human error
Evan
I really don't think I should have driven. I'm possibly still over the legal limit of alcohol, and I'm ready to fall asleep at any second. I need to get in my old house and crash in my old bedroom. It's now a spare room. I don't give two fucks that it's now done up in vintage pink and blue bedlinen. A bed is a bed and right now the back of the car would do.
I knock at the back door, making my mum jump a foot. She comes over and opens it.
"Jesus, Evan. I'd quite like to make my fiftieth birthday. You gave me a bloody heart attack."
"Can I crash in my old room, Mum?"
Her mouth curves up at the corner. "What's up with your own house?"
"I've got a girl there, Mum, and she won't leave. She even stole my key."
My mum blows out her cheeks, then releases. "And you've left her in your house on her own. She could steal everything. Are you mad?"
"Nah, she won't. I know her. She'll be pissed off and put the key through the letterbox when she goes home. At least I don’t have a pet bunny." I laugh. Then I sit at the table and think about it. Will she though? Or will she be that pissed off she takes the scissors to my clothes or sews fish into my curtains?" This is Rachel we’re talking about.
"You've gone very pale, Evan." Mum sits down beside me and plonks a mug of coffee on the table. "Right. Out with it and no bullshit. You've got one minute to come clean. Remember, no secrets. So, whatever dick move you've made, I need to know right now. Then never mind sleeping here, you need to get back to your house and make sure you've not been robbed or had your house set on fire."
I sigh. "I slept with Rachel."
My mum looks me straight in the eye. "Next door Rachel?"
"Yep."
Mum looks confused but not shocked. "So why would you want her to leave, and why have you left her in the house by herself?"
"Because, Mum. I messed up. You told me to leave Rachel alone, remember? And I did. I really did. I left her alone for years and years, but last night I had too much alcohol, and she didn't get engaged to Callum, and-"
"She turned Callum down?” My mum punches a fist in the sky. “Whoop! Oh, Sally will have a party. She can't stand him."
"Are you listening to me, Mum? I slept with Rachel."
"Well, I'm surprised it hasn't happened before now, love, to be honest, the way you're always mooning about over one another. Me and Sally thought you'd have got together by now. We wondered why you hadn't."
"Because you told me not to," I shout.
"Keep your voice down, your dad's still in bed," she says. Just as she used to do when I was a teenager getting ready for school. "What on earth are you talking about? You're a grown man. I can't tell you who to date."
"Mum. You said it when I was fifteen. To leave Rachel alone."
"Oh my God, Evan," she replies. "Of course, I did. She was fourteen, you were fifteen. I used to be a fourteen-year-old girl. I didn't want you falling out with her and ruining the camaraderie between us and next door over a hormonal urge on your part. But you're an adult now, that's different. It's up to you who you date. You and Rachel are grown-ups.”
I sit back in my chair and drink the whole mug of coffee.
"Oh my God. I left Rachel in my bed. I left her thinking she isn't good enough for me. That's she's just another one-night stand."
My mum folds her arms across her chest. Oh shit. "Repeat that again, Evan, so we can be clear. You've been having one-night stands? I thought I taught you to be respectful?"
I find I don't need the coffee to keep me awake as my mother gets up to the sink, fills her mug up with cold water and throws it straight in my face.
"What the hell, Mum?" I jump back.
"I promised to never lay a hand on you, and right now I want to strangle you, so instead I've thrown water. I can't believe what you've done. Get back to that bloody house of yours before she wakes up." She comes over to me and shoves me. "Right now, Evan."
I dash to the door, ready to race home, but my mum’s not finished.
"You sort this out. It's your life. I guess I've no right really to judge how you conduct it. But Rachel's a lovely girl and deserves better than she's getting."
"I know that, Mum. I've bloody well cocked up big style. But you told me to leave her alone."
“Are you blaming me for the situation? Did I sleep with Rachel and run away?” She points at the door. I don't need telling again. I'm on my way.
* * *
Rachel
I wander up the road towards my house. I hope my mum and Adam are still in bed because I don't want them to witness my walk of shame and I don't want my mum to see my face. I will never tell her what happened between Evan and me. I'm too embarrassed, and I don't want to cause any trouble between my mum and Hazel. No, it's best if I keep quiet about the whole thing. Hopefully, I'll be moving on soon. I only have to serve a week’s notice at the pub, which I'll do because Dan is amazing and I want a good reference from him. I might even consider running my own pub. Something I never thought about before. Suddenly, the world doesn't seem as bleak, but full of opportunity. Like diving in a bucket of grapes (which I loathe) and coming out with a bottle of wine. Right now, my grapes are sour.
So, I'm at the bottom of my path when the very man I wish to avoid dashes out of his mother's house. I ignore him and carry on walking.
"Rachel," he shouts. "Wait. I can explain."
I turn around. From this angle, I can see his car parked behind a large white van. Very nicely obscured while I walked down the road, giving me no advanced warning that the shithead was here.
I won't show him any emotion. I turn around and put my key in the lock. I go into my own home, closing it softly behind me.
* * *
Evan
Oh, this is bad. Very fucking bad.
The Rachel I know gets very angry when hard done by, when annoyed.
I just received a blank look.
Totally blank. Empty. Devoid of all emotion.
Either she doesn't care about me, or I've completely broken her. Emotional numbness.
I can't stand it. I want to rewind time. Go back to tonight. In fact, back to the nightclub. Back to before all the one-night stands. I would take Rachel home that drunken night when she was seventeen, and I would see how she was the next day and ask her on a date. She'd never have been touched by another man, and I'd have been only ever hers.
This won't do. She can be my first at other things.
I hurtle up her path and bang on her front door. I don't care that it's early on a Saturday morning. I need to talk to Rachel, and I need to talk to her now.
After a few minutes, Sally opens the door looking bleary-eyed and wrapped in her robe.
Her eyes widen when she looks at me. "Evan. Is everything okay?"
"Can I speak to Rachel, please?"
She puts a hand on her chest. "Jesus, Evan, you scared the life out of me. I thought something had happened with your mum. You're all, like, panicked looking. Are you sure you're all right? What do you want Rachel for?"
Rachel stands in the doorway behind her mother. "Don't let him in. He's not welcome here anymore." She's tied her hair back in a ponytail, and she has a smear of dirt on her forehead. She's obviously been taking her anger out on the garden. That's better. She needs to be pissed off at me. I see that she's not blank after all.
"What's going on, Rachel?" asks Sally.
"We've fallen out," says Rachel. "I put up with him and stayed civil all the time he lived next door, but I'm fed up of living a lie. I think Evan Hale is a complete fucking turd. He treats women like shit, probably cos he's so familiar with it being A HUGE STEAMING DOLLOP OF MANURE." With that, she turns on her heel and heads back out into the garden.
Sally stands in the doorway, her mouth dropped open.
"Sally. Please let me in. Give me five minutes, and if she still wants me to leave, I’ll go."
"I don't know, Evan, she seems pretty mad. Might be better to come back another day."
"I have things to say, Sally, and she needs to hear them now."
Sally sighs. "Five minutes, Evan. Then I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave."
"Thanks, Sally." I kiss her cheek as I dash past her and out into their back garden.
All these years and I've only ever seen this garden through my bedroom window.
I walk down the path towards the vegetable patch at the very bottom of the garden where Rachel is digging vegetables up with gusto.
She stops and waves the spade at me. "Do not come any nearer."
"Rachel. Please, we need to talk. I made a mistake."
"Damn right you did. Had a top woman in your bed and you chose to walk away from her. You're a fucking idiot, now leave."
I take a step closer to her.
She frees a huge mound of potatoes, and leaves, stalks, roots, and potato come flying at my head. The whole lot lands atop my head and dirt runs down and off my face.
I'm a real life fucking Mr Potato Head.
"Come on, Evan. It's best you leave." Sally's voice comes from behind me. "I know from experience that there's no reasoning with Rachel when she's in a temper."
I turn to her. "When she calms down, will you tell her I'm sorry, and that I'm not giving up."
She nods, and I walk back through the house where Adam escorts me out of the front door. I drive home, and despite having not slept all night, I can't sleep and pace the house thinking of my night with Rachel.