20
Juniper
The only direction I knew was one foot in front of the other.
Almost a week after Sebastian left, the paparazzi seemed to realise they weren’t going to get any more shots of us together. They’d packed up and headed back to wherever they’d come from, somewhere between the death threats and the ginger jokes. The chaos had died down for the most part, but a few photographers had dug in their heels and stuck around. Seemed like they were waiting for a miracle that would never happen. Sebastian and I were over.
We were so over, I felt it in my very being.
The Page Break looked like a bomb had hit it. Standing amongst piles of yellowing books of all shapes and sizes, I began pulling apart the romance section. Some were going to be recycled, others were being boxed up ready to be sold in bulk to a reseller I’d found in Melbourne.
I sneezed as dust filled my nose and I tossed a dogeared Mills & Boon novel into the box labelled ‘recycle.’
An abrupt knock at the door made my heart skip. Vanessa had a key, so she usually let herself in. Who knew what I’d find on the other side of the door these days.
Brushing off my hands, I tiptoed over to the door and peeked behind the blind. Seeing it was Mrs. Hopkins, I sighed in relief and unlocked the door, letting in a waft of crisp, clean air.
“Oh, Juniper! I’ve got good news,” she chirped before glancing nervously at the four photographers across the road.
“Come in,” I said, opening the door so she could slip inside. “Don’t worry about them. My value goes down every minute, so they’ll be gone soon enough.”
“I’m so sorry you have to go through that,” she said, setting her handbag down on the counter. “We all want a little love, but to have it printed in a gossip magazine like that? I can’t imagine.” Glancing around the shop she raised her eyebrows. “You’re getting sucked into it, huh?”
I stepped over a pile of romance novels and wiped the dust off the empty shelf where they’d just been. “I’ve got a guy interested in buying the entire inventory, but there’s a lot to go through. He doesn’t want duplicates of old titles, just new stuff.”
“Well, I’ve got some great news that’ll hopefully lift your spirits,” she declared, taking out a tablet from her bag. “We’ve got an offer.”
“Already?” I paused, the dirty rag in my hand stopping mid-swipe.
It hadn’t even been a week and someone already wanted to buy it? Everything was happening so fast and I’d had zero time to get used to the idea my life was going to completely change.
“It’s like I told you, the Page Break has prime retail frontage, is heritage listed, and has unique zoning. It’s a gem.”
“What’s the offer?” I asked, my mind turning over at a million miles per hour.
“Five hundred and thirty thousand,” Mrs. Hopkins said proudly. “Thirty thousand over asking price, and they want a thirty day or less settlement. You should take it, Juniper. It’s a sure thing and they want it sight unseen.”
My chest tightened and I blinked. This was life changing money but knowing that’s what my mum’s life had been reduced into—one lump sum—made a twist of sadness burn my heart.
“Who wants it?” I looked at Mrs. Hopkins. “What do they want to do with this place?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” she began. “I’m not supposed to give details like that.”
“It’s important. The Page Break was my mother’s legacy. It’s hard enough to pack it up and sell. I just want to know someone will care about it in some way.”
The older woman smiled, her shoulders relaxing. “It’s a couple from the city,” she explained. “They want to open a spa and salon, with massage, hair, beauty... the whole lot. They sound quite nice and Point Mambie could do with a place like that. The tourists will lap it up and the locals will love it too.”
I tried to imagine mirrors along the walls, basins at the back, the bustle of clients and stylists, the hum of hairdryers, but I just couldn’t picture it. Maybe I was just too close to see anything else than what it was. My entire life was lived within these walls, the good and the bad, but I knew it wasn’t the bricks and mortar that had made those memories. Mum wasn’t in this place, and no amount of holding on would keep her alive. She was in my heart.
I had to let the Page Break go.
“Okay,” I said, “I accept.”
“Great.” Mrs. Hopkins beamed at me. “I’ll call them and let them know, and we can get everything started. Don’t worry, Juniper, we’ll help you every step of the way.”
“Thanks.” I smiled as she gathered her handbag, but the light never seemed to reach my heart.
I’d been so excited over the possibilities Sebastian wanted to share with me, but now he wasn’t here and it all just seemed so sad. Sad and pointless. Being alone had never bothered me that much, but after tasting what being with someone could feel like, the isolation was palpable.
As Mrs. Hopkins left, Ziggy raced between her legs and into the shop, jumping around excitedly. Leaning down, I scratched him behind the ears.
“What’s going on?” Vanessa asked, closing the door. “Hopkins have some news?”
“I got an offer,” I replied, staring at the empty shelf in front of me. It was like I was staring into a mirror. “Thirty thousand over asking.”
“What?” Vanessa’s mouth fell open. “That much?”
I nodded. “Seems like the Page Break is going to become a spa and salon before summer rolls around.”
“You accepted?”
I shrugged. “It’s the deal of the century, or so I hear.”
“You don’t look very happy about it.”
“I’m just...” My words got stuck as a wave of tears threatened to choke me. Swallowing, I said, “I’m numb to everything.”
“Oh, Juniper.”
My melancholy turned to annoyance and I scowled before returning to the books I’d been sorting. “Don’t worry, given enough time, I’ll forget any of this ever happened.”
“This is for you.” She thrust a while envelope in front of me.
“What’s this?” My name and the address had been handwritten on the front, but there was no stamp or postmark. I took it from her and turned it over, but there was no return address.
A pang of emotion zapped through my body and I dropped the envelope like it’d burned my fingers. It fell to the floor, wedging itself between two piles of books.
He was writing me letters after the way I’d shoved him out of here? It’s not a letter, I thought, it’s a non-disclosure agreement.
I had no idea what to say.
“In what universe does a bad boy rock star send handwritten love letters?” Vanessa asked. “You should read it.”
“It’s not a love letter.” I rolled my eyes. “It’s a contract. An NDA.”
“Juniper, seriously?” She sighed and picked up the envelope and set it on the shelf next to me. “You really have to stop thinking the worst of people.”
“Why? People just hurt one another. It’s what they do.”
“Open it, then,” she declared. “Open it and prove me wrong.”
“Fine.” I snatched up the envelope and tore it open. Pulling out the folded pages inside, I hesitated. “It’s...” My hands shook as I unfolded the letter and my eyes skimmed the first few lines.
Dear Juniper,
The time I spent with you was more than a fantasy. It was so much more. I was drowning in darkness and you—
I closed the letter and wiped away a stray tear. He’d written me a letter. An actual letter in his handwriting.
“Read it,” Vanessa said. “When you’re ready to make your decision, let me know.”
Her words hardly registered, but I nodded.
“Could you...” I took a deep breath. “Could you leave Ziggy?”
“Of course. He’s good for emotional support.”
Vanessa left the shop and I waited for the lock to click before moving. Sitting cross-legged amongst piles of books and dust with a little Jack Russell at my feet, I opened Sebastian’s letter.
Dear Juniper,
The time I spent with you was more than a fantasy. It was so much more. I was drowning in darkness and you reached out and took my hand.
You never needed me to be Sebastian Hale to give me the time of day. I was just a guy on a lonely beach in the middle of nowhere, and you were the woman who stopped me from walking a dark path alone.
You saw me for who I really am, not the product up on a stage.
You inspire, encourage, and make everything better again.
You’re in my bloodstream. You’re in my heart.
I never intended for things to go this way, for the media to pull apart your life like they did, but I can’t deny that the attention is part of my life. As much as I wish it wasn’t, it’s the price of fame.
What I can promise you is me. All of me. Everything I have, I want to share with you. I want to show you the good in the world because it means nothing without you beside me.
Come to the concert on Friday. Come to the stage door and ask for me. Let me be yours to do what you will with.
If you don’t come, I’ll understand, but I hope you will. There’s so much I want to show you, Juniper Rowe. So much.
Leap with me.
Yours,
Sebastian.
I set the letter down and I stared into nothingness while my heart swelled and my throat burned. Leap with me.
“Oh fuck...” I said to the air, my hands trembling. “I— Oh fuck.”
I’ve made a huge fucking mistake.
“Ziggy,” I said, roughing him up. “Where’s your lead? We’ve gotta go find your mum.”
I shot to my feet and he let out a bark, jumping around in circles as I clipped his lead onto his collar. As we left the Page Break, I ignored the chaotic scrambling of the photographers across the road and sprinted towards the pizza shop where I knew Vanessa would be.
It was completely fucking mental and the stuff movies were made of, but I was doing it. I was going to Melbourne.
I was leaping.