11.
CASSIE
Cassie and Vikram walked back through the lobby and into the ballroom as though nothing was wrong. He took up his post on the back wall with the rest of the bodyguards, and she went back to schmoozing with the politicians.
She knew nothing looked different about her, but she felt like everyone knew. Like everyone was secretly laughing behind her back.
She’d just snuck out and almost fucked her bodyguard against the side of the most famous buildings in the world.
Her heart pounded as she zoned out of whatever the Lasil delegate was saying to her, memory overrun with everything she’d just felt. She should have pushed it away, but she was terrified that if she kept doing that then she’d forget. She wanted this to stay with her forever.
Because she knew it wasn’t going to happen again. Vikram had lost control and he looked like he was beating himself up about it pretty bad.
This hadn’t even been her intentionally needling at his boundaries. This had been all him, just watching her.
It was a thrill and a knock at the same time.
He was jealous, but he was never going to act on it again.
She was tempted to let the feel of his gaze on her back stop her acting the same way she had before he’d stormed out, but Archie had taught her well, and she wasn’t going to deviate from what she knew.
After lunch, she allowed several politicians to dance with her, even though their hands fell a bit too low on her waist and they made insinuations about her coming up to their room for a drink which she declined with ignorance, as though she was too innocent to realize what they were suggesting.
And then it was over.
It got to the point where it was polite to leave and she could finally slink away and return to her room.
Vikram was visibly tense beside her all the way up to their room, and she was irrationally disappointed when she opened the door to find two beds instead of one in the room.
She collapsed on the one closest to her and groaned as the soft mattress swallowed her up. “Thank God that’s over.” She wasn’t going to make it awkward by bringing up what had happened. She already knew what he thought about it.
Vikram grunted, walking around the room and doing his usual inspection of everything, taking up his post at the window and watching the lobby below. He bared his teeth at one point, and she wondered which politician had just walked through.
“Did you want to help?” she asked. “You could transcribe for me.”
“Isn’t that what your computer, or your phone, is for?”
“You look like you need the distraction of doing some handwriting. That’s why I keep pen and paper. It’s nice to just focus on the writing sometimes.”
He hesitated, but sighed. “Fine.”
She rummaged in her bag and handed him the pen and paper. He took a seat at the table rather than on the bed beside hers.
“Bullet point one. The Lasils intend to make their argument purely about the need to bring justice, and that it should be brought by any means necessary. Including torture. They are going to use the Maat crisis as an example. Bullet point two. The Carifs are going to rely completely on a non-interventionist argument. They’re not even going to touch the torture issue. It’s all going to be about the limits the IU should have on their power.”
Vikram turned in his chair to frown at her. “How did you find all this out? People don’t go telling the opposition their arguments.”
“They do when they think you’re a pathetic young girl trying to fit into the big boys’ world. You bat your eyelashes and tell them you’re just so worried about your opening speech and they give you a little hint about what they’re going to say so you can build off that. You hang onto someone’s arm while they’re talking to someone on their own side, and for a moment they forget you’re even there. You say that you really respect Archie as a person, but sometimes you wondered if he was a bit too hard line, and they try and sway you round, and of course they use the same arguments they’re intending to use in the conference.”
“It should make me feel better about having spent hours watching you be leered at by old men, but it really doesn’t.”
Her lip quirked. “It’s just an act,” she said, repeating the same sentiment as earlier. “And now it’s over. The conference is starting, so I’m not going to trick anyone anymore, now I have to be Archie. Be a good debater.”
“You’re going to be great.”
“Thank you.”
He turned back to the sheet. “Okay. Go on.”
They spent a while talking about the information she’d found as he wrote it down, him at the table and her curled in her bed.
It was a sight she could get used to, Vikram in her living quarters. Going about their business as if they’d lived together for years.
When her eyes began to droop and her answers to his questions got shorter and shorter, he put the pen down. “You should get some rest. It’ll be a long day tomorrow.”
She nodded, tucking herself up to the chin with the comforter and laying so she was facing his bed. “You’re right. Today has been… draining.”
His lip quirked, and he opened her mouth then closed it again twice before saying anything. “I’m sorry about what happened.”
“I know you’re not going to do it again, but I don’t want you to be sorry.”
“I’d understand if you want to hire someone else.”
“I don’t.”
He looked like he struggled to believe it, but nodded. “Okay.”
It was on her lips to tell him that she was upset it hadn’t gone further, that she wanted him to climb into bed with her now and carry on where they’d left off. She didn’t want him to be beating himself up even more, though, so she held back.
The conference was only a week.
Maybe at the end of that, when they were no longer in a professional relationship, they could explore each other’s bodies like she planned to do in her dreams tonight.