Chapter Ten
Eli slept ten hours, and still he could barely drag himself out of bed and into the shower. Every muscle in his body felt like it had been pummeled by a stallion’s hooves.
He didn’t regret going to the dance last night. Even now, with the hot water cascading down his aching body, he could picture Tristen dancing with Lucy. He was proud of the way Tristen had handled the peer pressure from his friends.
Tristen and Lucy made a cute couple in their break dancing outfits. And Tristen had looked relaxed and happy joking and laughing with her. From the sidelines, Eli had seen Cissy watching as well, a puzzled frown on her face. Eli was willing to bet it was the first time since puberty that a boy hadn’t fallen at her feet.
No, Eli didn’t regret going to the dance last night, even though it had been a stupid move on his part.
He knew he’d been belligerent yesterday. But advice from Piper was the last thing he wanted—especially where it came to his son. Eli couldn’t shake the visual of her and Lucas and Tristen standing together when he’d walked off the helicopter—that perfect little family unit.
Eli was Tristen’s dad. Full stop.
Now, Eli toweled off and popped a couple more painkillers. He stepped into a pair of worn gray sweat pants and groaned as he stretched out his arms and neck and rotated his shoulders. He should mostly rest today. But he’d move around a bit too, loosen things up.
He definitely needed to see Wyatt. Images of the crash were still fresh in Eli’s mind. He vividly remembered the sights, the sounds, the smells, and the cold grip of fear as they went in.
It was probably worse for Wyatt. Wyatt would need to talk it through.
Eli raked a hand through his wet hair and opened the bathroom door.
Piper’s voice from the sitting room surprised him. “How are you feeling?”
He turned his head to look at her standing in her molded jeans and a soft purple sweater that flattered her hair. His feelings went from anger to attraction to jealousy of Lucas. He pushed all of the emotions away.
He almost said fine. He was tempted to say fine. He didn’t want to give her an inch.
“Sore,” he said instead, too tired to lie.
“You pushed it.”
He immediately regretted his honesty. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“It’s not a failing,” she said.
“And I don’t feel like a failure.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it.” He turned for his room.
“Not for this,” she said. “This was nothing.”
Curious, he turned.
“I’m sorry I made so many mistakes in the past. I really am.”
They were back to that again? Was she looking for his forgiveness for keeping Tristen from him? Well, Eli wasn’t in a forgiving mood.
He kept his tone flat. “So you’ve said.”
She didn’t seem to have heard him. Her voice sounded far away. “The whole time, while you were missing, I mean, while I was terrified you were dead, I kept thinking about it. What I’d done. How unfair it was to you.”
“We’ve been over and over this.” He made to leave again.
“Eli, stop.”
Something in her voice made him stop.
“You’re making it hard.”
Eli had no intention of making it easy.
“I’m trying to say…” She was clearly floundering. “I watch Chase with Riley… I see them bonding. I see exactly how important these years are to him, to Chase. He’s a great dad.”
Eli clamped his jaw. What was she doing? Where was she going with this?
He knew full well there were sixteen years wasted, sixteen years where he could have raised his son, sixteen years where he could have been with Piper, showing her what kind of a dad he was, what kind of a man he was, giving himself a fighting chance against Lucas.
Piper started toward him. “I want to make it up to you.”
“You can’t,” he said.
“Let me try.”
He didn’t know what to say. How could she think there was something she could do after all this time?
She spoke into his silence. “We should start over.”
He almost laughed at the notion. “That’s not the way life works.”
“I think…” She paused. Her expression said she was screwing up her courage. “I think we should have another baby.”
Everything inside Eli went absolutely still.
An image of their lovemaking catapulted into his mind. It was followed by the vision of a newborn baby, their baby, Piper flushed and tired and happy because she’d given birth to their child—smiling up at him with love in her eyes.
Only she couldn’t do that. She wouldn’t do that. Because she didn’t love Eli. She pitied him.
“Why?” was the only question he could muster. It came out harsher than he’d intended.
She drew back, looking wounded. “You don’t want a baby?”
“Yes. I mean, no. I mean, why would you propose something so preposterous?”
“So you could be a father.”
“I’m already a father.”
Her eyes were wide and green and so beautiful in her lovely, amazing face. “So you could start from the beginning.”
He fought the growing part of him that wanted to say yes. He couldn’t possibly say yes. For both their sakes, for all of their sakes, he couldn’t compound their problems.
“A baby is not a consolation prize, Piper.”
“I don’t mean it that way.”
“Then what way do you mean it? Are we going to be a family? Are you and I going to be a couple?” His voice was getting louder, because the pain in his chest was growing more intense. Piper wasn’t his. She’d never been his.
“I want a baby,” she said, her voice quavering. “I want more babies. I’m young enough, and I’m not ready to stop growing my family.”
Eli desperately wanted them to be a family. He wanted them to be a couple. He wanted Piper beyond reason and above anything and everything else in his life.
He was in love with her—completely, solidly irrevocably in love with her—while she pitied him. He couldn’t stand to live that way. Neither could she.
She wasn’t thinking straight. She needed a reality check.
“What about Lucas?” he forced himself to ask, even though the words cut like knives.
Her gaze narrowed. It might have been guilt or it might have anger. “What do you mean, what about Lucas?”
“I mean, have you thought about growing your family with Lucas.”
“Eli!”
She acted like the suggestion was outrageous. But it wasn’t outrageous. It was logical and reasonable to anyone who wasn’t consumed by guilt and trying to clear her own conscience.
Eli didn’t allow himself to pull any punches. “You chose Lucas. You chose him. You only defaulted to me. And I’ve seen you two together. Whatever it was back then is—”
“You’re suggesting I have a baby with your brother?”
“I’m suggesting you become a family with the man you love.”
Piper opened her mouth. She closed it. Then she opened it again.
She seemed to be struggling for words.
When she finally spoke, her tone was icy. “I can’t believe you said that.”
It a strange way, Eli was relieved to have it out on the table. “Yet you’re not denying it.”
“You have no idea how Lucas and I feel about each other.”
“I have eyes in my head. My brother’s facial expressions, his body language, everything screams it out.”
“You’re wrong.”
“I’m not.”
The seconds ticked past while she glared at him.
“So,” she said. “That’s a no?”
“That’s a no.”
She turned on her heel.
“Where are you going?” he asked before he could stop himself.
“I think Lucas is still here.” She all but ran down the stairs.
Eli stood frozen, fighting the urge to go after her, to stop her, to tell her…what?
Instead of doing something foolish, he breathed deep. He lowered himself to the sofa. His body hurt. His mind hurt. And his heart hurt.
Piper wasn’t his. She never had been his, and she never would be his.
Minutes ticked past.
A small corner of Eli’s brain started yelling. It grew louder and louder.
Are you a complete and total fool? it demanded.
He should have said yes. He should have picked her up and carried her to his bed and made a baby right here and now.
Then she’d be his.
She might not love him. But on some level she’d be his.
Instead, she was going back to his brother.
A slow roll of panic made its way through him. This was worse than going down in the airplane. What, oh, what had he just done?
*
Piper grabbed a set of keys from the rack beside the back door. She could tell by the leather fob that they would start the blue pickup truck.
She was getting away from here. She’d go into Marietta for a start. She didn’t know what she’d do once she got there.
If not for Tristen, she’d get on a plane today. She’d get on the first plane she could find and fly away someplace, someplace she could be alone, someplace where Eli couldn’t hurt her anymore.
Her eyes burned. She ordered herself to buck up. Eli didn’t want her. He’d never wanted her. The happy family picture she’d allowed to form in her imagination had always been a fantasy.
She’d forgotten to bring a jacket, so she borrowed one from the hooks in the mud room. It was too big and smelled faintly of horse manure, but she didn’t care. It would keep her warm against the cold Montana wind.
Arms wrapped around herself, she crossed the porch, stepping down to the packed-dirt driveway. The sun had cleared the mountain peaks, but the air was cold. Crips brown leaves scuttled across the ground, collecting in piles against the blue truck’s tires. Frost obscured the windshield.
She was grateful to find the ranch yard deserted, since a tear had made it out of her eye, and more threatened to follow. The horses ignored her as she swiped it away. They were busy munching on the grass in the paddock and couldn’t care less about human emotions.
An air compressor thumped in the distance where workers were still finishing the barn. She headed for the truck, climbing in and starting the engine, gripping hard on the steering wheel as she waited for enough heat to build up to clear the windshield.
A sharp knock sounded on the driver’s side window.
At first she thought it was Eli, and her heart jumped against the solid lump that had formed in her chest. Why did he follow her? What more could he possibly want?
But she saw it was Lucas. She’d had no intention of going to Lucas. She’d only thrown that out because Eli’s words had hurt her so badly.
She didn’t want to talk to him or anyone else. She just wanted to get out of here.
But he stood staring at her, looking confused and concerned.
She unrolled the window, struggling to neutralize her expression.
“What’s wrong?” he asked her.
She shook her head, not trusting herself to speak.
“Is it Wyatt? Did they find something else?”
“No.” She shook her head.
“Piper?”
“I gotta go,” she said.
“What’s going on? Why are you crying?”
“I’m not crying.” She pulled the shifter into drive.
“Wait.” He gripped the door.
“I can’t.”
But he kept his hold on the truck, and she was afraid if she moved it she’d hurt him. He slid his hand along the hood as he rounded the front of the truck.
Before she realized what he was doing, he’d climbed into the passenger seat.
“Get out,” she said. She was past the point of being polite.
“It’s Eli, isn’t it?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Fine. We won’t talk about it. Where are you going?”
“Marietta.”
“I’ll come with you.” Lucas pulled on his seat belt. “We can not talk along the way.”
“I’m going alone.”
“I need a ride.”
The back door opened and Eli appeared on the porch. He zeroed in on the running truck, on Piper at the wheel, and on Lucas beside her.
Piper’s heart thudded hard.
Eli’s nostrils flared, and his eyes turned to blue ice. His big hands moved to his hips.
Fear, anger and hopelessness hit her all at once. She took her foot off the brake and hit the gas, pulling the truck into an arc, the tires skidding in the dirt.
“Whoa,” Lucas intoned.
“You insisted on coming,” she said.
“Just try to get me there in one piece.” He glanced in the side mirror and stilled. It was obvious he saw Eli.
“You had a fight with him,” Lucas said.
A shrill laugh erupted from Piper. She chopped it off. “Sorry.”
Lucas turned in his seat, propping his elbow on the back, facing her. “You’ve got me worried.”
She negotiated the bends and potholes in the long driveway. She didn’t want to talk. But she had to talk. She had to talk to someone.
“After all these years…” she found herself saying. “It’s ironic. It’s so unbelievably ironic.”
Lucas didn’t push. He didn’t ask any more questions. He just waited.
“You’d think I would learn, wouldn’t you? You’d think I would learn the Merrick men are hard to get.” Her voice rose. “Merrick men don’t jump into bed with just anyone. They sure don’t jump into bed with me. It’s beyond humiliating.”
Lucas glanced out the back window, as if he was looking for Eli, even though the ranch house was long since out of sight. “Are you saying Eli turned you down?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“I don’t care.”
“My brother, Eli Merrick, said no to sleeping with you?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
She started to answer then stopped herself, reframing. “On principle, I guess.”
“Eli’s not that principled.”
She shot Lucas a look of disbelief. He loved his brother.
“He’s not,” Lucas repeated. “He’s got it bad for you, and no way, no how, does he turn you down if you’re willing.”
“He says the same thing about you.” The words were out of her mouth before she thought them through.
It took Lucas a moment to respond. “That was a long time ago.”
She knew she had to explain. “He says you have a thing for me. He’s wrong about that. And you’re equally wrong about him.”
Lucas shifted in his seat, obviously pondering her words. “Does he actually think you’ve still got a thing for me? After all these years? After what I did?”
She hesitated as she pulled onto the main road. But she’d come this far. She didn’t see much point in holding back. It wasn’t like Lucas didn’t know her other embarrassing secrets.
“Eli thinks I’m still in love with you,” she said.
“You were never in love with me.”
“I thought I was.”
“That wasn’t love.”
“I know that now.”
Lucas’s shoulders relaxed, and there was a hint of a smile in his tone. “Let me guess, you know that because now you can tell the difference.” Lucas paused. “That’s it, isn’t it? You’re in love with Eli.”
“I…” She knew it was true. It had to be true. Nothing else made sense.
“I have to say, I really don’t see the problem,” Lucas said.
“That’s because you’re not listening to me.”
“I am listening to you. I’m hearing that Eli’s confused, and we need to set him straight.”
Piper knew it wasn’t that simple. “I told him we should have another baby.”
The statement silenced Lucas, and Piper immediately wished she’d kept that little factoid to herself. Said out loud, it was beyond embarrassing.
“Why would you do that?” Lucas asked.
“I thought… I thought…” As she tried to form an explanation, the brutal truth struck her. “I thought he would forgive me if I gave him another chance to be a father.”
There it was.
That was it.
She wanted Eli to forgive her. Because he couldn’t love her if he didn’t forgive her. And she loved him so very much.
Lucas turned thoughtful. “What did he say?”
“He didn’t forgive me, that’s for sure.”
“My brother’s a fool.”
“I’m the fool. I just keep making mistake after mistake after mistake.”
“None of this is your fault.”
“All of this is my fault, Lucas.” They were the truest words of her life. “It’s all my fault, and I’m going to have to live with that.”
*
In his hospital bed, Wyatt looked stronger than he had yesterday. Eli was grateful to see the color in his cheeks and the alert expression in his eyes.
No matter how bad he’d messed up his own life this morning, Eli was sincerely happy to see his brother looking this good.
“How are you feeling?” Eli asked.
“Good. We must have good genetics, because I’m healing fast.”
“And emotionally?” Eli asked.
Wyatt looked puzzled. “I’m not dead. I’m happy about that.”
“Are you remembering the crash? Flashing back?”
Wyatt sobered. “I remember the wheels touching down. I remember it was bumpy. I remember worrying I might lose control. But after that, there are just flashes, hazy flashes.” He paused. “I knew you were there. I could hear your voice. It faded in and out, but I always knew you were there.”
“I was reading to you.”
Wyatt smiled. “I knew you’d take care of me.” His smile disappeared. “I think the crash was way harder on you than me. How are you holding up?”
“I’m doing fine.” Eli gave an extended nod. He knew the memories from the accident would fade. It was the memories of Piper that were going to haunt him.
She’d driven off with Lucas this morning.
He’d pushed her into his brother’s arms, and they’d left the ranch together. Maybe she was already on her way to New York City.
“Glad to hear it.” Wyatt pushed away the wheeled tray with a half-played game of solitaire. “They’re going to spring me this afternoon.”
Eli sat down in the orange vinyl chair next to the hospital bed. “I’ll wait and drive you home.”
“No need. I’m going straight back to Granite Vale.”
Eli didn’t think he’d heard right. “You can’t do that.”
“Sure I can.”
“Why? Come home. Heal for a while. It’s not like you can go back to work any time soon.” Eli knew Maddy was itching to take care of Wyatt.
Wyatt counted on his fingers. “I have to start the insurance claim, reorganize my schedule, and Amelia is about to tear down a wall.”
“You can call the insurance company from here. And you can call your customers.”
“What about Amelia?”
“It’s her house. If she messes it up, it’s her responsibility.”
Before Wyatt could respond, Lucas appeared, sauntering into the room.
Everything inside Eli balled up to anger.
They’d come here? Lucas had brought her here?
“Hey, Lucas,” Wyatt greeted. “I just told Eli they’re letting me leave.”
“That’s great news,” Lucas said easily, sauntering to the bed.
Eli watched the doorway behind him, but it remained empty. “Where’s Piper?”
Wyatt gave Eli a confused look.
Lucas shrugged.
“You left with her,” Eli said. His voice was hard, his tone challenging.
“Something up?” Wyatt asked, glancing between the two of them.
“You want to take this outside?” Lucas asked Eli.
Wyatt sat up straighter. “Oh, no, you don’t.”
“Sure,” Eli said, coming to his feet. He wasn’t sure he could throw a decent punch. But he was definitely in the mood for a knock-down, drag-out argument.
“Nobody moves,” Wyatt ordered.
“You don’t need to hear this,” Eli said.
A nurse bustled in. “Mr. Merrick,” she said to Wyatt. “One more temperature and blood pressure check.”
“Don’t let either of those two leave this room,” Wyatt said to her.
“I’ll only be a minute,” the nurse said.
“You have the intellect of a gnat,” Lucas said to Eli in an undertone.
“You have the loyalty of a rattlesnake,” Eli said in return.
“Speak up,” Wyatt said.
“She thinks you haven’t forgiven her,” Lucas said in a louder voice.
“I haven’t,” Eli said.
“Everything looks fine,” the nurse said. “How are your ribs? Do you need something for the pain?”
“I’m feeling okay,” Wyatt answered.
“The doctor will be doing rounds in a couple of hours. Sit tight for now.”
“Will do,” Wyatt said.
“Are you going to do it?” Eli asked Lucas. He dreaded the answer, but he couldn’t go another second without knowing if Lucas was going to start his own little family with Piper.
“Do what?” Wyatt asked.
“Do what?” Lucas echoed.
“You know what I’m talking about,” Eli said to Lucas. His anger was rising, but his heart was breaking. Each emotion was at war with the other. “Take Piper. Be with Piper. Get her pregnant. Marry her. Live happily ever after like you should have done before I came along and ruined it.”
“What?” Wyatt asked.
Lucas didn’t respond to the outburst. “Why won’t you forgive her?”
“Why won’t you answer?”
Lucas stepped closer to Eli, peering pointedly into his eyes.
Wyatt sat up straight. “Don’t you dare throw a punch, either of you. I’m in no shape to break up a fight.”
“No,” Lucas said straight to Eli’s face. “I’m not going to be with Piper or marry Piper. I’m most definitely not going to get her pregnant.”
Relief nearly staggered Eli.
Lucas searched Eli’s expression. “Why on earth won’t you forgive her?”
“I have,” Eli said.
He realized he’d forgiven Piper weeks ago. He’d forgiven her about the same time he’d fallen in love with her. Then he’d forgiven her again, each and every day as he’d grown closer to Tristen.
She’d done an amazing job of raising their son by herself. She’d been caught in an impossible situation, and she’d done the best she could.
“So tell her,” Lucas said.
Eli didn’t dispute the advice. But he doubted she’d let him into the same room as her, never mind listen to him.
“It wasn’t ever her fault,” Lucas said.
“It wasn’t anybody’s fault,” Eli said.
His anger disappeared then. It evaporated like mist. And he was left with nothing but heartache.
“I can’t believe I have to make this clear yet again,” Lucas said. “But Piper and I were through before you even picked her up that night. It was never meant to be between us. She knows that, and I know that. You’re the only one who doesn’t.”
Eli saw the sincerity in Lucas’s eyes. He trusted his brother. But his brother didn’t know what was in Piper’s heart.
“You can’t speak for her.”
“Good thing she can speak for herself,” Lucas said. “She said she wants to have your baby.”
“Hello?” Wyatt said from the bed.
Eli silently reframed Piper’s words.
“Wait for it,” Lucas said to Wyatt.
If Piper wanted a baby, she could have one. She didn’t need Eli’s permission, never mind his participation to get pregnant.
Yet, she’d asked him. She’d said he could start over, said she would make up for Tristen by giving Eli another chance at fatherhood.
Would Piper have a baby, make a lifetime commitment solely out of guilt? The question gave him serious pause. The Piper he’d come to know wouldn’t do that.
She said she wanted a bigger family. What’s more, she wanted that family with Eli.
That might mean…
That could mean…
“Now he’s getting it,” Lucas said to Wyatt.
“He’s pretty thick,” Wyatt said in return. “And I’m the one doped up on painkillers.”
“I think I’m going to need a ring,” Eli said.
His brothers might have answered. Mostly, he thought he could hear them laughing as he rushed out of the hospital room.
It didn’t take him long to find a jewelry store in Marietta.
A solitaire seemed the easiest to choose. And he rather liked the idea of throwing a little bit of tradition into their unconventional relationship.
He wondered if Piper would be willing to wear a wedding gown. He could picture her in classic white lace, at the front of a church, her soft moss-colored eyes gazing lovingly into his. It was such a compelling picture.
They’d say their vows. He’d kiss her long and hard. And they’d rush off on a honeymoon where they’d make another baby, maybe a daughter this time.
He pointed to the biggest of the three diamond rings in front of him. “I’ll take that one.” He handed the clerk his credit card.
Piper better say yes.
She had to say yes.
If she hesitated, he’d get the entire family to gang up on her. He wasn’t above using coercion to make her his.
He watched the clerk ring up the sale.
Truth was, he was way above using coercion.
He needed a plan.
He needed to show her exactly how good they could be together before he popped the question.