CHAPTER FOUR
“YOU LOOK AMAZING!” Grace said after she’d downed half her coffee.
Eve ducked her head and stared harder at the proofs she was examining on her laptop. She’d expected to toss and turn all night. She’d expected to be racked with heartbreak. Instead, she’d fallen into bed and slept like a woman who... Well, a woman who’d just had the best sex of her life.
Christ, it had been so good. Everything else aside, how was she going to live without that for another fifty or sixty years? Knowing she’d had that and wouldn’t again? She scowled.
“What is going on with you? Why are you growling at the proofs?”
“I’m not growling.”
“Okay, tiger. I guess that’s a perfectly normal photography-related sound.”
“You get more annoying every day, you know that?”
“What’s that red mark on your neck?”
Eve jumped so violently that the stool shifted under her and she had to grab the counter to keep from tumbling to the floor. She raised her head slowly to find Grace standing there, arms crossed and a huge grin spreading over her face. It was the most delighted she’d ever looked.
“I hate you,” Eve whispered.
“Spill it.”
“No.”
Grace nodded. “You took that cute guy home from the party?”
“I did not! He was still there when I left.”
“Booty call?”
“No!”
“That must be a hell of a new vibrator, then. I’ll need the make and model, please.”
An image of Brian, naked and boxed and wrapped in a bow, flashed through Eve’s brain. “It’s not... He’s not...”
Grace raised an eyebrow, and Eve slumped in defeat.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” she whispered.
“Oh. Hey.” Grace’s grin disappeared and she stepped forward to put a careful hand on Eve’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I thought this was just about sex.”
“It is,” Eve insisted, but her voice was too desperate to fool even the dullest friend, and Grace was sharp as a razor.
“Eve,” she scolded, but the word was mostly worry. “Are you okay?”
She wanted to say yes. She meant to say yes. But instead she told the truth. “No, actually. No, I’m not okay.”
“All right.” Grace scooted around the long counter and locked the door. Then she turned the sign to Closed.
“What if we have a customer?”
“It’s March. The only customers are locals. We’ll reopen in a few minutes and they’ll come back.”
“Fine.” She followed Grace into the office and dropped resentfully into a chair.
“What’s going on with you?” Grace demanded, then seemed to realize her tough-girl attitude was the wrong call and softened her voice. “I mean... What’s wrong?”
Eve opened her mouth. And she closed it. She shouldn’t have admitted anything. She should have kept quiet. But the words pushed at her from the inside. She’d never been able to say anything to anyone. He was married. People had known his wife. Eve’s heart had been breaking, her dreams in turmoil, and all she’d ever done was keep working. Keep moving. Because if she’d ever stopped, it would have caught up with her.
But now she wanted it out.
“I fell in love with a married man,” she blurted, then pressed her fingers to her mouth to stop the sob of shock that followed her words.
“Oh, sweetie, no.” Grace wrapped a hand around Eve’s elbow.
“I didn’t mean to.”
“Hey. Listen. Everybody screws up sometime, okay? It’s going to be all right. I swear.”
Tears spilled over Eve’s cheeks and she ducked her head.
“Don’t cry,” Grace urged as she scooted closer to wrap her arm around Eve’s shoulder. “Don’t cry.”
“I can’t talk to anyone,” Eve sobbed.
“You can talk to me. You know I won’t judge you. You didn’t judge me and that was one of the best gifts I ever got from anyone. You can talk to me, Eve. Please.”
She shook her head, half because she was afraid to let it out and half because her throat was so tight she couldn’t.
“Are you still seeing him or did you break it off?”
Eve shook her head again.
“Oh, Eve, you’re not pregnant, are you?”
“God, no!” Eve yelped. “No! It’s not like that. We never... That is... We never took it that far.”
“Oh.” Grace looked slightly disgruntled when she sat back.
“Oh, my God. Are you disappointed?”
“Of course not!” She cleared her throat. “But you know...if you’re going to be all heartbreak and longing over the guy, you should at least get sex.”
“You’re terrible,” Eve scolded. But she also indulged in a watery laugh.
Grace smiled. “I know. But you stopped crying. Now, tell me what happened with this married man you never had sex with.”
So Eve did. Explaining how she’d left a lucrative, unsatisfying career in banking and moved to Jackson to take a year off. She’d skied and hiked and rediscovered her old love of photography. And then she’d met Brian. She’d worked for him in the gallery during the busy season. During the quiet months, he’d helped her relearn everything she’d forgotten about photography since college. Then he’d taught her more. And he’d become her best friend. Her companion. Her world.
“I never said anything. I never did anything. He was married, and I didn’t want to be a mistake. I didn’t want to hurt him or anyone he loved. But I did wonder if he felt the same. I fantasized. I hoped. He and his wife were separated. She’d gone back to their old home in Raleigh two years before. So...I hoped. And then he told me he was leaving.”
“Her?”
“No. Me. He was going back to try with her again.”
“God, Eve. I’m so sorry.” Grace squeezed her hand.
“I tried to be supportive. I said the right things. But suddenly I was choked up and I couldn’t stop the tears. I ran out. I didn’t take his calls. I couldn’t. Because I loved him and I hated that he didn’t care. It hurt so much. And it was humiliating. So when I came back a few days later, I pretended nothing had happened. Nothing was wrong. And when he offered to sell me the gallery, I bought it, as if it were nothing but another business deal. A month later, he left. It was over.”
“But that must have been years ago.”
“Yes. Two years. He came back yesterday.”
Grace leaned forward. “And?”
“He’s divorced. He wants another chance. Or a first chance, I guess.”
“And?” she repeated, her voice rising.
“I can’t.”
“Can’t what?” Grace demanded.
Eve pulled her numb fingers from Grace’s fist. “I can’t do that. I can’t feel that way again. It was too...”
“Too good?”
“No. Too much. Too hard. He overwhelms me, Grace. He makes me want everything. Makes me want to give everything. And that sounds romantic and lovely, but when he walked away, he took all of that everything with him. I can’t forgive that. And I can’t risk that again. I was so damn lost.” She didn’t cry. It wasn’t much, but at least she kept it together in that moment. And it felt good to say it out loud.
“I understand. You know I do. But this guy...he came back. And as cruel as it sounds, you can’t fault him for trying to make his marriage work.”
“As cruel as it sounds...yes. That’s the worst part. I hate him for that. And I hate myself for that ugliness. It was bad enough that I wanted someone else’s husband. Jesus. Then I resented her, too?”
“You’re human. And so is he. He probably didn’t realize what he felt for you until he was gone.”
“But that’s the thing. He did. He left me a letter. He knew what there was between us. He knew what it could be. He was honest and up-front and honorable. It was beautiful to read. And so damn horrible, because I couldn’t pretend he was just an oblivious man who didn’t get it. He understood perfectly, Grace. And it still wasn’t a good enough reason to stay.” She swallowed and said the words out loud that she’d thought to herself so many times. “I wasn’t enough reason to stay.”
It hurt, hearing herself speak the truth. But it was a relief, too, like lancing a wound. And now that she’d said it, some of the fear left her.
Grace shook her head. “So you’re just giving up? That’s it?”
Eve closed her eyes. “I don’t know.”
Grace squeezed her fingers one last time. “Listen to me. It wasn’t about you not being enough. He’s a man. And he had it in his head that he needed to try to make his marriage work, right?”
“I guess.”
“He had a plan, and he stuck to it, and he was doing what needed to be done. It had nothing to do with hurting you.”
“I know,” she said with a harsh laugh. “I was collateral damage.”
Grace nodded. “Yes. Unfortunately. That hurts in its own way. I get that. You’re hurt and pissed off, so...what? You just told him to go away?”
“Kind of. I told him I couldn’t give him another chance.”
“And?”
Eve squirmed. She picked at the rough edge of her thumbnail.
“Spill it.”
“I told him we could have one night. That’s it.”
Grace slapped a hand over her mouth. “Oh, my God,” she whispered past her fingers. “You dirty little slut. You granted him one night in your bed?”
“Not quite like that. And not in my bed. I went to his hotel.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. I know this is serious, but just one second.” Grace jumped from her chair and danced around the room with a frantic little step that didn’t seem possible in her clunky black boots. “Oh, my God, I knew it. You look transformed.” She dropped back into the chair. “Was it that good?”
“Oh, God. Grace. I don’t even...” Eve let her head fall back and stared at the ceiling. “It was so damn good.” She didn’t realize she’d started crying again until she reached to scratch her temple and her hand came away wet. “It was the best. Another reason to hate him.”
“For making it so good?”
“Yes. Exactly.”
Grace’s smile turned sympathetic. “Shit. I’m sorry. He’s a bastard.”
“He is,” she said, not meaning it. She could hate him, but he wasn’t mean or cruel or a liar. He’d hurt her with complete honesty.
She didn’t want to talk about this anymore, so she cleared her throat and reached out to straighten a vivid blue strand of Grace’s hair. “Will you let me take some shots of you this weekend?”
Grace groaned.
“Come on. I want to get it done before the spring colors start blooming. Your hair will be perfect in a grove of winter aspen. All that black and white and gray. And then you in the center of it.”
Grace tried to shake off her hand. “Fine. Okay. But stop trying to change the topic. Is he leaving?”
“Brian?” she asked.
“Yes,” Grace answered drily. “Unless there’s more than one guy.”
“I don’t think he’s leaving. Not yet.”
“Good. You need to think carefully about this. You can’t throw something like that away. Not even over a broken heart.”
Eve crossed her arms. “I can.”
“Well, you shouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
All the hard humor she normally showed fell away from Grace’s face. She met Eve’s gaze and she held it. “Because he makes you want everything, and you deserve that. You’ve earned it, Eve. Everything.”
Everything. Oh, God. “I can’t,” she said, shaking her head, but something that had been sleeping inside her seemed to wake and raise its head. Something strong and proud. “I can’t,” she repeated, and that animal inside her growled.
Because...what if she could?