It had been a week since I’d stayed at Noah’s for the first time, and I’d stayed there nearly every night since. The only time I felt okay was when I was with him. It didn’t mean that I forgot that Momma was sick, or that I accepted the fact that I would lose her, but when I was with him I didn’t have to pretend to be as strong, and I could fall asleep because I wasn’t alone.

I was finishing up my shift at the hospital, gushing at the picture of us he’d sent along with the text:

“What is that smile about?” Meg asked, rounding the corner and placing a lab kit on the counter.

“Nothing.” I closed out of my messages and dropped my phone in the front pocket of my scrubs.

“Again, I’m offended that you think you can just lie to me like that. Some preacher’s daughter you are.” She sighed. “Come on. What’d loverboy do?”

“Nothing.”

“Look, if you want him to win over my cold black heart, you better start spilling. I mean the two of you aren’t bumping uglies, so I’m not sure what the hell you’re doing!”

“We just… talk.”

“Yep, no idea what that’s like.”

“Dear God.”

“I’m just saying, something’s messed up here. He has a bad reputation and yet… you’re still one with your hymen.”

I laughed. “You are so eloquent.”

“I know. It’s a gift.” She walked behind me, playing with my hair. “Come on, humor me.”

“Fine, he said he wrote me a song.”

“Oh, now that”—she pointed at me with a wide grin—“that’s brownie points! Sappy as shit, but absolutely swoon-worthy.”

I smiled. “Right?”

She batted her lashes and sighed. “Imagine if he sang it to you at the bar, broken hearts would be left shattered all over the floor, and there you’d stand, the Virgin Hannah at the feet of Noah Greyson, former manwhore of the year.”

“Wow. You didn’t snowball that or anything.”

Dr. Robbins stepped behind the nurses’ station and leaned over one of the computers. Meg tilted her head, and I watched her gaze land on his butt.

“Alright, well, I’m out. I’m taking Momma to Judy’s.”

She glanced at me. “Gonna catch up on Rockford’s gossip?”

“Is there a choice when you’re there?” I walked to the time clock on the far wall and swiped my badge.

“You guys are going to Birmingham tomorrow for her appointment, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.”

A slight frown fell over her face. “Call me and let me know how things go, okay? I don’t want to bother you if, well… I just don’t want to bother you until you’re back and everything.”

“Okay.” I forced a smile before heading down the hall.

The smell of nail polish remover and spa bubbles stirred up a headache. I’d been staring at the brightly colored bottles of polish for five minutes, going between my go tos: Pink Margarita and Be My Valentine, while trying to ignore the glares I kept getting from Daisy Benson who was sitting underneath the hair dryer.

“You always get Be My Valentine,” Momma called from the beautician’s desk.

Predictable. I had always been so predictable. My gaze drifted over to the vibrant seafoam green with glitter and I plucked it up with a smile.

When I took a seat next to Momma she glanced at the bottle. “That’s new.” She picked it up. “Diva Mermaid,” she read the label. “Hmmm.”

“I just wanted something different.”

Judy took my hands in hers, rubbing over my knuckles. “You’ve been washing your hands too much.”

“It happens when you work in a hospital.”

“You need to start using lotion…” she tsked. “So, I heard Meg is talking to Trevor again.”

“What?” I wrinkled my brow.

“Georgie said she’d seen Meg’s car over at Trevor’s several times last week, not that it’s any of her business, but that lady ain’t got nothing better to do with her time than stand at that window, and of course she has to come in here blabbing about all the things.” Judy rolled her eyes.

Meridith, one of the nail technicians, set a bowl of soapy water in front of me on the manicure table. She glanced across the room at the wall of hairdryers before leaning down and saying, “Well, I heard he’s seeing Lori Benson.”

“Last week he was over at my granddaughter’s,” Ms. Smith chimed in from one of the salon chairs. Meridith gasped before walking back to the hair washing station. “Told her mother he was bad news and she might oughta take Camille to the clinic to get tested.”

“Well, I never…” Judy said. “See, sweet Hannah’s always had her head on straight. You’ve known better than to be boy crazy.”

Momma patted my leg.

“Still blows my mind that you and Meg McKinney are like Pete and Repeat.” Judy shooed a fly away from the table. “Have been ever since you were little.”

“She’s my best friend…”

“I know, she’s just so…” Judy’s eyes widened for a moment, then she shook her head. “Strongwilled?”

I glared at her.

“Oh, I know she’s a sweet girl, I just like to give you a hard time.” She grabbed the cuticle pusher and started shoving my overgrown cuticles back on my nailbed.

The bell over the door jingled and Judy glanced at the entrance behind me.

“Oh, Lord have mercy,” Judy whispered, setting my fingertips in the bowl of warm, sudsy water. “You ladies prepared for another episode of As the World Turns?” “Hey there, Betty.” A radiantly fake smile spread across her lips. “How are the girls.”

“Oh, they’re wonderful.” The overpowering smell of White Shoulders nearly knocked me over when Betty fell down into the chair beside me and set her generic red nail polish on the table. One of the new nail technicians wheeled over on the rolling chair and went to work pulling out files and clippers.

“How are you doing, Claire?” Betty asked.

“Oh, hanging in there.”

“We been praying for you in Sunday School.”

“I appreciate that, Betty.” Momma smiled. I wondered if it bothered her.

“I’m sure you’re glad to be home, Hannah,” she said. I knew she was only trying to be polite, but I had to grit my teeth and stare at the file working over the edge of my nail. I was only home because of my mother’s health. So no, I wasn’t glad to be home.

“Oh, Claire, doesn’t that Noah boy from over in Sylacauga work at the farm now?” Betty wiggled in her chair, trying to straighten up.

“Yes,” Momma said.

“What do you know about him?”

“Not much.”

“Well, aren’t all those boys John takes in for the summer in some kinda trouble?”

She practically leaned across my lap to whisper. “Sinners led astray.”

“Well, all are led astray from time to time, Betty…”

“Oh, he’s led astray alright. Martha, you know, she works at the Tackle and Gas Stop, she said he’s always gallivanting in with a new girl every weekend, usually drunk as a skunk. Said he’s the sole reason she has to restock the condoms each month.”

“At least he’s using a condom,” Judy said. I could feel my cheeks heating, my chest flaming.

The hum of the hairdryer stopped, and Betty sighed. “Well, condom or not, boys like that are no good. It’s a blessing that John takes them in. They’ll never amount to anything good in my book. Bless his poor grandma, Martha said she’s a lovely lady, just had a bad apple.”

My fingers twitched. “You know,” I blurted. “You probably shouldn’t judge someone you don’t know.”

“Oh,” Betty turned to face me, and Judy stopped filing my nails. “You know him, Hannah?”

“Yes. Very well.”

“I see.” The way her lips puckered while her judgmental glare skimmed me from head to toe caused my skin to crawl. “We’ll be sure to pray for you then.”

“Neither one of them need your prayers, Betty,” Momma said, a slight shake in her tone.

Daisy laughed from the other side of the salon, and I turned in the chair to see her push up from her seat. “I wouldn’t worry, Betty, from what I hear, he doesn’t go for good girls. But, you might want to be careful Hannah, hanging out with him could tarnish your reputation.” The smile that crossed her lips looked about as genuine as her boob job.

Judy cleared her throat and grabbed the nail polish, shaking it. “You know, I think this color will really pop against your fair skin, Hannah, I really do.”

The rest of the visit to the salon was oddly quiet. For the first time, likely since those doors had opened in 1985, the only noise was the sound of the hairdryers and the jets to the pedicure tubs.

After our nails dried, me and Momma went to Ruby’s for lunch. It was a rundown diner on the outskirts of town, but they had amazing soul food. Collard greens and fried pickles. It was Momma’s favorite, and I knew as soon as the new treatment began, her appetite would be gone. We gorged on the buffet and finished it off with Ruby’s famous Silk Chocolate Pie.

Momma licked the end of the fork, rolling her eyes back in her head. “That has to be the best chocolate pie in the entire world.”

“I’d have to agree.” I shoved my plate across the table with nothing but a dollop of whipped cream left. I caught a glimpse of Martha from the Bait and Tackle as she shuffled through the buffet line. All it did was remind me of the hateful tone in Betty’s voice when she talked about Noah, and God, did that grate my nerves. People gossiped, and gossip spreads like wildfire in a small town like Rockford. Each person adds a little something to make the tale juicier. So what if he’d slept with all those girls. He hadn’t even tried to sleep with me? He respected me—after all, that is what a woman is supposed to want, isn’t it? A man who respects her, but if it was, I wondered why my stomach was knotting. What happened when I did end up sleeping with him, what would that make me? Just another girl who lost her way for the guy with the pretty voice?

“What are you over there thinking about?” Momma asked.

“Oh…” I glanced up just as the waiter placed the check on the table. “Nothing.” I didn’t even check the bill, just laid my credit card on top of it.

Her eyes narrowed. “You’re my baby girl, I know when something’s bothering you.”

“I’m just tired.”

She reached across the table and squeezed my hand. “Don’t let what Betty said about Noah get to you.”

I sunk down in the seat a little. Embarrassed that my mother was calling me out.

“You feel like you’ve known him forever, don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

She nodded. “Those are always tough ones.”

The waiter grabbed the check on his way back by. “What do you mean?”

“Boys like that—the ones that make you feel like your whole world’s been set on fire—they are hard to say no to.”

“I don’t know about my world being set on fire…” That was a lie. “I’ve just never met anyone like him before.”

“And you probably never will again. The heart can usually only take one of them.”

“One of them?”

She nodded once. “Soulmates.”

“Okay, I didn’t say anything about being in love with him or—”

“You don’t have to, it’s in your eyes when you say his name.” She smiled. “Soulmates are people put here to guide us in life.”

“What? Guide us? Aren’t you just supposed to spend your life with them?”

“No, honey, they’re the person who changes your entire life. Flips it upside down and around. They’re like a fire you can’t tame, one that feels like Heaven when it heats you and Hell when it engulfs you. You can’t stay with ‘em.”

Momma had always talked about how Daddy was her one, so I was curious why she’d say something like that. “But you and Daddy…”

Her lips pressed into a frown and she shook her head. “He’s my life mate. Not my soulmate. The summer after my senior year—right before me and mother moved back to Rockford—I met this boy named Frankie Haywood.” A nostalgic smile lifted the corners of her mouth. “He wore a leather jacket and smoked cigarettes and listened to Elvis Presley, everything that made my mother cringe. Oh, I fell hard and fast for him, and he broke my heart.”

“So why the weird smile when you think of him?”

“He taught me not to trust everyone, to stand up for myself, and he taught me how to ride a motorcycle,” she laughed. “No helmet.”

“You rode a motorcycle?” I found that hard to imagine. My prim and proper mother who was terrified to ride the Tilt a Whirl at the State Fair on a motorcycle?

“Stood up on the back of one once.” She looked so proud of that. “He gave me that passionate love that’s only sustainable for so long.”

“Well, that sucks, Mom. Way to give me something to look forward to.”

“What you have to learn, my dear, is that love is someplace that’s safe. It’s something that transcends physical needs and wants. Passionate love is like a wild rose—beautiful and rare, but when you go to pick it, it’s gonna tear you to shreds. You’ll pick one in your lifetime, and while you’ll always recall how sweet it smelled, you’ll never forget the scars.”

“So…” I pushed my chair away from the table and grabbed my purse. “You’re telling me that Noah’s gonna hurt me?”

“I’m telling you there’s a reason he’s in your life and enjoy it while you can. Life is all about the experiences, not the regrets.” She stood up, placing her hand in mine as we walked from the restaurant. “No regrets.”

No regrets. No matter the consequences, I didn’t want to regret keeping myself from him. Soulmate, life mate, it didn’t matter. I wanted my first scar to be from Noah Greyson.