20
Weeks passed.
Three long, torturous weeks of sheer heartache and misery.
On the night of their breakup, Nadia blocked Reid’s number so he couldn’t call or text her, then unfollowed him on Instagram. The next day, she boxed up the Chanel purses he’d given her and shoved them deep into the back of her closet. She couldn’t bring herself to burn them or give them away.
She cut up the credit card she’d never used, then packed up his jersey and headed to the post office to mail it back to him. But halfway there, she broke down in tears and had to turn around and go back home. She cried herself to sleep that night while listening to Alicia Keys’ “Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart” and Meshell Ndegeocello’s “Fool Of Me,” two of the many sad songs she now had in constant rotation on her playlist.
True to his word, Reid made several more attempts to see her. He stopped by her loft twice, but she stood firm and didn’t open the door. He tracked her down at a high school where she was giving a recruitment presentation. When the excited crowd mobbed him afterward, she made her escape.
When he showed up at her job one afternoon, the department secretary at the front desk informed him that Nadia was off campus that day. Thankfully he left without causing a scene. Once the coast was clear, Nadia snuck out from her office to thank the secretary for covering for her. The older woman, a diehard Denver Rebels fan, admitted that she’d almost broken down and asked for Reid’s autograph before sending him on his way.
“I hope you know what you’re doing,” she told Nadia. “Not many girls would throw away a man like that, cheater or not.”
Jess, of course, had been telling her the same thing.
“I think you should give him another chance,” she’d advised over lunch one day with Nadia and Scarlett. “You know how furious I was when you first showed me the picture of him with that Canadian bitch. I wanted to cut off his balls on your behalf. But the more I see how heartbroken and miserable you are without him, the more I’m wondering if you did the right thing by breaking up with him. I mean, what if he was telling the truth, Nadia? What if nothing happened between him and that bimbo?”
Nadia didn’t want to admit that she’d been second-guessing herself. So she got defensive. “Whose side are you on?”
“Yours, of course.” Jess’s voice gentled. “I just want you to be happy, Nadia. Reid made you happier than I’ve ever seen you. Honestly, I don’t know if any other guy will come close to measuring up.”
Nadia already knew none would.
Scarlett reached over and squeezed her hand on the table. “I hate seeing you like this, girl. I really wish there was something we could do for you.”
Nadia gave her a grateful smile. “Just being here for me is enough.”
“What about Reid’s teammates?” Jess suggested. “They were at the bar that night. What if they vouched for him? What if they came to you and confirmed that Reid didn’t go home with that hockey hooker?”
Nadia scowled. “I wouldn’t believe them. You know those guys tend to stick together and cover for one another. They probably live and die by the guy code ‘Bros before hoes.’”
Jess made a face. “True.”
Scarlett looked angry and grim. “I’ll tell you one thing. Seeing what you’re going through has made one thing crystal clear to me.”
“What’s that?”
“I could never date an athlete,” she vowed. “Under no circumstances could I put myself through this kind of bullshit.”
Nadia sighed. She figured now wasn’t the time to tell her cousin that Viggo was interested in her. Which was just as well. She wasn’t in much of a matchmaking mood anyway.
During one of her weaker moments, she checked out the gossip blogs to see if Reid had been spotted with other women since their breakup. As much as her stomach churned at the idea of him hooking up with random puck bunnies, what she dreaded even more was the possibility of him finding her replacement—a woman he connected with.
She held her breath as she scoured the contents of the blogs. To her relief, there were no recent photos of Reid anywhere. All she found was a short blurb that quoted anonymous teammates who claimed that Reid was nursing a broken heart over Nadia. She felt a twinge of petty satisfaction at the thought of him suffering as much as she was.
She couldn’t bring herself to watch him play. If she walked into the living room where Nelson had the game on, he’d quickly turn the channel until she left. But one night when she was feeling particularly masochistic, she’d plopped down beside her brother and forced herself to watch the game.
The Rebels had lost only once since they got thrashed by the Canadiens, and Reid was a big part of their success. That night against New Jersey, he played like he was out for blood, channeling his raw emotions into a singular intensity that made him an even more formidable competitor. He was both electrifying and terrifying to watch as he dominated at the blue line, forcing opponents into the corners and aggressively shutting down the Devils’ top scorers. He seemed unstoppable as he blasted around the ice, passing the puck to his forwards or leading rushes on the goal himself.
Nadia cringed every time he viciously checked an opposing player, using his body like a battering ram. He talked plenty of trash, clearly spoiling for a fight. When it happened, Nadia sat there perversely hoping he’d get his ass kicked or at least get a tooth knocked out. It’d serve him right.
When the camera panned to him in the penalty box, he wore a brooding expression as he scanned the arena, as if he were searching for someone in the crowd. Nadia wondered if that someone was her.
When a sharp pang of regret shot through her heart, she called herself all kinds of an idiot. She felt like an even bigger fool for getting choked up when Reid scored the game-winning goal. As she sat there watching him celebrate with his teammates, it saddened her to realize that she wouldn’t be around to congratulate him when he scored his three hundredth career goal.
Since Nelson was still covering the hockey beat, he saw Reid after every home game. Nadia knew how hard it was for him to do his job when he sorely wanted to kick the star player’s ass. Fortunately, Reid had gone back to shutting out the media, so he and Nelson barely interacted with each other. But whenever Nelson came home from a game, it was all Nadia could do not to ask him questions about her man.
Ex-man.
At work, she and Emily were two miserable peas in a pod, both of them dealing with their own baggage. After much soul-searching, Emily had decided to keep her baby. But she dreaded the prospect of motherhood, and she wasn’t looking forward to raising a child with her irresponsible boyfriend.
Seeing what she was going through made Nadia feel a lot less sorry for herself.
That is, until she was lying alone in bed at night, her heart and body aching for Reid. She couldn’t sleep, and even when she managed to catch a few restless hours, he haunted her dreams and was on her mind first thing the next morning. She missed having him in her bed. Missed the feel of him inside her, hot and hard, bringing her to an earth-shattering orgasm.
But it wasn’t just his unforgettable lovemaking that she ached for. She missed his company, missed their conversations and warm laughter. She missed meeting his blue eyes across a room or over a candlelit table. She missed hearing his deep voice whispering her name as reverently as though he were reciting poetry. She missed the way he walked, a lazy saunter that contrasted starkly with his explosive speed on the ice. She missed snuggling with him, savoring his masculine scent and the protective strength of his arms around her.
She didn’t feel whole without him. She walked around in a state of numb misery, disconnected from her body and the people around her. She felt like she was missing pieces of her heart. Pieces of her soul.
She wished she’d never met him.
But that was a double-edged sword, because she’d experienced some of the happiest moments of her life with Reid.
And it was because he’d given her so much pleasure that she now felt so much pain.
* * *
Late one night when she couldn’t sleep, she crept out of her room and headed to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
As she passed the living room, she saw Nelson sitting on the sofa. The television was on, but the volume was turned down low. He was staring intently at the screen of his MacBook Pro.
“Hey,” Nadia murmured.
Startled, he quickly slammed down the lid of his laptop and stared at her. “What’re you still doing up?”
“Couldn’t sleep.” Nadia hitched a chin toward the MacBook. “What were you doing? Watching porn?”
He snorted. “Of course not.”
“Yeah, right.”
“I wasn’t,” he insisted.
She gave him a knowing look. “Then why did you close your laptop when you saw me?”
He shrugged. “No reason.”
His evasiveness aroused her curiosity.
“Nels,” she said, her eyes narrowing as she made her way over to the sofa. “What were you looking at?”
He scowled. “Nothing. Damn, why do you have to be so nosy?”
She grinned. “Boy, what’re you hiding?”
“Noth— Hey!” he protested when she snatched his laptop. He jumped to his feet as she quickly backed away, lifting the lid before he could stop her. Her jaw dropped when she saw what was on the screen.
Pictures of engagement rings.
“Oh my God…” She lifted incredulous eyes to her brother’s face. “Does this mean what I think it means?”
Nelson looked sheepish. “Maybe.”
“Oh. Em. Gee!” she squealed excitedly. “You’re gonna propose to Bianca!”
“Hold up,” Nelson said with a laugh. “Don’t get carried away. I didn’t say I was ready to run out and propose to her right this instant. I’m just thinking about it, that’s all.”
“Seriously? You’re looking at engagement rings at one o’clock in the freakin’ morning! I’d say you’re way past the ‘thinking about it’ stage!”
“Maybe I am.” Nelson chuckled, taking back his laptop and returning to the sofa.
Grinning, Nadia plopped down beside him. “This is so exciting! I knew you and Bianca were getting pretty serious, but I didn’t realize you were ready to take the next step in your relationship.”
“I want to. I really do. I love Bianca. She’s…” Nelson trailed off with a luminous smile that conveyed more than any words could.
Nadia’s heart melted into a puddle of warmth. “Aww,” she cooed, leaning over to kiss his cheek and give him a hug. “I’m so happy for you and Bianca.”
“Thanks, Nadi. I really appreciate that.” His smile turned rueful. “But you might want to hold off on the congratulations until I’m ready to propose.”
“And when will that be?”
“I don’t know,” Nelson admitted. “The timing has to be right. I mean, good things are starting to happen for me. I’m supposed to be having lunch next week with the sports editor at The Denver Post. And I made a few contacts at ESPN and Sports Illustrated, so I’m hoping to get an interview with one of them. Both would be even better.”
“So, basically, you’re waiting to land a better job before you propose to Bianca.”
“Well, yeah.” Nelson sighed. “You know she makes more money than me.”
Nadia nodded wisely. “And that intimidates you.”
“Yeah, low key. I want to give her nice things, but I’m not in a position to do that right now.” He grimaced, gesturing to the laptop screen. “I can’t even afford a nice engagement ring. They’re so damn expensive.”
Nadia snorted. “Well, duh, if you’re trying to buy one from freakin’ Tiffany.”
“It’s not just Tiffany,” Nelson said wistfully. “I’ve been looking at a bunch of other places, and their rings are pretty expensive too. For places like Harry Winston and Tiffany, they don’t even list their prices. You have to make an appointment. But I was on a forum where people were talking about some two-carat diamond ring from Harry Winston that cost $140,000!”
Nadia made a face. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Tell me about it! I almost swallowed my damn tongue. And that was just for two carats. Imagine how much more expensive the bigger diamonds are.” Nelson shook his head dejectedly.
Nadia felt a surge of pity for him. “C’mon, Nels. You’re a sportswriter at a small newspaper. No one expects you to give Bianca an engagement ring from Harry Winston.”
“I know,” he said glumly, “but I don’t want to give her just any ol’ basic ring with a microscopic diamond. I want her ring to be amazing. Special.”
Nadia smiled softly. “It’ll be special because it came from you.”
“I guess.” Nelson didn’t look or sound convinced. “Too bad I’m not balling like—” He caught himself, cleared his throat and glanced away from her.
She swallowed hard. “It’s okay, Nelson. I’m not going to fall apart if you say Reid’s name. See? I just said it, and I didn’t break down sobbing.”
Nelson was silent.
“Anyway, you shouldn’t feel bad because you’re not rich,” she said with bitter irony. “Dating a baller isn’t everything. Look where it got me.”
Nelson gave her a sympathetic look.
Swallowing the unforgiveable urge to cry, she said gruffly, “The point is, your love for Bianca is far more important than the size of the rock you put on her finger.”
“I know.” Nelson sighed. “But I still need to get myself in a better financial position before I’d feel comfortable asking her to marry me.”
Nadia nodded. “I understand where you’re coming from. Dad raised you to be strong and responsible, to handle your business like a man and take care of your woman. He instilled that macho pride in you, and that’s a good thing.” Her voice softened. “But Bianca doesn’t care how much money you make. She loves you for who you are and how well you treat her. Everything else will work itself out in time.”
Nelson’s expression softened with gratitude. “Thank you for saying that, Nadia. I really needed to hear it.”
She smiled. “What are twins for?”
He winked, then returned his attention to his laptop. The glow from the screen reflected off his black-framed eyeglasses.
Nadia watched him for a few moments, debating whether to say what was on her mind.
“I can hear you thinking,” he murmured without looking up from the laptop. “Just spit it out.”
She hesitated. “In the spirit of looking out for my wombmate, I think there’s something you should know.”
“What’s that?” he said distractedly, clicking through more selections of rings.
“I think…well, I think Jess might have a thing for you.”
Nelson snorted. “No, she doesn’t.”
“Um, actually, I think she does. I see the way she looks at you and flirts with you. It…concerns me.”
“It shouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not checking for her.”
Nadia frowned. “That’s not the point.”
“Sure it is.” Nelson shot her a wry look. “Don’t take this the wrong way. I know Jess is your friend, and I think she’s really cool and all. But she’s a little too high maintenance for my taste. Plus she kinda reminds me of some black chicks we knew in college.”
Nadia raised an eyebrow. “Which chicks?”
“You know the ones. The pretty girls who had all the guys sweating them, but they only gave athletes the time of day. Those girls never showed any interest in me until I was booed up with someone else.”
“Like one of your white girls?” Nadia teased.
“Uhh…” Nelson scratched his ear, grinning sheepishly. “That was just a phase.”
“It’s all good,” Nadia said with a grin. “No shade from me.”
“I know.” Nelson smiled at her. “You never gave me any grief about who I dated.”
“Why would I? Love is love.” She smiled. “Anyway, I just wanted to warn you about Jess. I already spoke to her, so I don’t think she’ll try anything. But…well, you just never know with Jess. I love her, but she’s unpredictable. I didn’t want you to be caught off guard, so I thought I’d make you aware of my suspicions.”
“I appreciate the heads-up,” Nelson said humorously. “But you don’t have to worry about me getting seduced by Jess. I mean, don’t get me wrong. Shorty’s fine as hell. But I’m not interested in her like that. And I honestly don’t think she’s checking for me the way you think. If you put us in the same room with some ballers, Jess wouldn’t look twice at me.”
Nadia cocked an eyebrow. “What’re you trying to say?”
Nelson grinned. “I ain’t saying she a gold digger…”
Nadia playfully mushed him on the head, making him laugh.
“Seriously though, Nadia,” he said after a few moments. “You’ve got enough on your mind these days. I don’t want you stressing about what your friend may or may not do. Like I said, the only reason she flirts with me is because I have a girlfriend, and she’s the type who sees unavailable guys as a fun challenge.”
Nadia sighed. “I don’t know, Nels. Don’t sell yourself short. You’re a good catch, especially now that you’re getting all nice and buff,” she teased, reaching over to squeeze his bicep.
He flashed a cocky grin and flexed his muscles, making her laugh.
His expression softened. “It’s good to hear that sound again. It’s been too long.”
Her smile faded. Biting her lower lip, she shifted her gaze to the television screen. It was tuned to the NFL Network. Not the hockey channel, thank God.
She could feel Nelson studying her. She waited for him to speak, though she dreaded hearing what he might have to say.
“For what it’s worth,” he said quietly, “I don’t think your boy’s doing any better than you are.”
She shook her head. “Nelson—”
“I watch him at games and practices. When he’s on the ice, he’s in the zone, laying everything on the line, playing balls-to-the-wall hockey. He’s averaging twenty-nine minutes per game and his stats are insane. Seriously. He’s a fucking beast.” Nelson’s voice softened. “But it’s those unguarded moments afterward when I see him sitting alone at his locker, not talking to reporters, not laughing and joking around with his teammates. It’s those moments when I see just how lost and lonely he is.”
Nadia swallowed past the tightness in her throat. “I’m sure he’s not hurting for female companionship,” she said bitterly.
“He doesn’t have to be,” Nelson conceded. “But something tells me he is.”
She snorted. “I doubt it.”
Nelson sighed. “I don’t think you realize just how relentless those puck bunnies are. They stalk the players and make it their business to learn everything they can about them: where they live, where they hang out, what they like to eat, where they buy condoms, what kind of fetishes they’re into. They hang out on blogs swapping stories about the players they’ve fucked and the players that are next on their wish list. They study these dudes like prey, then hunt them down and do whatever it takes to get the D.”
Nadia glared at Nelson. “Is there a point you’re trying to make?”
He scowled. “The point I’m making is that, given how aggressive those puck bunnies are, that chick probably sat on Reid’s lap before he could even—”
“Stop.” Nadia held up a hand. “Don’t make excuses for him.”
“I’m not making excuses,” Nelson insisted. “I’m just trying to explain—”
“There’s nothing to explain.” Her voice was sharp with anger. And hurt. “If Reid can’t keep his dick in his pants, he’s not the right man for me. Period.”
Nelson gave her a hard, probing look. “In your heart of hearts, do you truly believe he cheated on you?”
Pain stabbed through her chest, constricting her heart.
She held her brother’s incisive gaze for a long moment.
Then, without a word, she got up slowly and made her way back to her bedroom. After closing the door, she crossed to the nightstand, picked up her phone and selected the playlist simply titled “Broken.”
As tears crept into her eyes, she crawled into bed, turned on Janet Jackson’s “Come Back To Me” and quietly cried herself to sleep.
* * *
When her parents found out that she broke up with Reid and why, neither of them were surprised. Her father even seemed relieved when they stopped by her loft to check up on her.
“I hate to say I told you so, but…well, I did.”
“Lincoln,” his wife gently chastised.
“No. He’s right, Ma. He did try to warn me, but I didn’t listen.” Heat gathered behind Nadia’s eyelids, and her vision started to blur.
“Oh, darling.” Her mother sat next to her on the sofa and caressed her cheek. “I hate to see you hurting like this. It breaks my heart.”
“I know.” Nadia swiped a hand under her nose and forced a brave smile. “Don’t worry. I’ll survive.”
After trading a glance with her mother, her father clenched his jaw. “I oughtta kill that boy for treating you like this.”
Nadia huffed a small laugh. “You can’t kill him, Dad. The Rebels need him in order to make the playoffs.”
Her father grunted, clearly not amused. “He wasn’t good enough for you anyway.”
“How do you know?” she countered glumly. “You never even met him.”
“Doesn’t matter,” he asserted. “I know he wasn’t right for you.”
Nadia sighed. “But that’s the thing, Dad. When we were together, he did feel right for me. Better than right. Perfect.”
Her parents shared another long look.
Then her mother reached over and gently cupped Nadia’s cheek, turning her head to meet her solemn gaze. “A man you don’t trust can never be perfect for you, sweetheart. You have to trust the person you love…or love someone else you can trust.”