Someone clears their throat, and I manage to move my head so I can see who is to the left of my bed.
Fuck. Savage.
I forgot he was here. He heard all of that, and saw Skye throw herself at me.
His cold, hard eyes meet mine, and he gives me an awkward nod. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
Without another word, Savage turns and disappears out the open door.
Well, fuck.
I can’t remember a single time since I met Savage at age six that he treated me with such cold disdain. He can be a real asshole, but underneath it all is always the warmth of my best friend. There was none of that just now. That man was not the man I know. And that fucking terrifies me.
Skye’s eyes follow him out just as a nurse bustles in with a bright smile, bee-lining for the IV stand and machines next to Skye.
Maybe I will be okay, but things are definitely not okay with Savage.
We’ve never had any kind of test of our friendship before, unless you count the accident. But for me, there wasn’t even a question I needed to step up and help him with whatever he needed. I would have done, and did give, anything and everything to help him and bring him back home. Things would never be the same, we both knew that, but I wasn’t about to let what happened to him change our friendship.
Nothing has ever come between us before, and the fact it’s his sister makes this different. This may be something we can’t overcome. And that breaks my fucking heart because, after the accident, at least I still had him. Now, I have nothing.
When Skye returns her attention to me, the tears are still falling and the guilt overwhelms me.
It’s all my fault.
I drove a wedge between her and Savage all because I wasn’t strong enough to push her away permanently.
“Mr. Anderson, how are we feeling?” The nurse smiles at me as she fiddles with something on the IV stand.
Might as well go with honesty here. Maybe it’ll get a laugh.
“Like I got shot.”
Skye winces, and I instantly regret my attempt at honesty as humor.
The nurse tosses me a dirty look. I guess she didn’t like my joke either. “Well, that’s to be expected. What’s your pain level like?”
I instinctively check Skye before answering.
It fucking hurts. A lot. Like, more than I ever thought possible. But, if I tell the nurse that, it will only make Skye feel worse.
“Uh, not too bad.”
Skye’s eyes narrow on me.
She’s not buying it.
I look to the nurse, who’s now hanging a new bag on the IV stand. She mimics Skye’s reaction.
Guess I’m not fooling anyone.
Without returning my eyes to Skye, I close them and drop my head back against the pillow, letting out a sigh of resignation. “Okay, it’s bad.”
“I would imagine so, Mr. Anderson. The doctor is on his way, and once you’re done talking to him, we’ll get you something to make you feel better.”
I hate pain meds. Really, really hate them.
The mindless fog they put you in and the very real potential for abuse has always made me leery of taking anything if it isn’t absolutely necessary. But the last few minutes awake have convinced me this is one of those times.
Who would have thought, I make it through six tours without getting shot and then come here to get blasted by Skye’s psycho fuck buddy. I should have known pussy would be the harbinger of my demise.
Skye squeezes my hand, and I explore her stormy blue eyes. She wants to say something, probably apologize again, but I won’t let her. It wasn’t her fault. None of it.
If I hadn’t been such a fucking asshole, we would have been talking, and I would have given her a ride to her mom’s house and ridden out the storm with them. I never would have had to search for her, there never would have been the misunderstanding, and I wouldn’t have ended up here. None of it was her fault, not a single fucking thing.
All she’s ever done is want me and love me, and all she requested in return was for me to do the same. And I couldn’t.
I can’t.
There’s no way I’m going to be the reason she destroys her relationship with Savage. It may be too late for me to salvage my friendship with him, but she doesn’t have to lose her brother because of my stupidity.
I have to let her go.
The pain of making that decision tears through me stronger and harder than the bullet did. I love her more than I ever thought possible. But I was never meant to have her. It’s the only possible way to start to repair what’s been broken.
The look in Gabe’s eyes turns the blood in my veins to ice. Something’s going on inside his head and it isn’t good.
Savage didn’t help things. I don’t know how much Gabe heard, but the fact Savage could actually think so little of him was heartbreaking for me, so I can only imagine what it would do to Gabe if he knew how Savage felt.
But this isn’t the time to broach the subject with him.
The doctor strolls in and grabs the chart from the nurse. “It’s nice to see you awake, Mr. Anderson. I’m Dr. Schaefer. How are you feeling?”
“Shitty.”
I flick my eyes from Gabe to the doctor and he smiles. “Mr. Anderson, you were struck by lightning and shot, so feeling shitty doesn’t surprise me.”
Gabe manages a weak smile, and Dr. Schaefer leans against the end of the bed. “The bullet tore through your spleen. We had to perform an exploratory laparotomy with splenectomy, which basically means we opened you up, looked around to make sure there wasn’t damage to any other organs or major vessels, removed the spleen, and sealed you back up.”
“Don’t I need a spleen?”
The doctor chuckles and smiles at Gabe. “Fortunately, the spleen is one of those organs you can actually live without and pretty much maintain your regular lifestyle. It’s kind of a supporting player, so to speak, and helps the immune system filter blood. The biggest concern with removing the spleen is that it helps fight off certain types of bacteria, so without it, you are more susceptible to certain infections, like pneumonia and meningitis. Your body was having a tough time fighting off an infection you developed post-surgery and you had some issues with your lungs. We had to do several rounds of IV antibiotics before you finally started showing some improvement.”
Gabe’s worried. I don’t blame him. Without the medical knowledge I have, I would probably be freaking out if I were in his place.
“But I’m okay now?”
I squeeze his hand. The doctor gives him a reassuring smile. “You will be very soon. We’re going to keep you here for another week or so to give you some more antibiotics and to make sure all your systems are operating properly after the lightning strike and major surgery.
“When the lightning struck you, it caused the muscles in your body, especially your neck and shoulders, to convulse so forcefully, it actually caused your shoulder to dislocate. You’re very lucky. Your clothes being wet may have actually saved your life. Most of the charge from the lightning likely conducted through your wet clothes rather than your body. I know you were able to pop your shoulder back into place, which definitely is something we would have preferred to be left to a professional.” His eyes meet mine, and he gives me a knowing smile. “But luckily, the ligaments and muscles were just stretched, there was no tearing or major damage. That means you won’t have to spend a great deal of time with it immobile. Keep it in the sling at least eight hours a day and no lifting with that arm or anything else that will put any strain on it. Can you manage that?”
He looks from me to Gabe, and Gabe nods. I’ll no doubt be monitoring to make sure he’s not overdoing it. God knows it’s going to be a pain in the ass to get him to slow down and admit there are things he can’t and shouldn’t do.
“Good, as long as there are no other complications, you should have full normal function within twelve to sixteen weeks. But for now, I’m guessing you need some more pain meds.”
Gabe shifts uncomfortable. “I wouldn’t turn them down.”
Seeing him miserable and knowing it’s all my fault makes the tears well in my eyes again. I swear, I’ve cried more in the last couple days than I did after Star died. The nurse grabs a vial of morphine and hooks it to the IV, setting the drip.
The doctor hands the chart back to the nurse and inclines his head at us. “I’ll be back to see you tomorrow, Mr. Anderson.”
Gabe grumbles a response and winces before his eyes fall on me momentarily. The same dark uncertainty lingers there before he closes them. The tension in his jaw and neck relax slowly as the morphine they gave him finally takes effect.
Thank God for narcotics.
I can’t stand to see him suffer. Not just because I love him so much, but because this is far too reminiscent of what I went through with Savage after the accident. I couldn’t even fully grieve for Star because I was so worried we were going to lose Savage too. Gabe’s strength held me and the rest of the family together.
Now, I need to be the one who’s strong, for both of us. Savage may have pushed Gabe away but I’m not going anywhere. And I know Mom, Storm, and Stone would never let what’s going on between me and Gabe get in the way of how they feel about him. He’s a Hawke, even if he wasn’t born that way.