Chapter Ten

 

Cherry

 

We convinced Gabriel's father to stretch the engagement to six weeks rather than a month, which gave us two extra weeks to bring it all together. Time was flying by, however, and I knew that I needed to tell my mother. She had taken the news of my pregnancy well, even though I told her I wasn't ready to reveal the identity of the father just yet. Having Jess there to play the exuberant auntie-to-be seemed to go a long way in making my mother more accepting, even excited, about her grandchild. Telling her I was getting married seemed like something else altogether. It would mean revealing Gabriel was the father of the baby and invite a host of uncomfortable questions about our relationship. I could only hope the thought of me actually making it down the aisle this time would be enough to temper any negativity she might feel.

I coached myself through what I was going to say to her as I made my way down the breezeway between our houses. Jess wasn't with me this time. She had been extremely helpful when I told my mother about my pregnancy, but I felt like I needed to do this on my own. I braced myself for my mother's reaction before I even stepped through the door. Mom was sitting in her chair by the window, recreating her favorite spot from the old house, in a way. She looked at me and I noticed how much more color she seemed to have in her cheeks, and how much more energetic she looked. Her eyes were even sparkling.

"Hi, Cherry," she said, sounding almost chipper for the first time in years. "What brings you all the way over here for a visit?"

"I need to talk to you about something," I said. "It's really important."

Her expression became concerned.

"Did something happen?" she asked. " Is something wrong with the baby?"

"No," I said, instinctively cupping a protective hand around my belly. "Nothing's wrong with the baby. The baby looks fantastic, according to the doctor. If I want to, I can find out if it's a boy or girl in just a few weeks."

My bump had become distinctly larger in the last few weeks, but it was still not quite at the point where people would know I was pregnant as opposed to assuming I might have just eaten a very large lunch.

"Thank goodness," she said. "Well, what is it then?"

"I'm getting married,” I said.

"Married?" my mother asked, her eyes widening.

I nodded.

"I'm actually marrying Gabriel," I told her. "He's the father of the baby. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before, things were a little bit complicated and I didn't want…"

I stopped when I saw tears were starting to slip down my mother's cheeks.

"I'm so happy for you," she said. "Your heart was so broken, and I know that he is exactly the one to fix it for you. He's been the one all along. I could see it in your eyes when you were younger, even though you deny it. And I could see it when you told me you started working for him. It's easy for you to tell a lie with your mouth, but you give it away with your facial expressions. I was worried when I found out about the baby. I know you're going to be an absolutely incredible mother, but when you wouldn't tell me who the father was, I thought you had made some sort of terrible mistake."

"You did?"

"Yes. I was afraid you had gotten overwhelmed or were just tired of looking for that perfect someone and had just hopped into bed with the first man who paid attention to you. I should have known better. I should have known you better. That's not the type of person you are. You're like me in so many ways, Cherry. You believe in true love. I can't tell you how much it means to me to know that you’re going to have a chance at the type of life I had with your father. There's nothing like that type of love."

I didn’t think my mother would respond like this. She had been excited for me when I had gotten engaged to Anthony, but in the reserved way I expected she would be when her only daughter announces she's marrying a man she's only known a few months. When she had warned me about Gabriel, she seemed cautious and even upset at the idea of the two of us being together in a romantic way, yet now she was thrilled. Guilt started to creep into my mind and tighten in my chest. The weight of the lies I was telling crushed down on me even more intensely than it had before. I thought about my brother and how he would feel if he knew this was happening. Tears danced in my eyes as I realized just how far we had taken things. I couldn't stand the thought of causing any damage or hurting anyone because of the choices I'd made. When this all began, I only saw what was right ahead of me. I didn't think about the impact it would have on anyone else, including myself. I only focused on how much it would benefit my mother. Now I felt like everything was spiraling toward disaster and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I tried to not feel that way. There was just a short amount of time left before the wedding and I felt like if I could just push my way through it, maybe I could find some way to minimize the pain that was going to ensue.

Two days later I met with Jess at the bridal shop. We had been making so many decisions and putting so many details into place that I hadn't been able to settle on my dress. It was the one thing was completely escaping me. I had seen and tried on countless designs. I had people sketch new options and tell me how they could tailor existing dresses, but I hadn't been able to choose one. Now I was out of time and had to choose.

I had gone through what felt like most of the store’s inventory when the clerk zipped, tied, and buttoned me into an elaborate creation that seemed to have taken most of the signature details from every other dress I had tried on and put them together. The strapless boned bodice was covered in stones and sequins and crushed tightly around my wrist, enough that I worried about it squeezing the baby. The skirt cascaded around me with countless layers of netting and petticoats beneath it, before stretching out behind me in a glittering train. I felt like I was going to suffocate before I even stepped out of the dressing room, but the way the clerk looked at me made me feel like maybe this was one I should consider. I walked out and climbed up on the little platform in front of a bank of curved mirrors and stared into the reflection of Jess behind me. She held a glass of champagne and when she looked at me, her mouth opened, and color sprang to her cheeks.

"This one is incredible," she said. "You really look like a princess. Why don't you look happy?"

The clerk gave a deep sigh.

"Maybe this isn't the one," the sales associate said. "I always tell a bride the decision about her dress is made the second she sees herself in the mirror. She should look at herself as a bride, not just somebody standing in a wedding dress. She should be able to envision herself standing at the altar with the man she loves, ready to start a new life with him. When she sees herself in the right dress, it should feel as good as when she sees her future husband. That should be what you want to look and feel like when standing in front of your friends and family to celebrate how you brought them all together in this precious way."

Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. The dress was suffocating me even more than before and the air around me was hot and thick. Spots danced in front of my eyes and my hands felt cold, my fingertips numb. I reached down and grabbed the dress, pulling the skirt up so that my feet wouldn't tangle in it. The clerk made a comment about heading back to the dressing room to try on something else, but my eyes focused on the door. I ran. I ran straight to the door and down the sidewalk, ignoring the screams of the boutique staff and Jess behind me. I threw myself into the car Gabriel had arranged to bring me and Jess around and told Harlan to bring me to Gabriel. He stared at me in the rearview mirror as I tried to manage the massive puff of skirt that had enveloped me when I sat down, and I gestured sharply at him.

"Drive, Harlan!"

Gabriel's expression was one of shock when I stomped into his study.

"We need to talk," I said.

"I didn't think I was supposed to see you in your dress before the wedding," he said with a chuckle.

"There isn't going to be a wedding," I said.

"What?"

I shook my head.

"There can't be. I can't do this anymore. I can't marry you."

"What are you talking about, Cherry? The wedding is in less than three weeks."

"I know, and I'm sorry, but I can't do it. Do you know what we're doing? Do you know what we're putting people through?"

"A wedding?"

"No, Gabriel. I need you to be serious. I need you to really think about this. We aren't just throwing a party. We're not even just bringing a life into the world. The baby is something that both families will treasure no matter, what because it's a new life, a new being. This wedding is completely different."

"How?"

"Because it's creating something fake, a mirage, that we're going to take away from them. When this baby is born, our parents will be grandparents. That won't ever change. They will always be the baby's grandparents. Even if we never spoke to each other again, you will always be the baby's father and your father will always be its grandfather, just like I will always be its mother and my mother will always be its grandmother. Nothing can make that any different. If we were to get married, Monroe will be my father-in-law and my mother will be your mother-in-law. They would each have a new child. They would look at us and see their marriages – ones that lasted for decades. Then we would rip that all away from them. Suddenly they wouldn't have a new daughter or son. They would have an ex-child-in-law. They would look at us and see misery and disappointment. Rather than being reminded of all the wonderful things about their own marriages, they would be constantly reminded of how painful it is to not be with them. I can't do that, Gabriel. I never wanted to hurt anyone, and now I feel like I'm hurting everyone I love."

"Cherry," he said, taking hold of both of my shoulders. "Calm down and listen to me. You're right. This baby changes everything and it’s something that can't be undone. That's what makes it so beautiful. This baby will make us parents and that will define us for the rest of our lives. We will have created and raised a person who will go out into the world and impact other people and other things. Our parents want to know that their children are loved and that we will carry on, even after they're gone. That's really what any parent wants. For their children to be happy, to find love, and to live the best life they can."

"When our parents think of us getting married, that's what we're fulfilling for them. Do you want them or our child to think we don't care about each other? Do you want them to look at us and not see love and a happy future, but a mistake? Because that's what it will look like to them. Getting married will give our parents validation that they have shown us how to love, and that they gave us good examples of healthy, happy relationships. It’s going to bring our families together even more than a baby being born. Even when it ends, at least they'll believe that we tried. I would rather have them think that we found love and gave it our all, but weren't able to make it work, than acting like you got knocked up and now we have to deal with it. And the baby. Do you want it to grow up thinking that its parents never loved each other? How would that make you feel?"

His hands slid down my arms before intertwining with my fingers.

"I don't know," I said.

"Cherry, please. I know when this all started it was all about the company. I wanted to make a point to my father and prove to him that he was wrong about me. It is so much more than that now. There are a lot of things I have done wrong in my life. I’ve made decisions I'm not proud of. I've acted in ways I never should have. I've hurt a lot of people. I don't want anyone to ever think our child is another one of those bad decisions, or that I'm not capable or that I don’t care. Most people probably think I can’t handle family life. I honestly don’t know if I deserve that type of life, that kind of happiness. But if there was ever anyone who made me feel like it was possible, it’s you, Cherry. Our families need this bit of hope."

"I need to think," I said. "I can't make this decision right now."

"That's fine," he said. "Take your time. I’ll have Harlan bring you home."

I knew that wasn't what he wanted to hear, but I couldn't bring myself to make a decision right then and there. I needed to think about everything he had just said to me and everything I was feeling. Before I walked out of the room, Gabriel pulled me into a hug and touched a brief kiss to my forehead. I didn't say anything else to him and stayed silent until I got back to the house and walked into the pristine, luxurious home that Gabriel had bought and furnished for me. I didn't realize I wasn't alone until I heard Jess's voice call out from the sunroom.

"You know, if you decided to embark on a life of crime, I don't think that stealing a wedding gown that cost more than a year of rent was really the best place to start. There's not a whole lot of turnaround for wedding gowns and they're pretty distinctive. You're lucky you are marrying a man who has more wealth than several small countries and who filed a credit card with the bridal shop to pay for anything you wanted. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have gotten away with that."

"I lied to you, Jess. I'm sorry."

I turned and walked through the house and into my bedroom where I sat on the end of my bed and contemplated what I should do next.

"What do you mean you lied to me?" Jess asked, coming into the room. "You don't like this dress? Well, I guess that wouldn't be a lie. You love this dress?"

"I lied to you about the engagement," I said. "I'm so sorry, Jess. You don't deserve what I've done to you. You've always been there for me and loved me just how I am. I should have told you everything from the beginning, and I didn't. I got so tangled up in it all that I didn't know what to do."

I could feel the sobs shaking my shoulders and did nothing to try to stop them.

"What's going on, Cherry?"

She came into the room and sat beside me, wrapping one arm around me. I turned so that I could face her and started talking. I didn't stop until I had spilled the entire story with every detail. I expected her to be horrified, to tell me how stupid I was being and then provide an outline of all the ways I was going to ruin the lives of the people I cared about the most. I expected her to walk away and leave me completely alone.

But she didn't. Instead, Jess remained completely calm. She looked into my eyes and reaffirmed everything Gabriel said to me in the study. Then she asked me the one question I hadn’t been expecting.

"Do you care about Gabriel?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean. Do you care about him? Still, after all these years, after everything you’ve gone through with and without him. Do you care about him?"

I could feel my heart tightening and knew that it was undeniable. The feelings I had for Gabriel had only gotten stronger, more focused when we found each other again.

"Yes," I said.

"Do this for him. Do this for you. We're not talking about a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills-style divorce, Cherry. You’re not going to scream and throw things at each other. You two aren't going to automatically hate each other when you decide you've been married long enough. Marrying him will give you the life you deserve. You will be treated like a princess and taken care of the rest of your life. It's more than most people could ever want or ask for." She took the veil I didn’t realize was still gripped in my hand, and settled it on my head, tucking the pearl-covered comb into my hair before turning me to look at myself in the mirror. "It's a fairytale, with just a little sprinkle of reality. Just think of it this way... Even Sleeping Beauty had an arranged marriage so that the prince could inherit the Kingdom when he grew up.”

"Do you really believe that?"

"I do. And don't worry. Someday your prince will come."

"That's Snow White."

"Don't be fussy about your princess references. Now you're all dressed up. Let's get your ass to the ball."

I laughed and wiped away the tears that were threatening to leak from my eyes. I didn't know what I did to deserve a best friend like Jess, but whatever it was, I was forever grateful for it. I appreciated her now more than I ever had, and I hoped that one day I would be able to give her the same friendship, acceptance, and love that she had shown me.

I took what she and Gabriel said to heart and realized I had come this far. There was really no choice but to move forward. Maybe I couldn't dream of a marriage like my mother and father shared, but I was lucky to have someone I genuinely cared for, and who would take care of me and my mother, even after the divorce, at least as long as my mother lived. Besides, plenty of people are stuck in arranged marriages.

I knew I could figure it out.

 

"I thought we weren't going on a honeymoon," I said.

"It's a gift from my father," Gabriel said. "He said every newlywed couple should take a trip together. He says we deserve to spend some time alone together before the baby comes."

I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel about that. Gabriel and I had decided we weren't going to put out a major announcement about our wedding or go on a honeymoon afterwards. The wedding itself was enough. It hadn’t been as bad as I thought it was going to be, but that was only because Gabriel was right there beside me. I had gotten dizzy standing at the end of the very long aisle that had been created in a massive ballroom in the most expensive hotel in our area. The aisle was lined with a custom aisle runner that featured scrollwork and our initials in silver against a dazzling white background. On either side of the aisle was a sea of chairs. Unfamiliar faces stared at me as I made my way down the aisle, escorted by Gabriel's uncle. I didn't know him, but without my father to walk me, the tradition was meaningless. It was another gesture I hoped would mean something to them.

I felt like it was getting harder to breathe as I walked down the aisle. It seemed like every step I took only added distance to the impossibly long path in front of me. This didn't feel like my wedding. It wasn't me. This wasn’t right. This was a sham, carefully constructed to impress the right people and fill a certain set of expectations. I had known this. This was the plan. But now that it was here it was even starker than I had anticipated. I felt like I had been picked up and dropped down into the middle of someone else's wedding. I almost convinced myself that any second now, the doors to the ballroom were going to burst open, and an angry bride was going to run down the aisle and snatch back her bouquet and her special day.

When I reached Gabriel, he took my hands and I felt some of my anxiety fade. He smiled at me and my heart fluttered, but it also relaxed me, reminding me this was exactly what it was supposed to be. We were giving them the wedding they wanted, and Gabriel and I were in it together. I tried to tell myself the vows we said really did have meaning. It was just a different meaning then they might carry for other couples, but it still applied to us. Some of the words felt uncomfortable and hollow coming out of my mouth, so I tried to concentrate on the feeling of his hands holding mine when I said them. In my heart, I wished this could be true.

But the kiss. The kiss was real.

The passion of that kiss was still resonating through me when we got into the limo after the reception. Harlan whisked us away, but not to the house or even a hotel, but to the airport where a private plane would bring us to the nearest port city a couple of hours away. One of the Reed's luxury yachts would be waiting to bring us to an exclusive resort for two weeks.

"Why don't we just agree to relax and enjoy this? I feel like we both deserve some fun."

I agreed, and we spent the next day cruising along calm water as we made our way toward the resort. I watched the sunset from the deck with Gabriel's arms wrapped around me and fell asleep to the gentle rocking of the water. Maybe this was a taste of the life that was in store for me and for my child. I asked Gabriel if he wanted to explore the island with me when we arrived, but he said I should go ahead alone because he needed to take care of a few things. The dismissal brought me down a few pegs, but I spent the afternoon walking along the beach and lush gardens that surrounded the resort. Jess had given me new paints and a set of small canvases as a wedding gift and snuck them into the car when she found out about the surprise honeymoon trip. As I pulled them out of the bag I carried with me and sat at the foot of a waterfall, painting, I was so happy that she did. It felt like so long since I had painted anything, but as soon as the tip of the brush touched the canvas, I lost myself in it. I felt like me when I painted. It was different than when I quilted, like I wasn't carrying on the legacy of someone else but creating my own.

I was eager to show off the painting to Gabriel as I headed back to our bungalow. As I approached, I noticed soft classical music coming from our open door. I followed a path illuminated by candles floating in glass votives with pink Lotus blossoms into the house. The trail of flowers and candles wove back into the expansive bathroom that took up most of the back section of the building and featured floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over a private section of lush tropical landscape. When I got there, I found Gabriel standing next to a freestanding, oversized tub that had been surrounded by candles and flower petals and filled to the brim with bubbles.

"What is all this?" I asked.

"It's for you," Gabriel said. "I wanted to show my new wife just how much I appreciate her."

A smile came to my lips but then faltered slightly when a thought crossed my mind.

"I'm not supposed to soak in a hot bath while I'm pregnant," I told him.

I felt bad for ruining the surprise he had obviously thought so much about. But he grinned and for a brief moment, it was the grin of his old boyish self, pure and delighted.

"That's why there's the water is warm, not hot.” he said.

"Warm?"

He shook his head.

"It’s right at ninety degrees. I called your doctor and she said that as long as the temperature doesn’t exceed ninety-eight degrees, it is perfectly safe. The bubbles are hypoallergenic and made for washing children and people with sensitive skin, not laundry like last time.”

I laughed, remembering the bubbles that covered his entire body the night he came to my apartment and went to battle with that washing machine for me. Anyone else would have been so embarrassed by the memory they would never have wanted to bring it up again. Only Gabriel would want to create something special for me by making me a romantic, beautiful bubble bath, but also link it back to such an important night of our lives. It was also incredibly thoughtful of him to make sure it was safe for me and the baby.

"You did all of this for me?"

"Of course, I did. That's what I was doing all day. I'm actually glad you stayed out longer than I expected. It wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be to heat the water to the perfect temperature. I had to run around the resort to find a thermometer.”

I laughed. Gabriel stepped forward. He took the canvas from my hand and the bag off my shoulder. Moving slowly, reverently, he undressed me. I could see his eyes sweeping over my body, taking it in with the same velvety admiration as he had the first night we spent together. There was something different in his gaze now, an even deeper respect, and I had never felt more beautiful than when he took my hand and helped me into the bubbles.

The foam smelled like peaches and cream and burst as I moved around. It was everywhere. It was at once hilarious and the most romantic thing I had ever experienced. When I was finished, I rinsed off in the shower. Gabriel joined me and stood under the water and held me in his arms. Our skin against each other reassured me and I felt like we were at the beginning of something amazing.

The next morning, I reciprocated the surprise by waking up early and filling the table on the lanai with every pink flower I could find. I had discovered a light pink shell during my walk along the beach the day before and I set that in the middle of the table. When Gabriel walked out onto the lanai to have coffee, his eyes locked on the table.

"What's this?" he asked, repeating the same question I had asked the evening before.

"You surprised me last night," I said. "I wanted to do the same for you today. Sit down."

He complied even though he looked confused. He touched a few of the flowers and then eyed the shell. I pulled my phone out and scrolled through the images, finally finding what I had been holding on to since before the wedding. I put the phone down next to the shell and waited while he stared at it.

"Is that an ultrasound?" he asked.

"It is," I said. "The doctor called me a couple of days before the wedding and told me she needed to reschedule my upcoming ultrasound. I'm guessing Monroe told her about this little trip he had planned and asked if we could do my appointment at another time. She had a slot in an hour, so I took it. I called you, but you were in a meeting, so I just went. I've been waiting until the right time to show this to you."

"That's our baby?" he asked, staring in awe at the image.

Our happy Tic-Tac actually looked like a baby now and it was incredible to see. But it wasn't just the picture I wanted to surprise Gabriel with.

"That's our daughter," I said.

He looked up and his eyes widened with shock before filling with an expression of wonder.

"Our daughter?" he asked.

I nodded.

He got up and swept me into a hug, pressing a kiss to my lips before stepping back and touching my belly.

"We're having a girl," he whispered, kissing me again.

It was the perfect beginning to two weeks of blissfully romantic time alone, hidden away from the realities of life back home.

At least it was supposed to be.