Star
I gotta be fucking crazy, I thought to myself as I stepped out of the truck that was dropping me off at the small town near Tank’s place, the same town that I’d just left not a few hours ago.
There was just no other reason for why I was doing what I was doing. I’d finally pulled off my escape, the thing I’d been planning ever since I’d been purchased at that damned auction. I was home free. But here I was, getting ready to head back to the place I’d just made a break from, back to the man who owned me like property.
I had to be nuts.
Crazy or not, however, I was soon back on the road to Tank’s. I didn’t care about being spotted this time, so I stayed near the road. It was dark out, and fumbling my way through the woods with only the light of the moon wasn’t exactly something that I felt up to doing. Every now and then a car would pass, the bright lights from its headlights overcoming my senses and disorienting me for a moment. As much as I hated to admit it, what I really wanted was to hear the growl of Tank’s motorcycle, followed by the grind of his tires into the gravel on the side of the road where I walked. I wanted him to look me up and down, hand me a helmet, and tell me to get on. Where we’d go was up to him. But I didn’t care, just as long as we were together.
What the hell was wrong with me? Was this really what Grandma would’ve wanted?
Then again, he did seem to give a damn about keeping me safe. Maybe a man like him was just what I needed.
My mind went back and forth, but my path stayed the same. Soon, I could see the glow of Tank’s estate on the horizon, followed by the huge shape of the home. And as I drew closer, I could hear some kind of commotion.
Was there some kind of party going on?
I made my way closer, the lines of the fence surrounding the property now visible. Sure enough, I could see the outline of several men in front of the place. I figured that Tank was having some kind of meeting with the rest of his club.
The gate was opened and, taking a deep breath, I walked through. Fear and anxiety had been building to a slow boil as I made my way to the house, and now that I was on the property, I was nearly overcome with them. What if Tank didn’t want to have anything to do with me? What if I’d betrayed the small amount of trust he’d shown me, and he’d figured that was it?
What if he didn’t believe me when I said that I was starting to develop feelings for him?
But all of these questions were pushed to the side when I drew closer to the house and was able to make out a familiar figure standing on the stairs leading to Tank’s front doors.
It was Dakin.
I froze in place when I laid eyes on him. For a moment, I thought there was a chance that he didn’t see me, that maybe I’d be able to get out of there. My flight-or-fight instinct kicked in, and I felt blood begin to pump through my limbs. My vision went a little blurry, and everything seemed to happen through some sort of strange filter.
“Hold a fuckin’ second!” called out Dakin.
Looked like I wasn’t going to be as lucky as I thought.
“Who’s that at the gate? Someone shine a goddamn light over there!”
A ‘thunk’ sounded out, followed by an impossibly bright light shining down from the direction of the house. I held up my arm, blocking the light. Looking around at the ground around me, I saw that I was standing in the circular shape of a spotlight.
So much for sneaking out of here.
“It’s her!” shouted Dakin. “Grab her!”
Before I could react, a pair of men rushed to my side and grabbed me by the arms. I struggled against their grasp, but it did me no good—they were just too strong. The men brought me up to the stairs, where Dakin stood looking down at me, a wild expression on his face and his hands on his hips. All around me were the members of Dakin’s crew, two dozen men, if not more. And I was the center of attention.
“Well, well, well,” he said. “If it isn’t the fuckin’ girl of the hour.”
I gathered my courage and spoke.
“What’re you doing here?” I demanded.
Dakin’s eyebrows raised at this.
“Well, looks like girly’s got some spine to her!” he said.
He trotted down from the stairs and approached me, stopping when he was only a few feet away.
“Still just as sexy as I remember,” he said, making a slow, lazy circle around me as he looked me up and down.
“Still think she’s worth half a mil?” asked one of the men holding me.
“You kiddin’?” asked Dakin. “Piece of ass like this is worth at least that. Especially now that we got some more money to throw around, right, boys?”
The men talked among themselves in lively tones.
“What good’s money if you ain’t got pussy to spend it on?” asked Dakin, raising his voice for the crowd.
The sounds from the men made it pretty damn clear that they agreed. I wanted to crawl out of my damn skin.
“We thought you flew the coop, little birdie!” he said, his eyes now on my dove pendant.
I didn’t say a word. I kept my mouth shut, figuring there wasn’t a thing I could say that would improve my position.
“All right, where the fuck’s the lord of this goddamn castle?” asked Dakin, shouting towards the house. “T-aaank! Where aaare you?”
Tank … I thought. What’s he going to say when he sees me here?
Before I could ponder the issue for too long, the doors to the house creaked open, revealing the familiar, muscular shape of Tank. He stepped out onto the top of the stairs, his eyes on me, another member of his crew at his side.
“Look who just showed up!” said Dakin, trotting up the stairs.
Tank got close enough to look at me, and I felt small underneath his eyes.
“She just came back?” asked Tank.
“Yup,” responded Dakin. “Your little bargaining chip just waltzed back onto the lawn. And you said she was gone for good! Shows what you know, friend.”
He gave Tank a hard slap on the shoulder, which Tank clearly didn’t appreciate.
Bargaining chip? I wondered. Was Tank just using me as a something to strike deal with? Was he just going to pass me along to Dakin like I was nothing more than a goddamn bag of money?
My heart sank. Here I’d been stupid enough to think that Tank might’ve actually … cared about me, and all I’d meant to him was something he could score cash with—after he’d had his fun with me, of course. At that moment I regretted coming back to the house more than I’d ever regretted anything in my life. Tears began to form in my eyes, and whatever fight I had went right out of me.
And on top of everything, he was dealing with Dakin—the man who’d taken everything away from me.
“OK!” said Dakin, his eager demeanor a sharp contrast to Tank’s brooding. “Here’s what I’m thinkin’. You brought me over here to prove to me that your little live-in fuckmaid was gone. And I was all ready to believe you. Hell, I still do. I mean, why the hell would she come back if this was some caper you were pullin’? Anyway, this is what I’ve got in mind: you give me this little piece of ass, and we can continue the deal as we’d planned. Good price on the guns and everything. Or … you can keep her all to yourself. In that case, deal’s off, and my boys and the Warhawks’ll have a little scrap. War or your girl—choice is yours, my man. Same deal as before, really.”
Same deal as before. I wanted to puke. I couldn’t believe that all this time, while I’d been letting myself fall for Tank he’d been plotting this … shit behind my back, getting a good price for me so he could get some more guns to sell to criminals. I’d been a goddamn fool, and I had no one but myself and my stupid heart to blame.
And Tank stood up there just as impassive as ever. Nothing could be detected on his face—no shame, no anger, no nothing.
“So, big man?” asked Dakin. “What’s it gonna be?”
I’d had enough. I wasn’t going to stand around like this and let my fate slip out of my hands yet again. It was time for me to make some kind of decision.
“I volunteer!” I said, stepping forward.
The attention of all the men was now on me.
“You what?” asked Dakin, trotting down the steps again.
“I volunteer to go with you. I know I don’t have much say, but I’ll be damned if I go back with … him,” I said, pointing my finger at Tank, my words dripping with venom.
“Well, well, well,” said Dakin. “Looks like girly’s got some spunk in her after all!”
Tank opened his mouth to speak but closed it. It looked to me like he was going to say something, but thought better of it. Good call, if you asked me.
“Well then,” said Dakin, turning back to Tank. “I’m gonna take your silence as agreement to her terms. Best for you two anyway—looks like things might’ve been a little rocky on the home front if you wanted this fine young lady to stick around.”
Dakin turned to his men.
“All right, boys!” he said, pointing to the bikes. “Let’s get what we came for and get the hell out of here!”
The men eagerly talked amongst themselves again, all of them making their way towards their bikes. I stood still for a moment, not sure of what to do. Tank watched the whole thing from the top of the stairs, but I didn’t want to so much as see him looking at me.
But still, if I were being honest with myself, what I felt in that moment wasn’t the anger I was entitled to—it was sadness. Sadness and heartbreak. As stupid as it sounds, I had been hoping that there was something happening between Tank and me—something real. But it had just been a stupid fantasy. I was nothing more than a fucktoy for him, and now that he was bored with me, he’d kicked me over to whoever was willing to pay the highest price. Just my luck it was the man who’d stolen my home from me.
Before I could wonder just where I was going, Dakin grabbed me by the arm. He stared at me with his beady little eyes, the smell of whiskey, cigarettes, and a whiff of BO invading my nostrils.
“You’re comin’ with me, little lady,” he said, leading me to the mess of pipes and chrome that was his enormous bike. “Don’t worry, though—I’m a safe driver.”
He climbed onto his bike and I followed suit, feeling disgusted as I wrapped my arms around him. He gunned the engine and soon we were off. And as we left, I couldn’t help but look back at me, watching Tank grow smaller in the distance as I was rushed towards my uncertain fate.