A DISCOVERY
Alf was in the turret room, trying to decipher the defense plans for Bronley that the chief guardsman, Lewis, had given him. So far they made no sense to him.
“I'm distracted,” he said with a sigh. If he could focus on anything, it would help. However, he couldn't. His mind was everywhere – anywhere that was not the worry starting to dawn on his mind.
His lordship told me Ambeal has always loved her childhood sweetheart, Beiste McGormond. What must I think of that?
He sighed. The man, Beiste, had been the one the thane wished for a successor. He had told Alf he accepted the thane's demands for the succession. Ambeal, he felt, would have other ideas though.
He said on the recent visit Beiste paid them, Ambeal regretted her marriage to me. Said she wished for an annulment so she could fulfill the first plan. Marriage to Beiste.
The merest thought of it twisted painfully in his heart like a wound. How could she do this to him? He loved her. He had loved her from the moment he saw her. Yet she said she wanted someone else? It was cruel. It was unbearable. It was also entirely likely, given her mercurial nature.
Her father said she was always one to change her mind. He knows her better than anyone. Why would he lie?
Alf hit his fist into his palm, feeling rage fill him like the hot blast from a furnace. He had believed Ambeal, had trusted her. Now this!
“I don't have her word on this,” he told himself. She hadn't ever so much as even mentioned her father's ward or how she felt about him. Her father had suggested she had adored him from the moment they laid eyes on each other. If that were true, surely he would at least have heard about him before?
He shook his head. How was he supposed to know what Ambeal thought? All he could do, he decided, was ask her. He set aside the map and ran a hand through his red hair, worrying.
“Alf?”
He heard a voice in the doorway and turned round. He realized he must look about as worried as he felt when he heard Ambeal give a little in drawn breath. He sighed.
“Ambeal,” he said, voice weary. “A surprise to see you. Were you looking for me?”
“Yes,” she said hesitantly. “I wanted to ask you if...if you would ride with me this afternoon?”
Alf nodded slowly. It would, he thought, be the perfect opportunity to ask her about the matter. “Yes. Thank you, Ambeal.”
He saw her eyes light up brightly and then the brightness clouded. “Now?” she asked timidly. She seemed almost afraid of him. Why?
“I don't see why not,” Alf said cautiously. Why was she being so distant? Why, if not for the fact that her father was right. She wished to back out of their arrangement.
She gave a small laugh. “No. I suppose there's no reason why not.”
“Yes.”
“I'll fetch my cloak and dress. We shall meet at the stables in half an hour?”
“Agreed.”
As he went off up to his chamber to get ready, he wondered what was happening. Why had Ambeal suddenly withdrawn so, gone so cold? Why was she so hesitant and distant? What had he done?
Or rather, what did she wish to say to him?
“I don't wish to know,” Alf said sadly as he shrugged on his outdoor cloak, a big green-tartan cloak that showed the colors of Dunkeld. “I wish I could remain ignorant forever.”
He wished also that he could blur out the memories of their wedding night, of the way her body had yielded to his so sweetly, the feel of her lips under his kisses. If he could forget those things...he sighed.
There is no medication in all the worlds for that.
Feeling miserable, sure he was about to hear the worst news imaginable, he went down.
The wind caught his cloak as he walked to the stables. It had sprung up hard during the afternoon, and it was now almost a gale, whispering around the stables, ruffling his hair.
He saw the dark red velvet cloak in the stables ahead of him, a velvet hood pulled back to show red hair. He felt his loins tighten at the sight of her, as they always did, and he shook his head, willing his body to be silent.
“Windy day, eh?” he said neutrally as he took his the reins of his horse from the stable hand. He saw her take the reins of a massive black stallion, tall and skittish, and raised a brow.
“It is,” she said. She saw where he was looking and narrowed her eyes at him.
“That's...your horse?” he asked.
“I'm riding him,” she said succinctly. “No reason why I shouldn't.”
“No,” Alf agreed nervously. “No, there isn't.”
“Quite.”
As they mounted and rode out, Alf felt his heart sinking lower still. He seemed to be able to get nothing right. Ambeal was so cold, so reserved, that he had no words to break the shell of distant silence walling her in.
“Ambeal, I...”
“Alf, I wanted to...”
He nodded. “You go first, my lady. Lady's privilege.”
She made a face at him. “Alf, you're vexed with me,” she said slowly. “I have noticed it all day. I understand I am...perhaps the price of being here with me is too high for you.”
Alf brindled. Did she mean he was not sufficiently capable to manage the tasks her father set for him? “I assure you I am suited to the task,” he said frostily. “If you find me inadequate, it is yourself who is expecting more than I am capable of.”
Her face fell. “Alf! I...” she shook her head. “Mayhap I am,” she said sadly.
That was too much for Alf. They were riding in thick forest, every word a hammer blow, loud, clear and incisive in the shadowed silence.
“Mayhap you are,” Alf spat. “In which case, I should not be here, should I?”
Ambeal stared at him, her face icy calm. “No,” she said after a long moment. “Mayhap I am the one that should not be here. I have come to the wrong place. It is not the place I thought it was, after all.”
With that, she turned and rode away.
“Ambeal!” Alf shouted. “Wait!” However, she was already gone. Her horse was taller and faster than his, and she knew this forest. She rode off the path, heading through the bracken at a speed insane for such close confines, but fast enough to keep ahead of him.
After a few minutes of chasing her, Alf stopped. He slumped forward on the saddle, forearms resting on the pommel before him. He heard a harsh cry escape him, frustration, regret and misery all woven into it.
“Ambeal!” he shouted. “Why are you doing this?”
The afternoon was darkening fast, early sunset combined with the fitful clouds, blowing in on a stiff wind. He felt his misery turn to a real fear. It was cold out here, and getting dark fast. She could be lost. He shivered.
Already, on the thin wind, he could hear the sound of wolves. They were distant, barely audible, but they were there. He shuddered.
“Ambeal!” he shouted. No reply. Of course, there wasn't, he told himself angrily. She was already far away.
Feeling real fear creep down his spine, Alf spurred his horse on along the path that she had followed.
Ambeal, he thought, his mind focused on her and the danger she faced. How could I have been so stupid? All of the things they had argued about were so petty, now. How could he have made such assumptions? Even if he was right, it wouldn't matter. Why did it matter if she loved someone else? He loved her. All that mattered to him was to find her, and bring her back. Alive, safe, and whole.
“Why did I think anything else mattered?” he asked aloud. His horse was the only one there to hear him and he snorted. Fair enough response, Alf thought, to his stupidity. How could he have put his own need for assurance ahead of her very life?
“Why didn't I just talk to her?” he asked aloud. It was too late for that though. Too late, now, to know what he should have done. All that was left for him to do, now, was to ride. Ride and seek. To find her, before it was too late.
Urging on his horse, grimacing as they shot ahead through the trees, narrowly missing tree trunks that could kill them if ridden into, they went on. In to the fast falling night. To find Ambeal.