Clara

I wake up wrapped in Drevakin's arms and there’s nowhere else I'd rather be. As I look over at his sleep relaxed face, the now familiar warm contentment I experience every time I look at him washes over me.

If I'm honest with myself, I've never felt this depth of connection before. I was so in love with Joseph, and I cared about him deeply, but I'm not the same person I was then, before life dealt me some serious blows. I'm older now, with a lot more under my belt.

I know myself so much better after going through the gauntlet of the last few years. All of that plays a role in how I feel now. And while the Paritella is amazing and beautiful, I also know it isn't the reason I feel the way I do.

That doesn't mean I wouldn't miss it if I lost the connection, but if it disappeared tomorrow, I would still care about Drevakin just as deeply. As I lie still, drinking in the quiet moment, I also know with utter certainty that Joseph would be happy for me. Though he might have wished the circumstances weren't so dangerous and tumultuous.

I smile, almost able to hear him rolling his eyes and asking why everything is so complicated with me all the time. It was a long running joke between us. I never thought I could feel what I felt for him again. Let alone something even more and in such a short time.

After Rathorin, I seriously thought I had made a colossal mistake in coming to Alva at all. Now... now I believe it was destiny, or fate for me to come to Alva, meant to meet Drevakin. No matter what else happens now, I can't regret this decision. Not when it's brought me this.

I sigh as the anxiety about our situation rises again, never far in the background. There’s no avoiding the facts. We're stuck in a kind of limbo here at House Do'ana, no matter how nice our stay has been so far. Elorshin and Margot have been amazing, but we can't live our lives in the shadows forever. We have to make a move soon.

As that thought is crossing my mind, Drevakin opens his eyes. As soon as they meet mine, he smiles, tightening his arms around me.

"Good morning," I murmur, leaning in to place a light kiss on his lips.

"It is a good morning," he replies, rolling us and bracing himself on top of me.

I smile at his playfulness though I know my troubled thoughts are clear.

"What is wrong?" he asks, cupping the side of my face.

Even if my expression didn't reflect what I was feeling, I know he would pick up on my mood through the Paritella. There’s no way to hide my emotions around him. It's disconcerting. It's liberating in a strange way, but also kind of scary.

"I’m just thinking about the future. I don’t know what we’ll do," I murmur, wrapping my arms around his hard waist.

He nods, his face sobering. "Yes, I understand." His eyes track over my face, his thumb rubbing across my bottom lip. "No matter what happens, we will figure out what to do. Together."

"I know, but if something ever happens to you..."

"It will not," he reassures as I trail off.

I shake my head, looking away. "You can’t guarantee that."

The old pain, an echo of the anguish I went through when Joseph died, rises. His death destroyed my world. The pain has muted, somehow becoming less with time, but it’s still there. I don't think it will ever go away.

And I don't want it to go away, ever. I want to remember Joseph. Honor him and his love of others, his honor, his willingness to do anything he could to help. I was too grief stricken to appreciate his decision to serve when I was first told. Only later did I realize there was no other option for him. That was just who he was. The man I loved with my whole heart.

Drevakin frowns, his eyes locked on my face when I turn back.

"What did you think of?" he asks. "Sometimes, I feel as if you are so far away. As if you've gone where I cannot follow."

I lick my lips. Maybe it's time to tell him. If anyone deserves to know, he does. "I was... married, before."

He nods his eyes sympathetic. Perhaps he had an inkling.

"What happened?" he asks, his voice soft.

I swallow, but the knot in my throat refuses to move. "He was a fighter. Like you. And there was a battle." I look away, blinking back tears. "He died trying to save others."

"So he died with honor," Drevakin whispers.

"Yes." I shake my head as I turn back to meet his eyes. "He died with honor. But he also left me alone. I would have rather he not have been so honorable and lived."

Drevakin nods, his attention focused on me. "I can understand that. You cared for him deeply."

"So you can see why I worry," I say, trying to get off the painful topic.

He cups my chin with his fingers. "I cannot guarantee I will never endanger myself or that nothing will ever happen." He leans down and places a soft kiss on my lips. "But I can say I will try my best to stay safe, to always come back to you."

I nod, knowing it's the best he can do. I've fallen for another hero. Another man who is honorable deep down to his bones. I know he will do what he believes is right no matter the cost. And I also know I have to accept that. I can't change who he is. Nor would I want to.

"I think that's enough worry for so early in the morning," I say.

"This is true," he says, mockingly serious. "And I believe I know just the cure for this mood."

I laugh as he ducks under the covers, moving down my body. He makes a space from himself between my legs, and soon I'm not laughing anymore. By the time we make it out to breakfast, I have to admit his method for improving my mood is damn effective.

I’m a new woman. A very satisfied new woman.

We go to the kitchen like we've gotten into the habit of doing. We eat before we move to the practice room once again. Our routine has become predictable. We eat, we practice, we have lunch, and then sometimes Elorshin joins our practice or comes with news. Drevakin and I spend a lot of the day together. And although the situation is far from ideal, that we can spend so much time in each other's company is amazing.

I try to enjoy every moment, knowing this pocket of time is precious. There’s no guarantee about what’ll happen tomorrow. When Elorshin enters the practice room early today, his face grim and I know our short reprieve is over. My gut clenches in response.

"Drevakin, Clara, we need to speak. Come to my study. Something has happened."

Drevakin and I look at each other, trepidation clear in his face and through our bond. Dropping what we were doing, we follow Elorshin into the study. Margot is already waiting, looking as serious as Elorshin.

"I put the baby down for a nap," she says as she takes my hand in hers, looking over at Drevakin with concern.

The news must be bad indeed. All the build up isn't helping, my stomach is roiling with fearful anticipation.

"What is it?" Drevakin asks.

Elorshin lets out a heavy sigh. "Forgive me. There is no easy way to convey this news." He glances between us. "Rathorin has besieged House Lo'ara."

"What?" I ask, looking over at Drevakin's tight face. "Why?"

Elorshin's attention is also on Drevakin, his worry clear.

"From what I can gather, he believes you two are still alive. He feels deceived about your deaths. Apparently, that House Lo'ara is still running smoothly makes him think you must be there, leading the House while in hiding," Elorshin explains.

Drevakin nods, his jaw tight, his arms crossed over his chest, braced like he expects a physical blow. "What is he asking for?"

Elorshin's eyes are grave as he watches Elorshin. "He is asking you and Clara to surrender yourselves," he reveals, reluctance in every word.

"I'm so sorry, honey," Margot murmurs.

I squeeze Margot's hand. Then I move over to Drevakin, wrap my arm around his and clasp his hand, not knowing how else to comfort him. Drevakin's eyes are out of focus like he isn't seeing the room in front of us.

"And then what?" I prod Elorshin when he says nothing else. "What happens after we show ourselves?"

Elorshin looks at me and shakes his head, glancing away again. Not good. I look up Drevakin. "Drevakin?"

He looks down, his face serious as his eyes focus.

"What do we do?" I ask, coming up blank.

He frowns, his face looking lost. "I do not know."

As I look around the room at all the worried faces, I wonder if there’s any good decision to make. We don't have a lot of options.

Drevakin gathers me into his arms, holding me tight. I wonder if this is one of the last times he will. I hold him back tight enough I know it can't be comfortable, but he doesn't complain, setting his head down on top of mine as we hold each other.

"I do not know," he murmurs again.

"We will support you, no matter what decision you make," Elorshin says in a quiet voice. "For now, we will leave you alone to think."

I listen as he and Margot leave the study, closing the door behind them. Now it's just me and Drevakin.

The future has caught up to us.