Chapter Eleven
Shayne crouched before Katrina’s wooden box where she’d curled up to sleep right after devouring a huge bowl of food and drinking what seemed like a half gallon of water.
The dog slept. The barn was quiet. But Shayne’s soul was restless. For once, it wasn’t because he was searching for something he was trying to find. He’d found it already.
Jolie and Belle. He just didn’t know what the fuck to do about it.
Being at the old Canadian’s memorial service had solidified what he’d thought upon finding out he’d died on the mountain. Life was too short—you needed to grab it by the balls and hold on tight. In the end, the older man only had loved ones to celebrate his life.
When Shayne breathed his last, what would he have? His parents would be long gone. A few distant cousins too, most likely. Sure, he’d have friends. The Boot Knockers were his friends for life, no matter where they all went when time said their stint here on the ranch was finished.
Then what?
A boot step made him glance over his shoulder. Lil stood there. She looked a bit pale, but otherwise fine after her night of drinking and poker.
“You look serious, Shayne. I can go.”
“No, don’t.” He stood from his crouch and faced her. She’d always been a friend, a listening ear. She saw things with a different eye than most women he knew. She was as tough as the leather she used to bridle her horses and as proud as the mountains in the distance.
She eyed him. “What’s going on?”
“I could…” he scuffed a boot on the barn floor, “use some advice.”
She puckered her lips. “Not sure I’m the best woman for that job. I’m in the hard-ass ranching business, remember? Where you put down cattle because of busted tendons and find wolves have eaten your calves.”
He gave a nod. “I’m in it too, remember? I know what it takes to make a ranch work. Maybe you are the wrong person to ask.”
She was silent for a long moment. “Hit me with it. What’s on your mind? That lady of yours and your daughter?”
He nodded.
She gave a light shake of her head. “You’ve got a big decision to make, I can see it weighing on your shoulders with the way they’re sagging. You want to know if you should stop being a Boot Knocker and start being a husband and daddy.”
He nodded again. It seemed words were beyond him, but she was hitting the nail on the head with everything she was saying.
“I’ve seen love before. My daddy had it but not with my momma.”
Shayne looked at her harder.
“Yeah, I found out he was sleeping around when I was pretty young. I saw them together and I knew my daddy had never looked at my momma like that. Not that it was right, but I knew the difference.”
“What did your father do?”
“Broke it off with the woman and lived out his years devoted to my mother. But I never forgot. I always swore if someone ever looked at me that way that I’d take notice.”
“What are you saying, Lil?”
“You have that look in your eyes for your woman. And she has it for you. It doesn’t happen for everyone, Shayne, and sometimes you have to leap off the cliff to get to the grassy knoll below. You follow?”
He nodded.
“I’m not sure how to leave the ranch, though. I love this place.”
“Seems to me you’re needed around here. More cattle this year than I’ve ever had and the other cowboys aren’t able to devote enough time to the ranch, not with the cabins being built and their own… duties.” She gave him a wicked smile.
His heart lightened and he returned it. “But what are you asking me, Lil?”
“You men are all the same, too dense to read between the lines. I’m asking you to stay on and help me around the ranch.”
“And Jolie?”
“Stake your claim on one o’ those cabins up there. Or build another. I’m sure there’s a place to house your family if you’ve a mind to look.”
He stared at Lil for a long minute, heart thumping. A job, security and a place he loved. He could marry Jolie and ask her to live here with him. Only, her schooling was far away in their hometown and he wasn’t even sure she would say yes.
“Think on it, cowboy. Don’t turn yourself inside out right now. Plenty of time.”
But the clock was counting down the seconds before Jolie left and took Belle. He needed to persuade her to say yes. How? He’d messed up so much that he didn’t know if he could redeem himself.
“Take your time, Shayne. It’s a big decision.”
“I’ve made it,” he said, his voice more certain than he felt inside. His stomach was heaving as if he were on a roller coaster, taking the loops backward and upside down. But the thrill was there, the excitement.
He could have this brand-new life with Jolie. He only had to ask.
* * * * *
Belle sat on the floor cooing to her toys, oblivious to the turmoil taking place inside Jolie. Tears ran down her face as she grabbed items and stuffed them into her bag. Some articles of clothing had gone missing, and with the way Shayne stripped her, no wonder.
She got on her knees to look under the bed for a missing bra and sure enough, it was tangled up near one corner. She crawled around the bed to retrieve it, and Belle crawled up behind her, thinking it a game.
She swiped her tears and gave her daughter a bright grin. “We’re going home today. Do you miss your house? I do.”
Of course, Belle didn’t answer and Jolie was lying to herself. She didn’t miss living with her parents—that ship had sailed. She wanted to be on her own, and looking back, that was the real lure in marrying Owen. She’d have her own home, her own way of doing things.
But now she couldn’t think straight. All she saw was a life with Shayne.
She pushed down a sob and stuffed more clothes into her bag. Then she added a few of the items from Shayne’s baby shower and zipped it closed. His scent marked her and everything she’d worn. She burned for him to walk through that door and demand she stay, that she give him another chance.
She didn’t think for a minute that he’d ask, but if he did? What would her answer be?
A knock made her freeze. For a minute, her heart pounded her chest cavity, making her gasp. Then she realized it couldn’t be Shayne. He’d just barge in.
She glanced at Belle to ensure she was okay and then went to answer the door. Emiline stood there grinning from ear to ear. But when she spotted the look on Jolie’s face, her own fell.
“What happened?” She pushed into the cabin and closed the door.
“I…” Jolie rubbed a hand over her face, swiping all the tears away. Her nose was runny, though, and it irritated her to sniff.
Emiline looked past her to the bedroom and the bag on the bed. “Uh-oh. Things aren’t going well with Shayne.”
“I…” What to say? They were going great. He’d been so sweet with Belle and amazing with her. That was the trouble.
Her friend placed a hand on her forearm. “You’re crazy about that man. He’s crazy about you. What’s the problem?”
“How do you know he’s crazy about me?”
“I see the way he looks at you.”
“That’s lust. He just likes taking me to bed. He doesn’t want to leave the ranch and become a father or, or…”
“Sweetie, sit down and think about this.” Emiline steered her to the sofa. In the other room, Belle babbled to her toys.
Jolie looked to her friend. She couldn’t resolve this issue but she did want to hear what she had to say.
She perched on the edge of the sofa and folded her trembling fingers. She was so jittery, as if she’d drunk a whole pot of coffee alone. This decision to go shouldn’t be so difficult. It was cut and dry really.
She’d come to get Shayne’s cooperation on signing off Belle. But she’d changed her mind and believed it best for him to remain in her life, to be more of a part if that was his choosing. So it was time to go home and take up where she’d left off. Single mom. Student.
Only neither of those roles addressed the deep ache of longing inside her for love and companionship. Not to mention the passion between the sheets.
Or occasionally tied to a cross.
She let out a long sigh.
Emiline nodded.
“What are you nodding at?”
“Because I know you, Jolie. We’ve been friends for how long? You know I believe we were sisters in a past life, and that makes me doubly familiar with your ways.”
“What ways are those?”
“You’ll go after what you want as long as you believe it’s something important. What I never got was why you don’t think love is important.”
She blinked at her. “Of course it’s important. I have lots of love in my life. Belle, my family, even you.”
“You were about to marry a man you don’t love.”
“I thought it would build. Grow into love if I gave it a chance. I see now that was silly.”
Emiline gave her a well duh look. “Love doesn’t usually work that way. At least from what I’ve seen. Besides, this isn’t the eighteenth century anymore where we marry for connections or a home of our own.”
Jolie’s cheeks scorched. Her friend’s thought pattern was so close to hers that she wondered if Emiline wasn’t right about that sister connection.
“You’ve loved Shayne since the moment you set eyes on him. Can you deny that?”
“No,” she said so quietly she barely heard herself.
“So why won’t you fight for it?”
She looked up at Emiline, eyes swimming. “How can I? He wants things for himself that are so different from what I want or need. What Belle needs.”
“How do you know what he wants? Did he tell you he never wants to settle down and didn’t want to be a father?”
“Well, no.”
Emiline sat back, a smug smile on her face. “You won’t know what he wants until you ask.”
“I don’t know how to fight for us, Em. I don’t ever want him to resent me for tying him up into a life he never wanted.”
“Isn’t it for him to say? You’ve taken away all control from the man. You didn’t let him in on the secret baby. Now you’re not letting him choose you—you’re just running before he gets here. Am I right?”
At that moment, Belle raised a holler, finally realizing she was alone and not liking it. Jolie got up to retrieve her. From behind, she heard the door close and whirled to see why Emiline was walking out without saying more.
That’s when she saw Shayne.
Her stomach lurched with a measure of excitement and a scoop of apprehension. Emiline shot her a pointed look and then slipped out of the cabin.
Leaving her and Shayne alone with all these feelings between them.
He looked past her to the bed and the bag. “You’re leaving.”
Why did his voice sound so strained, gritty?
Belle squirmed and she set her down with her toys again. Shayne crossed the length of the cabin in slow, measured strides. Every footfall resounded through Jolie’s system, making her steel herself to keep from running into his arms.
“You were going to leave and not say goodbye.” His voice cracked.
So did her heart.
She spread her hands. “I’m not sure what to do.”
In one step, he was against her, grabbing her by the upper arms and pulling her closer. His stare grew intense, pinning her in place. Warmth pooled in her belly.
“Jolie… Fuck, I don’t know how to say this but I’ve never shied away from a challenge in my life. I’m going to come out and say it.”
She searched his eyes, holding her breath.
“I love you. I don’t want you to walk out of my life. I was stupid but I’m smarter now and I know what I want.”
“Shayne.”
“I want you. And Belle. I want to see her grow up and watch you with her. I don’t want to miss a second.”
Her heart thundered. This couldn’t be happening. She must be hearing things.
He dropped to his knees. Wrapped his arms around her middle and pressed his forehead to her waist. When he dragged in a breath, it sounded like tearing cloth. “I’m in love with you. I want you to marry me.” He tipped his head back to meet her gaze.
Her mind couldn’t catch up. “What?”
“Marry me.” He tugged her down to her knees too and cradled her face in his big hands. “I have an opportunity to stay on at the ranch, work here but not be a Boot Knocker.”
Holy shit. He was giving up a job he loved?
“I can figure out living arrangements for us. For all of us.” He shot a glance at Belle, who was crawling in a circle around her toys to get one on the outer edge. “I can make this work for us, support you in every way you need. If you say yes.”
Her mind scanned over the information in a heartbeat. Marry Shayne and live here? Raise their daughter together? She already knew she could handle the schooling online and drive to one of the nearby hospitals for the rest of her training.
A hiccup of excitement made her heart flip. She could do this. Take love for herself. All she had to do was say the word.
“Please give me a chance to love you the way you deserve. I can do so much better than I ever have before. Just… give me a shot.”
Belle made her way to where they knelt and pulled herself up on them using their clothing as handholds. Shayne’s laugh was watery with emotion as he pulled her into them.
“What do you think, little lady?”
She batted at him, and Jolie giggled. The happiness spread through her, parting the clouds of uncertainty until the path was clear.
Shayne stared deep into her eyes. “Be my wife, Jolie.”
“Oh God, Shayne… Yes. I can’t think of saying anything but yes.”
He made a noise deep in his throat and scooped her against him. She surged upward at the same time, and their lips crashed over each other’s. Joy warmed her from her toes up. There could be no question that her decision was absolutely right. If she’d ever taken the time to dream of what she wanted for herself besides a solid career helping people, she would have fantasized about this moment.
Shayne broke the kiss and grinned down at her. “I love you. Both of you.” He kissed Belle’s chubby starfished palm. Belle puckered her lips and made a smacking noise, and they both laughed.
“You make me the happiest man on earth, Jolie. Thank you. For Belle, and for saying yes.”
Her throat thickened, but she pushed out the words that were in her heart. “You’re exactly what I want and need, Shayne. I didn’t realize how true that was until I came here.”
He eyed her, a wicked gleam in his eyes. “We’ll have access to the bondage room anytime we want.”
“Will I need to sign a consent form every time?”
“Nope. That contract is written in trust between us.”
A warm pang went through her lower belly at the thought of being under his hands and bound by his ropes again. “I can’t wait to see what’s in our future.”
“Whatever it is, I guarantee we’ll take it on together.” He kissed her gently and followed with one for Belle too.
She clung to her cowboy. She had no idea how she’d gotten everything she could ever ask for but she planned to hold on tight and never let go.
THE END
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