Jules
Lesley isn’t speechless often, but she’s staring at me now with her mouth hanging open as if I sprouted another head. “Chris did what?”
I can’t blame her for being stunned. Hell, I’m still stunned, and had I not seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t believe it either.
“He proposed.”
“Chris proposed?”
“That’s what I said.”
“He’s here in Seattle?”
“Yep.”
“That bastard!” Several people at the surrounding tables cast looks in our direction, from dirty to curious, and Les has the grace to appear sheepish. If she weren’t the manager of Java Juice, where we just finished lunch during her break, she wouldn’t give two shits about what people think.
“He showed up at your apartment?” she asks, lowering her voice. “Just like that?” A snap of her fingers punctuates the question, though I’m sure it’s rhetorical.
I nod anyway, hoping the news of Chris’ unexpected visit will be enough to derail her from other things I’m not ready to talk about yet. She’s seen the news and knows what’s going on with Monica Montgomery. She also knows how I feel about Cash. But she doesn’t know we spent the weekend together in my bed.
And she sure as hell doesn’t know he made me cream all over his fingers this morning, pushed up against the door of his office as he practically fucked me from behind through our clothing. I fight off a delicious shudder at the memory.
I want to tell her everything, but this isn’t the place to do it, and maybe a huge part of me is too ashamed. What will she think of me when she finds out I slept with him the same weekend his wife disappeared? Les is my best friend, and she’s always stood by my side no matter what, even when I was in the wrong.
But even best friends have limits, don’t they?
Regardless, she’ll chew my ass for being so stupid, and I’m not ready to stomach that conversation yet.
“Shit, I would have loved to see Chris’ face when you turned him down.” She dips her straw into her iced coffee a few times, but my silence is enough to make her do a double-take. Her keen scrutiny is heating my face.
“Oh, Jules, tell me you said no.” She glances at my left hand as if expecting to find a diamond there.
I lift a shoulder. “I didn’t say anything.”
“Nothing?”
“He caught me off-guard, okay? I stood there like an idiot when he put the ring on my finger.”
“But you’re going to say no.” Her tone lifts at the end, a hint of incredulity infusing the non-question.
“Of course I’m going to say no.”
“I had to ask. If there’s one thing Chris is good at, it’s manipulating you.”
“Give me some damn credit, Les.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
God, I need to take a chill pill. “I know you didn’t. I’m sorry.” I sip on my tea to displace the lump of guilt in my throat for being such a shitty friend.
“Don’t worry about it. I know you’ve had a lot to deal with.” She pauses for a few moments, using her straw to twirl the melting ice cubes in her cup. “How are things going with your boss?”
“Things are…”
Way too fucking complicated. I can still feel him at my back, his hot breath on my neck, his fingers stroking between my legs. Despite the soothing tea, my throat is too dry.
“Jules,” she says with a warning. “God, I know that look. What the hell happened?”
I cast a glance around us. People are caught up in their own conversations—their own drama and lives—but this is still too public of a place to admit that I slept with a married man.
There wasn’t much sleeping involved, you hussy.
“Can we not talk about this here?”
“Shit. That bad?”
I let out a derisive laugh. “Or that good, depending on how you look at it.”
She face-plants with a groan. “You got horizontal with him, didn’t you?”
My cheeks burn as I cast another glance around us. “I really don’t want to get into this here.”
She checks the time on her cell before scooting her chair back. “Let’s walk. I have a few more minutes to spare.”
We gather our trash from lunch and dump it in the receptacle on the way out the door. After we’re a block down the street, with a fair amount of privacy, she begins needling me.
“Do you regret it?”
“No,” I answer without hesitation. “The only thing I regret is the timing. He was going to ask her for a divorce, but when he got home…well you saw the news.” I peek at her and wince at the dubious arch of her dark brows. “I know what you’re thinking, but this is different.”
“Sounds the same to me. Boss? Check.” She ticks off each point on her fingers. “Married? Check.” We stall at an intersection and wait for the light to change. “And what if he’s dangerous? Did you ever stop to think that maybe he had something to do with the death of that woman and his wife’s disappearance?”
“He wouldn’t do something like that.” I shoot her a dark look. “Besides, he was with me.”
“I’m not trying to be all judgy, Jules. I just don’t want to see this guy rip your heart out.”
We begin walking again, and I let the silence stretch between us for half a block before speaking. “Neither of us meant for this to happen.” Five seconds go by. Five strides. We turn the corner and begin heading back.
“But it did happen. The question now is what are you going to do about it?”
There’s no way I can tell her I’m planning to do it again. If she knew he’s coming over tonight, she’ll try to talk me out of it, and I don’t want to be talked out of it. I want to be selfish when it comes to Cash. If that makes me a horrible person, then so be it. I’m done fighting what we both so desperately want.
“I can’t turn back now, Les. What’s done is done.”
The sun blares down on us, too warm for the start of autumn, but her assessing stare is the real cause of the flush spreading over my cheeks. “You’re taking a huge risk.”
“I know.”
“I hope he’s worth it, Jules.”
I stop and look her in the eye, and in that moment, I realize how far I’m willing to go for Cash Montgomery. “He’s worth it.”