PAULINA SPOTTED MARLEY and Jasper talking on a couch in the center of the roof. After setting down the cupcakes she’d baked, we weaved through scattered groups of guests to greet her friend. I followed closely behind because, well, I was her plus one and didn’t really know anyone here.
“Whoa, slow down. They’re not going anywhere.” I laughed at her childlike enthusiasm. Everything she did was done with fervor. There was no half-assing it with Paulina, and I’d grown to admire that gusto in the last few weeks.
“Hey, guys!” she sang, plopping next to Marley on the couch.
“What’s up,” I chimed in, extending a fist to Jasper. He gave me a bro-like pound and nodded his head in salute. Jasper was a cool dude. The four of us had hung out the week before at Skinny Dennis—a honky-tonk bar at Metropolitan and Berry—and while it wasn’t a place I could imagine myself frequenting, the company was great so we had a good time.
“Oh! Hey, you two.” Marley cleared her throat and shot up from her seat. She brought Paulina in a for a hug and winked at me over her shoulder.
Jasper remained seated, his eyes never leaving Marley. His jaw ticked as his finger circled the rim of his plastic cup. I sensed tension, but what did I know? I was a newbie to this group—even more so than the newbilly over there—so I played dumb and offered to grab us a few drinks from the bar.
“Nah, I’m good for now, but thanks.” Jasper raised his cup and took a swig, and then his eyes darted to the table in front of him. “I’m actually in the mood to get a little dazed and confused.” His hand flew to an unlit joint hanging out of a makeshift ashtray. Without much thought, he blazed up and took a long toke, choking up a cloud of smoke. I’m starting to get a complex. What’s with everyone choking in my presence?
Marley spun around at the sound of her boyfriend’s coughing fit. “Jasper! What are you doing?”
Both Paulina and I suppressed the laughter threatening to burst at the sight of Jasper’s failed attempt to inhale. Other than the obvious that this had to be his first time burning wood, I didn’t see the problem. More than half of everyone at this party was doing the same thing. But again, I was a newbie and this was none of my business. I preferred to watch on in amusement alongside my adorable lady friend.
“Relaaaax, Miss Marley.” He crooned, taking another hit, this one less climactic.
“I am relaxed.” She sat down next to him. “It’s you I’m worried about. Does this have anything to do with—”
“Why don’t we go get a drink?” I turned away from their whispered conversation to face Paulina.
“I think that’s a good idea.”
When we were far enough away from whatever the hell was going on with them, Paulina tucked her hand in mine and leaned her head against my shoulder. “What do you suppose that was all about?”
“I have no idea. Everything seemed kosher last week. Maybe it’s just a lovers’ spat; maybe it’s the beginning of the end. One can never tell.”
“Well, isn’t that a charming outlook on love.” Her hand fell from mine and rested atop the bar.
“I’m sorry,” I offered, flagging down the bartender. We ordered our drinks and then I swiveled to look at my beautiful date. “It kinda just flew from my mouth without thinking. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“That’s usually when people tend to speak the truth.” She tapped her fingernails against the copper-top without making eye contact.
I didn’t mean to shed my pessimism so freely, but every now and then I allowed my insecurities about Zoe to creep up and get the better of me. Paulina didn’t deserve that, though. She was sweet, uncomplicated, innocent. She’d been a breath of fresh air since we met. Oftentimes I forgot all about my past when I was with her. Thing was, no matter how often those times were, it had only been a few months since I had my heart torn out and stomped on. I imagined it would take a lot longer to fully forget the hurt and not be such a cynic when it came to love, but all of this was too heavy for the here and now. I needed to recapture our carefree vibe. Quick.
“You know when else people tend to speak the truth? When they’re stoned. Wanna go back to Marley and Jasper and see what secrets they spill?”
She giggled and glanced over her shoulder toward the couch, but my line of vision stayed put. She was too pretty to look away from. In fact, she was captivating. I wouldn’t be surprised if every sucker in this room was green with envy. She was here with me. In the present. That was all that mattered, and I’d keep reminding myself of that until it stuck.
“Do you know anyone else here?” I asked, wondering how many of the men eyeing my date were actual threats.
She quickly scanned the space, but then shrugged. “Some familiar faces, but not really. You?”
“Not a one. But that’s cool. I like meeting new people; it’s good for business. Wanna mingle?”
“Sure. Gotta get someone to like those oysters.” She winked as the bartender delivered our drinks. We simultaneously sipped our cocktails, swallowing any discomfort and chasing it with the alcohol.
The band was jamming out to an acoustic rendition of The Weeknd’s “I Feel It Coming.” I swayed my hips and led Paulina by the hand past a now kissing Marley and Jasper to where people had gathered to dance. Placing our drinks on a nearby table, I took hold of her hands and pulled her into an embrace.
It was a perfect fit, her small body pressed against mine, her head resting in the crook of my neck. I breathed her in, the scent of lavender shampoo and sweet sugar cookies. Whether she knew it or not, she brought her work home with her and wore it like a perfume. It was a pleasant aroma I associated with the bakery, which no longer held a feeling of dread, but rather one of possibility. I kissed the top of her head as I spun her around, realizing that was an intimate gesture, but letting the moment take me away.
The singer’s voice was sultry and the jazzy melody soothed me into a contented trance. I hummed along, the lyrics speaking for me in ways I wish I could, but knew I shouldn’t. “I’d sing it to you, but I don’t have the best voice.” Or the balls to tell you this is exactly what I feel right now.
“That’s okay. I’m enjoying this just the way it is.”
“Yes. Me, too.”
I said no more because there wasn’t a need for more. I didn’t want my mind to wander anywhere else. I didn’t want to think about Zoe and the past or Paulina and the future. I wanted to think about Zander and the present, this party, this night. I tried to block out everything else. I let the music guide me, danced to the rhythm, shut off the outside world. That lasted the entire length of the soulful song, but ended abruptly with a tap on my shoulder.
I knew who it was before I saw her. I knew because Paulina’s sun-kissed complexion turned pale and her mouth dropped open. I knew because I could sense her presence anywhere—she’d been mine for almost six years and I was only now getting semi-adjusted to her absence. My arms dropped to my sides, as did Paulina’s. I craned my neck and my eyes met hers—the eyes of the woman who’d turned my world upside down with no explanation.
“Zoe? What are you doing here?”
She appraised me with a smile—a smile that once did witchcraft to my heart, but now made it sink in my chest. “That’s a fancy way to greet your fiancé, don’t you think, love?”
Fiancé? Love? Was she kidding? Didn’t matter. I’d deal with that after I dealt with poor, innocent, awe-struck Paulina. “Li—” I turned to her but she was no longer there. “Where the hell—” I’d only had my eyes off her for a split second. How’d she get away so quickly? I searched the rooftop with roving eyes but came up short.
“She’s over there.” Zoe smirked, pointing to the exit that lead to the stairwell. Where Paulina stood dumbstruck, face-to-face with a tall bearded and tattooed man.
From across the roof, I could tell I wasn’t the only one who felt he’d just seen a ghost.