CHAPTER THREE
SHE’D SHOWERED AND dressed for the party earlier, but Eve still stripped down and tried on ten different pairs of panties, hoping to find something that would make her feel sexy. It didn’t work. She didn’t own anything scandalous, and she wasn’t twenty anymore, so after a few long minutes of staring hopelessly at her not-quite-taut body, she pulled on a pair of black panties and a matching bra and left it at that. He could close his eyes and imagine something sexier, if that was what he wanted.
She put on the only little black dress she owned, added the matching heels, then left before she could worry that she looked as if she was trying too hard. This was the one memory she’d have of him, and she’d write it the way she wanted, with his hands sliding soft black fabric off her shoulders.
And that image was all it took. Her anger fell away and her pulse quickened. She was on her way to Brian’s hotel room. To his bed. To his arms.
As soon as her heels touched the walk, she turned without hesitation and moved quickly toward the next street. He was only two blocks away. The cold hadn’t even started to sink in when she reached the hotel and stepped into the warmth created by the lobby’s fireplace.
Eyes averted, she walked straight past the reception desk to the elevator, a little afraid she’d see someone she knew. If she did, what could she say? That she was on her way up to a party? A reunion? Wearing nothing but a little black dress and heels? Eve kept her head down, and nearly jumped into the elevator for the ride to the third floor.
Would Brian try to talk her out of this? Would he hesitate? If he did, she’d just take off her dress.
Her mouth went dry at even the thought of being so brazen, but when the elevator doors opened, she stepped determinedly off. She was done with being denied. Done with doing the right thing. Done being careful. Tonight she’d take what she wanted and she’d deal with the consequences tomorrow. But she had to keep moving. If she stopped, if she really thought this through... No. She wouldn’t give this up out of fear.
She was determined to remember every second of this, but even walking down the hallway felt a little hazy and far away. When she found his door and raised a hand to knock, it was someone else’s hand in someone else’s dream. But when the door opened, there was no doubt whose fantasy this was, because Brian stood there, still angry, but softer somehow. His sleeves rolled up to reveal his strong forearms. His hair mussed as if he’d scrubbed his hand through it. He looked as he had so many times with her when he’d been working for hours and was losing the light he wanted.
Eve’s mouth watered.
She knew how to get rid of his tension. She’d always been good at that, but this time, it wouldn’t be about making him laugh. This time she’d distract him with something different.
His eyes slid down her body as he stepped aside to let her in. She set down her purse and watched him as he edged past her. She had no idea what to do now. She’d instigated this, but all those years of forcing herself never to touch him had trained her muscles. She couldn’t just reach out and press her hand to his chest. She couldn’t step into his arms. So she watched him.
“You look beautiful,” he said.
She whispered, “Thank you,” clutching her hands together as her thoughts dissolved into nervous chatter. She was filled with the truth of how much she wanted him and how much this scared her.
The room was dim, but the single lamp he’d left on let her see him clearly enough. Despite her heels, he was still inches taller than her, and his wide shoulders made him seem even larger. She wanted to stroke her hands along those muscles. She wanted to clutch them.
But she surprised herself. When he took a step toward her, she stepped back. That didn’t dissuade him, thank God. “Eve,” he whispered, moving closer, and suddenly the wall was at her back and his body was only a few inches away.
Instead of touching her, his hands pressed to the wall on either side of her arms. His head ducked, but he didn’t kiss her. Instead, his mouth hovered near her temple. “This is a mistake,” he breathed.
“I don’t care,” she answered, trembling with the awareness that he was right there. So close. But he didn’t move closer.
“Eve,” he said again, that one syllable fraught with pain and doubt and helplessness. “Not like this.”
She tipped her head up, forcing his mouth to brush over her cheek as she turned toward him. “Does it feel like a mistake?” she breathed against his parted lips.
Brian groaned, and then he kissed her.
She’d wanted to remember everything, but it was already too much. The taste of him, the heat as their lips parted, the stroke of his tongue, the way his hands clutched her shoulders. He was touching her and she needed every moment, but the only thing her brain registered was pleasure and the hard pulse of her heart beating in every part of her body.
His tongue stroked hers, over and over. She couldn’t draw enough oxygen to feed her pounding heart, but she didn’t want to break away. She didn’t want this to stop. It was their first kiss, their first taste, and it was already as deep and dark as sex. She moaned into him, tipping her head so she could take him deeper, but he finally gentled the kiss and tasted her more slowly. Her bottom lip, then her top, then a faint kiss on her jaw.
“God...Eve.” His mouth was at her neck now, kissing, tasting. His shuddering breath chased over her. “You smell so good. Your skin... Christ.”
Yes. He smelled good, too. Pressed tight against her so she could breathe him in the way she’d always wanted. She was practically panting, and her own frantic need embarrassed her, but she couldn’t stop it. His hands were at her waist, sliding over her curves, and her own hands had finally found their place on his shoulders.
He was hot and solid, and she stroked him as his mouth set her nerves on fire.
Chemistry.
She was more turned-on than she’d been in years. Wet already, and aching and so desperate for more that she moaned when his teeth caught a sensitive spot on her neck.
His words whispered against her skin. “What the hell is this between us, Eve? You have no idea how many times I’ve imagined this. How many times I’ve gotten off to this. You feel so fucking good.”
She’d thought her nerves were already awake, but her whole body lit up with new brightness at his raw words. He’d thought about her. He’d come to fantasies of her. Joy seemed too innocent a response to that revelation, but it felt that simple, and that good.
She reached for the top buttons of his shirt and tore them open so she could slide her hands against his bare skin. Joy. Yes. His breath went just as rough as hers.
He drew back then, just enough that he could look down and watch as she unfastened the rest of the buttons and tugged his shirt free of his jeans. She spread her fingers over his hot chest and his breath broke. She’d always thought his chest hair would be crisp and a little rough, but it was soft under her fingertips. She brushed her mouth over his chest and hummed her satisfaction.
Her own breath hitched when she felt him reach for the zipper at the nape of her neck. She stopped breathing altogether as he pulled it down and the air of the room touched her back.
Then his hands, sliding beneath the fabric. Oh, God. God. They were really doing this. Undressing each other. Being together.
She should have worn something more complicated, because it took only a few seconds and then he was sliding her dress down, just as she’d imagined. But suddenly it was so much. So fast. He was a photographer. He saw beauty every day. He worked with models. Artists. He examined every image with a critical eye. He’d see her the same way, and this moment meant so much that she couldn’t do it.
But by the time she reached to hold on to her dress, it was already past her hips and falling to the floor.
He whispered her name and his hands were on her naked hips and he kissed her again, more urgently this time, more deeply. And then his hands slid beneath her panties to clutch her ass, and she forgot her stupid fears. She forgot them because he was hard against her, pressing his hips to hers as his mouth devoured her. When he reached to unfasten her bra, she wasn’t nervous. She was eager and thrilled, because his hands were rough with excitement, and he groaned into her mouth as the bra dropped away and he cupped her breasts.
This wasn’t about a fantasy for Brian any more than it was for Eve. This was about a need so deep that even fulfilling it hurt. An ache so overwhelming that his heart thundered beneath her hands. She didn’t feel scared anymore. She felt glorious and needed. Triumphant.
Yes. Yes.
She unbuttoned his jeans as he pushed her panties down, but she didn’t have a chance to do more. Before she could sneak her hand beneath his underwear, he’d slipped his fingers between her thighs.
“Jesus,” he cursed as she bit back a cry. Even she was surprised at how wet she was, at how easily his fingers pushed deep inside her.
She threw her head back at the wild shock of holding him inside her. She tipped her hips toward him, eager for more. “Yes,” she urged as he fucked her with his fingers. “Please.”
She opened her eyes to find him looking down, watching as one hand teased her nipple and one worked at her pussy. She felt a distant shock at her own boldness as she arched her back and rocked her hips into his fingers, but it was worth it just to see him so undone. This cool, confident man transformed into a hungry animal, teeth bared, eyes narrowed and glinting, the sharp edges of his cheekbones flushed with need. For her. Just like she’d always wanted.
He caught her watching him and slid his hand up from her breast to cradle the base of her skull and pull her in for a deep kiss. He turned her in the same motion.
Eve gasped at the sudden vulnerability of not having the wall at her back. The air stirred across her skin, reminding her of how naked she was, but before she had time to adjust, Brian laid her on the bed. He kissed down her neck, over her chest, until his tongue circled her nipple. When he sucked, she cried out and grasped his hair to hold him close.
Every sensation was a revelation. The draw of his mouth at her nipple, the slide of his hands down her sides... It all felt better than it should. Better than should be possible. And it was still too much. She couldn’t take it all in. The rough feel of his denim-clad legs between her knees, the slide of his hair between her fingers, even the faint scratch of his stubble against her breast. She wanted it all. She needed to remember it all.
Raising her head, she watched his tongue circle the tight bud of her nipple, then watched in tormented awe as his teeth scraped over her, so white against her pink flesh. He sucked again, harder this time, and Eve growled her approval at the small pain he drew out. His hands dug into her ribs as if he couldn’t stop himself from holding too tight.
Yes, she wanted to say as he moved to torture her other nipple. Yes, more. More. More teeth. More sucking. More sweet, circling tongue. She twisted her fingers in his hair, so he could feel the bite of pain that his teeth pressed into her. His hand slid down to her hip and then between her legs.
Now the yes was pulled from her throat on a dark cry as she pushed her hips toward him. He stroked her clit, lightly at first, then more insistently as she rocked against him. “Brian,” she moaned, as she had so many times in her solitary bed. “Brian, yes. Yes. That feels so good.”
“I know,” he whispered. “I know it does. You’re so damn hot, Eve.”
She whimpered when he pulled away from her, but then she realized he was standing between her knees to toe off his shoes and finish undressing, and she was happy to watch as his shoulders flexed and the muscles of his arms bunched. He slid his briefs off with his jeans and... Oh, God. Oh, God, his cock was thick and straight and hard for her, and she almost sobbed with need as he reached behind him to grab a condom from the dresser.
She wanted to taste him, smell him, feel him in her mouth, but he was already setting his knee between her thighs. She scooted higher on the bed as he opened the condom.
“Wait,” she breathed. “Wait. I want to...” Reaching for him, she curled her fingers around his shaft, nearly groaning with relief as he jerked in her grasp. “I want to touch you, Brian.”
“No. I can’t....I can’t hold out.”
“Please,” she whispered. “Let me touch you.” She stroked him, thrilling at how thick he was. He’d push inside her soon. She wanted that so damn much. But first, she wanted to feel the silkiness of his skin, the way it moved slightly with her stroking, the way he pushed toward her when she squeezed.
On his knees, he watched as she touched him. She slid her hand down to the base, then slipped her fingers lower to learn the shape of him, the weight of him.
His belly sucked in as she stroked up again. “I need to be inside you. Please. I’ve waited so long. I have to feel you.” But he still watched as her fist worked up and down. Up and down. Slowly. She could do this for hours. Forever. Explore his body. Please him with her hands.
“Please,” he groaned one last time.
She finally let him go, loving the small, desperate sound he made as she released him from her tight grip. He slipped the condom on and lowered himself until he was poised just above her.
He met her gaze. She wanted to look away. She could handle everything tonight, but not the way he looked at her as he eased the head of his cock against her heat and pushed slowly in. He held her gaze as she gasped. As she spread her knees wider for his hips. As he stretched her and she took him in. He watched her face as he filled her, and she couldn’t hide her emotions. She couldn’t hide that his body sliding inside hers was everything she’d ever wanted.
In the end, she had to close her eyes so he couldn’t see that this one night would never be enough. Nothing would ever be enough.
When he was as deep as he could get, he paused, his breath leaving him on a slow, deep sigh. He whispered her name then, and moved inside her, his cock pulling against the tight grip of her pussy. She clutched his shoulders, digging her nails in at the shock of his thickness inside her body.
His cock filled her so thoroughly that she was caught between utter relief at having him inside her and the amazement of being invaded so completely. Tears of joy welled in her eyes. “Brian,” she breathed, the only truth she could speak at that moment.
“Jesus, Eve. It’s perfect. You’re perfect. Tell me you need this.”
“I need it,” she answered immediately. “I need it so much.”
“Yes. God, yes.” He fucked her deeper. Harder. Pushing out all the loneliness and hurt. He filled her up with what she’d always wanted. His body and need and want. “Tell me,” he urged again.
“I need you, Brian. I need you. I always have. Please. Please.”
He whispered her name again, over and over, each time he buried himself inside her. Every stroke made her want to weep. Every thrust was an answer to all her needs and sorrows. Brian was inside her. Finally.
Just as she slid her hands down to his ass to pull him even tighter to her, he paused and shook his head. “Wait. I need a second.”
Her eyes popped open. “Why?”
“Because if you keep being so hot, I’m going to come. So just...get your nails out of my ass and stop making those fucking gorgeous sounds.”
Hard to believe she could go from tears to laughter in the span of a few minutes, but she could hear herself laughing in disbelief. “Are you serious?”
“Yes, I’m serious.”
She let go of his ass.
“Just give me a second to...” He withdrew slightly and slipped his hand down her belly.
“Oh,” she groaned, arching into his fingers as they teased her clit. “Oh, fuck.”
“Shh. You have to be quiet, remember?” He thrust slowly inside her and she cried out. “Shh.”
But she cried out again and again, and he urged her on, telling her how beautiful she looked, telling her how she drove him crazy. “I need to feel you come for me, Eve. I need to feel that. I need to see that. Come for me.”
She couldn’t believe Brian was saying these wicked things. Couldn’t believe how rough and dark his voice was. He’d always been so careful with her. Always so circumspect. And now his voice was in her ear, telling her to come. Come.
He drove her crazy with the same slow thrusts, but his fingers stroked her clit faster and she was screaming now. Screaming as she felt everything in her body draw tight and heavy and huge. And then she broke apart with a wild cry, her hips bucking against him, forcing him to fuck her harder, faster.
“Yes,” he growled. “Yes, Eve. Jesus...I can’t...” His words ended on a strangled growl as he shuddered and pushed himself deep inside her body.
She slipped her hands down his slick back, thrilled that she’d made him sweat for her, thrilled at the way his breath tore from his throat. And thrilled with the unbelievable pleasure that had nearly broken her in two.
It was too much with him. Everything always had been. And though she’d told herself that he’d never live up to her fantasies, that it couldn’t possibly be that good...God, it had been.
How the hell was she going to leave?
But she didn’t have to think about that now. Not for a few minutes. He was still inside her, after all, still naked and pressed against her. He put his forehead to hers and opened his eyes. “You’re beautiful when you come,” he murmured.
“So are you,” she said, meaning it despite the way he laughed and shook his head. When he rolled off her to grab a tissue, she blinked in shock. He’d left her body too quickly. Didn’t he know she’d never get to feel that again?
He lay back down with a sigh. “I didn’t think that could feel better than I’d fantasized, but Jesus...”
She smiled despite her sadness. “Yeah. I know.” When he tucked his arm behind her head, she turned toward him. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to lie naked against him, her knee on his thigh, her belly against his hip. How could it feel like resuming her normal place when she’d never done this before?
“Did you fantasize about this?” she asked as she laid her cheek against his warm chest.
“Yes. A thousand times. Did you?”
“Yes.”
“I was never sure. Not until the very end.”
She brushed her hand lightly across the dark hair of his chest. “I didn’t want you to know.”
He nodded. “I know. We were friends. It felt too important to risk, especially since...” He let the words die, and Eve didn’t fill them in. “It got so bad I could barely be around you sometimes. And when I realized you felt the same, it made it better and worse all at the same time. I had to go.”
She stroked her hand down until she could skim her fingers over his stomach. His muscles drew in. She touched his hip bone, his thigh. She memorized the shape of him under her fingers. Because two years ago, he’d had to go. He’d had to leave her. And she couldn’t forgive him for that.
“How long have you planned to come back?” she asked.
“When I left, I knew I’d come back if I could. And six months ago, Julia and I decided it was over. There were loose ends that needed tying up. Details to work out. But it was over.”
“What if I’d met someone? What if I’d gotten married?” She tried to ask it lightly, but his chest rose beneath her cheek on a deep breath.
“I couldn’t ask you to wait. Everything was up in the air. I knew I was taking a big chance, but I had to go back to Raleigh one more time.”
She nodded, but she wanted to scream. She wanted to hit him and tell him he could stuff his morals where the sun didn’t shine. Because what he meant was that it had been worth the risk. Worth the risk of giving her up forever. Worth never knowing if everything he’d wanted was right there in front of him. Worth breaking her heart.
She hadn’t been able to talk to anyone. She’d had to carry on as if she were happy to have this new business, this new life.
“I had to remodel the gallery, you know.” She closed her eyes and listened to his heartbeat. “I had to spend money I didn’t have to change everything, because I could see you there. Every day. In every corner.”
His arm squeezed her closer. “I’m sorry.”
“Everything I’d ever worked for, all those years in banking and finance, working with people who didn’t understand anything about me... All those years of saving up and dreaming, and I finally had a place. My own place in the world. And it meant nothing without you.”
“Eve—”
She pushed up and sat on the edge of the bed. She hadn’t meant to say that. She shook her head. “You gave me up, Brian. You told yourself you had to, so you did. But I wasn’t left here just to be scooped up when you wanted me back.” She stood and pulled on her panties. “You took the chance of walking away, the risk of losing me forever, and you lost.”
“I’m sorry. I know you’re angry.”
He sounded so calm. So steady and understanding. She wanted him angry and afraid, damn it.
“Don’t go now,” he whispered.
“I told you this was it, and I meant it.”
“You said one night, not an hour.”
She fastened her bra and pulled on her dress before turning to smirk. “I have to go. There’s really nothing I can do.”
“Damn it, Eve. Don’t be petty.”
“Fuck you,” she growled. “I’ll be as petty as I want. What did being reasonable ever get me?” She could feel it inside her now, every time she moved. The way he’d stretched her and filled her and left his mark. Her body was sore. She’d feel him for a day, at least. Maybe more.
“All right.” He sounded so calm as she tugged up the zipper of her dress. “Go. I hate it, if that’s what you’re looking for. I want to strip that dress off you and push you back on this bed and have you again.” He stood, still naked in the face of her anger. “But go, if you need to. I can let you, because this isn’t the end of us. It can’t be. I can’t live with that.”
“I know exactly how you feel,” she snapped, grabbing her purse and trying to get her heels on at the same time. “And I was wrong when I thought it, too. Goodbye, Brian.”
She walked away from him, telling herself not to look back. Not to take him in or reach for him or change her mind. She walked out and her numb legs took her away from him for the last time.