As usual, it was windy in Chicago. Grey clouds raced across a sky that occasionally parted long enough to let weak beams of sunlight reach the population below, teasing with hopes of nice weather before dumping more snow. Those moments of brightness were like golden treasure to the sorrowful souls that huddled and shivered in the cold. Winter wouldn’t last forever but in February that was hard to believe.
Roxi pulled on her hat and wrapped a scarf around her neck and face so only her eyes were peering out. Beside her, Lulu was trying to zip her coat around an ever-expanding girth.
“If the weather doesn’t warm up soon, you’re going to be in trouble.” Roxi pushed her friend’s hands out of the way and took charge of the zipper. “Suck it in.”
“I am sucking it in,” Lulu grumbled.
“Sorry.”
After a bit of struggling, the coat was finally closed and they left Lulu’s doctor’s office and headed towards the bus stop. Roxi had managed to be present for each prenatal appointment, ready to run interference in case the doctor made some comment about anything being odd with regards to the baby or the pregnancy.
So far, so good. Everything was progressing normally. It was a big relief because she didn’t want to be the one to have to break the news to Lulu that the father of her baby was a bear.
She hated keeping secrets. In her mind, secrets were a commodity to be sold. Unfortunately, this was one she couldn’t even give away. She wasn’t a shifter, but all Others pretty much followed an unspoken rule of watching each others’ backs with regards to hiding their existence from humans; I don’t tell on you and you don’t tell on me. It was one of the few precepts everyone seemed to agree on.
Of course, as with all rules, there were grey areas and she was pretty sure this was one of them. If push came to shove… She paused in her mental monologue.
Push, shove; she slid a sideways glance at Lulu’s stomach. Bad choice of words considering Lulu would be doing a lot of that one of these days. The idea of giving birth totally grossed her out.
Anyway…what had been the point of her train of thought?
Oh right, grey areas.
Who could tell what to who. Or was that whom? Whatever the grammar rule, she didn’t even know if she was allowed to tell the news to Lulu should the doctor mention something wasn’t right. All shifters had their own version of the Keeping law and were adamant about following it; they had to trust a person impeccably before sharing their secret. It was one of the reasons she’d been pestering for Lulu to contact Armand; if it all went horribly wrong, he’d be the one responsible and not her.
And speaking of that, she hadn’t nagged in at least a week. Time to start another round.
“Have you talked to Armand about this?”
“No.” Lulu sighed, obviously knowing what was coming.
She didn’t let that stop her from her mission. In her experience, persistence paid off. “A father has the right to know.”
“I told you, I’ll tell him.” She made a face and then mumbled, “someday.”
“And someday will be when? Before the baby is born? After? When it learns to talk or goes away to college?”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Yes, it is. We have the technology. Pick up a phone, press the correct numbers and voila! You’re talking to the man.” She nimbly hopped over a slushy puddle as they stepped off the curb to cross the road.
“And what will he say?” Lulu plodded along at her side.
“How should I know? You’re the one who slept with him.” She shrugged. “He seemed a decent sort though. He’ll do right by you.”
“He’ll insist I go back home.”
“And would that be so bad?”
“You’re trying to get rid of me?”
“No, but a father—”
“Has the right to know. Roxi, you’re like a broken record. I’ll tell him when the time is right.”
They’d arrived at the bus stop and stood waiting. Snow had started to fall; big fat flakes that obscured the view and had drivers turning their wipers onto high. Ugh.
She shoved her hands in her pockets and hunched her shoulders against the weather. So maybe persistent nagging wasn’t going to work…at least not today. Time for being sympathetic and understanding. It wasn’t something she was comfortable with but hey, you did what you had to, right?
Once they were on the bus, she tried again. “You’re scared, aren’t you?”
Lulu turned her head slowly and gave her a ‘duh’ look. “Of course, I’m scared! I’m going to have a baby and I’m all by myself, and,” she shook her finger, “don’t you dare say what I know you’re going to say because if you do say it, I’m not talking to you ever again!”
“That doesn’t even make sense!”
“Of course, it doesn’t. You expect me to make sense at a time like this?” Lulu folded her arms on top of her belly and slumped down in the seat.
Roxi leaned her head against the window and sighed. This was going to be a long, long pregnancy.
Lou flicked a glance at Roxi and debated about apologizing. She knew she was being difficult. Roxi was trying to help. It was just that her emotions were all over the place. Typical of an expectant mother, or so she’d read, but hard to handle both for her and those around her.
The problem was she didn’t know what was the right thing to do.
Tell Armand.
Don’t tell Armand.
How many nights had she spent staring at the ceiling going over and over those two options. She’d even picked up her phone a few times only to put it down, unable to make herself dial his number.
She wanted to. She missed him dreadfully and still dreamed about him at night, imagined him lying beside her or holding her hand while they watched a movie. Instinctively she knew he’d be thrilled about the baby and would be happy to attend prenatal appointments with her.
Having him at her side would make this whole experience less scary.
But she’d feel she was returning home a failure.
People might say ‘Good old Lucy finally got knocked up.’
It would already be awkward enough explaining how she was coming back from the dead without everyone thinking the only way she could get a man was by trapping him with a baby.
Damn, this wasn’t how she’d planned on her life going. She drummed her fingers on her stomach and furrowed her brow. She didn’t want her child growing up feeling he or she was a burden. To make amends, she rubbed her belly and leaned forward slightly.
“It’s not your fault,” she whispered to the baby. “I love you and I’ll do my best to take care of you, no matter what.”
Roxi leaned close. “Is she replying?”
“She?”
“A little girl will fit in with our lifestyle. I’ll buy her frilly pink dresses and hair bands.”
“You don’t even like pink.”
“I know, but those dresses are adorable.”
“Well, I think it’s going to be a boy.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. It just feels right.” She rubbed her belly, a belly that seemed to grow noticeably every day. This baby was going to be a whopper if things continued this way. The very idea had her wincing.
“What’s wrong? Are you in pain?” Roxi paled, her eyes widening.
“No. I’m fine.” Had Roxi been the right choice for a birth coach? She was certainly interested in the baby but how would she handle labour?
“Oh. That’s good. Well, back to boy versus girl. You could ask the doctor and find out for sure so we know what to buy.”
“I suppose. But right now I like the idea of it being a surprise.”
“You realize the suspense is going to kill me?”
“I’m due in May. You’ll survive a few more months.”
May.
Where had the time gone?
She’d been scared at first, still was, but at least it was manageable now. Everyone was being so good to her. Ashton had offered to shorten her shifts at the diner if she was too tired and he gave her time off for appointments. Neil, after getting over his initial shock, had slipped back into the role of friendly co-worker. He’d even found pamphlets and booklets on gestation and childbirth which, for some reason had made Roxi burst out laughing.
Yep, things were falling into place. Even the guidance department at the college had been extremely helpful. Her second term courses had been changed and, combined with the credits she already had, could be applied towards getting a Human Services certificate so at least she’d have something in her hand at the end of the year. After that, there were online courses that could help her work up to getting a degree in Social Work. It wouldn’t happen as fast as she’d hoped but at least she didn’t have to abandon the dream completely.
It was funny how things turned out. She’d refused to go back to Stump River because she hadn’t wanted to change her plans, and yet here it was happening anyway.
Roxi nudged her. “It’s our stop next.”
“Right.” She gathered her purse and was preparing to stand up when the bus driver suddenly slammed on the brakes. Her foot slipped on the wet, slushy floor and she grabbed at the back of a seat to steady herself. She almost succeeded when a vehicle hit the bus from behind. Her feet flew out from under her, her hand slipped off the back of the seat and she landed on the floor on her back.
Chaos reigned.
People were shouting and cursing. Horns were blaring. Roxi was demanding everyone stand back.
“She’s pregnant. Call 911. Lulu, don’t move!” Roxi was at her side, her eyes exceptionally wide and dark.
“I’m fine,” she tried to push herself up on her elbows. “I just slipped. It’s no big deal.”
“Don’t. You. Dare. Move!” Roxi glared down at her then switched her attention to the rear of the bus where someone was complaining about wanting to get by. “Hey you! Complainer! You wanna get by, you climb over the seats. She’s not moving until I know she’s okay!”
The floor was cold and hard. Dampness was creeping into her clothes. Was it just the slush or was she bleeding? Her initial calm began to fade. The baby! She couldn’t lose the baby!
She bit her lip, trying not to cry but having no success. Her heart was pounding, her ears started to ring. Was she panicking or was something really wrong? Reaching out, she grabbed Roxi’s hand.
“I’m here, Lulu. Are you in pain? Is it the baby?”
“I don’t know. I….”
The sound of a siren filled the air and then the emergency responders were there. After that it was a blur of questions and activity as she was checked and loaded onto a stretcher.
“You’ll be okay. The baby will be okay.” Roxi reassured her.
“I know,” she nodded even though she wasn’t at all sure.
“And don’t worry, I really do have your purse this time!”
She managed to give a shaky laugh through her tears.
Roxi paced the waiting room, nibbling her thumbnail and wondering how Lulu was and wishing she’d told Armand. What if Lulu was seriously hurt? Surely, Armand should know. But if she lost the baby, then maybe Armand never needed to know. On the other hand, what if the baby was born early? Was three months premature too young to survive? They could do some amazing stuff nowadays with medical technology and the baby was part shifter, so it would have a better chance, wouldn’t it?
She looked around for a vending machine, needing food to help her think. There wasn’t one, so she sat down and dug through Lulu’s purse looking for some gum to chew; her own supply had been depleted earlier in the day. Mental note: buy larger packs next time.
Comb, tissue, keys, phone…aha gum!
She popped a piece in her mouth and immediately felt less tense. Thoughtfully chewing, she stared at Lulu’s phone. Armand’s number would be on it, wouldn’t it? She picked up the phone and entered the PIN. Lulu hadn’t exactly told her the password, but she’d seen her use the phone numerous times and had absentmindedly memorized it.
There was a twinge of guilt as she opened Lulu’s contacts. She brushed the pesky feeling aside and began to search through the names. Where was Armand’s number? It wasn’t under his first name or his last name. Maybe a nickname? Nothing seemed like the right kind of nickname for the man. She left the contacts and looked at the phone call logs, slowly scrolling back, pausing to study the numbers. The diner, the drop-in centre, Neil, the doctor, her own number. Lulu didn’t seem to call a wide variety of people except…
She slowed as she came to an un-named and unfamiliar number. Could it be Armand? The only real way to know would be to call the number and see who answered.
Lulu would probably kill her when she found out. If she found out. It might not be Armand. And if it was, well then it was meant to be, right?
She glanced towards the double doors where Lulu was being examined, then looked at the phone again. Damn, indecision was annoying which was exactly why she avoided it at all costs.
Screw the consequences. She pressed ‘call’ and crossed her fingers.