Salt tinged the cool breeze that blew my hair off my shoulders, and crashing waves sounded outside my summer home in Corbin. I wrapped my arms around myself as I slowly walked barefoot around the house, heading straight for the gardenia bushes that bordered it.

Home.

The weight that had crushed my chest throughout the entire trip here lessened as I sank to the ground in the same spot I had as a child, as I had for so many years. I didn’t care that my slacks were now ruined with the rich soil among the white flowers, or that I was expected to greet my parents inside the moment I arrived. I needed this moment, these few stolen breaths to collect myself, and here, surrounded by the smell of salt and gardenia, I felt more myself than I had in years.

I fingered one of the silky petals, swallowing back the tears that had threatened to come since I’d left Jameson. Since I’d told him I couldn’t be who he needed me to be—a decision I grappled with for an entire day. When it came down to it, I simply couldn’t agree to a relationship that was forced onto us by Parliament. And no matter how awful it hurt, how much it shattered me to leave him when he wanted me…it had to be done.

I’d made a choice for myself, for once—wasn’t it supposed to feel better than this? Shouldn’t I have some sort of elation over the fact that I, of my own free will and power, returned home so I could start a life that was dictated by my own actions and desires, not the royal family’s?

If that’s the case, then why does it hurt so damn much?

I plucked off a half-dying petal and brought it to my nose. I closed my eyes and saw Jaime. Not as he was now, a gorgeous man with the power to unravel me, but as he’d been…when I’d fallen in love with him.

Digging out the box I’d buried the memory in physically shook me, but if there was ever a time to fall into it, lose myself in it, it was now. One more final piece of pain to feel before I let go of him forever. Before I wished him well with his new queen.

A sharp sting sliced my chest, and I sucked in a stuttered breath.

“Knew I’d find you here,” Jameson said, his hair wild in the breeze.

I jolted at the sound of his voice, dropping my book. “You made me lose my spot!” I blurted, my cheeks heating when he sank eye-level with me and scooped up the book.

He smiled that same grin that made butterflies flap in my stomach every single time. “Sorry, Charlie,” he said, and I swallowed hard. “Here.” He flipped through the pages before handing it back to me. “You’re just about to get to the good part.”

“Don’t spoil it!” I grabbed the book and clutched it to my chest.

He laughed which made me laugh.

“And ruin the fun? Never.”

He sat beside me, his arms behind his head as he got comfortable against the wall of the house I leaned against. The flowers had just bloomed, and usually it was enough to hide me away from the world. My one place to escape the lessons of the day that never seemed to end. Other thirteen-year-old girls worried about classes. I worried about the class system in the history of Elleston and how Parliament would react to Jameson’s dad’s newest bill. We weren’t a normal family and sometimes I needed something solidly mine to feel grounded.

But Jameson always found me.

Not that I minded.

I hadn’t for a year or so, now. I actually hoped he’d seek me out.

“What are you doing?” I managed to ask as he continued to stare at me like I had something on my face. God, I hope I didn’t.

“Waiting for you to start reading again.”

I allowed myself a small chuckle. “Why on earth would you do that?”

He wetted his lips, making my heart race as he smiled. “I want to see your face when the twist comes.”

Another rush of heat over my skin, one I tried to hide by returning focus to the book in my hands and not the gorgeous boy beside me. Jameson and Xander were twins—sometimes even their own mother had a hard time telling them apart—but I could always tell. Subtle differences in the flecks of gold in Jameson’s eyes versus Xander’s, or the way he moved. But mostly, it was a feeling, a sense of warmth whenever Jameson was near.

He sat there, silent, content, watching me read, as he’d done every day for these first months of summer. I think as wild as he was when his parents watched him, he actually craved the quiet, like me.

After an hour, he slid his hand over my back, and I froze under the warm touch. “Same time tomorrow?”

I tore my gaze away from the words that had captured me, and smiled at him, only able to nod in answer. I watched him as he walked away, never once disturbing the flowers that had become so much our place.

When I was sure the blush was off my cheeks, I returned to the back patio, where my parents were popping champagne to celebrate something.

“Charlotte, dear!” my mother called to me. “There you are!” She waved me over, her demeanor much more excited than usual.

“What’s going on,” I asked, holding the book behind me as I made sure my shoulders were straight. Mother was crazy about posture.

A loud whoop! sounded through the air, and I snapped my head to the right, watching as Jameson rid himself of his shirt and stormed down the beach, and dove into the ocean. Xander was already far out in the waves, likely his first break of the day.

“We have exciting news,” mother said, drawing my attention away from Jameson who, after taking one quick dive, returned to the shore of the beach, his hair dripping wet and a wild grin on his face.

“Yes?” I asked, glancing between the two of them and praying they were whisking us to some other location for the remainder of the summer. I liked it here…liked the ocean, the gardenias…Jameson. My eyes helplessly trailed to him again, unable to not seek him out when he was only at the edge of the beach.

Mother gripped my shoulder in a side hug, her smile breathtaking. “Don’t think we haven’t noticed how the two of you look at each other,” she said, nodding toward Jameson and my entire body cringed.

“Mom,” I groaned before I could think better of it. I took a quick breath. “Sorry.”

“Quite all right,” she said, her smile only slightly faltering at my blunder. “We have spoken at length with their Majesties the Wyndhams,” she said, her tone bubbling with barely contained excitement. “And, well, honey, it’s official.” She motioned toward where Jameson kicked at the incoming tide, waving to his brother. “You are now betrothed to Alexander Wyndham, and will be the future Queen of Elleston.”

The air rushed from my lungs as my eyes darted between where she stared Jameson down.

“Well?” she asked, finally glancing at me before looking to Jameson again. “Aren’t you thrilled, Charlotte? Now the courtship you and Alexander have been conducting in secret will be nurtured and supported until it is his time to take the throne.”

My mouth dropped, and not because she’d called weeks of reading in the flowers a courtship. “Mom,” I gasped, tears in my eyes. I lifted my finger, pointing to Jameson. “That’s Jameson.”

“What?” She blinked several times, shaking her head. “No, dear, you’re mistaken. That’s Alexander.”

I clenched my eyes shut. “No, Mom. That’s Jameson.”

“But…” her voice trailed off, the rest of her sentence loss in the shock of ever being wrong.

I stood there, frozen, incapable of words. Xander was my friend. I liked him, but Jameson…I loved him. He was the one who made my stomach flip, he was the one who made me laugh, he was the one who pushed me, who was content to be next to me in our secret place, quiet and lost and free from the world’s pressures.

“Well,” she said after my stepfather had cleared his throat and taken his scotch inside. “You’re young. You will learn to love Alexander. And you will be the best queen Elleston has ever seen. That I’m sure of.”

She patted me on the shoulder and left me standing there, tears rolling down my cheeks as I watched the boy of my dreams splash around like our world hadn’t been altered. Like my parents hadn’t just sealed me in the cruelest fate because they couldn’t tell the difference between the twins.

I wiped the fresh tears off my face, somehow feeling like I’d been crying for over a decade, and pushed to my feet. I gazed out at the same spot I had all those years ago, and let my heart feel the break all over again.

Jaime and I had never been meant for each other, despite how well we fit together.

The world wouldn’t allow it, and now it was much too late to spend time living in a dream.

* * *

“I’m so pleased to see you again, Duchess,” Lady Julia said, greeting me with a soft handshake as I took a seat in her office.

The building that housed the Foundation for Women’s Progression was over a hundred years old with some of the most beautiful architecture I’d ever seen. The intricate details in the stonework alone were enough to captivate you for hours, but the history soaked within the walls was rich with women doing all they could to make a change. Even when it seemed inevitable.

Women just like me—in a position of power because of their blood, and willing to do whatever it took to bring parliament, and Elleston, into the modern world.

“We’re so thrilled you’re considering becoming chairman. A woman with your familial ties and connection to the Royal Family will make a tremendous difference.” She had a kind smile as she shuffled some papers around on her immaculate desk. “Parliament might actually listen to us with you behind the wheel.”

I inhaled deeply, the pride in the thought filling the aches in my heart. This was what I needed. Something that I could do on my own, without being told to do it. “I was honored when you contacted me about the position.”

“Well,” she said, grinning. “How could I not? I know your plans were elsewhere, but given the situation, I wanted to make available to you a position where you could make a real difference.”

I nodded. I intended to, as well. Xander’s abdicating the throne occurred because Parliament was stuck in a dead tradition, and while I knew Jaime would be an excellent king to usher in a new era, I wouldn’t sit idle while he did. I had been bred to lead, to inspire change, and I would be able to do that here...and it would be for me. For the country I loved. Not because of a title attached to it.

“I’m eager to see what you have in mind,” I said, taking another full breath. Half of me still ached with the wounds leaving Jaime had left on my soul, but the other half was bursting to make a change on my own.

No one told me to take this position—in fact, my mother had advised against it. Heading up such a progressive organization would draw attention not only from Parliament but from those wishing to bring it down as well. But I’d been in the public eye my entire life, and at least now I would be the one behind the decision-making process, and behind the way I was viewed.

“This is an informal interview, as you know,” she said. “We’ll have a proper interview with the board in a week, but honestly with your credentials, I don’t believe there is a better woman suited for the job.”

“Thank you,” I said, mimicking her as she stood from her chair. She came around the desk and beamed up at me.

“Let me give you a tour of where you’ll be working,” she said, winking as she looped her arm within mine.

Working. Job. Mine.

I sighed, smiling and trying to ignore the slight sense of loss as I walked toward my new future, and said goodbye to what I’d for the briefest moments…ones between Jaime’s kisses…dreamed could be mine. And I hated that the ache in my heart begged me to fight for both—to be both myself and his. In a perfect world, one where I had the sayso, one where a tradition or Parliament didn’t dictate his or my actions, then he would always be my choice.