My heart can’t break any more than it already has. Emma scared me shitless and that is after recovering from the unexpected diagnosis with Lorel. As much as I thought my focus would be on Rose and Brody, I know they will be okay. But Emma is a whole other matter. I find my way to the chapel; though I’m not a religious woman, I know God exists. I sit down, and I figure I’m just as surprised as He is that I’m here, I’m sure. All I can do is sit in the chapel and cry for all those I love who are hurting right now. My heart hasn’t felt this empty since losing my sweet beautiful Lorelei almost six years ago. Sitting in the pew crying, I feel a tender squeeze on my shoulders. Looking through my tears, I see the dependable as ever Ryan Dean staring at me. “Tine, thought you might need a friend,” he says. Ryan and his late wife—Lorelei, my best friend since I knew what friendship meant—have called me Tine for as long as I can remember. Whenever he says that one small word, it’s a reminder of what I shared with Lorelei, the woman my sweet little grandbaby is now named for.

Standing, I let him embrace me. It’s funny that Ryan and I could not get along when his precious wife was alive, yet we have become so close since her passing. “Funny seeing you here. I was just thinking of your Lorelei,” I say. Now that there are two, they both own my heart.

“You look like hell.”

“I’m sure I do,” I say.

“Let me get you away from this for a while. Let’s go get a cup of coffee, even if it’s really crappy.”

“Crappy coffee sounds like heaven right now,” I acknowledge.

“I figured you would see the silver lining.” As we walk to the elevator, Ryan looks at my tired eyes and asks, “All right, Tine, it’s just you and me. How are you really doing?” He could always read me well.

Besides Nick, Ryan has been an anchor in my life. “Honestly, I feel numb; as though I can’t feel anything at this point.”

“How is Rose?” His eyes are dull. Sure, it has improved through the years as he and the kids have recovered. I have not seen the dance in his eyes since the last dinner party we had together, which also happens to be one of the final times I spent with my friend.

“She’s strong. They will make it, but having a special needs child is going to be something Rose will have to come to terms with. I know she’s excited but sad at the same time. I think she feels guilty, too, because of that.”

“Lore loved Rose so much and would be honored to have little Lorel named after her. And I love Rose as I do Madeline. I’d gut the guy who hurt her. Thankfully, for Brody, I don’t think I’m going to have to.”

“Aww, but it is the thought that counts, you know?” I laugh for the first time in twenty-four hours, and it feels good. “By the way, I wanted to talk to you about something—and before you shut me down, just hear me out, okay?”

Ryan rolls his eyes, knowing exactly what this conversation is about. “Really, Justine, again?” Trying to fix Ryan’s loneliness is the one thing I can focus on during all this fucked-up shit.

“Her name is Carrie Lyon. She’s about the only one at work who I don’t want to kill. She’s sweet, cute, and confident. Her husband was abusive, and she’s been divorced for five years. He’s in jail for assault, but she’s a tough cookie. She has a ten-year-old girl.”

“Why tell me about her husband?”

“Because you’re a protector, not that she needs it. She learned self-defense and took care of herself the last time he decided to hurt her. I think you’d like her.”

“You know, Justine, I’m more than capable of finding my own dates. I just don’t have any desire.”

Riding in the elevator, I take his hands in mine to turn his eyes to me. “Listen, I miss her every day. I really could use her right now, believe me. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a spouse; she was your everything, but, Ryan, you are not living right now.”

“Justine, I know you mean well, but I can’t do it. I don’t know if I ever will. I’ll always compare my date to Lore, and that is not fair to anyone. I’m past the hard parts, the firsts of everything, and all the nightmares that accompanied our grief, but I can’t. I know after six years, I should be ready, but I’m not. I’m not even close.”

Sighing, I know when even I’ve been shut down. Not many do this or, should I add, I don’t allow many to do this, but Ryan gets a pass because he was Lore’s man. “Okay, Ryan, I just worry about you. Remember you were harsh to me about forgiving Nick. I don’t think I could have without you. I want to give you that same encouragement.” Sitting down with our cups of coffee, we make small talk, comparing Lorel to Madeline when she was a baby since she was bigger than Lorel is now. It was fun and a needed break to discuss the past and the memories I have of the unforgettable Lorelei Dean.

I’m looking at my watch when he stands. “I know you need to get back, but call me, Tine, please if you need me. I’m going to go meet my wife’s namesake and give her mama a big hug and tell her how proud Lore is of her.” He leans down, giving me a kiss on the cheek.