whole of him. I discovered that I could drive him to madness with my mouth. Naked, on my knees, with his cock jamming in and out of my lips, I’d become the world’s most powerful woman.
“Man, you give good head,” he rasped. “You suck like an angel.”
I shifted his cock from my mouth to my hand and stroked him in my fists. “Do you want to come?”
“Oh, yeah.” His face scrunched up as if in pain and his body balked with the strain of holding back.
“Come then.”
I returned him to my mouth and took full charge of his pleasure. I gulped him down to the root, retreated and plunged again, wearing down his restraint with each swallow. His fingers dug into my scalp. His breathing stopped. Then he groaned and his body folded over me in the throes of a powerful orgasm that rattled his body and delivered his load deep in my throat. He tensed and released several times in my mouth. He poured into me for a long time. I watched him take his pleasure in my body and rejoiced at the sight. Perhaps I was good at this game after all.
When he was done, I licked him clean and smiled. The look he gave me was full of praise and lust. He caressed my face, thumb lingering over my lower lip. Then he kissed me and I melted like butter on the grill.
“That felt...phenomenal.” He hugged me between his legs.
If he felt phenomenal, then I felt phenomenal too. It struck me then that his therapy was working for me, because I hadn’t once felt fear or regret and I’d been so focused on pleasing him that the memories had stayed away. I felt light, as if the past couldn’t touch me. I felt renewed.
“More?” he said.
“More,” I agreed.
He lifted me up and settled me on my hands and knees on the mattress. He knelt just behind me. His weight bent the mattress and the old frame protested with a chorus of squeaks. He reached over my back, casing my body with his as he grabbed my hands and wrapped my fingers around the bronze spindles. Then he lifted off me and caressed my pussy, which flowed for him like an open spigot.
“Christ, Lia, you’re so wet,” he murmured. “You’ve made me so hard all over again. I want to take you like this.”
I moaned when his fingers breached me, my body tensing with pleasure. “I want to feel you inside of me.”
“In that case...”
He glided into me slowly. Then he stopped to give my body time to accommodate to his bulk, a throbbing, delicious presence that filled me up completely and had me shivering with pleasure.
“I’m going to move now.” He journeyed through me in slow, exquisite strokes that had me whimpering with need and my hips angling for more. “Jesus, you feel so good.”
The only sound I could muster was a groan of delight.
He steadily increased his pace, deepening and strengthening his strokes in a way that thrilled my body. He drove me to the edge and then...stopped.
“Ash?” I protested.
He leaned over me, pushed my hair out of the way and nipped at my earlobe. “Remember our game?”
“I do,” I rasped, caught in a surge of lust.
“So now I want to love you really hard.”
I swallowed a dry gulp and braced on the mattress. “How hard?”
“As hard as you’d like.” His breath was warm on my ear. “As hard as you’d let me love you.”
“Okay.” My body trembled with anticipation.
“Hang on,” he said.
I tightened my hold on the rails and groaned when he started again, stern, demanding, delicious strokes that traveled through me and sent pangs of bliss to every corner of my body. I balanced precariously on my knees, absorbing his strokes and yelping softly, trying not to scream out loud from the pleasure.
He was ferocious at this game; he played to win. His strokes grew into a rhythmic pounding. My flesh shook with his passion. My body smarted with pleasure. But I was determined to play well too. I loved this kind of therapy. My hands tightened around the bars with each stroke and yet I didn’t let go. I answered his strokes with the swirl of my hips.
“Christ, I love the way you feel.”
He brought his hand around to stroke my clit. I buckled but he held me in place and made me endure his excruciating touch. He was strong, stern and forceful and I liked that he wasn’t holding back. He wasn’t making love to me as if I was frail, damaged or delicate. He didn’t tiptoe around his wants or hold back on account of my history or my fears.
On the contrary, he defied and defeated all of that with his passion. He restored and rebuilt me with his confidence in my body. He loved me hard, as if I was indeed a good fuck, and that made me exactly so. In his hands, my body was hale, whole and sturdy, a tool for his pleasure, which might have been unfair, except for the fact that his pleasure also meant mine.
“You’re mine,” he said. “Say it. Who do you belong to?”
“You,” I rasped. “You.”
“This is mine,” he said, caressing my ass. “These are mine.” He squeezed my breasts in his hands. “And this little jewel is mine too,” he added cupping my pussy in between delicious thrusts.
“Yes,” I whimpered. “It’s all yours.”
I groaned, flowed and reared beneath him, about to go off.
“Not yet,” he said. “You have to ask me.”
“Oh.” This game was harder than I thought. “Can I?”
“No.”
I protested, begged and even tried to coax him by rocking and twisting my hips like a belly dancer, but although he urged me on and matched my moves with a charge of his own, he wouldn’t budge. He pushed me into that mindless state where pleasure ruled. I dangled over the precipice by his will’s capricious rope.
I tried to explain that I had to come, that I couldn’t bear it any longer, that if I didn’t come I might die on the spot, but he just laughed it off and kept up those divine strokes while I panted the short little breaths that kept me in the game, but not by much.
“Christ, you’re a joy.” He kissed my back and shifted his weight. “Hold on real tight.”
I clung to the bed as hard as I clung to my sanity. Pant, pant, pant. It was all I could do as he packed me to the rim with pleasure’s explosive charge.
He tilted my head, grabbed my chin and claimed the space between my parted lips. His tongue dipped into my mouth with the same ferocious rhythm as his cock. He deepened his kiss then raked my lower lip with his teeth as he bore down on me.
The room quaked around me. My body absorbed his delicious pummeling. His cock ground ever deeper into me. I gritted my teeth, braced my knees wide on the mattress and arched my back to meet his strokes straight-on.
“That’s my brave girl,” he rasped. “Hell, yes, you’re a sex goddess. You hear me? The universe’s best fucking ride.”
The universe’s best fucking ride was ready to go supernova. “Please?”
He kissed my ear, flattened a hand on my back and, pressing down, pumped into me with renewed zeal. “You may come. Now.”
I let go like a BASE jumper leaping from great heights. The long, protracted orgasm kidnapped my body and overthrew my brain. I plummeted out of control. My body rattled as a tremendous force tore me apart, obliterating reason, memory and thought, enveloping me in brilliant flashes of blinding pleasure. This type of therapy? I could handle it every day. I pressed my cheek against the pillows, bit down on the sheets and roared until I ran out of voice and air.
I didn’t remember a lot after that. At some point Ash must have pried my fingers from the headboard. If it wasn’t a dream, I think he made love to me again later on, this time slow and tenderly, with due consideration to the better-used parts of me. I woke up, late in the night, snuggled in his arms, utterly satisfied with the new additions to my growing collection of earth-rattling orgasms, and brimming with his seed as he’d promised.
He was awake. He kissed me as soon as my eyes fluttered open.
“I had to love you like that,” he whispered in my ear.
“I know,” I said. “Who won?”
“Won?” he said.
“Who won the game?”
He chuckled. “You looked like you did well for yourself,” he said. “As for me, you won’t hear any complaints. Hell, all my prizes were extraordinary.”
I fell asleep smiling.