The vulnerability in Ray’s eyes, and the slight wobble to his words when he asked about our future almost took my breath away. Through the midst of murder, he was worried about us. Admittedly, the question bounced around my head just as much as I questioned whether I would or wouldn’t die. I didn’t want to say I didn’t know because that wasn’t true. I did know, I wanted to stay with Ray, try and make us work. The fact he wanted that, too, was obvious just by looking at him.

“My whole life men didn’t look at me with desire just while filling my coffee cup. Sure, they wanted a fuck here and there, but in the end they were gone without a glance back.” Ray winced at my matter of fact tone, but it was truly the life I’d lived.

“Until you, Ray, I never felt handsome, lusted after, hell, I never felt—if I’m being honest.”

He took my hands in his, tenderly he placed kisses on my knuckles. “Andy, I’m sort of glad other men haven’t swept you away, otherwise I wouldn’t be here with you wondering if you liked me half as much as I like you.”

His words filled me with so much warmth I practically giggled. “What I want is to be with you, Ray. Long after this case is done, but only if that’s what you want, too.”

He tugged me to him and without hesitation pressed his lips to mine. I felt every emotion flow through me as our tongues tangled, his arms wrapped around me, and his moans vibrating into the lustful air. Want, protection, need. I could fall head over heels in love with Ray Clancy, and it didn’t terrify me at all.

The amazing make-out session was interrupted by the buzz of Ray’s phone in his pocket.

“Damn,” he mumbled against my lips. “Hold that thought.” His expression was almost relaxed, I loved the carefree smile he gave me as he said hello to the caller.

Watching his happiness morph into anger and sadness was not something I wanted for this moment.

“I see. So we have no idea where he is or how to get a hold of him. Do we even know if he’s still alive?” Ray spoke urgently to the caller. “Okay, you’ll stay on it? Great. Thanks.”

“Who was that?” I asked as I gripped his shirt, desperate to hold on to the good moment.

“Bradford.” With a sigh he broke our embrace and relaxed in the chair. “Because Mikey was alive we thought he’d may be able to give us something on the person who attacked him. At the time he said it was fuzzy but something about it told me he knew. With all these killings and the similarities to the victims we, meaning Bradford and me, thought Mikey would see the situation as dire and talk.”

This was great news. “What a great idea, Ray.” I sat beside him desperate to understand why he wasn’t happy, too.

“Bradford hired people to hunt him down. Went all the way to his hometown. According to his sister, she hasn’t seen Mikey since the day he left years ago.”

“He never went home?” I swore the bus ticket was to his house, at least that’s what Ray had said.

“He was supposed to. Mikey didn’t talk a lot about his home life, but I got the impression it wasn’t all bad, just poor. I don’t know what Mikey was thinking that day the bus drove away, but I guess it was to disappear.”

“So, he’s in the wind? Will Bradford keep looking?”

He nodded. “Yeah, but time isn’t on our side, Andy.”

I knew Ray was right. Every night was a gamble with this killer. More lives lost for a purpose no one understood. A killer with a vendetta. Was it jealousy, anger, or revenge? No one knew, and it was clear by the look on Ray’s face he was feeling the suffocating desperation.

“Ray,” I whispered. “You have to let me help. You have to let me at least try to lure them out.”

“I hate it, Andy, so much can go wrong.” The strain this whole situation had put on Ray was showing on his rugged face. From the dark circles, furrowed brow, and downturned mouth, it was obvious he despised this idea.

“Hey.” I inched closer, gently cradled his scruffy cheek and lifted his head so his eyes met mine. “I was so scared that night in my apartment, and as I ran down the street, even on Elise’s couch safe and warm I wondered when he’d find me. The hours felt like days and I had no idea what I was going to do. I thought I was going to be afraid until eventually I was killed. Then I met you. Yeah, I’m still scared, but for the first time I feel brave. I know nothing is going to happen to me because you won’t let it.”

He brushed his lips against my palm sending a shiver up my arm. “I’ve seen so much in my line of work, Andy, so so much.” When he squeezed his eyes shut I wanted to straddle his lap and kiss his pain away. His next words stopped me. “I can’t promise nothing bad will happen, but I can promise I’ll die trying to save you.”

I couldn’t stop myself as I slid over his lap and kissed him breathless. With my mouth I tried to take away all his darkness. His worry, his pain, his hate. I licked away the bad and tried to push all the good into him. When he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer, I wanted to laugh at the tiny victory.

“Andy,” he spoke against my lips.

“Ray, god.”

He pushed his hands under my shirt and gently scraped my flesh eliciting a throaty moan. Everything about Ray did it for me, from his sexy smile to his brilliant mind. What left me breathless was that he wanted me. I was done questioning it I was ready to jump head first into this and hope we both made it through these killers’ psychotic games.

That night Ray ravished my entire body. I never felt more cherished than I did as Ray kissed, licked, and sucked every inch of my skin. His moans mingled with mine, and when we came together, I wanted to weep from the emotion bubbling inside me. I wanted a whole life with Ray, and I was going to fight to make that happen.

My sleep was riddled with nightmares. It started with Ray kissing me before going into the club and me suddenly getting lost in a maze of people. Hands grabbed my arms, screams broke out. Fire, fear, and shouts as flames engulfed Epiphany. With the chaos dancing around me I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end… and then silence.

People struggling to breathe, the overwhelming sadness strangled me, and then I heard him. The voice from the phone. “I want to play, Andy.”

I shot up from the bed gasping for air. I was soaked with sweat and tears poured from my eyes. I’d never felt so deeply in a dream.

“Andy?” Ray’s sleepy voice pulled me from the depths of my fear. “What is it?”

I had to think fast, I couldn’t have Ray know the terror that invaded my dreams. He’d never let me go to Epiphany.

“Nothing. I felt something on my leg. A fucking spider. Scared the shit out of me.” I chuckled nervously. “Stupid I know.”

Ray took my hand and pulled me close, wrapping me safely in his arms. “Creepy fuckers,” he laughed, and I wanted so much to join him.

“Yeah.”

I waited until Ray’s breathing evened out and his grip loosened before slipping out of bed. Sleep wasn’t happening now. Not after that.

It was only three in the morning, but my day was beginning. Today Ray was going to tell Bradford my plan and things would start moving.

I started a pot of coffee, took one of Ray’s pads, and spent the next few hours while Ray slept writing everything I wanted Ray to know about me, him, and us.

If this plan went tits up, one day he’d find this and know that even though I wasn’t there, I’d felt loved once, and he would know he was loved in return.