I burst through the door, slamming it behind me, brandishing my cell phone like a knife.

"Amanda?" Scott's voice is tinged with surprise and concern as he steps into his living room. "You're supposed to be at brunch. What's going on?"

He wasn't expecting me, but this is a DefCon 5 level emergency and I can always come to him when I need him. He's been my best friend for so long and had been so sweet to help me pick out the perfect dress for what was supposed to be a proposal brunch.

But instead, it was a breakup brunch.

I was supposed to have a ring glittering on my finger, but instead I have tears glittering on my cheeks.

At the soft worry darkening Scott's eyes as he comes to stand before me, I completely break down. He pulls me to him and holds me tight, rubbing circles on the small of my back. It feels good. His hand is soft and warm. His arms are hard and strong. I'm always safe with him, in his embrace. His touch calms me a little, helping quiet my cries.

Leading me to the couch, he pushes me gently down onto it, sitting close beside me, keeping hold of my hands. "What happened?"

With halting breaths, I try to explain. "Adam broke up with me."

"What?" Shock stills his features, something strange and fleeting in his expression. Something that makes me pause before shaking it off.

I hiccup and nod, sniffing. "Yeah. Apparently, he's been thinking about this for a while. He sat there across from me with this horrible patient voice and explained how he likes to think things through and explore all possibilities. Which I already knew! We've been together six years today; I know him. I know everything about him. Or I thought I did." I stumble to a stop again, the ache in my chest and the lump in my throat making it hard to breathe. "I need a sec."

I accept the tissue Scott hands me and mop up my face. I can't believe this. What am I going to do now? Everything is ruined, my whole future. I squeeze my eyes shut and count to twenty, breathing in and out, trying to calm my racing heart, hold back the sobs crawling up.

Scott rises and disappears into the kitchen, bringing back a six-pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade and two glasses of his preferred brand of cheap tequila.

I smile a little when I see the Mike's. He always keeps some here for me, knowing how much I love the fruity drink that Adam always scoffed at. He said drinks like that were for pussies and girls.

I knock back the tequila, shuddering and wincing at the burn sliding through me before I resume my pathetic story. "Our anniversary date. It seemed—I mean, was it stupid that—no, it wasn’t. It was why I assumed he was going to finally put a ring on it." The tequila warms me, a slight buzz already spinning my head. I haven't eaten all day, unable to take a bite while Adam tore my world to pieces so casually.

That was the worst part. It was clearly just another item to tick off his to-do list. Fuck that list.

The chicken and waffles, juicy fruit, and warm vanilla cranberry scones had sat there, untouched. And I love brunch food. It's my favorite. Or it was. I never wanted to see a brunch food or restaurant ever again. One more thing he'd ruined and ripped away from me.

Fresh tears pour from my eyes and I take another minute to try and compose myself. Scott squeezes my knee, his eyes strained with horror and anger. He hands me his glass of tequila.

I knock that one back too, my mouth puckering, but it goes down a bit more smoothly than the first. "But what he meant was after sleeping with seven other girls, he knew I wasn't who he wants to spend his life with. Seven! Seven. Other. Fucking. Girls. And that wrapping up the relationship at the six-year mark just felt right to him. Everything nice and tidy with a damn bow on top."

Six. Whole. Years.

Scott pops open one of the Mike's and hands it to me. I guzzle down half of it without pausing for breath.

I shove the phone I'm still clutching in Scott's face. "And look. As soon as he was gone, I got on his Facebook page and he had changed his status to single before we even got to brunch."

"Oh my God, what an asshole." He shakes his head, brow furrowed in a disbelieving frown.

"I mean, what if I had checked it before I met him? He didn't even care. He doesn't care that now everyone we know will find out before I've even had a chance to process everything. I've already gotten fake concerned messages from "friends" that I haven't talked to since high school. My phone started dinging with them while he was breaking up with me." I toss my phone onto his coffee table with a clatter.

With the story out, I start sobbing again. "I just...I just can't believe this. How could he? I thought he loved me. Six years together and he just ends it? On our anniversary? How could he? And how did he keep seven other girls from me? How could I have been so blind? What's so wrong with me that he can't imagine spending his life with me?"

Scott gathers me into his arms and I curl up against his firm chest. What would I do without him? I never want to find out.

"There is nothing wrong with you; you are amazing and gorgeous and brilliant. I could kill him. He's an asshole, Alison. You're better off without him. I know it sounds like a cliche, but it's the truth. He's a piece of shit for doing this to you and you deserve so much better than this. Than him.”

I finish off my drink, actually tasting the fruity fizz this time. Scott's shirt is drenched with my tears. "I'll be right back." I get up and go to the bathroom, rinsing the salt and sorrow from my cheeks, the cold water soothing my swollen and burning face.

I look into the mirror to check the damage. I'm red and puffy and my makeup has washed away, my grey eyes stormy and dark with heartbreak. I pluck at the skinny straps of my coral and teal dress with disgust. When I get home I'm burning it.

What a waste.

I dry off my hands and return to snuggle up next to Scott who already has another drink open for me. I give him a small smile and sip at it this time.

If only I could stop replaying the moment over and over in my head. The stares and whispers of the other patrons as I gasped and pleaded and questioned, tearing up. The cold, calm look on Adam's face as he broke up with me like he was ending some sort of business arrangement.

He hadn't even been sorry about the girls he slept with behind my back or doing this on our anniversary. Not only was he not sorry, he’d condescended to me. I tell Scott.

"When I admitted I thought he was going to propose, he actually laughed. This shocked, patronizing laugh. Like I was some pathetic love-struck girl. And I guess I was."

"For fuck's sake. I'm seriously going to kill him." Scott pulls me even closer, like he was determined to protect me with his own body from anything else hurting me. It could work—Scott’s body is muscled in all the ways Adam’s wasn’t. I’d often wished Adam would go work out with my friend, but there was always a weird thing with them. Not anymore, I guess. Not since the final insult.

"The final insult was that then he left me there. With. The. Bill." The pitying looks of the waiter and cashier were burned into my brain.

Scott's body stiffens beneath mine. "Oh, Amanda. I'm so sorry. Fuck, he's the worst."

Why hadn't I noticed Adam was so cold and selfish? How could I not see over all the years we were together? How could I be so stupid?

No. Not me. I’m not the stupid one. I did nothing wrong.

Anger washes over me in waves, rinsing away the sadness. Scott is right. He isn't worth my tears. "I've wasted so much time. So much time."

I could throw up thinking about all the things I've missed out on because I was in a relationship. A dead end relationship. The things I didn't experience because Adam thought it was stupid or boring. The parties I'd missed, the study groups I'd begged off on, the local bands playing I didn't get to see.

The clichéd college experimentation. Instead I got to have biweekly vanilla missionary sex, lucky if I got an orgasm once a month that I didn't give myself alone in my room after reading one of those erotic novels I love so much.

Scott drops a kiss on the top of my head. It fuzzes warmth down my spine. Scott’s hot. Wow, I must be getting pretty buzzed to admit that one, even to myself. But it’s true. My best friend is smoking hot.

"You're only a senior in college. You have loads of time," my hot friend says.

I sit up after taking a pull on my drink. "No. No, I'm going to make up for all those boring vanilla years with Adam." I sway a little as I lower my voice, definitely drunk enough to spill TMI secrets. "Did you know he never even went down on me?" I slap my hand over my mouth with a gasp.

Please don’t let my drunk ass announce that I find Scott attractive next.

His mouth drops open at my cunnilingus revelation and he shakes his head with disgust. "I've never liked the guy, but this is beyond the pale. Who doesn’t…? That's one of my favorite things. What the hell is wrong with him?"

I'm barely listening, my brain thinking crazy, tipsy, outrageous things. But I'm drunk enough to say them and mean them. And if I am not mistaken, and I rarely am, this one is pretty brilliant. I clear my throat.

"I am going to make up for all this lost time. I'm going to make a fuckit list."