Nolan’s expression stated her fate. He didn’t believe her. Twisting her hands, she walked to the love seat and sat, trying to hide her fear.

Somehow, she had to convince him of her innocence. At least he’d given her the chance to come clean in one way. The hot water had not only refreshed her, but fed her strength as she washed away the stench of gas and smoke.

Jordan gripped her hands, and looked Nolan straight in the eye. She had given her body to this wolf in the dark night, had tangled in passion with him, shared laughter and tears. Over the past two weeks, she thought they’d had a chance as they’d grown closer.

But now a stranger with cold eyes and a remote expression stood before her.

“I didn’t do it. And I swear, I did see Adam setting the fire, no matter what you and Sam saw.”

Nolan remained still. “I’m listening.”

Encouraged, she plunged ahead, telling him about shifting as wolf to run up into the hill, seeing the gas can and Adam and how she’d had to shift back in order to grab the gas can.

Throughout her monologue, Nolan remained still, his expression distant.

Her heart sank. He wasn’t buying it.

“Why were you running alone in wolfskin? I told you to never go anywhere without an escort.”

Shame arrowed through her. Nolan didn’t know about her problem. “Guess now’s the time to tell you. I never learned to shift as quickly as you. I went alone to practice. Last thing you needed was a mate who couldn’t shift when you ran beneath the moon with the pack.”

Nolan crossed the room, clasped her chin and lifted her face to meet his fierce gaze. “Last thing I need is a mate who lies to me, and one who doesn’t obey a direct order for her own good. Ever think I didn’t know about your problem, and maybe if you’d come to me with it, we could work on it together?”

Jordan’s temper rose. “I’m capable of taking care of my own problems. You should have known I don’t always follow orders, Nolan. Especially when you’re giving so many this place turns into a military camp instead of home.”

He released her and she felt cold dread snake down her spine at the emptiness in his eyes. “You never follow directions. Even when it means you endanger yourself and others. You screwed up big time, Jordan.”

He didn’t believe her. “I told you the truth. It was Adam setting the fire.”

“Adam was with us.”

“You don’t believe me. Not even giving me the benefit of the doubt that maybe it was someone who resembled Adam.”

She stood now, fisting her hands. “I would never set a fire, Nolan. That’s not me. Endanger the forest? I know how important it is. What reason would I have to risk wildlife and burn down the lodge?”

He ran a hand through his hair and his broad shoulders tensed. “Perhaps the same reasons that drove you to run from us in the first place.”

One last attempt at reasoning. Swallowing her pride, she went to him, took his hands, feeling the tensile strength in them.

The coldness.

“I love you, Nolan. I would never hurt you or do anything to endanger the pack.”

His eyes closed. He pulled his hands away and the gesture felt like a hard slap. “I want to believe you, Jordan. But the evidence points elsewhere.”

“Screw the evidence,” she shouted. “You’re a wolf, you can flush out the scents and find out for yourself. I wasn’t the only one there.”

Nolan’s eyes opened. Deep in those caramel depths she saw doubts flicker. Encouraged, she pressed on.

“Why would I set fire to the forest and destroy my home, Nolan? Destroy what is so important to you?”

But he pulled away as she pressed close to him. “You were important to me, Jordan. The most important one in my life, more than my own damn family. And yet you threw it away and left. Maybe you’re changing your mind again because you’ve decided this isn’t going to work out and you want out. Again. You’re good at running. Just not sticking around.”

Nolan added, his voice growing deep with frustration. “Why did you run the first time, Jordan? You never told me.”

Her heart dropped to her stomach. Gods, he was going there now. Should have realized it would happen sooner or later. She’d hoped to have more time to solidify their relationship first, make him realize she did love him.

“I do care. I always did, Nolan.”

His dark eyebrows arched. “Uh huh. Then why did you leave and say those things to me?”

Jordan struggled with her emotions. “To stop you from coming after me.”

Nolan’s mouth thinned. “That’s a poor excuse.”

Tears burned the back of her throat as she turned away, struggling with her lost composure. She refused to surrender to them, just as she’d refused to cry that night. Now it would come out. He would know everything.

“I didn’t want to leave. I had no choice.”

He didn’t even blink. “Don’t lie to me, Jordan. You’ve lied enough.”

“I lied because of what Bryce did. I lied that day because he was your brother and you had to live with him.” Fisting her hands, she turned away from him, unable to look him in the eyes. “That night after you and I made love…when I was walking back to the lodge…”

Words failed her. Jordan clutched her throat, feeling the acid boil in her stomach, the terror and shame of that night bubbling up.

“What happened?”

He seemed so caring and concerned, all her barriers broke like water squeezing through a hole in a tight dam. Jordan shrugged out of her shirt, unbuckled her jeans and turned around.

“This is what he did!” She pointed to the ink on her lower back.

Silence for a moment.

“He’s the reason I had to get this ink. Bryce hurt me. He carved his fucking name on my back.”

Turning around, familiar shame and grief surged. That night, the utter helpless feeling as the two women had held her down. Bryce had laughed, and the hot bite of pain as he sank the knife into her skin…

“Bryce said, he said, he wanted you to know he put his mark on me first. So every time you went to take me in the traditional mating position, his name would be there.”

She gulped down a breath. “He would have done worse, but they started arguing and I turned around, kicked at him and ran off. He hated you, Nolan. Hated you for being the eldest, always getting the attention, inheriting the pack. Anything that was yours he wanted to ruin. Including… me.”

More silence from Nolan.

Screams she’d suppressed for years threatened to escape. Jordan took a deep breath, fighting for control.

Nausea swirled inside her. Six years she hadn’t told a soul. Six years of suppressing the awful truth. Talking about it made the panic rise, ripped open the wound to bleed fresh…

A half-laugh, half-sob escaped her.

“Why didn’t you tell me what he did, Jordan? Or my father?” he asked quietly.

A long silence draped between them. Jordan bit her lower lip so hard she tasted blood. What terrible irony…she’d lied to Nolan to drive him far away from her, so he’d forget about her and move on. And now her own lies caught her in a tangled web of deceit.

“My father would have done something if you told him,” he added.

Jordan stared at him, rage bubbling inside her.

“Your father was a bastard, as much as your brother was. I’m glad they’re both dead!”

Nolan went still. “Jordan…”

“Blood always wins with your family. Craig made that known from the day I moved into your home. I wasn’t blood. Oh, he was good to me, but he always pointed out that pack and blood came first.

“I told your father what Bryce did. He didn’t believe me. And then later, Bryce warned that if I didn’t leave the pack and go far away, worse things would happen to me.”

Nolan fisted his hands. “I would have protected you.”

“Against your own damn brother? And your father, who thought he could do no wrong. Bryce wanted to take away from you whatever you had – your father’s affections, your birthright. Everything. And me. He hated the fact that you were my first lover.”

Her voice dropped to a bare whisper. “I packed my things and ran as far as I could so no one would find me again. Because being in a pack is bad news for females like me. Pack wins. I lose.”

Jordan pulled up her pants and buckled them, and shrugged back into her shirt. Nolan pushed a hand through his hair and paced. Anguish twisted his expression, but it wasn’t as heart-wrenching as the pain in her chest.

He wouldn’t believe her. Pack always came before family. A hardness replaced the pain, the same hardness that toughened her, enabled her to survive on her own for six long years and forsake the only real home she knew.

“Screw you, Nolan Mitchell. Believe what you want. It won’t change the truth.”

Adrenalin and fury fueling her, Jordan ran outside. She leapt over the railing of their porch, landing twenty feet below on her feet, and raced off toward the hills.

This time she was never coming back.