Chapter Thirty-Four
9:16 p.m.
Ava could hear voices, male, talking somewhere close, but quietly. Her skin felt clammy and sticky, and when a breeze swept over her, she shivered.
The voices went quiet, and she sank down into a dark place, floated there, but something caressed her skin. The touch brought her out of the darkness and closer to the light. It left again, and she let sleep take her.
It was the scent of decomposing flesh that woke her next. It roiled her stomach until she feared she’d vomit. Breathing through her mouth, she opened her eyes. White, everything was white. No, this was a tent, and she lay on the cot Henry had set up outside his lab. She turned her head, but the front of the tent had been closed, obscuring her view. The smell lingered. Had the CDC been forced to store the dead outside? How many dead bodies did there have to be for them to stack them outside somewhere? She couldn’t hear anything that might indicate the public in a panic. The only EMS sirens seemed to be coming from far away.
She let herself fall into a light sleep.
A slight tug on her arm woke her. Henry was hanging new IV bags.
“Hey,” she said, though it came out more of a croak.
“Hey.” He studied her face. “You look better.”
She raised a brow. “Right.”
“You didn’t see yourself about eight hours ago.”
She snorted.
“High fever, sweats, and a seizure. We couldn’t wake you.”
“We?”
“River and I.”
A quick look around confirmed the obvious—River wasn’t anywhere in sight.
“He wouldn’t leave.”
“Who wouldn’t leave?”
“River. He slept on the mat next to your cot for a few hours, then he sat with your wrist in his hand so he could feel your pulse.” Henry said it as if it was a strange thing to do.
“What’s unusual about that?”
“He sat there for an hour.”
He what? Ava found it hard to breathe. As much as she admired River for his intelligence, dedication, and creativity, and despite how attracted to him she was, he also scared her. Because, if she let him in, if she allowed herself to fall in love with him and he died or he left her, she’d break.
She wasn’t strong enough to go through what she went through with Adam again.
“You look like a spooked horse,” Henry said. He studied her for a moment. “Are you going to run?”
When she didn’t answer, he asked, “You want to keep him in the friend zone?”
She shook her head. “That’s not it. I…don’t know if I can trust…”
“Him?” Henry asked. “He’d die for you.”
She raised her gaze to meet Henry’s and whispered, “That’s what I’m afraid of.”
…
River spent the next ten hours keeping the crowd of sick people and their family members from rioting outside the emergency entrance to the medical center. He was given a few hours off to rest, so he went back to Henry’s lab and the tent next to it. Ava was asleep, more of the antibiotic and its buddy dripping into her veins. He slept for four hours, got up, ate, and went back to crowd control.
Dr. Rodrigues announced the FDA had approved the use of two medications to treat the outbreak, but only in a test group of twenty. She asked for volunteers spanning a variety of ages, as well as men and women.
That request almost caused the riot his boss was so afraid of.
When he went off duty next, Ava was gone from the tent. Henry told him she’d been sent to Atlanta to recover at a CDC facility. She’d regained consciousness and was still very sick, but they wanted to see how the antibiotic and the inhibitor worked for themselves.
River pulled out his phone to text her and discovered she’d beat him to it, having sent a text to tell him getting ahold of her would be difficult for the next few days. She was in an isolation room, and cell phones weren’t allowed.
He was about to text her back, catch her up on everything, but stopped himself. Maybe this was the best way to protect her. Stay away from her, keep her out of his violent world. Keep her safe.
He had himself three-quarters of the way convinced of that when Dr. Rodrigues put her job offer to him in writing.
Well, fuck. Two days ago, he’d have taken it without hesitation. Now, though… So, he delayed giving her an answer.
Three days later, he sat in a camp chair outside Henry’s portable lab, sucking down a bottle of water. It was late, and he’d probably be back at it in only a few hours, but he wanted some time to think.
Henry came out to sit next to him in a matching chair. “I hear you got an offer from Rodrigues.”
“Yep.”
Henry turned to look at him. “What’s the holdup?”
River shrugged.
Henry’s gaze sharpened. “Ava?”
Nosy bastard.
Henry never let up on the stare. “She not good enough for you?”
River gave the veteran soldier a glare. “Fuck you.”
Henry just grinned an I’m about to start shit smile. “So, the problem is with you.”
“Yeah, it’s with me.” River dropped his head back to stare up at the night sky. “I got messed up during my last deployment.”
“Said every soldier ever,” Henry muttered. “So, what are you going to do about it?”
“Fuck if I know.”
The silence after that was a long one.
Finally, Henry asked, “Are you a danger to yourself or others?”
“You sound like a shrink.”
“Answer the damn question.”
“No, I…I don’t think so.” He blew out a breath. “I have flashbacks. Sometimes they’re just memories, sometimes it’s worse than a memory. It puts me back there entirely, bleeding on the sand, waiting for the next kick that will cave in my head.”
They both stared up at the sky for a minute.
“Shit happens to all of us,” Henry said. “Your job now is to figure out how to cope with it.”
“Easier said than done.”
“Truth. What are your triggers?
“Heat,” he replied immediately. “Scent and sound. Pain a couple of times.”
“What do you do?”
“Nothing…so far.”
“Okay. That’s a good sign.”
“What if I…”
“You call up a battle brother and talk it out.”
River looked at the other man. “I’d ask you for your number, but you might get the wrong idea.”
Henry chuckled. “Humor is good. If you can make yourself laugh, you’re halfway there.”
Another long silence.
“How bad do you want her?” Henry asked quietly. “Is she worth the fight?”
“No question, but—”
“No buts. If she’s worth it, then so are you. Pull on your big-boy panties and get to work, asshole.”
River took a swig of water before saying, “It’s not as easy as all that.”
Henry snorted. “It never is. I’ve been floating downstream on shit creek since I lost my leg.”
River gestured at Henry’s lab. “You look like you’ve got your head on straight. A job that keeps your brain engaged, people who give a shit.”
“You’d think that, wouldn’t you.” Henry got up and tapped his thigh. “I lost something a whole lot more important than my leg ten years ago.” He turned and went into the tent. The cot creaked, indicating the man had lain down. Probably wouldn’t get anymore sleep than River would.
He looked up at the night sky, wanting his mouse with a ferocity that twisted his gut.
She was worth it. He was the damaged one.
…
Ava walked into her small apartment, closing and locking the door behind her.
Her whole body ached. Spending almost a week in an isolation room so people could poke, prod, and monitor her had been equal parts boring and frustrating. At one point, she gave serious consideration to ripping one of the CDC doctor’s heads off. He’d talked to her as if she were five and dismissed all her observations regarding the course of her Neisseria infection. Since she was the patient, she wasn’t objective enough to contribute to her own case.
Asshat.
If River had been around…but he wasn’t.
He hadn’t texted her. Not once.
Not quite believing it, she texted Henry while she rode in the taxi on her way home and asked if River was still working with the CDC. He’d replied, saying no. He’d left two days before, recalled by the Army.
He’d left no message.
A message of its own. One that hurt worse than any of the injuries and illness she’d suffered through.
She’d gotten past her fears, and she’d thought he’d done the same. As much as it hurt, she couldn’t help him if he wouldn’t let her. Tears rolled down her face at the thought of not being with him. She wanted him with a fierce desire that drowned out the lingering ache in her muscles without effort. That desire, to share everything—her job, family and future—with him had allowed her to see what she had to let go of. Control. And what she had to gain. Trust. That he would catch her if she fell.
Instead, he’d walked away.
It left her empty. Of everything.
No, she was just tired. It had been days since she’d slept more than two or three hours at a time. Dr. Rodrigues had told her not to show her face anywhere for at least five days. That much sleep sounded good.
Ava turned her phone off. Took a hot shower and collapsed into bed.
…
Someone was pounding on River’s head.
He exploded out of bed, ready to tackle whoever was hitting him, but no one was there. He was in his hotel room, alone.
Alone.
He fucking hated it. Waking or sleeping, something was missing. Someone. Ava.
She’d recovered okay, he knew that much, had been glad Henry Lee took the time to text him a message saying she was back to work, but she hadn’t told him.
It was his own damn fault. He hadn’t responded to her text explaining what was happening to her, held up in an isolation ward with no way to talk to anyone. He hadn’t said a word to her, not even good-bye. Message clear, he was done and didn’t want more, and she’d done exactly as he’d hoped. Gone back to her life, safe and sound.
It was a fucking lie.
He wanted more. Fuck, he wanted all of her, but she’d never be safe with him around. There was too much shit in his head, and violence followed him like a shadow, never far, never quite going away.
So, he’d stayed quiet, convinced it was for her own good.
Now, instead of memories of sand and blood haunting him, it was the feel of her skin, the scent of her hair, and the passion in her gaze that kept ambushing him. She’d challenged him in every way, made him think, made him look at the world and see things he hadn’t noticed before. With her, everything was more. Without her, the world was a pale imitation of itself.
Cowardly ass.
He’d gone back to base after the emergency was over in El Paso, took a look at the classroom he’d been teaching in, and promptly took the open offer of a discharge.
Working with Ava, protecting her, using his brain and skills had given him something he’d lacked. Focus and purpose.
Love.
He wanted her with everything he had in him, but had he gone after her? No, because he didn’t know how to go about apologizing. A simple I’m sorry wasn’t going to cut it.
What if she tossed him to the curb?
Fucking coward.
Man up and crawl, if that’s what it took.
He would. He’d go and get down on one knee, but first, he needed to murder the asshole trying to break into his hotel room.
The pounding had resumed, but had risen a couple of points on the Richter scale.
Fuck. He made himself relax and walk over to look through the peephole.
Why the fuck was Henry Lee bothering him?
Last he heard, Lee was still in El Paso. River unlocked the door and opened it.
“You’re a sound sleeper,” Lee said in a sour tone. “I’ve been attacking your door for the last ten minutes.” He swept past River and into the room.
He closed the door and watched Lee pace around the small space. “What are you doing here?”
“Looking for you. Don’t you ever check your phone?”
Why would he, when he knew what he wasn’t going to find? Messages from Ava. “My time is my own now, asshole.”
“I heard you got your discharge.” Henry crossed his arms over his chest and sneered as he asked, “How’s life as a civilian working for you?”
“Go fuck yourself.”
“Got too much too do.”
“How nice for you.” River didn’t want to hear the lecture he was certain was coming. “Get out.”
“Can’t. I need a wingman.”
“We were Army, not Air Force, or did you forget that?”
“Ava’s in trouble.”
Gravity stopped working. “What?”
“We got called in to a warehouse in El Paso the police thought might have been the dirty lab we’ve been looking for. You know, where that bacteria was weaponized? Only it wasn’t a microbiological lab.”
“Don’t tell me…”
“Yep, a drug lab. Big one. Before they knew it, Ava and the decontamination team were being held hostage by some drug cartel. The cops are shitting bricks, Homeland thinks there’s a terrorist angle involved, and the DEA is willing to do damn near anything to get their hands on any of the cartel alive.”
All that testosterone would not sit well with his mouse. “We need to get her out of there, before she does something to get herself killed.”
“She won’t do that.”
“Oh yeah, how would you know?”
“She’s Dr. Ava caution-is-my-middle-name Lloyd.”
“She found two bombs, gave one to you, and moved the other with less than ten seconds on the clock. Does that sound cautious to you?”
Henry scowled at River. “You’re a bad influence. I blame you.”
“I blame me, too, but we’ll have to wait for the flogging until after we rescue the hostages.”
“You’re going to have to sign this first,” Henry told him, handing over an envelope.
River opened it. The CDC job offer. Like he had time to read it.
“Can I use my personal weapon?”
Henry grinned. “Of course. I made sure to include that part.”
River signed it, then began pulling on clothing suitable for a firefight. Black jeans, gray T-shirt, and combat boots. “Got any body armor I could borrow? That I don’t have with me.”
“Yeah, I think I’ve got extra that should fit in my truck.”
River grabbed his gun case. “Are we coming back?”
“Nope.”
He took two minutes to gather the rest of his shit.
“Okay, let’s go get my girl.”