Chapter Fifteen
Hack
Realizing how close I came to losing both Pru and Scarlett damn near brings to me to my knees; it’s tearing me up inside. I’m lucky, so fucking lucky they both made it through. I barely made it through losing Holly. If I’d lost Pru and Scarlett, too, I would’ve swallowed a bullet to join them.
She is still crying her eyes out. I hate it, fucking loathe the sound of her tears. Most of all, I hate that I’m the one that’s causing them. If I had just been there for her, none of this shit would have happened. She may have been sick, but she would have been taken care of and never had to worry about dying alone.
“I’m so fucking sorry, baby. I wish I wasn’t being such a dick and just answered the fucking phone.” I pull her close and bury my face in her golden brown hair.
“You didn’t know what I was messaging and calling you about.” Her voice is muffled as she buries her face in my chest.
Like always, Pru is putting everyone else’s feelings before her own. It’s like she’s giving me a pass for being a stupid fucker, a pass I don’t deserve. Not only did she go through a hard pregnancy and scary as hell delivery on her own, but she also lost the ability to have any more kids. Still, she is more worried about me feeling guilty than herself.
Her tears are soaking my shirt and burning like acid into my skin, causing tears to build up in my own eyes. “Sorry, so damn sorry.”
She finally pulls back, just enough to look up at me. “No more apologies, no more talking about this at all. We’ll get the paternity test done and put this behind us.”
“We’re not getting a fucking test.” My hands drop from her and I step back, shaking my head. “Scarlett’s my daughter, and I don’t need a DNA test to prove it.”
Pru’s words are enough for me. I should’ve trusted her to begin with and not let Trix’s words play with my head. Now that I know the truth, there’s no fucking reason to put my daughter through getting a paternity test. I’ve watched enough TV to know it’s just a simple cheek swab, but there’s no need for it.
“That’s completely up to you, but if you have a question in your mind, I’d rather you do it now. She’s young enough not to understand what is going on,” she replies, wrapping her arms around her middle as if she’s hugging herself. “When she’s older, it would hurt her to know you didn’t think she was yours.”
“It’s not gonna happen now, and it ain’t gonna happen later,” I state, looking in her shining green eyes. “Like you said, let’s just put this shit behind us.”
She is silent for a minute or two before asking, “Can I ask you something, and you promise not to get mad?”
At this point, she can ask me any fucking thing she wants as long as she stops crying. “Fire away.”
“Why did you leave me like you did? You just left that stupid note and a stack of cash. Why didn’t you say goodbye?” she asks, her voice so low I can barely hear it.
“When I rode into Clarksville, I wasn’t expecting to meet someone like you. I figured you’d end up being just like all the rest of the women I’ve taken to my bed. The first night we were together, I knew you were different,” I tell her, not really answering her question. “It was harder for me to leave than you’ll ever know, Pru.”
“It wasn’t too hard for you to leave me, or you wouldn’t have left,” she states as if her statement is the gospel. “Now give me a real answer.”
She gave me her truths, so I guess it’s my turn to give her mine. “I used to have an old lady. She was beautiful, smart, funny. Holly was everything a man could want in a wife. One day, she was coming back from town, and her car was side-swiped by an eighteen-wheeler.”
“Oh my God, Hack,” she says as a new wave of tears fills her eyes. “Oh my God.”
“Holly was in a coma for about a week when the doctors told me she was brain dead. I refused to listen, spent the next week begging her to wake up. She never blinked an eye or made a sound,” I tell her, walking over to the window and looking out at the star-filled sky. “I finally had to admit to myself they were right. I went to the doctors and told them to remove the ventilator. Then, they had me pick the day and time my woman would die.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t know what to say.”
Turning back to look at her, I don’t give her a chance to say anything. “I never told anybody that I told them to remove the ventilator. I had them do it in the middle of the night, made sure everyone else had already gone home. Then, I told her friends and family that Holly’s heart just quit beating.”
She wipes the tears from her eyes and whispers, “I can’t even imagine how hard that was for you to do on your own.”
I close my eyes and picture Holly in my mind, not the woman that laid in that hospital bed or was buried in a coffin but the smiling woman I loved. For the first time in a long damn time, it doesn’t hurt to see her face. Instead of pain, I only feel peace.
“The man who was driving the eighteen-wheeler had been drinking, not a lot but enough to push him over the legal limit. He was hurt in the accident, but not bad. He only spent a few days in the hospital then was sent to jail.” I take a deep breath and tell her my other secret, knowing she has every right to know the kind of man I am. “I paid another inmate ten thousand dollars to kill him. Then, I paid another ten to one of the jailers to make it look like a suicide.”
I watch Pru’s face to see if she looks at me any differently. It’s not the first time I’ve been involved with killing a man, and it probably won’t be the last. It was and still is the only time I’ve ever done it for personal reasons.
“Knowing what she meant to you, if I had the money…” She goes quiet for just a second then whispers, “I would’ve done the same thing.”
Fuck, but I love this woman. I just need to figure out a way to make her love me back. She did once. There’s no doubt in my mind that she loved me with her entire heart before I ruined everything. Now, I’m just gonna have to fix it.
“After her death, I fell apart. I became somebody I didn’t even know and sure as hell didn’t like. I sunk so deep into a bottle that it made your momma look like a light-weight. Got so bad, my Pres told me to hit the road until I could get my shit together. I left here and had no idea what to do with myself. This is my life, and I’ve been a part of it for a long time. I didn’t really know what to do without it. Then, one day, I found myself walking into a greasy diner. I met you and started pulling myself out of the pit I’d been living in.” Walking over to her, I pull her back into my arms. “You reminded me what it was like to be a man again. I wasn’t just another brother for the club; I wasn’t the man who lost his wife, or the fucker that couldn’t keep his hand off a liquor bottle. With you, I was able to be just me again.”
I brush my lips over hers before saying, “The answer to your earlier question is I left because I was fucking scared of the things you made me feel. I didn’t think I deserved someone like you. I came back here because I thought you deserved someone better than me. I’m not a good man, and you deserve someone who is.”
“Don’t you think I have some say in that? I should be able to choose who I think is good enough for me, not anyone else,” she says, her voice rising with each word. “Your past may not be perfect, but whose is?”
“What are you saying, Pru?” I ask, brushing another kiss over her lips.
“I’m saying you’re a good man, Noah Chambers,” she replies with a small smile on her face. “And as far as I’m concerned, my opinion is the only one that matters.”
Her words run through my mind on a loop as I attempt to decipher her meaning. Could she really be willing to forgive me after everything I’ve done? Please let her be saying what I think she is. If she is, if she is willing to give my stupid ass another chance, I swear to God I won’t mess it up.
My heart picks up speed as I ask, “Are you saying you forgive me for fucking up everything?”
“I don’t like what you did to me, but I do understand why you did it,” she answers, tightening her arms around me. “Yes, I forgive you.”