Volatile Obsessions by Dee Garcia (22)

I was shaking in my seat the entire drive home, my hands white-knuckling the steering wheel from the strain of my hold. I wasn’t just angry—I was beside myself.

With myself.

With him.

Once again, this man proved he had the ability to diverge a dozen different emotions through my body in one go, and I couldn’t wrap my head around it in the slightest.

How?

How was this bloody possible?

I kept telling myself I hated him, kept telling him I hated him, but the second he was anywhere near me, I lit up from the inside out, forgot all about what a trying pest he’d been since stepping foot in Miami.

And the more it happened, the harder it was to continue denying there an obvious attraction burning between us.

An attraction I wished didn’t exist.

Running him out of my city would be a million times easier if I didn’t feel so…

I shook my head.

No, I’m not going there…

Go on, say it, pressed that little voice in my head. If you didn’t feel so…

“Intimidated,” I whispered, slamming my foot on the brake at a red light.

That singular yet loaded word shot a horrified gasp out of my mouth. My head started spinning. Panic clawed its way deep into my being, wiping out every last bit of denial clouding my judgment.

No. NO. This can’t be happening.

Hands shaking, I reached for my iPhone lodged in the cupholder and quickly opened up my group thread with Suki and Ramsey.

Their replies were nearly instantaneous and came in within seconds of each other.

I was about to punch in my response when several cars behind me honked angrily, snapping my gaze up to see, not only the now green light, but other drivers zooming past me on my left.

“Shit!” I hissed, dropping my phone into my lap as I stepped on the gas, gunning it through the intersection. Palm tress, street lights, and buildings alike were nothing but one big blur.

This can’t be happening. This can’t be fucking happening.

Oh, but it is, went that little voice again. And no, you’re not over-thinking it.

More pings sounded off between my legs, reminding me I hadn’t replied to my girls after calling for help, something I hadn’t dared to do after what happened with Vic. If I told them, Suki would’ve snapped like a damn twig and gone on a rampage with Ramsey closely on her tail. They would’ve ripped him apart piece by piece, fed him to the wolves.

Yes, he deserved it, worse than that if I’m being honest with myself, but I wouldn’t fare well without them if they ended up in prison on my behalf.

Some things were just better left unsaid.

Approaching another red light, I slowed to a stop and scooped my phone up with a quickness, their frantic messages clogging the notifications on my screen.

As worried as they were, my little black heart swelled as I read their messages. They loved me, and I them, hence why dragging them into dark places with me was a strict no go. I couldn’t lose them.

They were all I had.

I giggled almost right after I sent it, imagining the both of them sagging in relief. Suki was probably cussing me out, too.

“My question to you is, do you still want to put a bullet through his head or not?” That was Suki, curled in the corner of my couch with wine glass in hand.

We were twenty minutes into the Roman conversation and I was about done. Not because of opposing views or anything like that, I just didn’t want to talk about him anymore. They were having too much fun with this, and well, I wasn’t.

“I should, especially after today,” I admitted, taking a sip from my own glass. “But I don’t.”

“Why?” she hedged, and all I could offer was a feeble shrug.

“I don’t know. When he just Phantom, the thought was a no brainer...”

“But the second you met him…” Ramsey chimed in from her place on the tiled floor. “It disappeared?”

I nodded.

It was the complete and awful truth.

When Roman was just Phantom, hating him was simple, a given based on how he’d attacked me and what he’d done to my business.

But then I stormed into his office, and everything changed in a nanosecond.

I’d been trying to keep myself in check, had been relentlessly reminding myself of all he’d done no matter how petty, but in the end, it only proved one thing.

Denial was real, and I was drowning in it.

“So are you finally admitting that you want him?” asked an amused Suki.

I wasn’t even looking at her and I knew there was a smirk sitting her face.

More like painted. Permanently.

“I don’t want him,” I said surely, or at least what I thought was surely. “But I will admit to his looks affecting me more than they should.”

“Better known as, you want him,” Suki snickered, prompting Ramsey to choke back a laugh as she took a sip from her glass.

“I don’t wa—” I started to protest, but Suki was quick to cut me off.

“L, want him or not, you admit he’s attractive, yes?”

Nod.

“You also admit that attraction not only complicates things, but isn’t a one-sided affair, right?”

Another nod. “Feeds off of it any and every chance he gets.”

“And you don’t want to kill him?” she clarified.

“Or rather, she can’t kill him,” Ramsey corrected.

“Right, what she said,” Suki agreed.

Once again, I nodded, stare trained on the tinted wine in my glass.

“I can’t,” I said quietly, swirling the liquid round and around and around. “He dared me to hurt him tonight, literally dared me as I held the blade to his neck… But I hesitated and he turned it on me, trapped me beneath his hard body. It’s like, all he has to do is come within one foot of me and my body locks up, my brain shuts down. He intimidates me in that respect, and I keep telling myself I don’t like it but—”

“For the record, you do want him,” she cut me off, holding a hand up when I attempted to protest again, “but I’m not pushing the topic. We’ll talk about that when you’re ready. My question now is, do you love your job enough to continue fighting him for it? He’s obviously not going to disappear any time soon, so why not just give him what he wants and send him on his way?”

My entire body jerked backwards, eyes bulging in outrage at her suggestion. “Are you insane? There’s no way in hell I’m handing over Miami just because he won’t piss off. If he wants to continue this incessant game of tag, then so be it, I’m not giving him shit other than hell. All I want is for him to go away.”

“But why, L? He’s already making it impossible for you to do your job. Why not just let him have what he wants and focus on Black Widow instead? Hell, I know you prefer not to, but I could really use your help over at Vybe, too,” she explained. “Ram, what do you think?”

Ramsey sat up straighter and crossed her pale legs, criss cross applesauce style. “I don’t think she should just hand Miami over on a silver platter. It’s hers, rightfully so, but do I think she should give him a cut? Yes.”

My already bulging eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as I stared at my best friends in disbelief. “You’re both off your rockers,” I muttered, scrubbing a hand down my face.

“I’m just saying, L. Clearly, he’s feeling exactly what you’re feeling. You said it yourself, he feeds off it. Says and does things based off that feeling. Sounds to me like fighting it useless, so why not team up with him?”

“Team up with him?” I laughed cynically. “Who do you think we are? Bonnie and Clyde?”

“Bonnie and Clyde, Harley and Joker, Thanos and Lady Death,” she clarified, waving a hand. “I’m just saying, he’s into you, and whether you agree or not, you’re into him. Why not take advantage of that?”

They’ve lost their bloody minds.

“No. Just no,” I asserted.

“Then you’re going to have to work him out of your system and get him out of here before things escalate more than they already have,” Suki piped up again.

“How am I supposed to do that? It’s hard enough as it is.”

“Which is why we’re both telling you to give him something, but you don’t want to,” Ramsey countered.

“You’re damn right I don’t,” I huffed, crossing my arms. “I worked too hard for him to—”

“Then shut him out, L. Shut him out of your mind and keep it moving. You’re going to have to think smarter when it comes to scaring him off,” Suki advised, rising off the couch.

“That’s not how this works,” Ramsey laughed.

“Of course you’d see it that way,” Suki called out over her shoulder as she reached over the island to grab the wine bottle.

“The hopeless romantic in me is squealing,” Ramsey sighed, holding a hand to her chest, “but that’s not what this is about. She can’t just shut him out, Suk. The more they see each other, the more it’s going to fester and spread, the more it’ll evolve. They’re not going to be able to fight it forever.”

I scoffed indignantly. “I will fight it forever, forever and a day if I have to. I’m not letting my body call the shots.”

“Who said it’s only your body?” Ramsey grinned, a knowing look glazing over her features as my face paled.

Hearing her those words—words that were more probable than I cared to entertain—ran my blood ice old. I couldn’t even respond, gaping at her in horror. I almost spilled my wine in the process.

Was she right?

Were they both right?

Was this more than just a physical attraction?