Ashley
Ashley rolled out of bed. The moment her feet touched the cold wood floor she felt like she wanted to curl up and slip back under the covers. Her head was not clear yet after drinking damn near the entire bottle of wine.
She heard Mike downstairs clanking around in the kitchen already. It was just unnatural for anyone to be that energetic on a Saturday morning.
Stretching her pink t-shirt down to cover up a little, she ambled down the steps and out to the kitchen.
“Good morning for me, but I bet not for you,” Mike said sarcastically as he poured coffee into a black mug.
“Ugh, I feel like crap.”
“Well, you shouldn’t have consumed so much alcohol.”
“Thanks, Captain Obvious.” She poured coffee into her favorite mug with the dolphin on the side.
“I told you. You never listen to me anymore, just do whatever the heck you want with willful disregard for your health.”
After her first luxurious sip, she replied, “I don’t need a classic Mike Robertson lecture right now. I’m not a child.”
“Then don’t do stupid things and then complain about them. If you act like a teenager, I’m going to lecture you as the only adult in this house.”
She gave him a dirty look, and he gave it right back. The fact that Mike was a morning person and she wasn’t was really only one of the problems in her marriage. And it was a small problem at that. But starting your day off with a stressful conversation wasn’t really conducive to kicking things off with a smile.
Her mother once said, “A woman needs to be with a man that can make her smile first thing in the morning.” That sounded simple enough, but you’d be surprised. If a boy can make you laugh even when you’re cranky, or tired, or even angry, then he is true keeper.
Mike wasn’t much for making her laugh. He was handsome, made good money, and he loved her. But sometimes he was just too good, too uptight, too annoyingly proper. Sometimes she just wanted him to make an inappropriate joke and do something silly. Mike didn’t do silly…ever. He didn’t do playful or goofy. He didn’t do a lot of things that didn’t seem important at the time she married him. He was an adult, and it was lame.
By the time she got to the bottom of her coffee mug she felt like another cup would be a waste. Her head was clear and she wanted some food.
“So what’s on your agenda today?” Mike asked as he bit into an apple with a crunch. “I hope it involves putting some clothes on.”
She ignored the latter comment. “I’m not sure. What about you?”
“I told you last night. I’m meeting Brett and Hal for golf. Why do you think I’m dressed like this?”
She looked at him and rolled her eyes. “I guess…whatever.”
“I swear, Ash, sometimes I wonder if you listen to anything I say.”
“Excuse me for forgetting some insignificant detail you told me after I was done drinking a bottle of wine.”
“Which is why I told you to stop after the second glass. If you’re going to act like a teenager—”
“Please, Mike.” She slammed her mug down harder than she meant. “Not right now. I don’t want to hear it.”
“Well, you’re going to hear it because I—”
“Seriously, not now. Shut up! I can’t even listen to your mouth. It makes me want to punch you.”
“Well, that’s mature. Threats of physical violence, is that what we’ve come to? Really mature. Really—really mature.”
“Who gives a flying shit about mature?”
“Nice mouth, real lady-like of you.”
“Nice shirt, did your mom pick that out?”
He looked at her and shook his head. “I swear, Ashley, you’re never going to change.”
“Thank God for that.”
He stared at her for a long bit. The marriage counselor suggested that when this happened that they try to talk it out. She wanted a divorce but Mike did not. He wanted to try counseling first, but after six months, nothing was better. They hadn’t had sex in about seven months, and she didn’t even miss it. It was never that good, anyway.
After neither one of them said anything for several minutes, Ashley finally said, “Maybe we need to reconsider things. The sessions are obviously not working.”
He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I’m leaving. Have fun dealing with your hangover.”
“Have fun playing with your little white balls.” She curled a smile. She’d wanted to say that to him every time he went golfing, but didn’t want to start him off on something. But since they were already annoyed at each other, it didn’t matter and she needed a laugh.
“Oh, that’s very funny. You’re a real comedienne, you should go on tour.” He stormed out of the kitchen through the door that led to the garage.
She went over to the cabinet and took out a box of cereal for breakfast, but then decided to put it back as Mike sped away in his white convertible BMW. Instead, she grabbed her keys and headed outside to her car. It took her about halfway across the lawn and a wide-eyed grin and wave from the fifty-something man across the street, for her to realize she wasn’t wearing any pants.
After spinning around quickly, she went back inside to get dressed, choosing some black yoga pants and a blue V-neck t-shirt.
In her car, she sat for a few moments. She’d thought about doing this all night, but now that the time had come, she was somewhat hesitant and she didn’t even know why. It didn’t matter, she was going.
* * *
Jake
Jake woke up when the knocking on the door got louder and more urgent. It became less of a knock and more of a pounding. He rolled off the bed and staggered to the hallway.
A quick glance over at Tom’s room revealed both he and his long board were gone. He was no doubt privy to some early morning waves and took off before sunrise.
Shuffling over the red and orange carpet that lined the hall, he got to the front door and saw Ashley standing behind the glass. He pulled open the door.
“Hey,” she said.
“Ashley, what’s up?”
She pushed her way into the house. “I decided I’m no longer going to allow you to wallow in your sorrow. So get dressed, we’re going to get some breakfast.” She looked him up and down. “Did you sleep in your clothes?” Then she sniffed him. “Did you sleep in your wet clothes?”
Jake pulled at his shirt. “Uh, yeah, sorta.”
“Why were you swimming in cargo shorts?”
“I…well, I wasn’t swimming as much as I was falling in.”
She turned her head and looked at him with the side of her eye. “Ooh—kay.” She walked to the fridge. “Well, take a shower and get dressed. You’re taking me out to Poppies for a giant veggie omelet and pancakes.”
“I am?”
“Yes, you are.”
Jake looked at her for a few seconds. She widened her big brown eyes even more, and without saying a word, urged him to get going. He did.
After a quick shower and a typical shorts and t-shirt outfit, they headed out to Ashley’s silver Mazda sedan.
Jake wiped his eyes. “What happened to your Jeep?”
“Mike made me sell it.”
“Why?”
“He said it wasn’t safe. But really it was his stupid parents. They said only lesbians drive Jeeps and it bothered him so much he just would not shut up about it. I sold it to shut him up.”
“Oh, wow.”
“Yeah, they’re assholes.” As she approached the car, she tossed him the keys. “Here, you drive.”
Jake caught the keys and froze. He looked down at them. He’d driven plenty since the accident but he hadn’t driven with anyone else in the car.
Ashley walked around to the passenger side and stood by the door. “You know how to do it. Now get in the car and drive.”
He looked up at her. Again, she urged him with her eyes, and again he complied and got into the car. The anxiety he thought he’d have sort of just drained away as he backed out of the driveway and eased down the one-lane street.
“I knew you could do it,” she said with a large hint of sarcasm.
“You’re the first person I’ve driven with.”
“It’ll be fine.”
The short drive to Poppies didn’t stress him at all. It was all very normal. They pulled up to the wooden building with the large yellow and blue sign that read ‘Poppies Diner’ and parked. It always bothered Jake that the name of this place seemed to be grammatically incorrect. Although perhaps it wasn’t. Maybe there were more than one Poppy. Perhaps it was named after the flower, or the poppy seed.
The place was nice enough inside, and the food was definitely good. They ended up being seated in the farthest booth in the back, which was fine by Jake. He preferred to be in the back.
A perky little blonde waitress took their orders and scampered away. She reminded Jake of Ariel and his face must have said something because Ashley asked, “Do you know her?”
He quickly shook it off. “No, she just reminded me of someone maybe.”
“Cassie? She does kind of look like Cassie.”
Jake shot a look at Ashley and considered her thought. The concept made him think all over again that maybe Ariel was indeed a creation of his mind and nothing more. The fact that she did resemble Cassie kind of spooked him. He hadn’t really considered it but it made some sense.
“Are you okay?” Ashley asked.
“I’m…I don’t know.”
“Have you seen anyone, Jake? I mean professionally speaking.”
“Yeah, I saw two different doctors.”
“Not your mother’s colleagues, I hope.”
“No, definitely not.”
“Did you feel like it helped you at all?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know, not really. It was all the standard stuff.”
She nodded. “After my parents died, I saw about five different specialists. None of it really helped.”
“What did?”
“Time, just time. And good friends to help make new memories. Surrounding myself with positive people helped a lot.” She sipped the glass of orange juice the waitress set down as she spun away. “We had a family friend and she basically picked me up by my shirt and said ‘You need to live. You need to live for you, and you need to live for them.’”
Jake sipped his juice. “It sounds so easy.”
“It is easy. You just have to make a choice to do it. A terrible thing happened to you, Jake. And yes, actions you took directly contributed to that outcome. But it wasn’t malicious. You didn’t mean for anything bad to happen. You didn’t let those punks provoke you out of some desire to hurt anyone in that car. You didn’t chase them thinking an accident was going to happen. That’s why they’re accidents.”
“I know. I’ve told myself that a hundred times but I just keep going back. At one point, Cassie yelled at me. She said, ‘It’s not worth it, let it go.’ But by the time I heard those words and understood what they really meant, I was already in the intersection. It was too late.”
“Sometimes we make mistakes. That’s what makes us human. But we don’t have to pay for those mistakes forever. At least we shouldn’t. We don’t have to punish ourselves for impetuous choices for life, and we don’t have to die to be forgiven.”
He met her eyes. Her words were as if someone hit him with a tree branch. They shook him to the bone. An undeniable theme was storming into his life, and both Ariel and Ashley were delivering the same message at the same time. It was weird, and oddly serendipitous. He sucked a deep breath and centered himself just as the waitress dropped their food on the table.
As the server turned away, Ashley reached across the table and grabbed his hand. “Jake, think about it. Would Cassie want you to hate yourself? Was she that kind of person?”
He shook his head. “No, she wasn’t.”
“Exactly. She’d never in a million years want to see you like this. You know what she’d say? She’d say…” She trailed off and motioned with hinting hands.
Jake thought about it for a moment then Cassie’s words came to him. “She’d say there’s too much magic in the world to be sad.”
“Exactly. Cassie was pure joy. She was probably the happiest person I’ve ever known. She believed in joy, magic, and all kinds of wonder. She understood more than most people that life is a gift and every day that gift can bring us joy. But your joy did not die with her, Jake. You had joy long before her and you’ll have it long after. It’s okay to be happy again. It’s what she’s screaming at you from the beyond right now. She’s telling you to be happy, you just have to listen to your heart. Her words are in there and will be forever.”
He knew she was right, and as her hand slid back across the table to the fork that leaned on the plate, Jake felt something he had not felt in months. He felt relieved, and he felt like he wanted to spend time with someone other than himself. He felt like maybe he had just turned a corner, and this time he didn’t even crash.