“Are you sure you have everything ready?”
I’m not always totally confident when somebody tells me they’re prepared for a storm. Especially when it’s my mom, or the woman who is the only mother I’ve ever known. The governor declared a state of emergency yesterday when the National Hurricane Center increased the hurricane watch to a warning. Hera is coming, and we need to be ready for her.
Sunday dinner had been cancelled last night so the house could be prepped.
Thank fuck!
I don’t know what excuse I would have given for my absence, but there was no way I could show my face anywhere the Hawkes were gathered after what happened with Skye in the morning.
Guilt tells me I should still have shown up to help Ben get the house boarded up and ready for the storm, but I couldn’t bring myself to go and look anyone in the eye knowing what I did to Skye.
Plus, after Skye flew out of my place, I had to deal with my father’s lawyer. He called an hour after she left and wanted to discuss my father’s will and funeral arrangements. I assured him I didn’t want anything from Brian Dunne—except a few items that had belonged to my mother that I remembered being in the house while I was growing up—and informed him they could toss my father’s body in the Mississippi for all I cared.
After I hung up on him, I briefly spoke with Savage about it, then spent the rest of the day drinking and contemplating every awful decision I’ve ever made in my life.
But one decision I can never regret, no matter how painful things might be right now with Skye, was cutting myself off from that awful man and letting the Hawkes be my true family. That’s precisely why I worry so damn much about all of them.
“Yes, Gabe, Ben took care of everything yesterday. I am going to run out to the store right now to grab a few last minute items, but I’m otherwise totally set.”
Riding out the storms at the Hawkes had always been somewhat of a tradition. But now that Savage had Dani and was remaining at the condo, and I was in this weird situation with Skye, who I know will be there, I’ve decided it’s best if I just stay at home.
“Did you get the extra gas for the generator?”
She sighs, and I can picture her rolling her eyes at my overprotectiveness. “For the third time, yes. I’m ready.”
“I know you told me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t need to check again just for my own peace of mind.”
A light chuckle filters over the line. “Well, thank you for checking, Gabe. Between you, Ben, and Savage, I’ve spent more time assuring everyone I’m all right than I have actually doing any prep for the storm. I’ll be fine. Skye says she will be here by midafternoon tomorrow, and she’s going to stay until the warnings expire and the streets are safe again.”
My stomach turns thinking about Skye trying to drive over there in deteriorating conditions. “Why isn’t she there now?”
“Because she volunteered to go into the hospital today and tomorrow morning to help them prepare before the storm hits. They are saying landfall will be later in the evening, so she’ll be fine heading over here earlier.”
It doesn’t appease my worry for her. She’ll probably be pissed when her mom tells her I was so concerned. But that’s only because she doesn’t understand why I ended things. She doesn’t get that it’s the best thing for everyone. One day, maybe, she’ll understand and forgive me.
“Okay, well let me know if you guys need anything. I’m just finishing up some things at the club and then I’m heading home.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to come over with us?” I let out a sigh. I would love nothing more than to be there to ensure Skye and her mother are safe. But God knows I cannot be in a confined space with Skye right now.
Every time I think about the look in her eyes when she left my place, my body shakes and my chest tightens so much I can barely breathe. If the storm wasn’t about to rain down on the city, I’d be making another appointment with Doc just so I could talk about what I did and have somebody assure me I did the right thing. Then again, Doc would never say that. She would talk me in circles until I finally figured out for myself whether I’d done the right thing or not.
“Yes, I’m sure. But give me a call and let me know if you need anything. It’s not impossible for me to get there with the Hummer if there’s an emergency.”
“Okay, I will, Gabe. Stay safe. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
Shit.
Why couldn’t I have said that to Skye yesterday instead of ending things? I’ve never said those words to a woman, other than the one I just hung up with. They are too powerful to be thrown around. Hearing them from Skye was the ultimate blow to the gut. I thought I could get away relatively unscathed, but now, that’s out of the question.
I stare out the window of my office. The tumultuous sky outside confirms everything the National Hurricane Center has been saying. The storm is going to hit hard soon. With all the flooding and destruction it’s already caused in Florida and the Caribbean, I’m not so sure we’ll get through this one unscathed.
The check-list on my desk is complete; it’s the same one I’ve used every time a storm has hit since we opened this place. Byron and I have already touched base with all the girls to make sure they had somewhere safe to ride out the storm, but I needed to double-check the list to make sure everything was taken care of before I could relax.
My eyes wander over to the couch on the far side of the office. Christ, I can’t believe Skye was over there touching herself while I jerked off. Blood rushes to my cock just thinking about it.
You did the right thing.
It hurts now, but this is for the best.
That’s what I keep trying to tell myself. Because while she may be pissed and hurt now, and while it fucking kills me, it’s ultimately going to be the best for everyone.
There’s a knock on my door, and Byron pops his head in. “Hey, I just got everything finished up downstairs. I’m going to take off and head home.”
“Where you riding out the storm?”
Byron eyes dart away from me, and he shifts uncomfortably before returning his gaze to mine. “At a friend’s house.”
I smile and chuckle even though I probably shouldn’t. I’m pretty sure the “friend” he’s referring to is his boyfriend, but if he doesn’t want to share that with me, I’m certainly not going to make him uncomfortable by pressing it.
“Be safe. I’ll see you in a couple days.”
“You too, man.”
The worry I have for Skye forms a knot in my stomach. I know I shouldn’t, but I need to make sure she’s all right.
“Are we all set on this floor?” I peer over Brenda’s shoulder at the emergency storm protocol checklist on her clipboard.
She runs her pen down the column on the left, checking off the items we just moved down to the ER from the supply closets on some of the upper floors. “Yep, it looks like that’s everything on this page.”
The next page contains additional items we need to locate from other departments. “All right, Brenda, you take the first ten, and I’ll take the last ten. Does that work?”
“Sounds great.” We split off in different directions.
The hospital is already a madhouse and the hurricane hasn’t even hit yet. After Katrina, the entire protocol for storms was revamped. Everyone on staff at the hospital who deals with patients directly is called in for two days. The only reason I’m going to be able to leave and go to Mom’s tomorrow is I’m not an employee of the hospital, and we close our offices during storm warnings. But I’m going to volunteer as much of my time as possible before I have to head out to her house.
Staying busy helps me keep my mind off Gabe and what happened yesterday. After I left his place, I went straight home and spent the rest of the day in bed alternating between feeling sorry for myself and being enraged with Gabe. If homicide didn’t carry such a steep penalty, it might actually be on the table.
Part of me wants to call him to give him a chance to change his mind, but the other part screams at me that he had his chance and he couldn’t be a fucking adult.
Let him be.
I repeat it to myself a thousand times every hour as I carry box after box around the hospital.
My phone vibrates in my pocket; it’s probably Mom or Savage texting to confirm something for tomorrow. He’s opting to stay at his place with Dani because he thinks she’ll be more comfortable there, but he’s already freaking out about me being alone with Mom out at the house. This is the first major storm since Savage and Dani got together and the first time he won’t be with us. I understand his concern, so I’ve been trying to placate him with assurances we will be fine.
When I see the text from Gabe, I’m tempted to toss my phone in the nearest trashcan.
> Are you okay? <
Yes, I’m just fucking wonderful.
What does he expect me to say? That things are lovely? That I haven’t cried a thousand tears in the last twenty-four hours, that I don’t wish I could take back the words I said to him as he tore my heart out?
I take a deep breath and try to be as adult as I can, given the situation.
< I’m fine. At the hospital >
> Is there any way you can go to your mom’s tonight instead of tomorrow? <
My face heats as my temper flares. What business of his is it when I get to Mom’s? I’ll get there when I get there. I’m not going to abandon the staff here until I absolutely have to leave.
< Why does it matter to you? >
> Because I need to know you’re safe. Will you please leave the hospital as early as you can and text me to let me know you left? <
Should I be pissed or ecstatic at his reply? I know he loves me. I understand he’s lying to himself when he says he doesn’t want me, doesn’t want us. Can I really be mad at him for wanting to make sure I’m all right and worrying about me? Aren’t I going to worry about him, too, no matter what happened?
I sigh and type out my response.
< I’ll text you when I leave >
> And when you arrive at your mom’s? <
Demanding, isn’t he?
< Yes, and when I get to Mom’s >
There are a million other things I want to say to him, but I hold them all back. They won’t change anything, especially now when we all have other stuff to worry about.
We can talk after the storm passes. I can make him see what he’s doing to himself and to me and why it’s so fucking asinine.
“Hey Skye?”
I turn toward my name. “Yeah?”
“Brenda is looking for you. She’s over in the intake area.”
“All right, I’ll be right over.”
Keep busy.
Get shit done.
Stop thinking about Gabe.
I pray this hurricane won’t do any more damage to the city, to Gabe, or me. I’m not so sure any of us can survive if it does.