Chapter Four
Piper couldn’t help but be proud of how the ranch house had turned out. They’d done the kitchen in cream and burgundy, with cherrywood cabinets, stainless appliances and classic light fixtures. The bathrooms were in moss-green tones with walk-in showers and soaker tubs.
She and Maddy were sitting on the floor of the great room, their backs propped against the soaring windows of the front feature wall. Beneath them the floor was an expanse of gleaming hardwood, reflecting the tall, stone fireplace, and all but begging for some area rugs and big comfy sofas.
Maddy was holding up her tablet, showing a photo of a massive rustic wood dining table that could seat twenty.
“Can you picture it?” she asked, pointing to the dining space across the room. The area was flanked by a wide archway leading to the kitchen, and the hall that led to one of three bedroom clusters.
“Did you look at the price?” Piper asked. She was having a hard time wrapping her head around their incredible furnishings shopping spree.
“Chase and Lucas are the bankers,” Maddy said. “They’re telling me to go for it. I mean, we need to eat, right? We need to sleep.”
Piper supposed there was no getting around the fact that furnishing a house for six adults and Riley was going to take a bit of spending.
Behind the kitchen were the laundry and mud rooms. A downstairs hallway led to a cluster of bedrooms, set up nicely for a nuclear family. Within the cluster were three bedrooms, one a master suite, plus a small sitting room and a second bathroom. Above those bedrooms and above the kitchen and mud room were two more clusters.
“We should figure out who’s going to live where,” Maddy said. “Then we can narrow down some of the furniture.”
“Makes sense,” Piper agreed.
“You, Tristen, and Eli can share.”
“Huh?” The statement took Piper by surprise. “Tristen and I are staying in the trailer.”
It wasn’t like they were permanent residents of the ranch. Piper didn’t ponder it often, but she was confident they’d be leaving after Tristen graduated high school.
She’d accepted that it would be up to Tristen to decide which one of them to live with once he was eighteen. Plus he could easily go to college on the east or west coast. She wouldn’t be surprised if he decided on Chicago. If he did, she might move back there.
“Eli’s not going to go for that,” Maddy said. “He’ll want Tristen with him, and you’ll want to be with Tristen. Chase and I will obviously take another. I’d make a case for the downstairs suite, since it’s the biggest, and soon…” She gave Piper a sly look and a secretive smile and touched her stomach.
“You’re pregnant?” Piper asked in amazement, the worry about her own living arrangements vanishing.
Maddy broke into a wide grin. “Ten weeks along.”
“That’s fantastic.” Piper gave Maddy a joyful hug. “The biggest suite for the growing Garrett family, for sure. Chase must be thrilled.”
“He’s pretty thrilled. He loves being a dad.”
Piper couldn’t help remembering being pregnant with Tristen. It had been a tough time, but she’d also had moments where she’d been deliriously happy. The first flutters of movement inside her, seeing him on the ultrasound, all the kicks and rolls in the last few months. And, of course, the day he was born.
When she held him in her arms for the first time, she’d felt such an overwhelming sense of love. She vowed she would be a good mother, that she’d care for him and protect him no matter what happened.
She’d thought then that her life might turn out differently, that she might meet a man, fall in love, and have more babies. She’d have liked a bigger family, brothers and sisters for Tristen. Even now, she sometimes thought about having more babies.
She knew that technically there was still time. She was still in her early thirties.
She wondered how Tristen would feel about siblings so much younger. Then she wondered how Eli would feel about having more babies.
She stopped herself short.
Eli wouldn’t be the father this time.
She tried to imagine herself with someone other than Eli. She couldn’t.
An image of Eli smiling over a newborn baby filled her mind. Emotion welled up inside her. The image was startlingly clear and striking.
“Piper?” Maddy asked, concern in her voice.
Piper cleared her throat. “Yes?”
“Is something wrong?”
“No. No. I was just thinking about when Tristen was a baby.”
Maddy looked unconvinced.
“It got me a little emotional,” Piper said.
Maddy smiled then, her hand going to her abdomen. “It’s going to be fun to do it all over again.”
When Piper was first pregnant, her mother had told her the men in her life would come and go, but children were forever. It had definitely been true in her mother’s case.
But Piper didn’t believe it for Maddy and Chase. What they had was special. Anyone could tell it was going to be forever.
Piper suddenly felt empty and alone.
She told herself not to be jealous of Maddy. She was thrilled for Maddy. Maddy and Chase deserved all their happiness.
Piper knew Chase had been betrayed by his best friend two years ago, learning when his then-fiancée was three months pregnant that the baby wasn’t his. It had eventually worked out for Chase, his fiancée, and his best friend. But there had been some rocky times.
Piper knew about rocky times.
Maddy was watching her closely again. “It must have been scary for you back then.”
It was important to Piper that she be honest with Maddy. “Some parts were pretty scary. But some were fantastic. Tristen is amazing. I can’t regret anything that brought him to me.” As she said the words, Piper realized how true they were.
Everything she’d been through—even what she was going through now with Eli—was worth it. Nothing was too much of a sacrifice for Tristen.
“I know what you mean,” Maddy said, her expression softening. “I remember them putting Riley into my arms. And now I get to do that all over again. I feel so blessed. Maybe I’ll have a girl this time.”
“Let’s hope it’s a girl,” Piper said, lightening her own mood. “You and I are definitely outnumbered around here.”
“I hadn’t thought about it before,” Maddy said. “But we really are.” Her expression turned thoughtful. “Now that the house is finished, we should do something about that.”
“Think pink girly thoughts,” Piper teased, gazing pointedly at Maddy’s stomach.
“That too,” Maddy said. “We need a few more wives around here. We should fix up some of my brothers.”
Piper’s brain immediately flashed to Eli, and she almost shouted no.
“Zane’s not a good bet,” Maddy carried on talking, clearly warming to her own idea. “But Lucas is pretty suave, and he’s got money.”
Piper was happy to focus on Lucas. “I don’t think you want a gold digger as a sister-in-law.”
Maddy waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, we can easily screen for that. We won’t let anyone near him who doesn’t pass muster.”
Piper couldn’t help but chuckle at Maddy’s blasé attitude.
“Wyatt’s a really great guy,” Maddy said with a soft sigh. “I think I might be a just little jealous when he finds a wife. Is that terrible? It’s probably terrible.”
“It’s not terrible to love your brother.”
“He deserves someone really special.”
Piper steeled herself, fully expecting Eli to be next. She didn’t want to be any part of a conversation that speculated on Eli’s future love life.
She redirected Maddy to the dining table picture in front of them. “Do you like the padded chairs or the plain wood?”
Maddy seemed willing to change topics. “Padded. The wooden ones look nice, but we’ve already got a lot of wood in here, and I’d rather go for comfort. Sunday dinner should be a lingering affair.”
“Comfort it is,” Piper said.
“Lucas, Wyatt, and Zane can share the southern, upstairs suite. Wyatt can have the big bedroom, since Lucas and Zane are gone half the time anyway. Are you good with the north one?”
Piper had every intention of staying in the trailer. But she’d bring that up with Eli instead of arguing with Maddy. Piper was positive Eli would understand.
“That sounds fine,” she said for the moment.
As she voiced the words, she couldn’t help but picture the suite, imagine sharing the space with Eli, seeing him in the morning, seeing him at night, sleeping the short distance across the sitting room from him. Tristen would be with them, so there’d be no giving in to temptation. But the temptation would be there, and it would be intense.
*
Eli set two boxes with his clothes and belongings on the sitting room floor and gazed around the cozy suite. Piper had made an impassioned case for staying in the trailer, and he understood why.
It was going to be tough for him too—although probably in a different way. He was torn between his relentless attraction to Piper and his anger with her over Tristen. She on the other hand seemed to want to forget all about their history. Living with him would make that difficult.
Problem was, they weren’t keeping the trailers. They’d only leased them for a few months, and keeping them would be an unnecessary expense. They’d be expensive to heat. The cold would come right through the walls. And there was no point in leaving empty rooms inside the ranch house.
In the end, Piper had been forced to acknowledge the practicality of sharing the suite. They were co-parenting Tristen, and it was also the only reasonable option given everyone else’s situations. The house had been designed and the foundation poured before Piper and Tristen were part of the picture.
It was late afternoon, and the clouds that had been gathering all day finally broke above them. Rain spattered on the window at the far end of the sitting room, lightning flashed in the blackened sky and thunder rumbled in the distance.
Eli heard Tristen’s footsteps behind him followed by the thump of a box hitting the floor.
“Can I pick a bedroom?” Tristen asked.
Eli pointed to the two smaller rooms that flanked the main bathroom. “Either of those two.”
“I don’t get the balcony and the private bathroom?” Tristen asked, a thread of humor in his voice. “That one’s pretty sweet.”
“That’s for your mom.”
“What’s for his mom?” Piper asked, setting an unwieldy box on the sofa.
“Why are you carrying that?” Eli asked her with a frown at Tristen.
“It’s not heavy,” she said.
“You can’t help your mother?” Eli asked Tristen.
The box was heavy enough that she was flushed from hauling it up the stairs.
“You wanted me to wrestle it away from her?” Tristen asked.
“The back bedroom is probably quieter,” she said to Tristen, peeling back the cardboard flaps to look inside.
“Whatever,” he said. “They’re identical.”
“I’ll take the front,” Eli said to Tristen. To Piper he said. “Don’t move any more boxes.”
“I’m not helpless.”
“Just show me which ones are yours,” he said.
“I can help,” Tristen said.
Eli gave him a nod of acknowledgment. The kid was catching on.
Eli lifted his own boxes and headed for the front bedroom.
“Where are you going?” Piper asked.
“What do you mean?”
Tristen hoisted his own box of belongings.
“You’re taking the master bedroom,” Piper said to Eli.
“That one’s for you.” Eli kept walking.
“No it’s not.”
“You need your own bathroom. Eli and I will share.”
“It’s your bedroom,” she said.
“How is it my bedroom over yours?”
“Uh…because you own the house?”
He gave her a look of impatience, holding it until Tristen disappeared through the doorway to his bedroom. “You live here too.”
“Only temporarily.”
Eli put the box back down and crossed the sitting room to her, lowering his voice to keep Tristen from overhearing. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
This was her home. Sure, maybe she’d decide to go somewhere else eventually. But that day was a long time in the future, years in the future. He refused to have her feeling like a guest.
She tipped her chin to look him in the eyes. “I don’t understand the question.”
“This is your home, Piper. Not just mine. Yours too. You’re not a guest.”
“I’m only here because of Tristen.”
Eli glanced through Tristen’s bedroom doorway to make sure he was still out of earshot. “It’s not right that you feel that way.”
“You can’t change the way I feel.”
He had to concede she was right. He could work on it, but he couldn’t change it right this minute.
“Maybe not,” he said. “But you still get your own bathroom.”
She frowned. “Eli.”
“You’re not going to win this argument, Piper. Move your stuff in there and enjoy the big bathtub. It’s not like I’m ever going to use it.” As he finished the sentence, a vision of her lounging naked in the oversized tub filled his mind.
His expression must have given away his thoughts.
Their gazes met, and heat sizzled between them.
“Eli,” she said in a worried tone.
He broke eye contact and lifted her open box to carry it into the master bedroom. He set it firmly on the bed.
She followed, the worry still in her tone. “Is this going to be impossible for us?”
“Nothing is impossible,” he said, pretending he didn’t understand her question.
“You’re attracted to me.”
He almost laughed at the understatement. As if to punctuate his reaction, a gust of wind brought a rush of rain against the big bedroom window.
“And I’m attracted to you,” she surprised him by saying.
He hadn’t expected that. But now that she’d said it, his mind raced in all kinds of different directions.
“Can we keep it under control?” she asked in earnest.
He pretended he wasn’t fantasizing right here in front of her. “We have so far.”
Outwardly, he had. But it had been a constant and tiring battle. Take right this minute. His vision softened, and her image blurred. He was hit with an overpowering urge to drag her into his arms, roll onto the bed, and drown them both in passionate kisses.
Tristen’s footfalls sounded on the stairs, growing fainter and disappearing.
There was nobody here now, nobody but the two of them anywhere near her bedroom. There was nothing stopping him from touching her.
Danger flashed in the base of his brain. He didn’t dare touch her. He couldn’t let himself touch her. The one most important thing he had to do in this situation was keep his hands to himself.
If he couldn’t control himself, their situation would be untenable. And if he couldn’t even make it the first five minutes, he was doomed.
“What should we do?” He hoped she had some good ideas, maybe some ground rules, maybe a threat or two to keep him on the straight and narrow.
“Do?” she asked, sounding distracted.
He refocused to see her green eyes had clouded to jade, soft passionate jade. “Don’t look at me like that.”
It took her a second to catch herself, but then she blinked. “Sorry.”
He could feel passion roiling like a freight train engine inside him. “You want me to make a move, I’ll make a move. But you can’t send me mixed signals. It’ll kill me.”
They could hear Tristen coming back up the stairs.
“Don’t make a move,” Piper said. “You can’t make a move. Tristen is what matters here. And Lucas still matters. We have to make this work for everyone.”
Eli agreed. He didn’t like it, but he agreed.
“You keep your distance,” she said with determination. “And I’ll keep mine.”
“I’ll hold up my end.” He vowed to himself as much as to her.
“You think I won’t?”
“That’s not what I said.”
“You don’t trust me.” She backed away a couple of paces.
He fought to keep from reaching for her. “I don’t trust me. I’m counting on you.”
“Eli.” Her voice was wobbly.
“We can do this, Piper.”
Tristen came into view in the sitting room.
Eli finished the conversation. “We have an enormously important reason.”
*
As soon as the new house was up and running, Eli and Wyatt left the valley for a cattle auction. Piper told herself she was grateful for the respite, and she dug into her graphic design business. She’d set up a desk in a corner of the sitting room and was working her way through a contract from her growing online client list.
The print shop back in Deadwood was barely paying for itself, but she was making decent profits from design projects all across the country.
“Ready for a break?” Maddy’s voice carried up the staircase, followed by the sound of her quick footsteps.
Piper glanced at her watch, surprised to find it was past noon. “I’d love a break.” She saved the design on her screen, rising from her chair.
“I made pasta,” Maddy said. “I’m absolutely starving these days.”
“I remember feeling that way in the early months. Well, after the morning sickness phase anyway.”
“No morning sickness this time. Just a healthy, hearty appetite.” Though her stomach was still flat, Maddy was blooming with her pregnancy.
Piper experienced another twinge of jealousy. She’d loved the sensation of Tristen moving inside her. She’d loved the feeling of closeness, the anticipation of his birth. And then when he’d finally arrived, she’d fallen instantly in love. In the hospital, she hadn’t wanted to leave his side for a single minute.
When she’d first discovered she was pregnant and realized how much of a struggle it would be to raise him alone, she’d briefly considered giving him up for adoption, thinking it might give him a better life. But she’d quickly realized she couldn’t do it. And after he was born, she couldn’t imagine she’d thought for even one second about letting someone else raise her son.
She knew that she’d do it all again in a heartbeat. She’d have another baby, or two or three. She’d love a little girl. Another boy would be fun too. But a little girl would be incredibly precious.
“Did you have morning sickness with Riley?” she asked Maddy as they made their way down the stairs.
“A little bit. Things tasted off. With this one, they just taste delicious. I hope I don’t gain too much weight.”
“You can always lose it later.”
“That’s what I’m telling myself.” Maddy led the way into the bright kitchen.
The table in the breakfast nook was set for lunch. Behind it, wide windowpanes overlooked a vast golden field, the rushing creek and the snow-capped peaks in the distance. A warm autumn lingered in the valley. It had rained again overnight, but the sky had cleared, with just a few clouds lingering near the mountains. The sun was surprisingly warm coming through the glass.
“Where’s Riley?” Piper asked as she poured glasses of iced tea.
Maddy was filling two plates with seafood linguini.
“Chase took him into town. They’re buying new pants and snow boots. He’s growing so fast, it’s hard to keep up with the sizes.”
“That’ll keep happening,” Piper said as she found a colorful salad in the fridge and moved it to the table. Then she returned for the iced tea.
They settled on opposite sides of the table.
“This smells amazing,” Piper said, admiring the linguini. “I feel guilty enjoying your hard work.”
“I like cooking. And it’s fun to make something beyond steaks, burgers, and stew.”
“Chase likes traditional cowboy fare?”
“His favorites.”
“That smells good.” It was Eli’s voice, and Piper felt a warm rush of pleasure at the sound. She’d missed him these past few days. She hadn’t wanted to, but she had.
Wyatt followed Eli into the kitchen.
“You’re back,” Maddy said, sounding happy to see them. “Are you hungry?” She started to rise.
“We can get it ourselves,” Eli said.
“Linguini’s on the stove. Salad’s on the table. How did it go?”
“Good,” Wyatt said, helping himself to a plate from the cupboard.
Piper couldn’t pull her gaze from Eli.
His stride rolled him across the kitchen, his movements fluid and sure. He was dressed in faded blue jeans, scuffed boots and a dark green, buttoned shirt that looked soft to the touch. He hadn’t shaved in a couple of days, giving him a rugged, rangy, sexy look that made her hormones gather in a group and shout out in desire.
“We’ve made a deal on some heifers, plus we have some prospects for bulls,” Eli said.
“Do you have to get back to Utah right away?”’ Maddy asked Wyatt.
He sat down at the table, his plate in hand. “I’ll check the Granite Vale weather next hour. They’re socked in right now, but I’ll head home today if I can. I’ve got charters all next week. Chase around?”
“He went into town,” Maddy said.
“If you get a weather window, I can bring him up to speed,” Eli said to Wyatt. He checked something on his phone as he crossed the kitchen.
Wyatt gave a nod. “That’d be good.”
“The fifteenth work for you?” Eli asked Wyatt as he sat down, putting his phone down on the table and leaving an empty chair between him and Piper.
She foolishly wanted to reach out and touch him. Instead, she took a bite of the linguini.
“I’ll come back then with the 185,” Wyatt said.
Eli took a bite of the linguini. “This is fantastic,” he said to Maddy.
She smiled. “A brother after my own heart.”
“Where are you going?” Piper asked Eli, knowing the 185 was the smaller of Wyatt’s two planes.
Eli met her gaze for the first time, holding it a couple of seconds too long. She realized how very much she’d missed him.
“Down to Colorado, a little place outside Denver.”
She loved his voice. How was it possible that she loved his voice this much? He’d only said a few words to her, and she was melting into a puddle of desire.
“Oh,” she managed.
“Wright Branson Breeders,” Wyatt put in. “They’ve got an airstrip, so we can skip the car rental.”
“You should think about moving your operation to Marietta,” Maddy said.
“They don’t have an airport, little sister.”
“Can we put an airstrip on the ranch?”
“Bad terrain,” Wyatt said.
“Too expensive,” Eli said.
“I want to have you closer to home,” Maddy said, to Wyatt.
Piper couldn’t help remembering Maddy’s plan to play matchmaker for Wyatt. She supposed it would be a lot harder to pull off if Wyatt was living in Utah.
“Eventually he’ll be here full-time,” Eli said. “We’ll get to that.”
Piper had no doubt they would. She knew the Merrick brothers would make a success of their new ranch.
Chase had once told her the old Douglas ranch wasn’t the best land in the valley, nor was it in the best location. But it was good value for them, underpriced on the market with a ton of potential for improvements through irrigation and soil development.
She had faith that their hard work would pay off. Still, hearing them talk about the future made her feel lonely. Tristen might be around to see an airstrip, but she’d most certainly be gone by then, back to Deadwood or back to Chicago, on her own once again.
She took another bite of the linguini. It still tasted great, but her appetitive was gone.
“How’s Tristen?” Eli asked her.
“Good,” she automatically responded. Then she reconsidered her answer. Eli was Tristen’s father. He wasn’t simply being polite. “Pretty good,” she amended.
“How so?” Eli asked, giving her his full attention.
“Same as before. He’s still finding it hard to fit in at school.”
“It’ll take time.”
Intellectually, she understood that. It had taken Tristen a few months to make friends in Deadwood. He’d work it out in Marietta as well. But she hated that he had to do it all over again so soon. In her heart, she knew it wasn’t fair that he was the one to suffer for her life mistakes.
“Anything specific?” Eli asked.
“Bullies,” Maddy put in. She and Piper had talked many times about Tristen’s struggles.
“I’m not sure that’s all to blame on his being new,” Eli said and went back to eating.
Piper’s softer feeling for Eli evaporated. “What do you mean by that?”
Eli’s tone was uncompromising. “That there are bullies everywhere. A guy has to learn to cope. It’s part of growing up.”
“There’s no excuse for bullying,” Piper said.
“I agree on that,” Maddy said emphatically. “They should be expelled.”
Eli and Wyatt exchanged a knowing look.
Piper wanted to call them on it. But she didn’t want to start a fight and ruin Maddy’s delicious lunch.
“Salad?” Piper asked Wyatt, holding out the bowl.
“Go ahead,” Maddy teased her brother. “Be a maverick and eat something green.”
Eli was between Piper and Wyatt, and he took the bowl from her hand, passing it down to his brother.
“I’m not a stereotype,” Wyatt said, serving himself some of the salad.
“Are you dating?” Maddy asked him.
“Where did that come from?” Wyatt set down the salad tongs.
Eli sent a curious glance Piper’s way.
She was still annoyed with him. “Maddy wants some sisters-in-law,” she said to no one in particular.
“And some nieces and nephews,” Maddy said, starting at Wyatt. “A ranch needs plenty of boys.”
Wyatt made a show of looking both ways behind him. “What’s that got to do with me?”
“Hilarious,” Maddy drawled.
“I think Lucas is your best bet,” Wyatt said.
“I agree,” Maddy said. “But you’re number two on my hit list.”
“I spend too much time in the air,” Wyatt said.
“It doesn’t take that long,” Eli joked.
Then he seemed to remember Piper was there, and how the statement might sound relative to Tristen. Everyone went uncomfortably quiet.
Piper paused, feeling as unsettled as everyone else looked. She opened her mouth. Then she hesitated. Then she decided this was ridiculous.
“Tristen is living proof,” she said, finishing what was obviously everyone’s simultaneous thought.
Three astonished faces looked her way.
After a split-second pause, Maddy laughed. “That’s the end of your excuses, Wyatt.”
“I don’t need your help, little sister.”
“Then get a move on.”
Wyatt polished off his linguini. “That’s good advice.” He rose from the table. “I’m going to check the weather report.”
“Good luck,” Eli said, canting his head to look up at Wyatt.
“With flying out of here or with our sister?”
“Both.”
Finished eating her own meal, Piper stood to clear the table.
“I can get the dishes,” Maddy said.
“Happy to help,” Piper kept moving, wanting to stay distracted. She was annoyed with Eli, but she was also attracted to him, and she was far too thrilled that he was back at the ranch.
She didn’t want to be annoyed with him, and she didn’t want to be thrilled to see him. She wanted to be neutral. She wanted them to form some kind of cordial relationship where they could politely and analytically discuss Tristen’s upbringing, full stop.
She rinsed the plates and loaded them into the dishwasher. Then she filled the sink to wash the big pot. While the water ran, she wiped down the counters.
When she looked up, Eli was gone.
Maddy carried the empty salad bowl and plates from the table.
“You okay?” she asked Piper, as she set them down.
“I’m fine. You?”
“Eli didn’t mean anything.”
“I’m not upset about what Eli said. Everyone knows how I got pregnant with Tristen. I think we should stop tippy-toeing around it is all.”
“Good news. You didn’t exactly tippy-toe.”
“Then mission accomplished.” Piper dunked the pot in the water and washed it clean.
Maddy had no sooner finished loading the dishwasher than Riley rushed into the kitchen followed by Chase.
“Look, Mom,” Riley shouted. “See my new boots?” He proudly displayed a pair of tooled leather cowboy boots.
“You have got to be kidding me,” Maddy said to Chase. “You were supposed to get him snow boots.”
“We got those too,” Chase said, giving her a kiss. “Hi, Piper.”
“Hi, Chase.”
“He’s going to grow out of those fancy cowboy boots in a couple of months,” Maddy warned.
“It’ll be snowing in a couple months anyway. We’ll get him a new pair in the spring.”
“The way you outfit our kid is going to cost us a fortune.”
“He has to wear something on his feet. And he loves them.”
“Because they look like Dad’s,” Maddy said.
“Just like Dad’s ridin’ boots,” Riley echoed, strutting across the kitchen. “And like Uncle Zane’s and Uncle Eli’s. I’m going to ride bulls.”
“Not for a few more years,” Chase said.
“Steers come first,” Riley said with authority.
“Steers come first,” Chase echoed, ruffling Riley’s hair.
Piper caught an unexpected glimpse of Eli standing in the doorway watching the interplay between Chase and Riley. The stark expression on his face sent a pain shooting straight through her heart.
The moment brought home to her just what she’d done, how much Eli had missed. She’d selfishly kept Tristen away from his father for all those years. She’d kept the two from bonding. She’d kept Eli from loving his son, from enjoying his son, from influencing his son.
There was no way to go back and change it. She’d never make it up to him. She’d made a terrible, irredeemable mistake with no prospect for redemption.
Tears threatening, she knew she had to get out of this room. She brushed past Eli. She didn’t dare look up at him. She couldn’t handle seeing his pain and disappointment up this close.
She rushed up the stairway, through the sitting room, and into the sanctity of her bedroom. Eli’s bedroom—she couldn’t stop thinking of it as Eli’s bedroom. Tears burned hotter behind her eyes.
“Piper?”
She hadn’t realized Eli had followed.
She turned to close the bedroom door, but she was too late.
He was standing in front of her.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, the concern clear in his expression.
“Nothing.” She blinked rapidly.
He moved forward. “Seriously, Piper.”
“Nothing,” she repeated, desperately willing him to leave.
“I’m sorry about what I said back there.”
“I’m fine.”
“I didn’t think.”
“There was nothing wrong with what you said. You can say anything you like. And even if it did upset me, you have every right to say it. You have every right to insult me or complain about me or condemn me.”
“Insult you?” He looked baffled now. “Why would I want to insult you?”
“I’m sorry.” Twin tears leaked from her eyes. She couldn’t seem to stop them.
He closed the final gap between them. “Piper?”
He touched her shoulder, and she all but dissolved into misery.
“I’m so sorry.” She was crying now, and she couldn’t seem to stop it.
“What happened? You’re scaring me.”
“You missed so much,” she whispered, studying his expression.
Why didn’t he hate her? Maybe he did.
“I’ve only been gone five days,” he said.
“I don’t mean that.”
“What then?”
“Tristen,” she said. “I was wrong, Eli. I was so wrong to keep you two apart.”
He flinched. His expression tightened.
She braced herself.
“Are you expecting me to disagree?” he asked.
“No. Not at all.”
He stepped back. “I’m not about to make you feel better about that.”
“That’s not—” As she started to explain, she realized there was nothing to say. Her voice dropped to a raw whisper. “I’m so sorry.”
“So am I,” he said before leaving.