Chapter Eighteen
May 24
The late May sun warmed Dair as she rode one of her training horses, Lulu, a brightly colored Appaloosa mare with a white rump blanket with huge black splotches across it. Next to her was Noah on Ghost, the gray quarter horse gelding. They were moving from one fence post to another, checking the five-strand barbed wire between them. She was glad to have her fleece sheepskin vest over her pink flannel shirt, leather gloves on to keep her fingers warm. Today she was taking out some of her training horses to acquaint them with ranch work, riding into different areas, from lush grass to pine-tree groves and wide puddles of water here and there.
Closing her eyes, she held her face up to the rising eastern sunlight pouring across the morning landscape of the wide Wind River Valley. The soft, lulling rhythm of the horse between her legs, having Noah’s boot occasionally touching her own as they rode side by side, made her heart sing.
“Such a sun girl,” Noah teased, grinning and catching her gaze as she tipped her head in his direction, opening her eyes.
“Hey, first day in almost a month we’ve seen real sun,” she grumped, feeling her body go hot all over again. She reached out, touching his gloved hand for a moment, drowning in the warmth of his clear gray gaze.
“Glad you decided to come along and keep me company,” he said, looking around. The land was a slight swell covered with blades of green grass that were poking up everywhere. There had been a late May blizzard a week ago, but the days were warming to the fifties, and most of the snow had melted.
“I can help you,” Dair said pointedly.
“That’s true. That new limb is doing wonders for your mobility,” Noah agreed.
Patting her left leg, Dair said, “I’m silently thanking that stud for beating up my other one. This one is light-years better. I could never have afforded it if Dr. Radke hadn’t put me into that company’s ongoing testing program.” And because of the new, superior prosthesis, when she walked, the sole of the foot actually curved to the condition of whatever terrain she was walking upon. Before, her foot was flat and there was no suppleness in it, making it harder for her to keep her balance. Dair was always compensating, and it put a constant strain on her back and hips. If not for Noah giving her wonderful back, hip, and thigh massages, Dair knew she’d have been seeing their local chiropractor for weekly adjustments before she got this revolutionary new prosthesis.
“Even a bad thing turned out to be a good thing,” Noah agreed.
“I almost feel normal now,” she confided, running her gloved hand down her left thigh. “This prosthesis is so incredible. My walking has improved. I’m not getting backaches or having my hips always go out of whack like they did before.”
“In the long run, it’s saved you money by not having to go to a chiropractor.”
“I like your massages, though.” Her eyes sparkled as she watched that delicious mouth of his curve slightly, pride in his glance.
“I like touching you anytime I can get my hands on you.”
Laughing, Dair felt an incredible lightness bubbling within her. It had started the first night Noah had made love with her. And although they didn’t love each other every night, because they woke up tired the next morning, she looked forward to the weekends when the pace was different. It wasn’t less hectic, but they could love one another more than once.
Breakfast was always something she looked forward to with him. The weekends were theirs, and she was so glad that Shay and Reese made that rule for all of them. Although, now it was Saturday, and here they were, out riding fence and repairing it when necessary; but they were doing it together. She knew Kira and Garret had ridden off in a southerly direction, doing fence repair as well. They had to get the fences in good shape or cattlemen would not lease their rich pastures. Cattle had an affinity for pushing on and destroying fences, and it took year-round attention and constant repair to keep them strong.
She reached down, patting Lulu’s short, thick bay neck. The mare’s ears flicked back and forth, indicating she liked being stroked. “How many leases has Reese gotten so far?”
“Four,” Noah said. “We’ve got four pastures where we’ve repaired the fence all around. He said that’s going to help the ranch’s bottom line. Before Crawford took the ranch down, there were a lot more leases. That was good money the Bar C made from June through September. Four is better than none.”
“There’s a long ways to go.” She pointed ahead. “Does that post look like it’s leaning, Noah?”
“Yeah,” he grumbled. “Gonna have to be replaced.”
As they rode up to it, they pulled the horses to a halt. Noah got out his iPhone and went to his app where he could put down the GPS location, the type of post it was, and whether or not it would have to be completely replaced. While he did that, Dair allowed the reins to drop to Lulu’s neck and the horse quickly started eating the nutritious green grass. The sun felt so good. There were blue jays nearby, as well as a number of robins out in the pasture looking for worms. The Salt River Range to the east of her was still fully clothed in white snow. Only the lower slopes showed their green mantle of pine trees. It was a beautiful, quiet morning.
“There,” Noah said, tucking the device into his vest pocket. “Another one cataloged.”
“I just love what we do,” she whispered, giving him a soft look. “Ranch work suits us completely.” Both of them were outdoors people and preferred being in fresh air instead of inside. She saw him give her a lustful look and boyish grin.
“Didn’t you get your fill last night?” She laughed, gathering up the reins on Lulu. Her whole body flared to life beneath that hot look he gave her.
“I’ll never get enough of you,” Noah told her lightly, urging Ghost forward.
They rode in companionable silence for a while and then Noah asked, “Are you happy living with me?”
She snorted. “Of course I am. Where did that question come from, Mabr y?”
He grinned a little, resting his left hand on his thigh. “Just thinking, is all.”
Raising a brow, she watched his profile and his mouth curving a little more. “Okay,” she said, “what’s going on? You’re hedging, Noah.” Living with him the last several months, their intimacy growing stronger with every passing day, Dair knew him much better. But then, Noah never tried to hide anything from her, either, which she appreciated. She was the one who hid things, and he was always digging them out of her, in a nice way. He was teaching her to be as forthcoming with him as he was with her. And she knew something was going on because she’d never seen him tease her like this before.
“Can’t fool you, can I?” He chuckled.
“No. Are we going to drive over to your parents’ home for a visit? Sunday dinner or something?” She truly enjoyed Noah’s mom and dad. He had taken her home to meet them in early April. Dair had been nervous, but they’d immediately put her at ease. She was fairly sure that Noah had told them she was an amputee, because they didn’t stare at her left leg hidden within the trousers she’d worn for the occasion. In fact, nothing was said, which was fine by her. She really hated being treated as an amputee.
“No, but if you want to, we can go maybe next weekend,” he murmured. “I just thought later, near lunchtime, we’d ride down there.” He pointed to a large circle of pines that stood a couple miles from where they rode. “Would you like to spread a blanket, sit and eat our peanut butter sandwiches?”
“Sure.” The grove of pines grew next to a small stream that meandered throughout the many Bar C pastures. It was a natural watering trough for the leased cattle. She saw a glint in Noah’s eyes, still sensing something was up. It was obvious he had a secret. There was an expression in his eyes she couldn’t quite decipher.
* * *
Dair had taken her vest off, laying it aside on the bright turquoise wool blanket that Noah had spread out on the pine needles for them earlier. They sat near the grove of pines, enjoying the rays of the sun while their horses munched contentedly on nearby grass. They had taken off the horses’ bridles, hanging them over the saddle horns, leaving their nylon halters in place. Both wore a pair of sheepskin-lined hobbles on their lower front legs. It allowed the horses to graze, but not run away. Dair had been getting Lulu used to the hobbles and she seemed to be fine, inching along as she grazed, with Ghost keeping her company nearby.
Noah had taken off his Stetson and leather gloves, setting them aside and stretching out near her, propped up on one elbow. They’d eaten their sandwiches, had some delicious brownies that Kira had made for everyone a few days earlier, and drank hot coffee from their thermos.
“Lie opposite me?” he asked, tugging at her hand, getting her attention. Today, Dair wore long, thick braids. He liked her shining black hair loose, but for ranch work, this was a wiser choice. He saw a smile lurk at the corners of her mouth as she lay down parallel to him, also propped up on an elbow, facing him. Reaching over, she caressed his recently shaven face.
“Okay, fess up, Mabry. I can see you’ve got something up your sleeve. What is it?”
“Ever the curious cougar that you are,” he teased, leaning forward, sliding his hand behind her nape, drawing Dair against his mouth. She was warm, open, and he inhaled her scent, part sweet woman and part pine scent that surrounded them. As he drew away, he drowned in her gold-brown eyes that were filled with what he was sure was love for him. Oh, they’d never broached the topic yet. Noah had deliberately kept their relationship open-ended, with no demands. Dair had blossomed in those months after they’d agreed to love one another on that special night. He saw the laughter in her eyes as they parted.
“I like being called your cougar,” she said throatily.
“Well, you are one, for sure,” Noah agreed. He captured her hand beneath his, wrapping his fingers around hers. “I want to talk with you about something. . . about us.”
“Sure.”
“I was thinking,” he began slowly, holding her gaze, “that maybe we should take our relationship to the next level, if it feels right to you.”
Tilting her head, Dair asked, “Are there steps to this?”
He chuckled. “Well, my parents, who aren’t from our generation, would tell you that there are very clear steps to take.”
Frowning, she said, “Steps to what?”
“In my parents’ world? They would never have lived together. They would have courted one another over time. And eventually, when they fell in love, Dad would ask Mom to become engaged to him. In our world? We live together, sometimes for years, and never get engaged.”
“Or married,” Dair agreed, nodding.
“I was wondering how you felt about such things? Are you happy with what we have?” He held her warming gaze, seeing her become less playful and more serious.
“I’ve never been happier, Noah. You know that.” She curved her fingers more into his. “Is something wrong? Are you not happy?”
Hearing the worry in her tone, he said, “I’ve never been happier, either. I like what we have.”
“There’s a ‘but’ to this, Noah. What is it?” she pressed.
He laughed a little bashfully. “I wanted to tell you something when we weren’t in the throes of our mutual passion.” He saw her smile, her eyes alight with mischief. His heart opened wide, absorbing her playful smile. He lifted her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the back of her flesh. “I’m in love with you, Dair.” There. It was out. Finally. Noah had been holding on to those words for so long, fearful that it wasn’t time yet. And maybe it wasn’t the right time now, either, but if he didn’t share it with Dair, it was going to kill him.
He watched her carefully for any hint of displeasure. Her lips softened and he saw a tenderness come to her expression. Girding himself, he knew this conversation wasn’t easy for either of them, but it was one they needed to have.
“What we share? Is that love, Noah?”
“It is from where I stand. I know you didn’t come out of a household where there was real love, so you couldn’t have known what it was. And I can’t imagine how that has impacted you in relationships after you left home.”
Shaking her head, she whispered, “It’s confused me. But in April? When we went over to spend the weekend with your parents?”
“Yes?”
“I got to see two people who really do love one another.” She slowly sat up, but kept her left limb straightened out. “I was mentally comparing my parents to yours, and how different they acted and reacted with one another.”
“We have a good relationship, like my parents do, Dair.”
“I know that.” She pressed her hand against her heart. “I’ve been wanting to share with you how much it meant to me to be around your family. I love your mom’s laughter and I love your dad’s teasing her.” She gave him a warm look. “Just like you tease me.”
“The apple never falls far from the tree,” Noah agreed. “I like to hear you laugh, too, Dair. You’re always so serious, and I know why, but getting to see you smile, absorb your laughter, for me is a gift I couldn’t buy.”
She wove an unseen pattern in the soft wool blanket with her fingertip. “You’re right about me not knowing what love really is, Noah. The guys I drew to me after I left home were not like my father, but they weren’t very sensitive toward me. All they wanted was sex. They didn’t want a relationship like I wanted. I made that mistake twice before I learned. The guys I attracted in the military were somewhat better, but nothing like what you and I share right now.” She tilted her head, holding his narrowed gray eyes. “Watching Reese and Shay, Garret and Kira, and now your mom and dad? I realized what I hold in my heart for you is love. I honestly didn’t know what love meant, Noah. But I do now.” Dair reached out, caressing his jaw, watching that longing leap to his eyes as he held hers. “I do love you, too. I was just afraid to talk to you about it because I wasn’t sure. I didn’t want to upset what we had by bumbling in with what I thought was love. Do you understand?”
He caught her hand, kissing her fingers. “Yeah, that’s totally understandable. But I see it in your eyes, in the way you respond to me when we love one another. The signs were there, and that’s why I wanted to talk with you about it. I wanted to make sure we were on the same page together.”
She sighed. “Thanks for bringing it up. It’s so funny, Noah. I’ve been in combat and life-and-death situations, and never flinched or pulled back from a mission. But for the last month? I’ve been feeling this warm, wonderful feeling in my heart, and I so badly wanted to share it with you, but I was afraid.”
“What were you afraid of ?”
“That . . . I don’t know . . . maybe you weren’t feeling the same thing that I was. That I could screw things up and cause us to break up if I mentioned it?” She saw his eyes grow somber, and he squeezed her hand, as if to reassure her.
“That would never happen, Dair. I’m not about to get rid of you. I want you to stay with me, be an important part of my life, share my laughter and my sad moments.”
“I feel the same,” she admitted, her voice low and rife with feelings. “I should have brought it up.”
Shaking his head, Noah rasped, “Not this time, but in the future? Do bring up to me how you’re feeling, Dair. That’s what a healthy relationship is all about: talking, sharing, and sorting things out. I often saw my parents sit down and hash things out between them. They never got angry, but they talked. Each side had their issues, and I learned early on that compromise was important for both of them. Sometimes my dad gave in to my mom’s needs or concerns. And sometimes, my mom gave in to my dad’s. It wasn’t about being a winner or loser. They weren’t keeping score, either. It was about them trying to navigate through life as a team.”
“I’m seeing that with us,” she murmured, leaning over, kissing him, and drinking in his strong mouth grazing her own. Dair could feel him controlling himself for her sake. As she parted from his mouth, she drowned in the turbulent gray of his eyes, seeing love in them for her alone. It made her feel incredibly confident and strong. All her feelings were genuine. Even better, Noah shared them with her. “I’m so glad you brought this up.”
“From now on,” he said, cupping her jaw, kissing her lips lightly, “you have a place at our table, Dair. You can bring up any and everything that’s bothering you, that’s making you happy, or anything else. I want to always know what you’re thinking and feeling.”
“Okay,” she said, easing away from him. “It’s just so different than how I grew up.”
“I understand. It’s that toxic pattern Libby was telling us about at that Friday night meeting.”
“She’s so good at reducing stuff like this to something simple that I can understand and grasp. That’s what triggered me to seriously look at my feelings for you and how different they were from my parents’ way of treating one another.”
“We’ll have struggles and challenges, Dair, but we can tackle them together as a team. That gives us more strength. and we can lean on one another during times like that. We don’t have to fight life alone anymore. And having someone who has your back? It gives us strength and purpose.”
Dair let his low, deep words flow through her. “Well, the only thing bad in our life is Ray Crawford.”
Releasing her hand, Noah sat up and then helped her up. “He’s our collective wound, as Libby calls it.”
Snorting softly, Dair watched him rise to his feet. He held out his hand to her and she took it, slowly and carefully getting to her feet. Only when she was steady did he release her hand. It didn’t bother Dair that he was always circumspect about her prosthesis. He never made her feel like an amputee; rather, it was his sensitivity toward her particular situation that overlaid how he worked and played around her. “That trial isn’t until next March, Noah. I wish it could be tomorrow,” she said, leaning down and picking up the small blanket after he’d put the other items into his saddlebags. She shook it out and then rolled it up. Noah took it and walked over to Ghost. She followed, unwrapping the halter lead from around the saddle horn on Lulu, bringing her head up so she could bridle the Appaloosa. She felt like shouting out her joy. She’d never been as happy as she was right now.
* * *
Noah moved his hand across Dair’s damp back, leaning over her after making love with her earlier. He eased her thick, dark hair aside, kissing her nape, hearing the happy sounds in her throat as he lightly lavished that erotic spot. Drawing her long, firm body against his, he rested his head on her right shoulder, holding her close, his heart ballooning with a fierce love for her. Dair was exhausted from three orgasms, her arms beneath the pillow, her face partially covered with black strands of her mussed hair. Lunar rays flooded around the open drapes. Dair loved the moon’s milky radiance that flowed silently across the bed where they lay.
Kissing the damp, warm flesh along her shoulder, he rasped, “I love you, Dair.” He heard a soft sound escape her lips and smiled a little, knowing she was exhausted. So was he, but his heart was wild with joy because today’s talk at lunch had been crucial to both of them. Noah realized it more than Dair, but that was all right. There would be times in the future when she’d be far ahead of him regarding something going on in their lives. He inhaled her sweet scent, her hair cool and silky against his cheek. Ranging his hand slowly down her rib cage to her flared hip and curved, strong thigh, he absorbed every particle of her into himself.
Noah had not entertained falling in love anytime soon. It just hadn’t been a part of his life focus. Shay had given him a chance to earn his keep, gave him a roof over his head, three square meals a day, and let him know he was important to her, to the ranch and to the world. As he smoothed his hand over Dair’s butt and hip, he smiled to himself. From the moment he’d seen her, he realized later that he’d fallen hard and completely for her. It was as if he’d finally met his lifelong mate. And he hadn’t realized just how lonely he was until Dair walked into his life.
Easing from across her, he sat up and pulled open a drawer on the bed stand. He felt Dair stir and sit up.
“What are you doing?” she asked, pushing her hair away from her shoulder.
Chuckling, he said, “There’s that curious cougar coming out in you.” He shut the drawer and sat up, resting against the headboard. Dair was sitting there looking like a sated cat after a big dinner. “Come here?” He held out his hand to her.
Scooting next to him, his arm going around her shoulders, Dair sighed and rested her cheek against his shoulder. “What do you have in your hand, Mabry?”
A rumble moved through his chest. “Hold out your palm.”
Dair did.
“This is something I’ve been planning on giving to you when the time was right,” he rasped, kissing her brow. “Open it.”
Dair took the small white satin box. It wasn’t a ring box, so it had her mystified as she eased it open. Inside was a dainty heart with small, pink, faceted stones around it, suspended on a unique, link-like necklace. “This is beautiful,” she breathed, easing it out of the box, holding it up between them. Even in the moonlight, Dair could see the pink stones sparkling as the heart slowly moved between her fingers.
Noah took the necklace and patiently unclasped it. “Well, I wanted something to tell you that I love you. And seeing that we’re wranglers and we’re working with thousand-pound horses or doing all kinds of hard, physical work, I didn’t want to buy you a ring.” He slid a look toward Dair, watching her lustrous eyes widening. “I wanted to give this to you as a token of my love, Dair. You can wear it around your neck and it will remain beneath your shirt. The necklace is white gold and the links are super strong without being heavy to wear.” He ran his fingers along the delicate chain. “That way, it won’t get broken as you do your normal, everyday athletic work.” He smiled a little, watching her expression turn tender, seeing the love shining in her eyes for him. “Do you like it?”
“It’s beautiful, Noah . . .” She choked up, staring at it. “What are the gemstones in it?”
“I talked with Maud about it. She knows a lot about gems in general. She said I should get something that had a good hardness to it. But pink diamonds were a little out of my price range. She suggested faceted pink tourmaline, instead. They come from a mine in Brazil. Do you like them?”
“Oh,” she breathed, smiling at him, “I love them!” And she threw her arms around him, hugging him fiercely, choking out, “And I love you, too! Thank you . . .”
Noah laughed out of relief at her sudden, unexpected spontaneity. More and more, the past two months, Dair was allowing herself to be more vulnerable, and Noah loved her for becoming that way around him, allowing her innocent side to finally express itself. “I guess you do like it,” he said, and turned, meeting and molding her soft, warm lips beneath his mouth. Her kiss was that of an eager, overwhelmed puppy, and they broke the kiss, both of them laughing, brows resting against one another.
“I never expected this,” Dair confessed as she sat up, facing him a bit more. “Will you put it on me, Noah?” She lifted her hair and leaned forward so he could do it.
There was such pleasure in doing exactly that. The heart hung below her collarbones and above her breasts. Maud had counseled him to go with a longer length because that way it would be more protected. He fiddled with the clasp, which was strong and large, so that it could be easily opened and closed. “There,” he murmured, satisfied as she released that black hair of hers. “It looks beautiful on you, Dair.” He saw how happy she was, picking up the heart in her fingers, turning it, watching the moonlight dance through the facets. There was no question she liked it. And he loved her.
“This had to be expensive, Noah,” she said, frowning, holding his gaze.
“I saved for it,” he murmured. Money was always tight, and Dair knew it. Not wanting her to worry, he said, “The jeweler in Wind River gave me a good deal, so wipe that frown off your brow, okay? He knows Maud and Steve Whitcomb, and I’d told him they’d sent me to him. It was nice of him to give me a price I could afford, because I had no idea the cost involved when I drove over to see him.”
“Well,” Dair whispered, smiling into his eyes, “I will cherish this forever, Noah. This means everything to me.”
He moved his hand down her arm. “And I cherish you, Dair.” His voice lowered with feeling. “I can’t conceive of my life without you in it. You’re a part of me. You own my heart.”
She pressed his hand against her chest, tears springing to her eyes. “You spoil me rotten, Noah.” Sniffing, she said, “And I’ve never felt before like I do about you. I wake up happy and I go to bed happy. I don’t think it gets any better than that.”
“No, it doesn’t.” He smoothed some strands across her shoulder, seeing how golden her eyes had become. Over time, he discovered that when she was happy, a lot of the brown color receded. When she was worried or upset, the gold receded. He was glad to make that discovery about Dair, because it served him well to know when to ask her if something was bothering her. They had a long way to go with one another, because Dair still struggled so often trying to be open with him.
Over time, Noah knew she would break that unhealthy pattern from childhood. She was learning how to honestly live in a relationship with a man for the first time in her life. It was a challenge, but it was one he more than felt up to surmounting with Dair. And because they truly did love one another, Noah knew she would eventually break that imprisoning pattern and they could soar together. He quietly dreamed of the day when he would ask Dair to marry him. That was in the future, but he was a long-range planner by nature. Even in his dreams, he saw them married, with three beautiful children. Dair had never had a loving family, but she would have one with him.
And her name: Dair, was a variation of the word “dare.” It was a good name for her because, through all the challenges that life had thrown her, she had dared to meet and overcome them. Noah saw a future filled with happiness for both of them. He would keep all of this to himself, but some day, when the time was right, he’d share it with Dair. And she would dare to take the next step with him: marriage. He knew she had that kind of quiet courage to do just that, because she’d overcome and triumphed over so much already.