Diana
“So, you and Max,” Sarah smiles when I walk into the room.
“What’s that, now?”
“Sit down,” she laughs, and points to a chair near her desk. This isn’t the medical room where I was yesterday. It’s a different place.
“Is this your office?”
“Yeah. You were staying in one of the medical bedrooms. When someone is injured on a mission or becomes hurt, I’ve got several rooms where they can stay during recovery. This is where I spend most of my days, though.” She motions to the comfortable space. “Pretty sweet, right?”
“I like it.” I lean back in the chair, and Sarah sits across from me.
“How are you feeling today?”
“Pretty good.”
“Any pain?”
“No, no pain.”
“How about nightmares?” She asks gently. “Did you have any trouble sleeping?”
“No,” I blush. “No trouble there.”
“Oh,” she says, and smiles at me. “I take it you and Max are getting along.”
“Um, well, you see…”
“It’s okay,” she holds up a hand. “You don’t have to tell me. As your doctor, I’ll just warn you to be careful. You went through a traumatic experience, and sometimes you may experience unexpected anxiety.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you were kept in a cold, dark cell, right?”
“Yeah,” I shiver, trying to push the memory from my mind.
“If you feel cold, or you wake up alone in the dark sometime, it could trigger those memories,” Sarah says gently. “It’s not uncommon for bad memories to creep up on you when you least expect it.”
I feel comfortable with Sarah. Maybe it’s because she’s a woman, or perhaps it’s because she treated me when I was at my worst, but she makes me feel at home.
“I’m nervous about it,” I admit.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I nod, and she smiles.
“Stay right here while I get us some cocoa, okay? My mom always told me that cocoa makes everything better.”
She vanishes into the next room, and for just a minute, I am alone. I’m not scared, but I have a second to think, and I spend it looking around her office. It’s homey, and comfortable, and I wonder how long Sarah has been on this ship.
Mostly, I wonder if this is a life I would enjoy.
Would I like being in a place like this?
Would I like being with Max?
Something tells me that I would.
Something tells me I would love being here, would love being with him. The question, really, becomes whether I should do the “right” thing and give myself time to heal and recover from the ordeal or if I should be brave, and bold, and risk everything to be with the guy who has been so kind to me. Should I take a chance on Max?
“All ready,” Sarah comes back into the room with two tall, thin glasses. She hands me one, and the scent of chocolate fills my nostrils. “To us,” she says with a smile.
“To us,” I take my cocoa and sip it. It’s incredible. “Where did you learn how to make this?” I ask. “It’s amazing.”
“It’s a Mirroean recipe, actually,” she smiles. “One of the crew members owed me a favor, and she taught me how to make her father’s cocoa. Pretty good, right?”
“It’s incredible.”
We sip our cocoa for a few minutes, and then I decide it’s now or never. Waiting isn’t going to make talking about this any easier, and since Sarah is my doctor, she already knows what I’ve been through. She’s seen the marks on my body. She’s helped me heal. Nothing I say is going to shock or surprise her.
There’s not going to be a moment where I make her gasp or it seems impossible to believe what I’m saying.
“I was scared of sex,” I tell her. “And of men. Those men hurt me, but they aren’t all guys, you know?”
“I know.”
“Before I was taken, I used to love sex. I used to love my body. I used to love the way I felt when I was naked with someone. Whether we were in love or just having fun, I loved that feeling of intimacy. I loved that connection. I felt like such a goddess, and it was incredible.”
“It sounds incredible,” Sarah agrees quietly.
“But that was taken from me,” I tell her. “I was raped, and hurt, and I spent so much time in my cell wondering what I would do if I ever escaped.”
“You tried to kill yourself,” she says gently. “Is that how you wanted to escape?”
I look at the scars on my wrist, and I shake my head.
“For awhile,” I admit. “But then I kind of gave up on that idea. My captors made it impossible, first of all, but I also realized that if I kept hanging on, I’d either die eventually or I’d be freed. Why speed things up?”
It sounds strange, stupid, and naïve when I say this out loud, but Sarah doesn’t look upset or surprised. She just listens, and I’m grateful for her.
I’m lucky to have someone like her to talk with.
“I didn’t want them to steal my happiness more than they already had.”
“So you and Max?”
“Yeah,” I nod. “Me and Max.”
How can I put this into words?
What happened between me and Max felt like so much more than sex, so much more than words can accurately describe. What happened between us was incredible, and powerful, and special.
“How did that go?” Sarah asks softly. “Any flashbacks?”
“No,” I shake my head. “It was better than expected. It was like jumping into a swimming hole on a hot summer day.”
“Refreshing?”
“Yeah. I don’t have the idea that I’m somehow dirty or tainted because of what happened to me, but I feel very…”
“You have the weight of the world on your shoulders,” Sarah says. “I imagine you probably feel very tired.”
“That’s a good way of describing it. Tired. I’m worn out, and I didn’t want this thing that was such a big part of my life before the kidnapping to become some obstacle to overcome, you know?”
“You thought that if you could have sex right away, with someone safe and kind, that it wouldn’t be a big deal, and that it would help you to move forward,” Sarah nods. “It makes sense.”
“It helps that Max is really hot.”
She smiles.
“And really kind.”
She nods.
“And I really, really like him.”
“If it makes a difference, I think he feels the same way,” she says gently. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and he was in here every day checking on you.”
“You don’t think I’m rushing into this?”
“Of course you are, but that’s the thing about life, Diana. You can’t sit around waiting for something to happen to you. Sometimes you have to go after the things you want. This idea of a perfect moment or a perfect time for something to happen is a total sham. If you wait for the perfect moment to get with a guy, you’ll never get with him.”
“It feels different with Max somehow.” I’ve been with plenty of guys before, but I never felt like this with them. I never felt this connection, this draw. I never felt like I had been missing part of myself before I found them.
“He’s your mate,” she says with a shrug.
“My what?”
Sarah raises an eyebrow. “Your mate.”
“Um, what the hell is that? Like a Prince Charming sort of deal?”
“You don’t know about alien mates? I thought you’d been around the universe, darling.” Her eyes twinkle, and I know she’s messing with me.
“Okay, I’ll bite. What’s an alien mate?”
“Remember the idea back on Earth about finding your one true love?”
“I remember.”
“Well, aliens have that, too. It’s called a mate, and it’s this incredible bond. Oh, not everyone believes in the mating bond, but it’s something you can’t deny.” She looks a little sad when she says this, and I want to ask her what’s wrong.
Has Sarah found her mate?
Does he not believe in mates?
“Hey,” I reach for her hand and hold it. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” she nods. She looks a little embarrassed. “It’s just some personal stuff I’m going through right now. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be so weird about it.”
“It’s fine. If you want to talk, I’m here.”
“It’s okay, but thank you. I really do appreciate that.” She swallows hard, shakes her head, and seems to compose herself. “So the thing about mates is that when you find the one you’re supposed to be with, something just clicks. It’s like you’ve known them your entire life. It’s like they’re your very best friend in the whole universe, and you were destined to be together.”
“I like it,” I say slowly. “It sounds magical.” And I like the idea that no matter what I’ve gone through, no matter what I’m going to go through, that there’s something out there who cares and loves me and who wants to be with me.
I like the idea that I don’t have to face the darkness alone.
There’s no doubt in my mind that there will be darkness for me to face. I’m not through the woods just yet. There will be days when it’s a struggle to get out of bed, days when I don’t want to face the world, but something tells me I’m stronger than I give myself credit for.
Something tells me everything is going to be just fine.