24. Lose Control - Cash
I’m turning into a bitter man. I hate everything.
The sight of Monica. The sight of Jules. Fuck, the sight of myself in the mirror. I’ve made such a fucking mess of my life. Jules has barely said two words outside of what is necessary to do her job, and I can tell how torn up she is over us too.
All week, I’ve been preoccupied with the single most important question she asked.
Why don’t I just leave my wife.
Sounds simple. At this point, with the way our marriage has deteriorated into nothing—no, less than nothing—drawing up divorce papers should be a no-brainer. By the time Saturday rolls around, I’m giving it serious thought. In fact, I’ve even written a pro and con list. The con portion is a bit longer.
There’s the publicity nightmare a divorce will cause the company.
The fallout with our families.
And the fact that I’ll be divorced at thirty.
Not to mention the inevitable tug-of-war in the courtroom, because no way will Monica allow me to walk away without taking a chunk of my soul first. Not unless the private investigator I hired finds evidence of her affair to use as a counter-attack.
The pro part of this list is short and simple, and perhaps the most important of all.
I’m in love with Jules.
The day matches my mood—cloudy with the threat of a storm. The sun wants to peek through the cover, but more clouds keep rolling in. As I approach Pike Place, I let out a shaky breath. Today is the day I’m going to put everything out there, all the fucked-up cards laid out bare on the table. If she loves me, which I think she does, then I need to know for sure. She’s already got my heart, and I need to know I have hers as well before I rip apart my world.
Two hours later, after a lot of thinking and loitering in every corner of the market, it’s clear Jules isn’t going to show up today. As I step onto the sidewalk, rain falls in a steady shower, chilly drops hitting my warm skin. I head in the direction of her apartment, consequences be damned. And yes, I do know where she lives. I know she likes her tea with cream and enough sugar to bring on a cavity. I know she’s subtle in style, favoring blacks and whites and grays with splashes of color that draw attention. She dresses modestly but manages to radiate the sexiest vibes ever.
I’m positive she has no idea how she attracts the eyes of men.
Mine haven’t strayed from her since I met her.
Soaked by the time I reach her building, I climb the stairs two at a time. Not because of the rain dousing me from head to toe, but I’m that desperate to see her. I rap on her door with too much fervor, my emotions rushing through my veins. Footsteps sound seconds before she pulls the door open. Jesus, she looks like she just fell out of bed. Her blond locks riot around her face in sexy disarray, and I can’t decide if I want to tangle my fingers in them, or tug on them.
“You weren’t at the market.” The words come out harsher than I mean them to, with the knife’s edge of accusation.
Never one to back down, let alone take my shit, Jules launches my frustration right back at me in the fire of her gaze. “You weren’t there last week, so I guess we’re even.”
“Are we keeping score now?” Unable to help myself, I take a step forward until she opens the door wider. “Let me in, Jules.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“You know why.”
Letting out a sigh, I eye the vestibule for bystanders, but no one’s out here right now. It’s just Jules and me and this unstoppable attraction between us. Unbearable and festering—it’s only growing stronger everyday.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I say, brushing my fingers across her cheek. “You’ve barely looked at me all week, and it’s killing me.” Her skin is incredibly soft, making me wonder what it would be like to touch the rest of her. “If you don’t want to work for me, I understand. I’ll transfer you to any department you want.”
“You’re firing me?” Her voice quivers, but her tone is all fire and brimstone, as if what I said hurt and pissed her off in one bullseye.
“Of course I’m not firing you. I’m giving you the option to walk away now, while you still have the chance.”
“And if I don’t?”
My thumb has a mind of its own, because I sure as hell didn’t give it permission to brush over the corner of her mouth. She closes her eyes, lips parting as a sigh escapes. And her perky tits, Jesus, they’re rising and falling fast in the tank top she’s wearing. Her nipples form two tempting points, just begging to be fondled in their braless state.
And I can’t fucking take it anymore. Grabbing her by the nape, I bring our bodies together, and there’s no mistaking the hard length of my cock as it strains toward her through my gym shorts. “I think you know what happens next.”
“We should be stronger than this, Cash.” The desire she tries so hard to mask dances across her face. “Say we do this…what happens tomorrow?”
Shit. Now her eyes are filling with tears. I’ll be a goner if she cries.
“We’ll figure it out together.”
“What if that’s not enough?”
“We can keep going on like this, but eventually we’ll stumble, because every day you walk into my office is another day I come close to fucking you on my desk.” I lower my head, my mouth lingering inches from hers. “And I think you’d let me. I think you’re losing the battle as much as I am, so if you want to stop this—”
“Cash,” she interrupts with a jittery sigh as she grabs hold of my arm. At first, I think she’s going to push me away, but she doesn’t. Her tiny fingers wrap around my bicep, and my dick twitches, causing my thoughts to scatter.
“Let me in. Please, Jules.” Into her home, into her body, into her heart and soul. I’d sell mine to own hers. To love her.
Because I already do, and it’s raging through my blood, invincible. Right or wrong, this woman has had me by the heart from the moment I first locked eyes with her.
A furrow plays between her brows, indicating the war waging inside her mind. We stand like this for what seems like forever before she gives a small tug on my bicep. And that tiny concession on her part is all it takes to bring me into her apartment. I have her in my arms before the door shuts all the way, one hand tangled in her hair as our mouths crash together. We don’t make it far. Backing her up against the wall, I dart my tongue into her eager mouth, and the taste of her annihilates me. I’m famished for her, drowning in the ocean that is Jules.
She grips the front of my rain-soaked shirt, knuckles pressing against the irregular beat of my heart, and moans against my lips. The voice in my head that’s steered me in the right direction all my life begs me to stop this before we take it too far.
I drag my lips from hers. “Tell me to go. Please.”
“I can’t.” Her voice cracks, and it fissures my last-ditch effort to not let this happen.
It’s going to happen.
It’s been happening all along.
I grab her ass and hoist her into my arms. She wraps her legs around me, fingers threading through my hair as she tugs my mouth back to hers.
And I’m convinced I’ll die if I don’t get inside her.
“Where’s your bedroom?” I say, nibbling on her lower lip.
“That way.” A tilt of her head sends me toward the point of no return, to a room with a bed and the promise of Jules underneath me with no barriers. We stumble in, and the doorknob slams against the wall. Warm rays of the sun sneak in through her gauzy curtains, splashing soft light onto her bed. I lay her down right in its path, her golden locks splaying over the white bedspread.
“You are so fucking gorgeous.”
“You make me feel gorgeous.”
I yank my shirt over my head and drop it on the floor before reaching for the hem of her top. “You have no idea how tempting you are.”
“I think I might.” She pushes shaking fingers though my hair, and I slide the material up her belly, thumbs grazing a path along her skin. A scent reminiscent of vanilla and honey fills my senses, and for several seconds, I breathe her in, watching the heaving motion of her chest.
“We can’t come back from this, Jules.”
“I know.”
This moment is a crossroad, and I already know I’m going to take the wrong turn. But fucking hell, nothing else has ever felt so right. As I push up her tank top and expose her perky tits, the brown depths of her eyes pull me under. I drown in the endless sea of trust I find there. No one’s ever looked at me like that.
Like I’m the sole owner of something too precious to put into words.
The feeling is powerful and precarious all in one, and my fingers tremble as I stand back to remove the rest of my clothing. Jules parts her lips at the sight of my cock jutting out toward her. Leaning down, I work the tank top over her head then tug the waistband of her shorts down her smooth thighs, dropping kisses on every inch I uncover before pulling them free of her ankles.
“You’re perfect.” I’m overwhelmed by the sight of her laid out before me. The triangle of her pink panties draws me in, and I nudge my nose against the core of her sex. Breathe in the essence of this girl I can’t get enough of.
There’s something about pink panties that screams Jules.
She’s too soft for the boldness of red. Too vibrant for black or white. Pink is sexy and sweet, hinting at the innocence that is Jules. Innocent, until I discover the wet spot that blows that illusion to an explosive end. I can’t hold back a low growl as I bite through her panties.
“Cash…” My name trails off on a sigh. A whimper. She pushes her pelvis against my mouth, and fuck, her pussy is begging for my tongue. I ache to push past the barrier of fabric and bury it in her core.
Hunger to taste and own.
“Holy shit.” Her body shudders beneath me, fingers tightening in my hair.
I pull at her panties with my teeth and rip them off in my haste to get to her. She’s so damn beautiful, and I can’t wait to slide my palms over every inch of her skin.
“You consume me.” I crawl up her body and nestle my cock at the wet juncture of her thighs, and our chests smash together, feverish skin on feverish skin. Twining our fingers, I trap her hands on either side of her head. A tremor spears through me. Through us both. “I want to go slow with you, but I don’t know if I can.”
“I don’t care,” she says, her fingers flexing around mine. “I want you, fast or slow.”
I lower my forehead to hers, and we exchange a thousand breaths in that moment. A thousand truths. We’ve shared office space late at night, stolen a searing hot kiss in a darkened loft, sat together on a plane.
None of it was as intoxicating as being alone with her like this, with our naked bodies on the precipice of becoming one in the privacy of her bedroom. It’s enough to unhinge me.
I thrust into her, fast and hard in my violent need. She locks her gaze on me, and I hold her captive in the cage of my stare. We both give in to sweet fucking surrender, moaning and groaning with every plunge, sharing the heat of quickening breaths. Getting fucking high off the adrenaline rush.
“You feel amazing. So damn tight.” Getting inside her is like coming home. Like finding perfection in an imperfect world. And there’s no going slow now—not with my cock buried to the hilt. I drive us both to oblivion, holding tight to her hands against the squeaking mattress.
She squeezes her eyes shut as countless whimpers escape her. But she can’t escape me. There’s no going back. We’re joined, moving as one, sharing the same heartbeat. Sliding together in sweat and the covenant of consummation. With every thrust of my cock, I’m staking my claim as our mouths collide in mutual ecstasy.
And for the fucking life of me, I can’t figure out why we fought this for so long.
I want to live inside this girl forever, lost to the allure of her kiss. The seduction of her body. Pulled into the abyss by the grip of her hands.
Suddenly, she breaks our lip-lock. “Cash, I’ve never…” A long moan steals the rest of her words.
“Never what? Tell me.”
“I’ve never come during sex.”
My breath hitches. The idea of taking a first from her—of receiving such a gift—is mind-blowing. “You’re gonna come for me if it’s the last thing I do.”
I withdraw only to dive in once more, and she meets every thrust, her body writhing under my strength. Dipping a hand between us, I bury my fingers between her legs and rub steady circles on her clit.
She clings to my shoulder with her free hand, and her spine arches as I push her closer to the point of no return. I kiss my way down the elegant column of her neck and suck a nipple into my mouth. She hisses in a breath, and when I flick my gaze to her face, the sight of her trapped in sweet agony almost sends me over the edge.
Holding back has never been so hard.
Gritting my teeth, I slow my pace and focus on the subtle cues of her body. The way she’s biting her lip. The deep flush of her skin. The way she’s gripping my hand and digging her nails into my shoulder. She’s so close, and I’ll be damned if I let her fight it.
“Don’t hold back, Jules. I’ve wanted to hear you come since the day I met you.”
Her eyes fly open, and what flows between us is too intense to ignore. Too potent to cast aside as lust. We aren’t just coming together in the physical sense. She’s crawled inside my soul and made herself a part of me.
Made me a part of her.
As she writhes and bucks underneath me, I watch the first brick of her wall crumble. An orgasm busts through her barriers, and she shatters in a series of breathless cries.
And it’s the sweetest, most addicting sound I’ve ever heard.