We go through so much to become who we are.

Every series of events, every moment and thought is just one piece of a fine-tuned engine that makes up ourselves. Parts degrade and get replaced over time but the layout and basic function remain the same. We can generally predict what our reactions will be to just about any situation. Fight or flight. Laugh or cry. Trust or suspect.

Losing Jovie the first time inspired a heavy upgrade. I ditched the attitude. I started buying clothes that fit me. I went to school and got a job to be more independent and responsible. I kept the leather jacket and the bike as a reminder, but mostly because that look will never not be cool, even on the uptight streets of Middle of Nowhere, Kansas.

But still, even through all that change, I’ve always expected the worst from Jovie Ross.

I found out the truth and my first thought was that of suspicion. As if to say her most probable reaction to our breakup was to enact some form of revenge on my desire for a family. I know her better than that. She’d never do something like that to me, not in a million years, and yet, my fine-tuned, newly-upgraded engine of independence and responsibility latched onto the worst case scenario first because that’s just what I’ve always done.

You can’t upgrade or replace everything. Some things you’re just stuck with. Old habits.

Jovie’s gone through her own set of upgrades. She’s more patient. A kinder, gentler Jovie. No less sardonic but I’ve always considered that to be her strongest asset. But if she can grow and change just as I have then it’s not outside the realm of possibility that there are pieces of her deep inside that remain untouched.

Her reaction back then was to run and hide, even from the one person she always thought she could run to. Did that reaction end up in a bin with the rest of the degraded parts? Or is it still there, connected to everything else, just waiting for the right series of events to set it off again?

She’ll come back.

And I’m not leaving our home until she does.

I will sit here until I hear her key in the door again. Until she walks into this room and gives me that knee-crippling smile again. And if she doesn’t, then I will go out there, find her, and I will bring her back here myself because I will not give up on Jovie Ross just like everyone else did. Just like they all told me to do.

A soft knock taps on the door. I bolt off the couch to answer it, kicking away the blanket as it gets wrapped up in my foot.

I pull the door open and exhale the hope from my chest.

“Jesus…” Sara looks me up and down. “What happened to you?”

I glance at my wrinkled suit pants and untucked shirt. “Nothing,” I say, stepping away.

She follows me in and closes the door behind her. “I got your message.”

“Okay.” I sit down on the couch, sinking deep into the cushions. “Did you find someone to take him?”

“Yeah.” I feel her staring at me. “Mom has the day off, so she’s watching him. I figured you had to take a shift so I stopped by the shop. Marv said you called in.”

“Yeah,” I say again.

“You sick?”

“No.”

She paces toward the hallway. “Passed by the toy store. Looks like Jovie didn’t show up to work today either.”

“Don’t you have a class or something?”

I look up and she’s staring at me like I’m some kind of wounded animal.

“Will, what happened?”

“Sorry I couldn’t hang with Andy today. I’ll make it up to him next week.”

“Will.” She crosses her arms, digging her stance into my carpet. “Where’s Jovie?”

“Do you really care?”

Her brow rises with amused interest. “Did she leave?”

I sit back, feeling a rush of anger but I keep it behind clenched teeth.

“Well, it’s about time,” she says. “I told you from day one. It wasn’t if. It was when. I mean, jeez, you’d think she’d—”

“Get out,” I say.

“Exactly. She shouldn’t have come back at all.”

“No, I’m talking to you.” Her face falls. “Get out.”

Sara takes a step back. “Excuse me?”

I stand up again. “Leave and don’t come back for a while. Don’t even call me. I don’t want to speak to you right now.”

She grows tense. “What’s this about? Did she say something to you?”

“About what?” I wait for her to answer but she just stares. “Go on, Sara. What could Jovie Ross possibly say to me that would make me want to kick you out of my life?”

Her face flinches with fear. “Okay, Will, whatever it is she told you, you have to remember that Jovie is a liar—”

“That’s enough.” I walk toward the door and she follows.

“She’s manipulating you, Will.”

“And what would you call what you did?” I ask. “Deception? Betrayal? Treason?”

“Protection. You’re my little brother. I did what I knew was best for you. If Jovie cared about you at all, don’t you think she would have stayed? Wouldn’t she have fought to keep you two together?”

“So, it was all a test? Just a thousand-dollar gambit?”

“Yes. And she failed,” she says, her voice rising. “Jovie made her choice. She took that money and ran off because that was more important to her than you.”

I stare at her. My sister. The stranger in my living room.

“You paid her to get rid of my baby,” I say. “How do you justify that?”

“If I hadn’t, she would have used it to trap you and you wouldn’t be where you are right now.”

“No, she wouldn’t have, because she lost it…” My voice cracks and her mouth closes. “And because I listened to you and bought every word of your bullshit against her, I wasn’t there. She left because I wasn’t there for her when she needed me the most... and I’m not sure I can forgive you for that.”

Sara’s eyes slip down as I yank the door open wide enough to let her through.

“Now, get out,” I repeat.

She gives me one last silent glance before walking out onto the porch. I feel her turn around to say something but I slam it closed before she can get a word in. She won’t get the last word on this one. She doesn’t deserve it.

I return to my place on the couch.

She’ll come back.