TWO

Dale Vaner effortlessly kept herself protected from all the “feels” in the room while transferring her belongings from the dresser drawers to her duffel bag. She was so used to doing it that she didn’t always notice if it took an effort to deflect the emotions or not. But today, because shit was going down, she was conscious of her walls. They were strong. Fortified. And they kept her protected.

“You don’t have to watch me, Liam,” she said for the second time in the last ten minutes. “I’m seriously not going do anything to your stuff.”

“Is she always like this?” a female voice whispered. “I don’t know whether to be impressed or afraid.”

Dale smirked and looked at the girl she’d just caught her “boyfriend” cuddling with on their sofa. Well, it was Liam’s sofa, but Dale had begun to think of it as theirs since moving in four months ago when she’d gone from being Liam’s yoga instructor and sort-of-friend to his roommate and friend-with-bennies.

“This is what I meant when I said she doesn’t give a shit. She doesn’t. Look at her. Look at you, Dale,” Liam complained, sounding more hurt than upset. “You just caught me cheating, and you’re smiling at the chick I was cheating on you with!”

Dale shrugged. “It’s not her fault you’re an asshole. I hope you know if he did this to me, he might very well do it to you in the future,” she told the pretty ginger with the big blue eyes. Man, the girl’s skin was nice.

“I did this to you because you’re not into us anymore. If you ever were.”

Dale threw her two big bags over her shoulder and snagged the padded hanger she kept her work clothes on so the velvet corset and shorts wouldn’t wrinkle. She stopped at the door and looked up at her ex-roommate.

“If you were unhappy, you should have asked me to leave. Just because I’m not throwing a fit and breaking your stuff doesn’t mean you did this right, Liam. Selfish people who turn their backs on those they’re close to are shitty, and you ruin people’s lives with your lack of character.” She should know, she’d loved enough of them in her lifetime.

Liam’s expression softened slightly. But when his brows came down, and guilt entered his eyes, as though he’d just realized what he’d done, Dale got moving. Had to. Otherwise, all that shit would leave with her and she didn’t need his negative emotions mucking up her vibe.

“Don’t worry about it, Liam. Really. We’re cool.” She squeezed by the new couple in the narrow hallway and only had to take a few steps to reach the door. “Good luck, you two. Feel free to toss whatever I’ve left behind. I won’t be back for it.” As she stepped out into the hallway, she gave them a wave and didn’t even slam the door. She genuinely didn’t feel the need.

As she walked to the elevator, a part of her felt bad because Liam was right. She hadn’t been invested in them as a couple. But she hadn’t just been putting in time either. She’d had an agenda.

Dale was a yoga instructor, and Liam was a regular in her class. She’d gotten to know him over the last year, and had thought he’d be the perfect guy to help her achieve the only real goal she had in life. He was a carefree bachelor who bartended for a living, and spent his leisure time doing yoga, cooking, and traveling. No-strings had appeared to be his MO.

So, when Liam had mentioned he was looking for a roommate one day after class, she’d raised her hand and had moved in the following week. She hadn’t forced a thing, and had been relieved when lazing around on the couch in their downtime had led to snuggles and eventual sex. She’d given her virginity up without a thought but had held back, thinking it only right to wait a respectable amount of time before asking for a donation that would come with just one condition. No strings. Right up his alley, right?

And hers, because she didn’t need them. She made great money teaching during the day and serving at an elite club at night. She had a very healthy savings account that she’d built while living at her father’s house for a lot longer than she’d wanted to. And she was ready. Beyond ready to change her lonely, solitary existence by putting A and B together to make C.

Or not.

The elevator finally arrived, and Dale got on and pressed G. She couldn’t believe she’d read the situation so wrong. She was usually a great judge of character. But, apparently, Liam had wanted those strings after all, and seeing he wasn’t going to get them with her, he’d moved on. And that was okay. In fact, him finding something real with someone else without telling her first did nothing more than prove to Dale that she was going about her life in the right way. Stay protected and no one gets hurt. Namely her.

As she stepped out on the ground floor, she worked her phone out of the pocket of her denim shorts and called her co-worker. The only one she saw outside of Scorch, the nightclub where they both served a wealthy crowd they’d never be a part of. Erika Hernandez, a bubbly romantic who liked to worry, was always good for a distraction.

“Hey. I thought you’d be here by now. I was going to make you help me unpack some boxes before we left for work. This place is a disaster.”

As Dale pushed through the doors to walk out into the glaring sun, she forced a smile that felt more natural than the real ones she occasionally wore. Houston was sweltering on this brilliant Saturday afternoon, which had to have made for an uncomfortable day for Erika because she’d just finished doing the opposite of what Dale was currently doing. She and her boyfriend of two years had just gotten a place together.

“Sorry. I got held up when I came home to grab my uniform and found Liam on the couch making out with a cute ginger with amazing skin.”

Silence.

“I’m coming now,” she continued as though she hadn’t noticed the lack of sound. “Can we grab a bite before we head to the club? I’m starving.”

“Dale? You better be fucking joking.”

“Nope. I haven’t eaten all day, and I just used the last of my energy to pack my bags that I’m tossing into my car as I speak.” She dropped one bag on the smoking hot sidewalk and popped the trunk of her little red Mazda.

Another stretch of silence lasted long enough for Dale to stow her bags and get on the road.

“You can say what you want, Erika. I’m cool.”

“I want to ask if you’re okay, but I know you’ll just say yes. Be real, Dale. For once, alright? Be real. Are you okay with this?”

“I’m okay. Honest,” she assured as she switched lanes. “I feel kind of bad for a variety of reasons, but, it is what it is.” A delay. That was all.

“Wow. I don’t know how you handle shit the way you do. It’s like you have a shield around you that prevents you from…reacting.”

Dale could tell Erika had been about to say something else. Probably that Dale didn’t feel. And that would have been accurate. She’d spent too many years absorbing the emotions of those around her, trying to cope with them on top of her own. Her beloved Oma, her mom’s mom who’d lived with them until Dale was thirteen, had said Dale had been gifted with a heightened sense of empathy. Gifted? No. It was a curse. One she’d beaten and smothered out of existence when she was in her junior year of high school. She’d tried before that, but after he left, she’d succeeded.

She moved on because she suddenly didn’t feel like talking. At all. “I’m right around the corner. Want me to swing by Krispy Kreme?”

“God, no. My uniform is tight enough as it is. If I gain even an ounce, my tits are going to blow through that corset and kill some unsuspecting ogler.”

Dale laughed as she was meant to and pulled into the parking lot of her favorite donut place. “You’re a loser. See you in an hour. I have a stop to make.”

She hit the end button on the dash and pulled up to the drive-thru menu board. After she placed and received her order, she parked in the corner of the lot and devoured three donuts and a bottle of water. They didn’t go down as easily as they should have because she was having a bit of trouble swallowing.

She tossed the last crumbling bit of her third donut to a seagull and turned the radio up before getting on the road again. Ray LaMontagne’s Jolene nearly killed her, but she left it on anyway because fighting not to feel was almost like a workout.

Because she aimed the car west instead of east, which would have taken her straight to Erika’s, her stomach started churning. “Fuck off, butterflies,” she warned as sweat beaded on her upper lip. “You know how much I hate you.”

In thirty minutes, she was in Sharpstown and pulling into a driveway on a quiet, tree-lined street. She sat for a spell with the car idling, waves of goosebumps crawling over her skin. They weren’t caused by the A/C blowing on her shoulders.

She breathed in her strawberry air-freshener and adjusted the straps on her tank top. She blinked. She tried swallowing. Then she brought her eyes to the house, and, realizing she wouldn’t be able to avoid it today, she opened herself up. For only a few seconds, Dale allowed the familiar sharp blades to nick at her heart, tearing at scars received when those she’d fallen in love with had left without caring about who or what they were leaving behind.

As she looked at the average brick bungalow with its two-car garage, her beloved grandmother’s image filled her head. Her Oma had died just before Dale had graduated eighth grade. She couldn’t fault an old lady for passing on, but the pain her death had caused had changed Dale.

Her mom’s sister’s image drifted through Dale’s thoughts next. Aunt Lillian had lived next door to them. She’d baptized Dale. Three months after Oma’s death, Aunt Lillian had moved to Alaska to be with a guy she’d met online. Dale hadn’t spoken to her since their tearful goodbye at the curb because Aunt Lillian had never called with that new phone number and address she’d promised. When Dale had asked her mom why, Lorraine had shrugged and said her sister had given birth to twins and she was busy.

Anna Lopez had lived two doors down. She and Dale had been best friends throughout elementary school. Anna’s parents had separated during their grade eight Christmas break, and Anna had been given a choice. Mom or dad. She’d chosen her mom, and they’d moved back to Mexico to live with Anna’s grandparents. Her dad still lived two doors down but had claimed not to have a number or address for Anna, so Dale hadn’t been able to keep in touch as she’d so badly wanted to.

Dale’s mom had left, too. She’d cheated on Dale’s dad and moved to Florida when Dale was sixteen; like things hadn’t been bad enough only a year after he’d left. You’re going to leave home one day, too, Dale, Lorraine had said. What’s the difference if I go first? She’d waved from the front door then jogged out to the minivan waiting at the curb. Lorraine’s boss, the man she’d cheated with, had been at the wheel. Dale had seen her four times in the last six years.

Her dad? Well, he’d cheated on Lorraine a few times over the years, which had been Lorraine’s excuse for cheating on him. The two had held on, though, saying it would be cruel of them to split when Dale needed them together. But the night before Lorraine left, Dale had heard them arguing, and had learned the real reason they hadn’t separated sooner was because neither had been able to support Dale on their own. In the end, Wilson Vaner wasn’t given a choice, though by then, Dale had been sixteen and she’d already been entirely independent. All she’d used home for was to sleep and shower.

Wilson had remarried last year. His wife wasn’t the nicest woman, and she and Dale weren’t friends.

Turning the car off, Dale threw up her walls and opened the windows a crack before stepping out and walking along the edge of the flowerbed. Ringing the doorbell felt foreign as she’d only been back once since leaving, and wouldn’t have been there today had she any other options. But spending a couple of hundred dollars a night at a hotel while she looked for a new apartment wouldn’t only put a dent in her budget—paying first and last up front wasn’t going to be cheap—it would make her feel immature and irresponsible. What were a couple more weeks in her old room in the grand scheme of things?

The door opened to reveal a middle-aged man with dark hair and glasses. He was wearing an Adidas tracksuit and Nike sneakers but didn’t look as comfortable as he should have.

“Dale?”

“Hey, Dad.” She cleared her throat and tried not to feel like a beggar. “I’m, uh, in a bit of a pickle. Can I stay with you for a bit?” She slipped on her happy mask and gave him a brilliant smile while mentally crossing her fingers in the hopes she wouldn’t get a solid no.

“Well, er, where’s Leo?”

“Liam is at his place, but I’m not anymore. I won’t stay long. Just until I find a new apartment.” She held her breath, thinking a one bedroom would do. She wouldn’t need two bedrooms for a few years yet. “Uh, maybe a day or two?” she tried when it looked as if Wilson was gearing up to give her some excuse.

“Oh, uh, yeah. A day or two…” He tapped on the doorknob with his wedding ring. A nervous gesture. Clink. Clink. Clink. “Ursula left for work already, and she’s putting in a double shift…” He looked over his shoulder. “I’m working tonight…” He drove a cab and had worked nights all Dale’s life. When he came back around to face her, he was bouncing his top teeth on his bottom lip. “Think you could find a place by noon tomorrow? That way, I won’t have to deal with any bitching when Ursula comes home at three.”

Dale’s spine tried its best to curve, but she jammed an invisible steel rod into it. “Yeah, sure. I can be gone by noon.” Less than twenty-four hours to find a new home, and she had to be at work in two hours and wouldn’t get off until after three a. m. That was doable.

Looking only slightly embarrassed, her dad stepped back and waved her into her former home.

She held up a finger and ran back to her car to grab one of her bags. She wouldn’t need both. When she returned, she placed the duffel just inside the house.

As her dad opened the closet and transferred the bag to the far corner, she said, “I’m off to work. Will you leave the door open or do you have a spare key? Oh, and I’m going to need these…” She stepped into the house and went into the closet to open the bag to grab her stillies.

“You’re going to be late, right?” he said as he took a key off the hook under the mirror and handed it to her. “Try not to be too loud. Ursula’s boy is living with us now, and he’s a light sleeper.”

It felt as if he’d just punched her in the chest. “No worries.”

He looked over his shoulder again. “And I guess I’ll have to let his babysitter know you’ll be taking the couch for a couple of hours, so she’s not alarmed if she hears you come in. She’s in your room now, and you know how thin the walls are.”

“Yup. I remember. I should go. See you.” She skipped along the flowerbed and got back into her car, and it wasn’t until she was backing out onto the street that she noticed she was still smiling. Dropping the expression, she turned the music up loud enough to rattle her fillings.

Life is hard, and cruel people make it harder, Magdalena. Because you are susceptible, you will have to learn to shut them out.

Her Oma used to say that to her when Dale would come home from school feeling like shit for some reason or other.

Look for the good that always comes with the bad.

That one had usually been followed by a story about when Oma was small and living in Europe during the war. Dale had hated those stories, but she’d listened and taken in all the fear and sadness in her Oma’s eyes because there had been so much to be shared.

Pushing away the memory, Dale tried to honor the unconditional love she’d been given for too short a time by doing as she’d been told. Find the good. Good, good, good…

Okay. She straightened in her seat and ignored how the donuts were roiling in her stomach. Yeah, life kind of sucked at the moment, but at least she wouldn’t have to camp out in her car and get eaten alive by bugs because, even though it was only March, it was too hot to sleep with the windows rolled up.

There. Done.

Refusing to acknowledge that she didn’t feel any better, she pressed her foot down on the gas and drove faster.