Chapter Fourteen
BONES HAD BEEN volunteering at the Parkvale Women’s Shelter for years, and although it was on the outskirts of a seedy area, he’d never been nervous about going there. The brick building was beside a gas station on a side street and looked more like a two-story apartment complex than a shelter. It was monitored twenty-four seven, and police made regular rounds in the area. There hadn’t been any incidents at the shelter for a very long time, and there shouldn’t be any reason that the hair on the back of his neck stood on end as he parked behind the building with Sarah sitting by his side.
Except there was.
Sarah had fidgeted nervously with the edge of her thick gray sweater for the past thirty minutes. He had asked several times if she’d changed her mind, but she insisted she wanted to volunteer at the shelter, even if just to talk with some of the residents.
He helped her from the car and drew her into his arms, remembering how scared she’d been to go to a shelter all those years ago, when her friend had driven her to a bus station instead.
“Sarah, we don’t have to do this. If it brings back too many bad memories, we can get in the car and go home right now.”
She lifted her chin, and a lock of hair tumbled in front of her face. When he brushed it away, the look in her eyes made his heart ache. There was fear, yes, but there was also sadness, and beneath it all the strength that had allowed her to survive so much of her life shone through.
“I’m okay,” she said. “I want to do this even if I’m nervous. The women in the shelter need to see that there’s hope, and I can help them see that. I’m living proof that where they are right now doesn’t have to be all there is for them.”
She amazed him in so many ways, not just because she’d somehow learned how to be an incredible, loving mother when she hadn’t had a positive role model, which was a feat in and of itself, but the way she took every responsibility to heart—including this one, which wasn’t hers to own. Her unyielding efforts to conquer her past and help others made her seem even more powerful than the strongest men he knew.
He kissed her tenderly and said, “Where have you been all my life, Sarah Beckley? I wish we’d met years ago.”
She lowered her eyes, and then she smiled up at him and said, “Considering that I’m only twenty-six and you’re thirty…?”
“Something,” he answered with a chuckle.
“Considering you were twentysomething when I left home, I think maybe fate did have a plan after all; otherwise you’d have seen me as jailbait back then, and that would have been that. We might never have gotten to where we are now.” She looked up at the building and said, “At least I’m not crossing this bridge alone. I’ve got you by my side, which is more than I’ve ever had when I’ve walked into a shelter in the past. So, let’s go see who we can help.”
With one arm around her, he scanned their surroundings as they headed toward the front of the building. It wasn’t a safehouse, although Bones had visited plenty of those. The Dark Knights were involved in keeping Peaceful Harbor safe and free from abuse and bullying, and they’d intervened on many occasions and arranged for women and children’s safe departure from their homes.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he said when they reached the building. “When I first started working with shelters, I thought I’d be met with a sense of desperation, embarrassment, self-loathing, and other undeserved emotions. While that was true, I found that hope outshone them all. It took a little longer for some of the women and children to embrace it, but I’m always a little awed by the power of it.”
She looked at him curiously. “I’ve never thought about it that way, but you’re right. I’m glad I’m here, too.”
He held the door open for Sarah, and she stiffened. Then she reached for his hand and held on tight, taking in the nondescript entrance as they ascended the stairs to the shelter entrance on the second floor.
He punched in his code, and the unlocking mechanism sounded. Sarah held his hand a little tighter.
Inside, Eva Yeun’s daughter, Sunny, came around the reception desk to greet them. “Hi, Bones. I’m glad you made it.” She hugged Bones. His big body dwarfed five-foot, slight-as-a-bird Sunny. “And you must be Sarah. Bones told me he was bringing his very special lady friend.” She pushed her silky black hair over her shoulder, nudged her round spectacles to the bridge of her nose, and opened her arms to Sarah. “I’m a hugger, but I know not everyone is. Your choice.”
Sarah leaned in, a little uncomfortably, and hugged her. “Hi. Thanks for letting me come today. I’m not sure how I can help, but I’m a really good listener.”
“That’s what most of our residents need,” Sunny said as she hurried around the desk and picked up a stack of folders. “But first let me get Bones ready for his evening. There are a number of women and kids for you to see. I’m particularly worried about one little boy. He’s four, and he looks a little pale, but his mother refused to take him to the urgent care center. She had another little one with her, but he looked healthier. I put her folder on top.”
Many of the women refused care, but when it came to their children they were usually more open to it. “I’ll see them first. The mom’s skittish?” Bones asked.
“More like a fierce lioness, sure everyone’s out to take her kids away. Tread carefully. She guards the den with claws and fangs.”
Bones nodded and turned to Sarah. “If you need me, just let Sunny know.”
“I’ll be fine,” Sarah reassured him.
Something in the way she said it told him she’d made some type of internal leap and had taken control of her fears. He leaned in for a kiss and said, “Thanks, darlin’.”
“Could you two be any cuter?” Sunny pushed Bones toward the hallway that led to the office where he did exams. “My mom is back there waiting for you. She’ll usher everyone in and hand them swoon rags when they come out to wipe the drool.”
Bones rolled his eyes and made his way down the hall.
SUNNY LEANED CLOSE to Sarah and lowered her voice. “Like he doesn’t know that even women who have been through hell notice hot, kind guys. Come on, I’ll show you around and introduce you to some of our residents. When is your baby due?”
“Mid-February. Do you have any children?” Sarah asked as they walked down another hall.
“No. I have a history of not being very respectful to myself, and I’m working on that before I think about bringing little humans into the world. Bones has helped me a lot.” She must have seen the curiosity in Sarah’s expression because she stopped walking and said, “I don’t know if he told you or not, but my father is a Dark Knight, which means I grew up with enough brothers—each of the Dark Knights fathers and sons—for twelve girls. It’s annoying as hell, but there’s safety in knowing a bunch of guys have your back. Unless you’re me, in which case you rebel against everything they’ve tried to teach you and end up dating heavy-handed assholes.” She sighed and said, “I swear, from the time I was sixteen until I was twenty I was a hellion. I moved here after high school so I wouldn’t be in Peaceful Harbor and got into so much trouble, it’s a wonder I’m still alive.”
Every now and then Sarah still felt a pang of longing for the childhood she’d missed out on, which should have included things like teenage boyfriends and rebellions, but then there were times like this, when she knew the grass wasn’t always greener…
“How did Bones help you?”
“Everyone else commanded and demanded,” Sunny explained. “But Bones never did. He found me at a party one night, and he didn’t drag me out or tell me I was a rebellious jerk who was going to get myself raped or killed. He just sat with me at the party, listened to me bitch, and at the end of the night he drove me to my apartment. He did that every night for a couple weeks, and one day my neighbor asked why I made my boyfriend sleep outside. He wasn’t my boyfriend obviously. I had no idea, but Bones had been standing guard outside my place every night. I only found out afterward that when the guys I’d hang out with showed up, he sent them away. He got into quite a scuffle with a few, from what I understand.”
She thought of Halloween night and the way Bones had stuck around outside until Scott came home. He’d never mentioned it to her, had never sought accolades or even a thank-you. It was enough for him just to know she was safe. “And that was enough for you to want to change?”
Sarah turned that question back on herself, and yes, his thoughtfulness had been enough for her to start opening up to him.
Sunny shook her head, her dark eyes filling with sadness. “It was enough for me to slow down and wonder why he was doing it. He didn’t owe my family anything. He had nothing to gain except fatigue. When I asked him, he said, ‘You tell me.’ It was the first time anyone had posed such a question, and it made me think. Why would anyone want to help me? That question ate away at me. And the next night when I went to a party, Bones was there leaning against his motorcycle waiting for me. The hottest bachelor in Peaceful Harbor spent his evenings trying to get me to want more for myself. I blew him off for a few more days, and then one night he was waiting, leaning against his bike again, legs crossed at the ankle, and he said, ‘I can do this all year long.’ My whole life had been selfish, but suddenly it hit me. Here was this guy, willing to help people, and there I was, a girl with more support than I could ever want, throwing it all away. How many people didn’t have that? How many other girls could Bones save if he hadn’t been trying to get through to me?”
There weren’t many men like Bones in the world, and Sarah hoped to heaven that after tonight he’d still want to be with her. “I would have given anything to have had someone like him in my life when I was younger. It might have saved me from doing things I’m not proud of.”
“Bones says as long as we’re honest with ourselves, shame has no place in our lives. He’s not a preachy guy, but that’s a little subtle gift he’s shared with our residents. I think it helps to forgive ourselves. That was part of my problem. I was too embarrassed to go back to the harbor and face all the people who had tried to help me. What Bones said, and what he did, helped me to step in here, beside my mom, and help others, and eventually, to face the people who had tried so hard to help me.” Sunny nodded toward the entrance to a recreation room and said, “Ready to make a difference?”
“More than you could know.”
She followed Sunny into the bright, open room. A blond woman sat on the floor by the television with two young boys building a tower with blocks. Sarah watched them for a moment, wondering if that was the woman whose claws and fangs came out to protect her children. She looked like any young mother, and neither of her boys looked particularly pale. The fact that Sarah could have been in that same position if she hadn’t found Scott didn’t escape her. How many times had she wished she’d taken her chances and gone to the shelter near her hometown just in case Josie had shown up there?
She shifted her eyes away in a futile attempt to ignore the black hole Josie had left behind. A pale-skinned heavyset girl with frizzy auburn hair sat on the couch reading a magazine, and across the room two women about Sarah’s age huddled close together talking in hushed whispers. Sarah almost missed the young woman sitting by herself on a love seat, her legs tucked beneath her, a purple hoodie covering her head. She looked like she wanted to curl up small enough to become invisible. Sarah knew that feeling all too well.
She paused, second-guessing her decision. Why would these women even want to talk to her? What did she have to offer them? Was hope enough?
“That’s Tracey,” Sunny said softly. “She’s new here, and she has no one. I think she’d appreciate talking with you.” She touched Sarah’s elbow and whispered, “Let’s give it a try.”
She couldn’t back out now. As they approached, she realized Tracey was reading a book that rested in her lap.
“Tracey?” Sunny said. “This is Sarah. She’s visiting today, and I thought you two could get to know each other.”
Tracey lifted her face, revealing a dark bruise on her swollen right cheek. She had wary dark eyes, the kind that screamed she’d seen too much and wanted to forget all of it. She studied Sarah for a moment, eyeing her belly. Sarah absently put her hand over it.
Tracey shifted her gaze away. “Whatever.”
I shouldn’t have come. They don’t want to hear how lucky I’ve gotten. It’s like throwing it in their faces.
“Okay, I’ll leave you two be.” Sunny winked at Sarah and left the room.
For a moment Sarah stood frozen in place, unsure of what to do. Her head told her to turn tail and follow Sunny out. But the idea of Bones knowing she’d chickened out brought forth her voice. “Um…I’m not very good at this type of thing,” she said, more nervous now because Tracey wasn’t even looking at her. “Do you mind if I sit down?”
Tracey shook her head, and Sarah sank down to the sofa, suddenly thrown back to being sixteen years old again, scared and alone. Tracey was obviously older than she’d been. Sarah guessed her to be about twenty-three or -four. Tracey shifted on the cushion and winced. Sarah didn’t have to ask if she had other bruises. Her father had been an expert at grabbing her arm near her shoulder, where sleeves would cover the bruises, and beating her across her hamstrings or upper thighs, stomach, or back. Panic spread through her like a gust of never-ending wind, stealing her breath as more memories peppered her. She could still feel herself trembling as she stood on the side of the road with her thumb out, imagining her father rolling up, ready to do her in. She remembered the force of her father’s hands with every hit, the horridness of her mother demeaning her relentlessly. The way the cold sounds of the city streets echoed in her ears when Susan had brought her to the shelter and how she’d run back to Susan’s car, begging her not to leave her there.
She gasped for air, falling back against the sofa, and crossed her arms over her belly in an effort to shield her unborn baby from the harsh memories, but there was no escaping the fear inside her.
“Are you okay?” Tracey asked.
“I’m not sure,” Sarah managed. “I came here to try to help women who were going through what I did, but…this is hard.”
“No kidding. Take a few deep breaths so you don’t go into labor or pass out.”
That made Sarah smile. “Thanks.”
“There’s a cute doctor here today. He’s really nice, too. Maybe I should get him.”
She moved to stand, and Sarah put her hand on her arm. “No. I’m fine.” She was already breathing a little easier. “I came here with that doctor. He’s a friend. But really, I’m okay. It was just a momentary flashback to a time I’d rather not remember.”
Tracey flopped back onto the cushion and said, “My whole life is a series of times I’d rather not remember.” She reached up and touched her swollen cheek.
“Did a guy do that to you?”
She nodded.
“I’ve been hurt, too,” Sarah said, surprised at how easily that came after what she’d just experienced. “A lot. For many years. But each time I escaped, I told myself to be strong, day and night, until I heard it in my sleep.”
“Not the doctor…?”
Sarah shook her head. “I can’t even imagine him hurting anyone. He’s a good man. The kind of man I always hoped existed but never believed really could.”
“Guys change,” Tracey said, looking down at her lap again.
“Yes, some of them do. I’ve been down that road, too, and it almost kept me from seeing the good in B—Dr. Whiskey. I’m sure you’ve heard this many times, but just because you are here in this moment doesn’t mean it is your destiny.” As she said the words, she felt the empowering truth of them. “I know how easy it is when you’re in that dark place, surrounded by venom and ugliness, to forget there’s a whole world outside the walls in which you live. A world of nice people, opportunities. A world where hitting or belittling isn’t accepted. But I’m living proof that we can create a new life, our own futures, if we believe and try hard enough.”
Tracey clutched her book with a death grip. “It sure doesn’t feel that way.”
“I know. I’m living a better life, and I still fear that it’s all going to fall apart. But that just gives even more power to my parents and my ex-boyfriend.”
The woman sitting on the love seat looked over.
Angry tears filled Sarah’s eyes, and she didn’t even try to hide them as she said, “I don’t want to live in fear anymore when everyone around me is giving me reasons to trust them. I won’t give those assholes that power.”
They talked for a long while, and eventually the other women in the room—Ebony, the woman who had been on the couch when she’d first arrived, and Camille, the mother of the two boys—joined them. They put the cushions on the floor and sat close together, keeping their voices low, because that’s what you do when you’re talking about awful things you’d rather not say.
By the time Bones came looking for Sarah, three other women who had been examined by him had joined them, and they’d all shared their horror stories.
All the women looked up from their perches on the floor, some of them whispering behind their hands. Sarah felt her cheeks flush. She hadn’t shared any intimate details, but she’d told them she was dating Bones—a fact that she was still trying to wrap her head around. Especially after spending time there, with women who had experienced the same nightmares she had. It felt good to get it out. As much as Sarah hated to admit it, there was a certain amount of comfort in talking with other women who had been through similar circumstances. But it also drove home the realization that she had come a long way.
“Dr. Whiskey?” Tracey said with a mischievous glimmer in her eyes, which Sarah was glad to see.
“Yes, Tracey?” he asked as he crouched beside Sarah, sliding his big hand down her back.
“I was going to make a smart-aleck remark about cloning you, but what I really want to say is, I hope you continue to be good to Sarah and her kids.” Tracey pulled her hood off, revealing a cute dark pixie cut that made her look even younger than her twenty-four years.
His devilish dark eyes found Sarah’s, sending heat skittering through her as he said, “That’s the plan.”
“Need some more time, darlin’?” Bones asked.
“Darlin’,” Ebony whispered. “Be still my heart.” She patted her hand over her heart, making them all laugh—and making Sarah blush.
“I’m ready,” Sarah said, accepting his hand to help her to her feet.
As they returned the cushions to the couches, Sarah felt like she was leaving good friends behind. She had intimate things in common with these women, and though it didn’t take away the shame she felt for things she’d done, talking with them had cleared the rain from the windshield of her mind. She was still nervous about revealing more of her past to Bones, but there was clarity and strength in knowing she wasn’t alone in how far she’d fallen and the things she’d done to survive. She’d come here to help these women. She hadn’t realized how much they could help her.
“Will you come back?” Tracey asked.
“Yes.” Sarah mentally ran through her upcoming schedule. “How about next Wednesday afternoon?” They all agreed to meet there next Wednesday afternoon, and Sarah wrote down her number and handed it to Tracey. “You guys can all use it. I work odd hours, but I’d love to chat.”
“If I had Dr. Whiskey as my man,” Ebony said, “I’d have better things to do than talk with the likes of us.”
Bones hiked a thumb over his shoulder and said, “I think that’s my cue to wait by the doors.”
The women hugged, promising to stay strong and see each other next week. Ebony asked if Sarah could do something with her hair, and Sarah said she’d bring her supplies and a few hairstyle magazines. Then she went in search of Bones and found him in the lobby talking with Sunny.
“Sorry I took so long,” Sarah said as he reached for her, drawing her into his warm embrace.
“Don’t be sorry,” Sunny said. “It sounds like you made a few friends, and this guy just said his night is dedicated to a hot date with you.”
Sarah liked the sound of that, although as they headed out to the car she became nervous about telling Bones all the things that seemed easier to talk about with the girls in the shelter.
A breeze rustled the leaves of the trees along the sidewalk. He slung an arm around her shoulder and said, “Glad you came?”
“Very.” She thought about her new friends and the abuse they’d suffered. She wanted to give them all happily ever afters. “Was Camille the mom Sunny had mentioned being all claws and fangs? Because her boys didn’t look sick to me, and she was really sweet.”
“No. That woman took off before I could see her.” Bones held her tighter, walking quickly toward his car.
“What’ll happen to her son?”
Bones shrugged. “I wish I knew. Sunny’s going to call me if she shows up and agrees to have him examined.”
“Good.” She couldn’t imagine not wanting her children cared for properly.
“Scott gave me a list of your favorite foods, and I found a restaurant that assured me they can prepare them completely allergen-free.”
She snuggled closer and said, “The things you do for me…”
“Darlin’, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
As he opened the passenger door, she wrestled with telling him the truth. If they went out to a romantic restaurant she might play the one more night game. Heck, just knowing he’d planned such a special night made her want one more night without her past interrupting the beauty of what they had.
She slid into the seat and he helped her with her seat belt, then kissed her tenderly. “How can I miss you so much after just a few hours of being apart?”
Oh God. Just one more night sounds really good.
He closed the door, and she watched him stride around the car and climb in. The first thing he did was reach for her hand and give it a squeeze.
It wouldn’t be fair to either of them if she let this go for even one more day. He deserved to know the truth, and if it meant he ended things with her, better now than after they made love. It would hurt like hell now, but once she opened herself up in that way? Once they made love? Not only would she be handing over complete trust in him for the man he was now, but also in the man he would be in the future. She would be trusting him not to shed his skin.
That sent a shiver of panic up her spine, but it washed away with one glance at him. She didn’t see darkness with Bones. She saw glorious light that had already enveloped them. She knew the passion of his kisses and touches was only the surface of the man he kept under wraps. When they made love, it just might be a life-changing experience, and losing him after that would be harder than anything she’d ever survived.
Tonight, she decided as he started the car. Tonight she would reveal the part of herself that might ruin them.
“I’m proud of you for going in there,” he said as he drove out of the parking lot. “I know it must have been nerve-racking at first.”
Not as nerve-racking as what’s yet to come.
“It was, but I’m really glad I went, and as much as I love that you went to the trouble of finding a restaurant that can deal with my allergies, do you think we can get dinner to go? I was hoping we could be alone tonight.”
Heat flamed in his eyes.
“To talk,” she said too quickly. With hope in her heart she added, “And maybe other things.”