Cora called Sunday night to see how things had gone at my dad’s party. It was nice to hear her voice, even if the conversations were surface level and came at two in the morning—time zones were a killer, but I didn’t give a shit. I’d make it work to hear her sing in my ear every time she said “hello.” We never discussed anything of importance, yet somehow, the familiarity seemed to spark what both of us had missed in our relationship the last year before she’d left.

I’d set aside my hope for salvaging the us part of the equation—temporarily—in favor of rebuilding the friendship. Neither of us had said those three magic words, or even mentioned the possibility of getting back together. However, every time we hung up the phone, we told the other we missed them. It had taken the place of the intimacy while confirming the tie.

“I’m sorry I haven’t checked on you before now.” Her apology seemed forced or maybe uncertain, or it could be the fog of sleep still hovering in my mind.

“It’s not a big deal. I assumed you were busy.” I had. We weren’t together. She wasn’t obligated to answer every time I called. Part of me felt like we’d taken several steps back, although the truth was we couldn’t take very many forward while we were thousands of miles apart.

“Drake was in town, so I had a lot going on.”

I hated even hearing the man’s name.

Moreover, I hated how much control he had with Cora, yet I couldn’t say anything. I had no right to question what she did or why. Drake Halifax made me want to vomit. I could have dealt with her being with Henry or Arthur—two guys she hung out with from work—or even some random bloke she met out on the town. It was knowing Drake was the reason the two of us weren’t together that made me resent the hell out of him.

I had no clue what to say that wouldn’t give my heart away, so I kept it superficial. “I’m sure having the big boss in town is stressful.” I hoped she got my innuendo. I hoped for a confession—an admission of what had really happened. Maybe if I knew for certain that she’d carried a flame for him, then I could let her go so she could be happy. And if she vehemently denied any wrongdoing, then I could let my heart find its way back to her. As it stood, I felt like a moron who’d been played until she’d boarded the plane for Paris.

“He just expects perfection, and it’s hard to deliver. I’m good at what I do, James, but that man has me questioning every decision I make. I feel inferior when he’s around—so does every other member of his staff.”

Whether it was fear, anxiety, or trepidation, something hung heavy in her voice, and I doubted she would share it with me. It was much easier to save face if one never admitted the truth.

“You wanted to play with the big dogs. Drake’s experience comes at a price. Like you said, being mentored by one of the best in the business will put you in a position to make some serious waves in the industry once you’ve served your time.”

“Yeah, if I ever escape.” She let out a long sigh that held the weight of more to follow. “I feel like I sold my soul to the devil. The more I learn from women around here, the more I feel like I made a mistake.”

Rolling over in bed, I lay on my back and watched the fan spin into a dizzying frenzy in the dark room. I had to play the game. I couldn’t just come out and ask how she couldn’t know fucking her boss would end up screwing her career over in the long run. “How so?”

“He gets you with these huge salaries and promotions. Reels people in with big customers and high-profile projects—the high is like an addiction. Each one tops the last, and I’m constantly searching for one that’s bigger and better. The little ones get you through to the next fix, but he expects the next fix to be brewing while you’re still reveling in the one that got you high in the first place. I’ve reached the point where I can’t enjoy the success because I’m afraid of the fall that might follow.”

Not the answer I’d assumed she’d give. “So you’re not the only one under Drake’s wing, huh?”

“God no, I’m one of many. And he thinks women have an eye for detail men don’t, so he leans toward females when he’s scouting for talent. It’s cutthroat—women are catty as hell and don’t have any problem stepping on each other to get ahead. Nothing like a spiked heel to the eye to wake you up.”

“I hope you mean that figuratively and not literally.”

I couldn’t help but think of them stepping over each other naked in Drake Halifax’s hotel room while he played each one a different tune of romance. My hands started to shake as I imagined his skin touching Cora’s. It made me sick to think of the way he manipulated women—although mostly, just one.

She laughed yet didn’t respond to my comment about the shoe.

“Are you not going to leave at the end of your contract?”

“I don’t know. I’m trying to save as much money as I can so my salary won’t be a driving force if I return to the States to find a job.”

I couldn’t stifle the chuckle that escaped my lips or the sarcasm that followed. “It’s not like you need the money, Cora. You could live off your inheritance and trust fund for the rest of your life. So could your kids and multiple generations after them. If you decide to leave, you can leave.” It pissed me off to listen to her act like she didn’t have options. We all had options, and we all made choices. Cora chose to stay in Paris under Drake’s thumb.

“That’s not fair.”

“What’s not fair about it, Cora? If you don’t want to work for Halifax when your term is up, then don’t.”

“It’s not black and white.”

“You’ll have to help me understand that. I might see how that would be true for someone who didn’t have Chase money, but not for you.”

I heard someone in the background speak to her just before she covered the phone to muffle what was said.

“Hey, James. I need to go. I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Sure.”

I didn’t wait for her to tell me she missed me or say it myself. I just hung up. And realized after I’d done it just how shitty it was. She’d opened up to me about an insecurity, had really started talking to me, and I’d gotten pissy about it just because it was Drake.

I hadn’t stopped fucking around with Letty and didn’t even want to think about how Chelsea fit into that equation—my expectations of her were a bit hypocritical. However, Drake Halifax had everything to do with the shifts that had happened between us. I couldn’t blame him completely; had our bond been as tight as it should have, there wouldn’t have been room for him to force his way in—although he certainly played a part.

As much as I loved Cora and missed her, she was in France for another ten months, and even then, there was no guarantee she’d come home, much less to me. After staring at the wall for however long, the remorse wormed its way in until I finally caved and sent her a text. I couldn’t bear to be the reason her day got worse. And even in the darkness of my childhood bedroom, I could see the hurt on her face and didn’t want to be the cause for it staying there.

Me: I miss you.

Her unexpected reply came immediately, rubbing a little salve into the open wound of my tattered heart.

Cora: I miss you too, James.

Even text messages, I could hear her voice, and to this day, I loved the way my name rolled off her tongue like a whisper through trees—peaceful and serene. Yet what I loved even more was that she was the only person who used it. At work it was Mr. Carpenter, my friends called me Carp, my parents—when I talked to them—called me son, and Cora called me James. Somehow, from her, it was sacred—a prayer.

***

My father slid a stack of folders across his ornate desk two days later. The birthday festivities had kept him occupied until the last guest left on Sunday. And then the following morning, he was business as usual.

“What’s this?” I’d never worked with my dad or participated in any of his financial endeavors. I was well aware of what he did for a living and could have used his contacts to build our business, but I had refused to ask, and he’d never offered. Until now.

“I’m letting go of most of our smaller clients to focus on larger accounts. As I move toward retirement, the board decided to shift gears for the company as a whole. These are all people I’ve done business with for years that I don’t want to give over to anyone I don’t trust.”

“You’re referring business to me?” I couldn’t hide the doubt in my voice. My father didn’t give anyone anything. It all came with a price tag that I couldn’t afford.

“I’ve followed your firm from the sidelines since you bought the business, son. You and Neil have worked hard, made good choices, and weathered the storm. This will only strengthen your portfolio, and in time, draw more investors in your direction.”

I eyed him suspiciously before speaking. “What’s the catch?”

“Not everything in life comes with stipulations, James.” He’d used my name—which definitely meant there were stipulations.

“And you don’t give handouts without expecting something in return.” I hadn’t meant it to come across as disrespectfully as it had, although once the words were out, I couldn’t take them back.

“I’m sorry you feel that way, son.” Now we were back to terms of endearment.

“Dad, I’m not trying to be an ass—”

“Then don’t.”

“You’ve never given me anything without the expectation of something in return. We aren’t close; you haven’t even been to my place in New York, you don’t even know about Cora—”

“I’m aware of more than you give me credit for.” His interruption threw me off track, and I stared at him, waiting for him to continue. “Just because I’ve given you the freedom to start life on your own without being with you every step doesn’t mean I don’t love you or that I haven’t paid attention. I know Cora is in Paris working for Drake.”

Of course, he did. I should have expected my dad to be on a first-name basis with Drake Halifax. Which in turn meant my dad realized my girlfriend had left me for another man.

“I’m also cognizant of the fact that she’s not happy there and would prefer to come home.”

My jaw hung open, and no matter how hard I tried to formulate words or simply close it, it refused to cooperate.

“Drake and I have known each other for a lot of years. Cora being the granddaughter of the Chase family, who happened to live down the street from us, was a topic of conversation. Maybe I shouldn’t have done it, but that’s neither here nor there—you loved the girl, and I wanted to know her intentions.”

Thoughts raced through my head, my brain unable to complete any of them before diverting to another. “W-what intentions?”

He let out a heavy sigh, stood from his chair, and rounded the desk to sit on the edge. For the first time in my life, my dad stared at me like a concerned friend instead of an overbearing, absent parent. “There’s no doubt you’ve heard the stories of Drake’s escapades with younger women, several of which worked for him.”

I barely managed to move my head in a semblance of a nod, unsure I could bear to hear what he wanted to share.

“She wasn’t one of those women, James.”

My jaw finally clamped, and my mind shut down. She wasn’t one of those women. It was the only thing that replayed like an echo bouncing off the walls of my skull.

“And Drake tried. She’s a beautiful girl.” He paused and stared at me as though he waited for me to catch up mentally in the conversation. “Her heart belonged to you.”

I should have been elated, seeing fireworks behind my eyelids, rejoicing that Cora hadn’t involved herself with Drake Halifax, but instead, my heart squeezed painfully just as my lungs constricted, preventing air from flowing freely. I hadn’t believed in her. I hadn’t trusted her enough to believe she was mine. Even if I’d never questioned it verbally, I’d thought it all in my head—and then I’d played out my retribution, using two other women’s bodies as my targets. She hadn’t failed me; I’d given up on her.

“James?”

My hand clutched my shirt, and the other pulled at the tie around my neck, desperate to loosen the hold it had on my airway. “How do you know?” It was all I managed to utter, but I needed confirmation before I found the nearest Catholic church to start confessing my sins and reciting Hail Marys.

“He told me. He didn’t have a clue what he was admitting to when he brought her up. Or that the beau she fancied was my son.”

“Did you tell him?” The sentence came out raspy and desperate, although I wasn’t sure why.

“Not until I was certain she was loyal.”

I wanted to hate him for the sentiment, but the truth was, if it were my child we were talking about, I probably would have done the same.

“Women like that are hard to find when you come from the life you do.”

“What?” That was the dumbest thing I’d heard since Chelsea telling me my mom made the staff use the back door.

“Whether you believe it or not, you’re privileged, and people will use you to raise their station—”

“She’s a Chase, Dad. If anything, she’d be elevating my social status, not the other way around.”

“Don’t fool yourself, son. Lots of women prefer to marry into the life they were raised in with little respect for the sanctity of the union. And I didn’t know Cora from Eve.”

“That’s because you were never around.” I’d mumbled it, yet it had been loud enough for him to hear.

He unfolded his arms from his chest and rested his palms on either side of him, just before his shoulders and face fell slightly. “I deserve that.”

Jesus, I didn’t have a clue who this man was or what he’d done with my dad. I was starting to wonder if he'd been diagnosed with some terminal disease and was trying to right the wrongs of his past.

“I hope you make better choices if you have children. It’s easy to point a finger after the fact, but I did the best I knew how. I mirrored what I’d seen my father do. Those were different times, back when mothers, even those who had nannies, stayed home while fathers worked to provide for their family. It’s what my grandfather did and my father after. I wanted you to have the best of everything. I just never considered—until it was too late—that I’d sacrificed the only thing you cared about having the best of…a father.”

I’d entered the Twilight Zone. Soon, my mother would come through the door in a prim dress with a belt cinched at the waist, pearls around her neck, and a plate of freshly baked cookies in her hand.

“I can’t change our past. I can only hope you have a better future. And I hoped to make sure this Cora girl was it.”

“That’s it?”

He let out a hearty chuckle before clapping my shoulder and helping me up from the seat I sat in.

“If you don’t want to end up just like me, stop taking life so seriously…and maybe find time to make your way to Paris.”

I felt my brow draw down, and my lip curl up; I could only imagine what my confusion looked like from the outside. I was lost with this whimsical man who stood before me and wondered if someone had slipped a hallucinogen into my morning coffee.

***

“James, I swear, dating men in Paris is like dating hell in the United States. For a city that’s filled with love, these guys have no idea how to treat a lady.”

I abhorred hearing her talk about other men, although I secretly smiled each time she told me about a date gone wrong. None of them had been horrible; they just weren’t me. Cora had yet to figure that part out; she assumed it was the men, when in fact, most women would have swooned at the accent alone.

“They dress like pop stars, James. A guy shouldn’t look better in skinny jeans than his date. And they pair them with fitted shirts. It’s like boy band gone wrong.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Cora, not every guy in France dresses like Justin Bieber.”

“The ones I’ve met do.”

“Maybe it’s the industry you’re meeting them in. Aren’t they all rather artistic in some form or fashion?”

“No.” The humor danced in her voice. “What gave you that idea?”

“I just figured engineers were artsy.” I shrugged as if she could see me through the phone.

“No, silly—they aren’t artsy, they’re mathematical. The fashion here is just different.”

“So are you going to come back looking like the cover of Vogue?”

“I wish. Unfortunately, long hours have done nothing for my complexion or my figure.”

“Are you starting to resemble the Toad of Babylon?” I chuckled at the reference. Cora could never be ugly, much less an abomination.

“Oh my God, did you just refer to me as a whore?” Her laughter rumbled through the line.

“I said toad! Okay, poor choice of words. Now that I think about it, it didn’t make any sense anyhow.”

“Thanks, I’ll call you the next time I’m feeling particularly heinous, and you can talk me off the ledge.”

“I’ll sing for you.” Third Eye Blind instantly came to mind, and I grinned at the high school memories and times I’d listen to that album on basketball trips. “I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend.” I was tone deaf and had massacred that one line.

“That would certainly bring some levity to my day, even if it didn’t make me feel any better about my horrendous appearance. Don’t quit your day job—the stage is not the place for you.”

“I’m sure you’re just as beautiful as you’ve always been.” The words were sincere. She’d always been the most stunning woman I’d ever seen.

“It doesn’t feel like it in the fashion capital. Everyone here is exotic and thin and just…I don’t know…intimidating.”

“You’ve never been intimidated a day in your life, Cora. And if that’s how you truly feel, I have to wonder how the benefits of this job outweigh the damage it’s doing to your psyche.”

Her tone changed, and she giggled playfully. “It’s not quite that bad. But it would be nice to have one decent date. I don’t need anything remarkable or off the charts—just a romantic evening in a spectacular city.” I could hear the fairy tale in her voice. She’d had that once, and somehow, we’d both let it slip away. “What about you? Anyone new on the dating scene?”

I hated the direction of this conversation. I’d purposely avoided this topic for fear of where it would lead and our inability to come back from it. Cora may have thought she wanted details, just like I itched for them about her life, yet neither of us really needed to imagine the other with someone else.

“Nah. Just doing the casual thing.” And waiting on you. I didn’t say that last part, although it hung in my thoughts like straight dialogue.

The silence lingered on the line. It was comfortable, the way we’d always been with each other.

“Hopefully we’ll both find what we’re looking for,” she whispered.

I didn’t have to find it. I knew exactly where it was—I just couldn’t reach it right now. But that would change in ten months if I had anything to do with it. For now, I had to bide my time and remind Cora of why she needed to be here instead of there. “I’m sure we will.”

“I need to get going.”

I glanced at the clock realizing it was almost one in the morning in France. “Sweet dreams, Cora. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too.”

***

I tried calling Chelsea on my way home from Florida, but it had gone straight to voicemail. I hadn’t heard from her since we had lunch, and while we both agreed there was no possibility of a relationship, she seemed like she needed a friend. The last two days I was in town had been filled with my dad and conference calls with the clients he turned over to our firm. I’d crashed after dinner both nights and left early Wednesday morning to make the trip back to New York. I didn’t want her to think I’d used her. I enjoyed talking to her and felt like we could both benefit from having the other to confide in.

Cora was at work, but I sent her a text telling her I was in the car if she got a chance to talk. The silence that came with the open road never bothered me, although now, for whatever reason, it ate at me with each minute that ticked by. I’d stopped several times for gas and snacks, then again to piss—anything to break up the monotony.

By the time Cora’s name finally lit up the screen on my cell, I was near the point of insanity.

“Hey.” Even though I’d been sitting in the driver’s seat doing nothing other than holding the wheel for over an hour, my greeting came out breathy, as if I’d had to run to catch the phone before it quit ringing.

“Hi. How’s the drive?”

“I’m ready to leave my car at an airport and fly home.”

She snickered. “That bad?”

“I’m just restless. Geneva Key does that to me.”

“How’d things go with your dad?”

“It was the strangest experience of my life. He gave me hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of portfolios for the business, we had lunch like friends, and he told me to go see you in Paris.” I hadn’t meant to admit that last part. She didn’t need to know I’d spoken to my dad about her, much less that he’d suggested an impromptu vacation.

“Yes, yes, yes. That would be perfect.”

I’d expected her to brush over it, not extend an invitation.

“Oh, James, could you? I’d love to see a friendly face.”

“We could do that over FaceTime.” I could have slapped myself for that insensitive remark. It was like I was determined to be an ass to the one woman I’d ever loved as some form of pseudo punishment that only hurt me.

She giggled, thankfully. “Why don’t we ever do that? The thought hasn’t occurred to me because I don’t use it. But that way, we could see each other…I mean, if you won’t come to France.”

I could envision the way she’d be staring up at me from beneath her long lashes, pushing out her bottom lip just a hair, and waiting for me to give in to her whim. And if I could have driven across the ocean, I would have detoured in that very moment. The drive back to New York didn’t exactly tickle my fancy—at least a ride to Paris would have resulted in a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

“I wasn’t trying to invite myself to a foreign country, Cora.” I needed her to confirm she wanted me to come, not that she’d been polite.

Her tone suddenly changed, and her voice dropped. “You didn’t. I asked.” The hurt in those four little words fractured another piece of my soul.

“I’d love to see you.” It was a dangerous admission, yet I needed to confirm where she stood. When I told her I missed her, I meant I missed loving her. She could just need a friend.

“Promise me you’ll look at your calendar as soon as you get home. It’s a long flight, but even if you could come for a couple of days, I’d love having you.”

“Can you take time off work?”

“Of course. I’ve been with the company for over two years, James. I’m not a slave…well, mostly.”

I hated knowing she felt that way—she’d worked like a Trojan. And since she was still homesick, she hadn’t made a lot of friends—which also meant that other than the handful of bad dates she’d told me about, she didn’t socialize much. I couldn’t stand the thought of all the socializing I’d done when she left—or with Chelsea on the beach just days ago. My stomach churned again. I had to remind myself no less than twenty times a day since that Cora and I weren’t together. Technically, I hadn’t done anything wrong—it was just soul-crushing guilt that plagued my conscience.

The two of us talked until she was yawning through every sentence out of her mouth. The time difference had been a killer since we’d started these calls, and as much as I didn’t like hanging up, the possibility of planning a trip to spend time with her made it easier to let her go.

“Promise you’ll have some dates for me tomorrow?” She was cute like this. It was easy to picture her curled up next to me in bed the way it had been for so many years.

“Promise.” Nothing would stop me from giving her what she asked for.

“I miss you, James.”

“Miss you, too, Cora.”

When the screen went dark after the line had disconnected, I said, “But I love you more,” to no one.

Since I couldn’t sit and ponder my agenda while barreling ninety miles per hour down the interstate, I did the next best thing. I called Neil.

“Hey, man.”

“Hey, Carp. How was the trip?”

“I’m still making it, but if you’re referring to the time with my parents, it was interesting.”

“Yeah? What’d your dad want?” He didn’t try to hide the skepticism from his voice.

“To give us twenty-three clients.”

“I hope you told him to shove them up his ass.” He snorted like he’d said something funny.

A week ago, I would have scoffed alongside him. However, something had changed on this trip. I wasn’t sure if my dad suddenly realized his mortality and this was his attempt at atoning for his own transgressions, or he’d recognized that I had become an adult. Either way, it didn’t matter—for the first time in my life, I’d had lunch with my dad and not my father.

“Nope. We spent two days going over each account, and together, we reached out to every single one of them. Which means…we’re going to need to hire another investor to manage the additional workload.”

“Why the hell would you take your dad’s handouts? I was kidding when I said I wasn’t ashamed to take charity.”

“Because there were no strings attached.”

“There are always strings.” His agitation started to tick me off.

“Trust me on this, Neil.”

“What has you in Daddy’s pocket?”

I wasn’t in his pocket, but if my best friend cared to know what had changed, I’d gladly tell him. “He looked out for Cora.” Technically, he’d been looking out for me, although when you loved someone, you could twist things any way you chose. I loved her, and I believed my dad loved her for me.

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the call while I assumed he collected his thoughts. It abruptly ended when he shrieked, “He did what?”

“I was shocked myself. Apparently, when he found out she was in the crosshairs of Drake Halifax, he made sure to find out his intentions.”

“Please tell me that dirty old man never touched Cora.”

“No, but it wasn’t for a lack of trying. She didn’t want him.”

“Well, no shit, Sherlock. Everyone other than you saw that.”

I chose to ignore that. “She asked me to come see her.”

“In Paris?” He screamed so loudly I had to pull the phone away from my ear. His voice was distorted to the point I couldn’t tell if he was shocked or pissed that I might be out again.

“Yeah.”

“When?”

“That’s why I called—”

“Dude, you cannot be gone for a week, bring back twenty-three new clients I know nothing about, and jet off to another fucking country. I’m pretty fucking impressive, but I’m not Batman.”

“Thank God for small favors. No one needs to see your ass in tights. And I sure as hell could never be your Robin.”

“Not to worry…Hannah definitely has Harley Quinn covered.”

Gross.

“I realize I can’t go in the next week or two. I was going to ask you to look at my calendar to see when I might be free in a few weeks. That would give us time to get someone hired and familiar with the portfolios, so you wouldn’t be drowning.”

“Surely you don’t think I’m your secretary?”

“Not at all. If you’d like me to ask her, I certainly can have her tell me the moment my calendar is free and get her to book a flight.” I let the weight of that settle…which didn’t take long.

“Fuck that. She’d have you out of here within hours of you pulling back into the city. She’s too efficient for her own damn good.”

I didn’t try to stifle the laugh.

We spent the next hour talking about the clients I was bringing back, the type of person we needed to join our team, and going over our schedules. As great as the added business was, it meant there was no way I’d get back out of the office for a week—or even a few days—before November…and that was pushing it. And unfortunately, until we hired at least one more person, maybe two, there was no way I’d be airborne, much less practicing my high school French.