HOPES AND WORRIES
“Ettie!” Amice's voice echoed from the stone doorway as she put her head out, calling a warning. “Be careful out there!”
Ettie turned dreamily. She brushed her loose flowing hair out of the way and looked at her friend. “I'm safe enough,” she said softly.
Amice scrambled out onto the ramparts to join her. “Ettie! I was worried. It's windy out here. Come on. You might fall.”
“There's a wall,” Ettie said, still dreamily. She felt tired, though she couldn't have said quite why. The last two days at the castle had passed by with a sort of otherworldly quality, her mind elsewhere.
My mind is wherever Brodgar is right now.
Today, however, was different. The rising wind and the promise of snow melting was not the only reason. Today, she had word, Brodgar would return. A messenger had come from Bronley, bearing word from the thane there, and explaining that the two young men who had been caught unaware in the forest would return in two days' time.
Which meant, Ettie thought with a strange flutter in her chest, they would arrive today. She had been restless all morning.
After even Chrissie commented that she was fidgeting, she had decided to go outdoors. Walking along he ramparts would clear her head. Besides, from here she would see them.
“Ettie,” Amice said, clambering out to join her, wrapping herself in her cloak against the chill of the wind. “It really isn't safe. If the wind catches you unaware, you could be through the gap in the crenellations and over the wall before anyone could grab on.”
“I know,” Ettie said softly. “I'll move back.” She stepped so her back was against the wall and looked out over the gray landscape beyond. It was all forest from this side of the castle, with cliffs capped with dark stone rearing above. A choppy sky completed the picture.
The season was certainly changing, Ettie noted. Her own heart seemed to thaw with it.
“It's a cold day,” Amice said. “If Alf gets sick, Auntie will go wild.”
Ettie laughed. “I'm sure he wouldn't dare. Your aunt's wrath would be quite impressive, I think.”
Amice rolled her eyes. “Count on it.”
They both laughed and leaned on the wall together, the sun warming them as it broke between the clouds and shone down warmly.
“The gathering is soon,” Amice commented.
“I know.”
“My dress is ready,” she said. “I'm so excited.” The younger girl was practically bounding up and down and Ettie had to smile.
“It is a beautiful dress,” Ettie said quietly. Amice had chosen a sky blue fabric that made her red hair seem like living fire. Ettie looked out over the landscape, feeling her heart thump in her chest. Somehow, she had a sense that he was just out there, just over the horizon. Riding this way, just ahead of the wind.
“I think we should go in,” Amice commented, rubbing her hands over her biceps as the cold wind shuddered past them.
“A bit longer?” Ettie protested. “I need to stay up here awhile.”
“If you insist,” Amice said skeptically.
“I do,” Ettie said.
“Well, I might go down – or at least move a little out of the cold.”
As Ettie turned to face her, she caught sight of a flash of dark in the woodlands, just on the edge of her vision.
“Ettie...” Amice protested as she went to the rampart again.
“Wait,” Ettie said. “They're here.”
“Are they?”
Amice ran to join her at the crenellation and they both stood, gripping the stones as they looked over the edge. Ettie felt her heart light up. It was them!
“I'll tell Mama,” Amice said at once. “We need to set something out for them. Ale and cakes. Oh! It's so good they're back...”
As Amice clambered back down the ladder and into the bowels of the castle, Ettie felt anxiousness clench its fist inside her. She could see Brodgar clearly from up here – the sweep of his hair in the wind, his strong posture. It wasn't anxiousness that made her heart patter, she realized with some surprise. It was something else. Attraction, maybe.
He is such a fine man.
She felt her heart thud painfully in her chest, her hands, gripping the stone, damp with sweat. He rode with a powerful ease, his body swaying slightly in the saddle, his back straight and tall. His hand, sweeping his hair out of his eyes, was such an assured, almost arrogant gesture that she felt herself smile even as her body responded to his effortless power. She had never felt like this about anyone before. However, then again, she had never seen a man who behaved as this one did.
He is so, so handsome. She watched as he rode through the gate and into the courtyard, jumping lightly from the saddle and onto the flagstones, and then striding across the yard. She saw him look up.
He saw her. She was sure of it. At this distance, she could barely see his features, but he looked up, head tipped back, and she felt herself shiver as his eyes raked her. He stared straight at her for about a minute, then looked down and walked away.
He'll come up here when he arrives. She didn't know why she thought that, she simply knew it. She felt her breath catch in her chest and told herself to be calm. Whatever happened would happen. She'd have to meet him as she was, in her blue and white gown, her hair loose and flowing unbound and unruly all around her in the fretful wind.
She was standing at the wall when she heard his footsteps behind her. She turned.
“Henriette,” he breathed.
She found herself in his arms. He crushed her against him and his mouth descended on hers, clinging and wet and hungry. She felt his tongue push imperiously against her lips and she parted them, letting it slide in. Her body, held against his muscled chest, was warm and satisfied in a way she’d never imagined. It felt so good to feel his tongue probe her mouth. His kiss deepened, his tongue exploring her as he pressed her to him. His hands stroked her.
Ettie held him close, pushing her body onto his. She felt a hardness in the region of his loins and was surprised by it, and equally surprised by the way her body responded. There was an innate sense that this was right – he wanted her. She held herself against him and reveled in the feel of his muscular body on hers. As his hands moved through her hair, stroking it, she felt her body melt with tenderness against him.
“Ettie,” he murmured as he broke the kiss.
“Brodgar.”
They looked at each other, both, she thought, with some surprise. She had moved to a new threshold and it felt as if they were standing at the edge of something massive. Some new understanding that had never been crossed before. She felt herself flush.
He seemed to feel it too, for he gave a breathless laugh, the sound of which made her smile.
“Whew,” he said. “I...I was lost without you, Ettie.”
She beamed. “I missed you, too,” she whispered. She walked toward him and they embraced again. He looked down into her face. This close, she could see the little flecks of almost-black in his amber eyes. She stroked his hair and he smiled, kissing her nose.
“I wanted you so much,” he said frankly. “I was...it's silly, I suppose. But since you arrived here – since we met – a few days apart seem a lifetime.”
Ettie laughed, wonder thrilling through her. “I felt the same”, she acknowledged.
“Really?” he looked down into her eyes with rank surprise on his face.
“Yes!” she laughed. “Oh, Brodgar. How can you not know?”
“Not know what?” he asked, though the shy grin made her think he knew what she meant.
“How can you not know what I feel for you?”
As she said it, Ettie blushed red. Did she say it? Henriette Fraser, telling a man how she felt? She looked at her long-fingered hands.
“What?” he said.
“I...that was...I'm sorry if I offended you,” she said, still flushed.
Brodgar looked at her, incredulous. “Ettie! How can you even think that?” he breathed. “I am...you have no idea what an honor it is for me that you would feel this way toward me. I assure you, I feel the same - and likely more – for you.”
Ettie stared at him. She felt as if she might cry. She also wanted to laugh. She found herself doing both as he took her in his arms and kissed her with tender passion.
“I've never felt this way before,” Ettie confessed, looking up into his face.
He grinned. “Me neither!” he admitted. “I never thought I would, actually.”
“I didn't think it possible.”
They both laughed.
“We...oh, Ettie,” Brodgar said, closing his eyes. “What can we do?”
“You mean...your betrothal?” Ettie whispered. Brodgar's eyes widened.
“You know?”
“She told me. Your mother, that is. She apologized,” she added, sniffing as her tears fell, sudden and unchecked.
Brodgar sighed. “She was wrong to tell you. If I'd told you, I would have said it matters naught to me. I want to end it. That's why I left,” he added.
“Oh?” Ettie frowned, not sure she could let herself believe what he was trying to convey.
“I...” he turned away, walking to the rampart. His hands clasped behind his back, the wind, stiller now, ruffled his hair. He looked like a painting come to life – King Arthur, or one of those romantic heroes she read of. “I went to Bronley. I wanted to discuss with the thane how to end my promise.”
“Oh!” Ettie's heart thumped and she felt suddenly alarm. “Oh, Brodgar! That was risky.”
“I told Father,” he said, giving her a lopsided grin. “I wasn't risking him.”
“Oh.” Ettie looked down. “What said the thane?”
“MacDonnell?” Brodgar frowned. “I know not. I didn't ask. Let's say, er...complications arose.”
“What? Oh, Brodgar,” Ettie said, covering her mouth with her hands. What had happened? Had there been some sort of declaration of enmity, because of her? Was there going to be a feud, and was it her fault? “Tell me!”
Brodgar sighed. He held her in his arms. “Nothing bad,” he said. He was frowning. Ettie stroked his head and he closed his eyes.
“I won't ask you to say if you don't wish to,” Ettie frowned. In her heart, there was fear building.
“I can tell you,” he said. “But promise not to tell Father. Or anyone. Please?”
Ettie looked at him with surprise. “Of course. Your secrets are my secrets. Always.”
Brodgar gave her a fond smile. “Thank you. Well, then.” He let out a breath. Held her hands. “The problem is actually a solution, if I can just make it work somehow. Alf loves her.”
“What?” Ettie felt a smile visit her mouth. “Brodgar! Isn't that perfect!”
“Yes,” Brodgar nodded absently. “And no. The thing is, the thane wants his daughter to marry a MacConnoway. That means me. Alf is the son of Blaine MacNeil.”
“Yes. That's correct.” Ettie frowned. “So there's no hope?”
“There has to be,” Brodgar insisted. “One thing I'm sure of is that we will wed, Ettie.”
“What?” Ettie stared at him. She felt a smile creep across her face. “Brodgar!” Had he really just said that? That was a proposal, but the strangest one she'd ever heard!
“Oh,” Brodgar smiled sheepishly. “I forgot. Would you marry me?”
Ettie felt the laughter build inside her. “Brodgar MacConnoway!” she said. “Yes.”
The look he gave her was one of utter disbelief. For someone who'd been so sure of it all seconds ago, he seemed surprised.
“Oh, Ettie,” he breathed. “My love. My life.”
He drew her toward him and his lips, when they touched hers, were slow and sweet and tender. They nibbled at hers, the tongue licking the line of her mouth without probing. It was a sweet feeling, one that could drive her wild, she was certain, if he kept at it. Eventually, boldly, she let her own tongue flick out and touch his. She felt his surprise and smiled. He moved his tongue into her mouth.
Their tongues slid round each other as he drew her harder against him. She could feel the hardness press her leg and she moved round, touching it with her body. They clung together, moving against each other with a pressing urgency.
At length, Brodgar stepped back. “My love,” he said. He was panting, eyes wild. “We shouldn't...” he trailed off. “I'm sorry. I want you.”
Ettie knew what he meant. She knew at least a little of the things men and women did when they were wed. She felt her face flush scarlet. “I understand,” she said in a voice that trembled.
“We should go inside,” he said with a shaky laugh. “It's cold outside.”
“It is,” Ettie agreed, still flushed. She knew what he meant. Here, alone, on the roof, despite the frost, it was too isolated and too tempting.
“Come,” he said, descending the steps. He held out a hand for her and she took it, and, laughing, jumped down the steps.
Inside the turret, they kissed again. Then, gasping, eyes blind for anything but him, she drew back. He looked as desperate as her. “Let's go down,” he said.
They did.