I had worked three twelves back to back. Momma took one look at my nails last night and told me to go to Judy’s and get a manicure. She said no one wanted a nurse with unkempt nails. Going to Judy’s was the last thing I wanted to do, but to make Momma happy, I called Meg and there I stood staring at the wall of nail polish.

“Be My Valentine,” Meg said, picking the bottle up. I glanced down at the chipped Diva Mermaid on my nails. All I could see was my fingers splayed out over Noah’s bare chest while he sank between my thighs. Swallowing, I snatched the polish from Meg’s hand and sat down in the waiting area. Be My Valentine it was.

“Testy,” she said, grabbing a bottle of purple polish before she took a seat next to me. “You ready to talk about it yet?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Daisy Benson posted a picture outside his house. She knew he was going somewhere”—she waved her hand around—“wherever he went. You still don’t know. It’s been four days, Hannah. And, I don’t care what you say, I know you slept with him.”

I glared at her.

“Tell me you didn’t.”

I exhaled and grabbed one of the magazines from the table. She huffed and settled back in the seat. A few minutes passed by before she finally sighed. “How’s your mom?”

“She’s dying, Meg.”

I felt her bristle next to me. “I’m gonna kill him,” she mumbled. “Fucking around with you when you have all this shit on your shoulders.”

Ignoring her, I flipped open to the article: How to Know if He’s a Player.

My eyes skimmed the column, hitting the key points.

I rolled my eyes at that one and shut the magazine, tossing it onto the table before sinking down in the chair. We didn’t go on public dates, he complimented me a lot, I had no idea who his friends were aside from Trevor, and I didn’t even know where he was, but Daisy did…

“I’ll be right with you girls,” Judy called from the counter. “Let me just finish up with Patty.”

“Okay,” Meg said.

The door swung open, the bell jingled, and Daisy strutted in. I looked away just as she glanced at me.

“Hey, Daisy,” Judy said.

“Hey.” She plopped down in the chair across from Meg. I grabbed the magazine again, flipping through the pages just to occupy my hands.

“So, Daisy,” Meridith called from across the salon. “I hear there’s some big news about your friend, Noah?”

I peeked over the top of the magazine, watching Meridith tease Martha’s hair.

“Oh, yes,” Daisy said, I could hear the smile in her voice.

“That boy’s nasty,” Martha said. “He comes in the Bait and Tackle, buying up all the condoms.”

“We know, Martha,” Meridith patted her shoulder. “Well, you made a vague post about it. I checked his profile and nothing. Come on and spill already, would you?”

“Okay, so, get this. Brice Taylor saw one of my videos of Noah singing and contacted him. He’s in Nashville recording with him.”

Meridith stopped teasing Martha’s poufy hair. Her eyes went wide. “Are you kidding me?”

“What… the… fuck…” Meg muttered then glanced at me.

Why did she know? Why wouldn’t he have told me something like that?

“It’s so exciting,” Daisy swooned. “I’m so proud of him, he absolutely deserves it.”

“He does have a great voice.”

I looked at Daisy, she was all sunshine and smiles. “And to think, I’ve had Noah Greyson sing to me before. It’s so amazing.”

The rest of the conversation faded into the background. For whatever reason, the thought of him singing to Daisy the way he sang to me made me nauseous. It was a slap in the face to realize something you treasured was absolutely worthless.

My stomach churned. I placed the nail polish on the table, pushed up from the chair, and walked right out of the salon. I was halfway across the parking lot when the bell dinged, and Meg called out for me. “Hey!” I kept walking. “What are you doing?” She grabbed my arm and I spun around.

“I just want to go home.”

“Hannah, you can’t let Daisy get to you, she’s…she’s…”

“She’s just like me, some dumb girl who thinks she meant something to a guy.” I rolled a shoulder. “I just, I just… I’m tired, Meg. I’m angry and yes, I’m hurt, but I’m really just tired.” I sighed.

She hugged me, and I let her, but I just stood there staring across the street at the people milling in and out of the drugstore. “Give it time,” she said.

“It’s not that big of a deal,” I lied. “Just annoying really.”

She cocked a brow at me. “He deflowered you.”

“Okay, so I slept with him. Big deal. I would have eventually slept with somebody, right? May as well have been him.” I started toward the car. “He didn’t even know.” The locks clicked, and I opened the door.

“What? Are you kidding me? You didn’t tell him!” Meg stood a few feet behind the car with her mouth gaping open.

“No.”

“Jesus, Hannah. That’s kinda something you tell a guy, you know?”

“Like it would have mattered.”

She walked around to the passenger side and got in the car. I cranked the engine and backed out of the spot. “I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

“Okay.”

Momma was sitting in the living room with Daddy and Bo, watching some cooking show when I came in. “Let me see your nails,” she said.

“I didn’t get them done.”

“What? Why not?”

“Judy’s was too crowded.”

She narrowed her eyes.

“I’m gonna go hop in the shower,” I said, heading straight up the stairs. When I reached the top, the memory of Noah carrying me up to my room flashed through my mind. I stopped, gripping the railing and taking a breath before I pushed the thought of him away. I had more important things to worry about. I couldn’t waste my energy on someone who wouldn’t waste theirs on me. I grabbed clothes from my room, and when I stepped back into the hallway, Momma was coming up the steps. She glanced through the banister at me and shook her head.

“Come on, sweet girl,” she said when she reached the top of the stairs. I followed her into her room and she closed the door. “Now, what’s going on?”

I shook my head. “I think I screwed up.”

“Oh, honey, we all screw up.” She laughed before taking my hand in hers. “Hannah, look at me.” She skimmed her hand over my chin. “I’m no fool. I know my time’s almost up, but you know what? The best thing about my life has been being a mother. So, please, humor me a little longer and let me mother you.” She smiled. “Don’t shut me out.”

I swallowed, my eyes watering.

“And don’t feel guilty for having a life outside of this… this sadness, okay? I know you, Hannah Marie. Don’t you feel guilty.”

I stared at the floor still fighting those tears.

She guided me over to the bed and took a seat, patting the spot next to her. “Did that boy hurt you?”

“I just misunderstood him, it doesn’t matter though. It’s nothing.”

She nodded slowly. “The thing you need to remember throughout life, Hannah, the prettiest lies can fall like honey from someone’s lips. Lying with your mouth takes little effort, lying with your heart… that takes a lot. You can say you hate someone, but it means nothing if your heart yearns for them.”

But he never lied. He told me I meant something to him, and I’m sure I did. I was the liar—I lied to myself. “He’s not the kind of guy I need.”

“Maybe not…”

She swept my hair behind my ear before pulling my head onto her shoulder. “You know, when you were a baby, this was the best feeling.” She patted my shoulders. “You fit right here on me, right on my chest and you would nuzzle up. It was the best feeling in the world, and no matter how old you get, it always will be.”

I closed my eyes, trying to burn this moment into my mind, filing it in that place where it would be safe forever, so when I missed her I could remember what it felt like to have her.

“Why make someone feel like you mean more to them than you do?” I asked.

“You don’t know what he feels, Hannah. You can’t. He’s just young. You’re young. Sometimes we meet the right person at the wrong time, but that doesn’t mean that what you felt wasn’t real.”

I laid in bed all night, thinking. When my brain hurt, I grabbed my phone and went to his Facebook page. The last picture he’d posted was from a month ago. A selfie of him on stage at Tipsy’s. I skimmed the comments, most of them from girls commenting on how attractive he was, how pretty his smile was. I rolled my eyes. One girl said she missed him, he commented he missed her too. Jealousy ate me up and I hated it. When did I become that girl? The one who doubted herself? The one stalking someone’s page and getting jealous over other girls? When did I become the girl who gave herself away to a guy who made Max Summers look like a saint?

When I fell in love with him, that’s when.

As much as I hated it, I loved him. I did. His smile, his voice—until I didn’t. As good as he could make me feel, he also could make me feel terrible. I was driving myself crazy second guessing, trying to make sense of every comment, every smile. Every post from a random girl on his page. The right person at the wrong time or the wrong person at the right time?

Noah came along at the right time.

When I needed a distraction.

When I needed to feel alive because I was surrounded by death.

But he was the wrong person for me, and as much as it broke my heart to admit it, I knew I couldn’t do that to myself. Loving a man like Noah Greyson was like putting a gun to your head while walking toward the edge of a cliff, one way or another, you were going to kill yourself. It was just a question of which way you would go.

I opened my Messenger and stared at the lone message from him. One message over four days. Just enough to say he tried, but not near enough to say he fought for me. You fight for what you love.

Maybe he did care about me, but if I really mattered that much, he’d fight, and if he was too much of a coward to fight, I didn’t need him anyway.