Ariel
Ariel swam back home with more urgency than usual, ducking under the docks and swimming underwater for twenty seconds to get deep enough to enter her room. It was a long swim from Fort Fisher to her home up the river.
She popped up into the light of the room in which she’d spent her entire life. Her indoor pool was very much an outdoor lagoon. In the daytime, she had lots of natural light that fell through glass ceilings and walls with windows from nearly top-to-bottom. Natural rocks, smooth and comfortable, bordered the entire pool. Large automatic windows opened and closed to allow the ocean breezes to pass through.
She swam up and used the hanging rope to pull herself up onto her hammock bed from where, if she wanted, she could let her tail hang in the warm water. It needed to stay wet as often as possible, but it also didn’t dry out that quickly. She’d never done it but she could probably go a day or two without being in water.
Just as she closed her eyes, she heard soft footsteps coming down the stone stairs that led up to the main house. She’d never been up there. Father was a doctor, as all the mermaid keepers had always been.
He turned the corner and smiled at her. “Ariel, my dear, how was your exercise this evening?”
“Fine.”
“Have you eaten?”
She nodded. “I ate earlier.” Her diet consisted of only vegetables, seeds, grains, fish and nuts.
“You’ve been taking longer than usual trips lately.” He adjusted his small glasses and smoothed his white doctor’s coat. He always wore his doctor’s coat.
“I like the beaches at Fort Fisher.”
He slowly closed his eyes. “Is that so?”
“Yes, they have big rocks that block me. It’s also a lot darker, not as many lights. And people leave there earlier than the other beaches.”
“Well, as long as you’re careful.”
“Of course, Father. I’m always careful.”
He smiled. He had a kind smile and kind eyes when he smiled. “Of course you are, dear. You know I just worry about you.”
“I know.”
He turned to walk away.
“Father?”
He slowly turned. “Yes?”
“Why does it have to be like this?”
“Like what, dear?”
“Why do I have to die so young?”
He frowned. “Ariel,” his voice firmed ever so slightly, “we’ve discussed this many times.”
“I know, but lately, I’ve been more scared. I don’t want to die.”
“I don’t want you to die, either. But there’s nothing we can do about it. It’s the cycle of life. When one is born, another must die.”
“But why can I never know friendship? Why can I never know the camaraderie that your kind knows?”
“That’s the way it has always been. The sea is yours.”
“Why can I never know love?”
He sighed into a slouch that seemed to overcome his entire being. “I love you.”
“Yes, I know. But you don’t love me like people love each other. I see them. Young love, old love, and all the love in between. I see them on the beaches and in the boats. I see love everywhere. But I will never know that love.”
“Ariel, don’t do—”
“I want to fall in love,” she interrupted.
He looked like tears were just micro measures away from coming. “I’m sorry, Ariel. I wish you could know it. I so very much wish. But it is what your kind has always done. I don’t make the rules. I am only your guardian.”
She rolled onto her back and looked up through the glass ceiling to the stars. “I just wish it could be different.”
“I do too, my dear. I do too.” He took a few steps toward the pool. “When your mother was your age, she went through the same things. It’s natural to fear your own mortality. We humans do it too.”
“But you get to enjoy so much more of it.”
“I wish you could too. We enjoy life in many different ways. But you will know things that people will never know. You have lived a life that many people would love to live. You only see a small complexity of the human experience. There are many unpleasant aspects of it. Trust me when I tell you that many of them would change places with you.”
“Yes, I know. But I feel like if I could love, then I could live with the hate and the cruelty that is your world. I want to experience everything life has to offer.”
“And if there was any way possible for me to give those things to you I would.”
She looked at him. “You’re a doctor, can’t you fix me? Why can’t you save me? Why can’t you make it so I can live to see my baby grow up? Why can’t I live to feel love?”
He tilted his head. “All this talk of love suddenly. Why do you feel like this?”
She looked away. “I don’t know. I guess it’s just the way it is. I feel sadder now than ever before.”
“Are you sure it’s not something else? Is there something you want to tell me?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
She shook her head. “I’m sure.”
“Well, okay, my Ariel, but you can always tell me anything. Just like you always have.”
“Please turn out my light.”
He turned away from her, flipping the switch as he walked by.
In the darkness, the stars really shined. Ariel didn’t fight her tears, she let them come. All she wanted was a friend. The loneliness was so hollow, it hurt so bad. The sadness never bothered her so much. She wasn’t even sure what feeling this was inside. But it all of a sudden made her long to be touched, held, loved.
For weeks now, all she could think about was Jake. She didn’t even know why. But ever since she’d seen him with a gun to his head, so sad, she hadn’t stopped thinking about him. Her only happy moments of the day were when he was sitting on those rocks. Before she’d even spoken a word to him, he was on her mind.
Maybe it was because his sadness was even more profound than hers. Sadness was the one thing she’d always sensed in others. It was so easy for her to see it, maybe because she’d been living it for so long. Knowing sadness and loneliness so well didn’t make them any easier to deal with. It just made them an all too familiar friend. Not a good friend, not the kind you call when you need something. But that friend that shows up when you really just want to be alone.
She longed for the days of her youth, when everything was fun and wonderful. She was never sad or lonely then. She loved her days and nights of frolicking in the ocean with not a care in the world. But now those days seemed so long ago. It was like those days were just wasted and lost forever.
Ariel reached across to the table near her bed and grabbed her flashlight. She shined the powerful beam across the pool to where the pictures of the other mermaids hung on the wall. It saddened her that she never got to know her mother. It saddened her that her baby would never get to know her. Having accepted that this was just the way things were didn’t make it easier. It bothered her that suddenly everything was bothering her. She wondered if she just swam away, if she wouldn’t have a baby. She knew the tradition, she knew how it was supposed to work, but she didn’t even care. She just wanted to be normal.