I wake up feeling fully rested for the first time in a long time. It was getting more and more difficult to sleep with the epis withdrawas. Not to mention the worry that some other danger would show up while we were sleeping in that oasis. It felt like something was lurking just around the corner all the time. Being surrounded by the familiarity of my own little cave and my own bed helped a lot.

All in all I should feel great. But I don't.

A niggling sense of wrongness pervaded the last vague dream I was having. I know something is wrong before the fog of sleep fully clears.

Ryuth and I haven't been sleeping in the same bed for long, but he has a habit of staying in contact with me, even if it's something as small as the side of his hand resting against my leg or his foot touching mine. I don't feel him anywhere. The lack of the now-familiar touch immediately alerts me.

Silence.

No sign of his steady breathing either. I glance over to the other side of the bed for confirmation. I'm not surprised to see it's empty, but I'm still disappointed.

Where is he? Why didn't he tell me he was leaving?

I immediately flash back to how distant he felt last night, how remote his expression had gotten. My heart kicks in my chest and starts ticking in double time. My mouth goes dry. I need to calm down.

Taking a deep breath, I force myself to push my feelings aside enough to think. I'm probably jumping to conclusions, overreacting. Yes, he doesn't usually leave me sleeping. But we've only ever slept together while we were on our own, out in Tajss without a secure base or others for protection. We're with the Tribe now, so he knows I'm safe even if he leaves me alone.

That makes sense.

It doesn't make the pit in my stomach better, but it does make sense. Maybe he just had something to do or . . . Or I don't know what.

I know why he might feel comfortable leaving me alone, but I don't have any idea why he would when he's been so careful to be close ever since he took his freedom. If I didn't feel so insecure after the way he tried to push me away when we left those ruins, maybe I wouldn't feel this terrible churning in my gut.

This isn't getting me anywhere. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I'm not going to feel calm until I see him. I can acknowledge that. I'm going to stop wildly speculating and just go find him.

I slide out of bed and dress quickly, impatient to go out and find him now that I've decided to give into my crazy side. Er . . . Now that I've decided what I need. Shoving my feet into my shoes, I smooth my hair back and stride out into the bright morning suns.

It's already hot, even this early in the morning.

The first person I run into on my way down the ramp is Kalessin.

"Good morning," I say, smiling at him, though I know it must look as strained as it feels. "Have you seen Ryuth, by any chance?"

He frowns, obviously picking up something is wrong. I know I'm not the best actress and the stress isn't improving my performance.

"No, I have not," he replies. He pauses and I can tell he’s discarding multiple questions before he finally settles on something very neutral. "Is there something you need that I can help you with?"

"No, thank you," I murmur, hurrying down the ramp again.

It's just one person who hasn't seen him. No need to panic. It isn't like he's a prisoner anymore. They don't have to watch him like a hawk, right?

"Mei!"

I turn at Olivia's happy greeting, trying not to look as concerned as I feel. "Hi, Olivia," I return, pausing near the entrance to her crevasse in the rock face.

"Is something wrong?" she asks, her brightness dimming as she sees my face. She adjusts Malcolm on her hip, the baby looking at me with equally inquisitive eyes. They have the same look, which for some reason is a little disconcerting right then.

"Have you seen Ryuth?" I ask, not even bothering to try to couch the question in small talk. I don't have the patience for it right now.

She shakes her head, her concern deepening. "No, honey, I'm sorry. I haven't seen him since last night. Do you need help looking for him? I can—"

"No, no. It's okay. I'm sure he's just on a lower level," I reassure her. Or myself, to be honest. He must be on one of the lower levels. Everything is fine.

I run farther down the ramp and almost tackle Bashir on his way up I'm going so fast. Not the best person to ask about Ryuth, but I know if he was anywhere around Bashir, the hunter would have been sure to notice.

"Sorry, Bashir," I say, taking a large step back.

"It is fine," he says, nodding at me as he starts to walk again.

But I step in front of him.

He stops, a questioning look on his face.

"Sorry again," I say and he waves my apology aside. "I just needed to ask . . . I'm looking for Ryuth. Have you seen him?"

"Ryuth?" he repeats, slowly shaking his head. "You cannot find him?"

"No," I say, my stomach sinking. "I can't."

"Hmm. Perhaps he left," he offers, his tone not unkind. "Some say when someone has gone too deep into the bijass for too long, it never fully leaves them. Perhaps he doesn't feel comfortable with the Tribe even in his current, much improved state."

I know he means well. But this really isn't what I need to hear right now.

"Thank you, Bashir," I mutter, stepping out of his way.

He replies with something but I'm already hurrying away, not interested in anything else he has to say. Is Ryuth ever going to be an integrated member of the Tribe, or is everyone always going to hold the bijass over his head?

I move on to Arawn in his work area, where he's punching holes into some hide.

"No, I have not seen Ryuth," he says, looking up from what he's doing. "I am surprised he is not with you. I saw how he looked at you last night," he says with a smile. "That is a male who knows he has his treasure."

That's . . . really sweet, but hearing it only makes me feel worse right now. If he really cared, why has he started pulling away from me? And why can't I find him now? I have no idea what to say in response to Arawn's observation so I mutter something generic and hightail it out of there.

I pass by Samil as well, who is luckily no worse for the wear from his encounter with Ryuth during his escape.

But it's the same story.

Nobody has seen him.

I'm starting to get desperate as I reach the ground floor.

I find Errol. He's carving out a chunk of stone, shaping it to match the others he has next to him. He already has a good-sized stack of the roughly rectangular rocks. Probably to expand the wall.

"Have you seen Ryuth?" I ask, almost ready to leave before I even get an answer, assuming he won't know.

But he surprises me.

"I saw him speaking to Ragnar last night," he comments, chiseling out another chunk of rock with ease.

"When?" I ask, leaning in, grabbing onto that information.

"It was late," he says, looking up to my eyes. "After everyone was asleep."

What could they be talking about that late? It could simply have been a private family reunion, I suppose.

"Do you know what they were talking about?" I ask, wanting details.

He shakes his head. "I could not hear what was said." He opens his mouth to add to that, but then closes it again. He knows something he's not sure he should share.

"What is it?" I prod. "Please, just tell me. I've been looking everywhere for him. I need to know what happened."

He hesitates, looking at my no-doubt desperate face. Looking around, he finally nods, putting his tools to the side.

"I could not hear what they were saying," he repeats, lowering his voice and leaning in. I lean towards him too, trying to catch every word. "However, I could see that the conversation turned somewhat . . . passionate."

"Passionate? In what way?"

He nods, his eyes somewhat troubled. "It did not look like it was a pleasant talk between brothers. There seemed to be . . . a disagreement. Anger."

Oh.

That doesn't sound good.

What could they have been fighting about? Last I saw, they were both so happy to see each other, happy to be able to talk to each other, have an actual conversation after who knows how long. How could things change so much so fast? Within hours.

If I want to find out, I have to go to the source. I need to find Ragnar.

"Thank you, Errol," I mutter, mentally working on this new information. "I really appreciate it."

He nods at me, quietly picking his tools back up. "I would appreciate it if you did not say where you received this information," he says quietly.

"Of course," I reassure him. "My lips are sealed."

I hit the girls next because I hear their voices not far off. Maybe they'll have seen Ryuth. Or at least his brother. He has to know something.

Astrid, Delilah, and Penelope are eating breakfast, chatting and laughing. They look so carefree, their smiling faces relaxed as they get started with their day as usual. Normally, I'd be happy to join in. Today, the laughter only grates on my nerves.

At this point, I'm almost sure something is terribly wrong.

Where could Ryuth be?

"Hey guys," I greet them, trying not to sound as worried as I feel. They all turn to me as one, their welcoming faces turning sober as they look at me. I guess there's no point to even trying to hide my worry now. "Have any of you seen Ryuth?"

They glance at each other, the concern on their faces clear. They shake their heads, slowly, one at a time.

"No."

"Not since yesterday."

"We though he was with you."

Okay, Plan B. But before I can ask about Ragnar, Astrid mentions him.

"Did you check with Ragnar?"

"No, I haven't seen Ragnar yet. But I am looking for him. Do any of you know where he could be?"

"Um, I think I saw him heading to the wall not that long ago," Delilah comments, looking at the others for confirmation. "I don't know if he's still there, but you could check?"

"Do you need help looking?" Penelope asks, setting down the fruit she's eating and starting to rise.

"No, it's okay," I say, gesturing for them to stay seated as I step back. If something is wrong, I don't want to have it spread if it isn't necessary. And if I am worrying over nothing, I don't want to make it a bigger deal than I've already managed to make it. "Thank you, though. I really appreciate it."

"Don't mention it," Astrid says. "Let us know if you need anything, okay? It isn't like the farm is going anywhere. We can spare some time if you need it."

The others murmur their agreement.

I nod, giving them a real smile. It's nice to have some support. Even if I'm not ready to take it. Not yet anyway. I need to know what's going on first.

"Will do."

Turning away, I immediately break into a jog towards the wall. I hope Ragnar is there. If anyone knows where Ryuth is, it really should be him.

As I'm thinking that, I look up and realize I don't have to run all the way to the wall after all. Ragnar's distinct figure is already heading back in this direction. Something about the shape of his head and shoulders and the way he walks reminds me painfully of Ryuth.

I have to find him.

Ragnar crosses me halfway. His mouth tightens as he sees me coming and he looks away. Almost like he doesn't want to deal with me.

Bingo.

He knows something he really doesn't want to share. Which means I really need to hear it.

"Ragnar," I call out. He's not getting away from this, no matter how much he wants to avoid the situation. "I need to talk to you."

He sighs, his shoulders tightening at my voice. But he does stop, waiting for me to close the distance between us.

"What is it, Mei?" he asks, his eyes shifting to look around. Checking to see if anyone can see us? Overhear us?

"I can't find Ryuth," I explain, even though I'm pretty sure now he knows why I want to talk to him. "Do you know where he is?"

"My brother is back to himself now," he says, his eyes on the ground, his voice decidedly cool. "I am no longer his keeper."

Not the warmth I was expecting after I saw their reunion last night. It makes sense if Errol was right about what he saw last night. What could they have spoken about that would result in such a one-eighty?

"But you know where he is," I prod.

"Why would you think that?" he counters, still evading the question.

My desperation turns into anger. If he thinks he can give me the runaround on this and I'll give up, he's mistaken. I can go all day. As long as it takes to get an answer out of him.

"I know you spoke with him last night," I say abruptly. Time to corner him. "And that it wasn't a happy conversation."

His eyes finally meet mine, his expression sharp. "Who told you this?"

"It doesn't matter." I don't want Errol to have to deal with an irate Ragnar because he chose to help me. "What matters is that I'm not going to stop pestering you until you tell me everything you know." I cross my arms, narrowing my eyes at him. "So you better just spit it out and avoid the hassle for both of us."

He glares back at me.

I meet him look for look. I am past the point of being intimidated by a stare.

I'm not the one who breaks. Ragnar finally sighs, and rubs his eyes with his thumbs. "Ryuth told me something . . . not good," he admits, dropping his hands to look at me.

"Not good how?"

He looks almost . . . sad now. The anger has drained out of him. It makes my stomach knot up even more. What could be that bad?

"Do you really want to know?" he asks, his voice weary. "You will not like it."

"Yes," I say simply. "I want to know. I need to know." I brace myself to hear the worst, if I knew what the worst was.

"I understand." Taking a deep breath, he lets it out slowly. "Before the Devastation . . . Ryuth thought epis was the source of all evil."

I blink.

"What?" I ask, wondering if I heard him wrong.

"He fully believed epis was evil," he repeats. "He told me that he and the group he formed thought it was the source of all our problems. He thinks the Zmaj were slaves because of epis," he continues. "So . . . they decided to get rid of it."

"Get . . . rid of it?" I ask, shaking my head. "But . . . epis is the reason you guys are still alive, right?"

Ragnar smiles grimly.

"Yes," he agrees simply. "That is not all. Apparently, word of his mission to destroy the epis spread. Spread far from Tajss, to those who panicked over the thought. To an intergalactic force that attacked Tajss to stop their epis supply from drying up." He scowls as he looks away again. "Idiotic. They simply accelerated events so they reached the same outcome."

Attacked Tajss? Realization starts to dawn as the pieces begin to form an ugly picture.

"The . . . Devastation?" I mutter. "Are you telling me that Ryuth . . . ?"

"Caused the Devastation," Ragnar finishes, his tone hard. "Yes. That is exactly what I am saying."

That's . . . I can't even wrap my head around the enormity of that bombshell. So I focus on other details, letting that information sit.

"But . . . how would he even eradicate all the epis?" I point out. "How could he find all of it, let alone kill it? It's an impossible task!"

"Yes, seeking out each epis location and destroying the plant would be difficult if not impossible," he agrees. "That is why that was never their plan."

I lick my lips, trying to follow. "Then what was their plan?"

Ragnar rubs at his forehead, his eyes troubled. "To kill the zemlja queen."

"The queen?" I repeat, really confused now. "They have a queen?"

"Apparently, the zemlja have a hive nature," Ragnar explains, his voice low. "Kill the queen and you kill the entire hive. Without them alive to fertilize the epis . . .”

"It all dies," I finish softly, horrified.

"Yes," Ragnar agrees. "And us along with it," he adds quietly.

This is . . . a lot to take in at once.

"Wait," I say, pushing my hair off my face. "Where is Ryuth now? What happened after you spoke?" I demand.

Ragnar's jaw tightens. "He . . . left."

"Left?" I repeat, my voice rising. "What do you mean he left? Where did he go? Why did you let him go?"

"Did you not hear what he did?" Ragnar growls. "He nearly killed our entire race! He is the reason why there are so few of us left, why our great civilization was annihilated!"

"He made a mistake!" I yell back. "I saw those videos—Ryuth wasn't the only one who thought like he did, was he? Things weren't perfect or he would never have gotten a foothold with that idea!"

"A mistake?" he scoffs. "A mistake!" He leans in close, eyes narrowed to slits. I hold my ground, meeting him glare for glare. "That mistake nearly killed everyone."

"Ryuth. Is. Your. Brother," I bite back. "I thought that meant something to you."

A flash of pain across his face before he suppresses it, stepping back.

I almost feel bad for the low blow.

Almost.

"This is unforgivable," he intones implacably.

My hands open and close on nothing as frustration rises. "Where did he go, Ragnar?" I ask again. "Where is he?"

He just stares back at me, silent.

"Where did he go?" I demand, shoving at his chest. He doesn't budge, which only makes me angrier. "Where is he, damn it!"

"Perhaps he left to finish what he started," Ragnar says, his eyes defiant.

"Went to finish . . .” I step back, my heart dropping. "You let him leave to find the zemlja queen?" I whisper. "Alone?"

He watches me with that still expression, silent. Like a statue.

"That's . . . that's suicide!" I say hoarsely.

"He is a grown Zmaj," he responds grimly. "He can make his own decisions."

I growl, stepping close and taking handfuls of his shirt, shaking him with all of my strength but managing onto to sway him slightly.

"Where is the queen?" I demand. "Tell me right now!"

"You cannot do anything," he snarls, grabbing my hands and stilling me. "Stop this!"

"How could you have let him leave?" I demand. "How could you let him give in to this . . . this madness!"

He's out there all alone. Intending to fight the zemlja queen alone.

He might already be dead.

I immediately bury that thought. No. He can't be. I won't let him be.

"Who is to say he does not deserve his fate?" Ragnar mutters. "He who sparked the war that killed so many? Perhaps it is justice."

I let go of him abruptly, my eyes wide. "You can't mean that, Ragnar."

He can't. His jaw tightens, but he doesn't take it back.

And my resolve hardens. "Where did he go?" I ask again, my voice hard. "Tell me right now."

Ragnar doesn't respond, his mouth shut tight in a thin line.

He has to tell me.

He has to.

This is not how this ends.

I refuse to let it.