Epilogue
The wind cuts through my coat as I walk to the grave, my bundle close to my chest. I shouldn’t be here, but I had to come. I’m drawn here every few months. I have to talk to him and this seems like the place to do it. Bryan promised he’d always be with me, and although I know he is, it’s still hard. The baby is asleep in my arms, indifferent to the chill in the air. I have him bundled from head to toe and hold onto him tight.
Since the night Bryan died, so many things have happened. I felt so alone without him, or so I thought until a few weeks after Bryan’s death. A pregnancy test affirmed my suspicion and I carried a baby boy to term. He has bright green eyes, just like his daddy. He’s my life now. Maggie, the baby and I live together, an unlikely but content family. I still write—a bleeding heart never heals and the pages call to me. Writing gives me peace when things get unbearable.
I stop in front of my father’s grave first and tell him about his grandson. “I gave him my name, Dad. Well, your name. I don’t want them to know about him. If they find out…” That’s my biggest fear. What if the Ferros find out about little Bryan Raymond? What if they find out he’s the only son of Bryan, the youngest heir to that fucking fortune? They’ll take him from me. I know they will. So I gave him my name and when the papers asked, I said he was Neil’s. That we were getting married. The papers ran wild with articles about Neil and me, depicting us as a modern day Romeo and Juliet. They couldn’t have been further from the truth. Meanwhile, Bryan was linked to the murder of Amanda Ferro and another man they found in the woods. The gun had been used several times. Bryan wasn’t a murderer. The only person he ever killed was Victor, and he did it to save me. I don’t care what forensics say. Eventually, I stopped reading articles about him. During his trail, the way they’d written about Sean was horrible, but the way they slandered Bryan was far worse. I avoid newspapers and stay off of Huffington Post. I live in a bubble with Maggie and my baby.
After talking to Daddy, I risk it. The cemetery isn’t exactly bursting with visitors today. It’s too cold. I walk over to Bryan’s tomb, a huge mausoleum with FERRO marked on the outside. Originally, the family wasn’t going to allow him to be buried with them, but Sean fought them on it, so here he is—my lost love. I lean against the heavy door, pushing it mostly closed. I don’t want anyone to know I was here, so I keep it dark inside, lit only by what sunshine can make its way through the door. It’s overcast today, so it’s darker than usual. I shift baby Bryan in my arms as he wakes up. He smiles up at me with the same grin his daddy wore so many times before.
“We’re visiting Daddy,” I tell him and loosen his blankets. “He was a great man and he loves you very much. Right now, Daddy can see us. He’ll watch over you, Bryan.” I’m standing in front of Bryan’s tomb with my back to the door. I never heard him enter.
When he speaks, his voice is softer than his brothers’ voices. “Hallie?”
I startle and whirl around. Peter Ferro is standing in the door surrounded by light. He looks like an angel as he steps into the large room. He’s wearing a tweed coat and slacks. He’s a principal somewhere in Jersey. I’ve seen him around, but we never talked much. I hadn’t thought he was close to Bryan, but I must have guessed wrong, otherwise he wouldn’t be here.
“I’m sorry. I’m leaving.” I go to walk past him, but Peter won’t let me. He steps in front of me and smiles.
“You don’t have to go. I’ll never run you off, and I’ll never tell them—but they’re going to notice.”
I play dumb because I have no other option. Fear is choking me and I can barely spit out the words. “Notice what? That I came in here to say goodbye to someone I loved? They already know that. And Constance never contested Bryan’s will, so I think I’m good.”
“You know what I mean.” He looks down at the baby.
Bryan gazes up at Peter with his daddy’s big green eyes and dark glossy hair. “I’m afraid not.” I bundle the baby, and step around Peter, about to step outside when he stops me in my tracks.
“That’s Bryan’s baby. They could force a paternity test to prove it, Hallie. If my mother doesn’t already know, she soon will. She won’t let a Ferro grow up outside of the mansion.”
I don’t deny it. “You grew up there. Tell me, would you want your child to live that life?”
“I can’t change the past, Hallie, and neither can you.”
“I know that. You don’t think I know that this is my fault that his daddy is here because of me? I blamed Sean and Constance. I even blamed Jon, but the only reason Bryan showed up that night was because of me. And then everything that followed.” I can’t even say it.
Peter says with utter certainty. “The media was wrong. Look at what they did with you and Neil. Are you telling me all the shit was true?”
I laugh bitterly. “Far from it.”
“So, don’t let them ruin your memories of him. Bryan didn’t kill Amanda.” He sounds so certain.
“How can you know that?”
“Because I was with him that night and it makes no sense. He liked Amanda. We all did.”
Something from the night of Bryan’s murder comes back to mind—a memory of Sean standing there looking horrified. “He didn’t know Bryan had that gun, did he?”
Peter laughs once, softly, and shakes his head. “Sean never talks about Amanda or that night, but I agree with you on that point.”
I glance up at Peter. “While Bryan was dying, Sean called him a fucking idiot. He was so mad. I thought it was because he got shot.”
“I think it was because Bryan wasn’t supposed to have that weapon. Hallie, he saved you and his baby, but he also saved a few other people in the process. He gave Sean his life back. Bryan was selfless. He’d do anything he could to help someone. If taking that gun helped, if taking the blame helped, he’d have done it in a heartbeat. Don’t you think?”
I nod. There’s silence as we both stare at Bryan’s final resting place. “That’s why Sean fought for him to be here. Bryan didn’t kill those people.”
“I suspect that’s the case.”
“As does Sean.”
Peter gives a crooked smile. “Most likely.” After a moment, he adds, “You shouldn’t come here anymore, not if you want that child to grow up apart from the rest of the family. Actually, it would be good if you, Bryan, and Maggie picked up and moved. Go somewhere they won’t find you, not for a while, at least. Make it hard for them to see the baby or get pictures of him. It’ll buy you time—time you won’t have if you stay here.” He brushes his finger against the baby’s cheek. “He looks just like his daddy.”
“I know.” I beam at my little bundle as he coos at Peter.
“Here.” He hands me his card. “If you ever need anything, just ask. I never saw you and I never saw Bryan’s baby.” He winks at me then slips through the door, his hands in his pockets and his head hung between his shoulders.
I call after him. “Peter, wait.” I hurry out into the crisp air. “Am I doing the right thing? He has family. It’s the one thing I never had and always wanted. I’ve wondered if keeping him from them is the right thing to do.”
“He has family, Hallie. He has you and Maggie. He’s not missing a thing. I hear parts of Montana are beautiful. Go check it out.” Peter smiles at us and walks away.
After Bryan died I never thought I’d love again. I felt my heart fracture and a piece of me died along with him. Blackness consumed me until that little plastic stick read PREGNANT. Bryan’s baby was strong and healed my broken heart as he grew inside of me. Now that he’s here, in my arms, I see his daddy’s face every day and know I’m blessed.
After getting Bryan into his car seat, I get in and close the door. After starting the engine, I press a button and call Maggie. “Hey, how do you feel about Montana?”
“Can I have a horse?”
“What do you want a horse for, you don’t know how to ride one?” I smile and look over at Bryan’s grave, knowing I’ll never see it again. Maggie is babbling about horses and I finally cut her off, “Yes, you can have a horse.”
“I’m in. When do we leave?”
“Tonight. They can’t find him, Maggie, and one of the Ferros already knows the truth. Are you sure you want to come? You don’t have to.” This isn’t a little thing to ask, and I know it. I don’t want to be selfish and take her with me into the middle of nowhere.
“Fuck, yeah. There’s like miles of nothing. I’m going to dress in chaps and wear a huge ass hat, and buy a pony. Yes, I’m coming!” She laughs. “You’re such a dork, you know that? I’m your sister—maybe not by birth, but by choice. That’s the best kind, you know. I’ll call and set up the jet. We’ll be out of here in a few hours, Hallie. It’ll be good for you and little cutie baby Bryan. We can live on a ranch!”
I laugh, surprised at how easy it was to talk her into it. Then it dawns on me. “You knew we’d have to leave, didn’t you?”
“Someday, yeah, especially if you wanted to hide Bryan from the Ferros. But I thought you were going to pick some place lame like a swamp. I’m all over Montana. I hear they have sexy cowboys. I’ve never ridden a cowboy."
“Maggie!”
She laughs. “Come home. I’ll get our stuff together. You’re ready for this Hallie. It’s a good move. See you in a bit.” She hangs up.
I tip my head back against the seat as I gaze at Bryan’s tomb, and listen to his son make happy sounds in the back seat wondering if I’m making the right decision.
“I wish you were here. I wish you could tell me what to do.” I say the words into the air, talking to my lost love.
I’m not big into wishing for anything. As an orphan, I learned it’s a waste of time, but right as I say those words a ray of light cuts through the gray sky. A single shaft of sun shines down and touches the top of the Ferro’s mausoleum. The copper dome gleams and my entire body covers in tingles. The wind softens and I swear Bryan’s here, telling me to go.
I close my eyes, say a prayer, and when I look up the golden light is gone. For the first time since his death, peace flows through me and I welcome it. Putting the car into drive, I speak over my shoulder to my little man, “Bryan, we’re going someplace fun, and I’m pretty sure Aunt Maggie is getting you a pony.