SIXTEEN
Dak
“Oh my God. What? What just happened?” Trace bursts straight up on the bed.
I smirk and sit up next to her. “Well if you don’t know, then I must’ve done something very wrong.”
“I thought…I didn’t…” She’s shaking even though she’s swathed in the layers of blankets twisted around us from the few minutes of hotter-than-fuck passion we shared.
“Tracey, calm down. What’s the problem? I thought you wanted me to.”
She pulls the covers up under chin. “I thought…I thought I was dreaming.” She’s nibbling on her lip again.
“You thought you were dreaming about me?” She gives an almost imperceptible nod. Huh. Interesting. “Have you…uh, dreamed about me before?”
I know she suggested having sex with me, but dreaming about me is in a whole other realm than casual fuck. After all the excuses I gave her explaining why having sex with me is such a bad idea, it’s ironic my heart is doing joyful handstands right now.
She pinches her eyes closed and groans. But they’re not the sensual groans she was giving me a few minutes ago when she screamed ‘Dakota.’ She’s never said my whole name before and no one has ever said it like that. This current groan is all anguish and disgust and I hate what she’s feeling about what happened.
“I don’t dream about…I don’t usually dream so vividly.” She shakes her head.
“No. I guess not.” I chuckle, because her response to my hand was pretty fucking vivid.
But she’s not laughing or even smiling. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…I shouldn’t have….”
She’s apologizing to me? She’s too much.
“Did I…did I do that to your lip?” She runs her finger along my bottom lip and my cock gives a hopeful twitch. But ouch. Until she touched it, I didn’t feel the bite mark she left on my lip.
“I guess you did.” I smile and pat my lip to make sure it’s all still there. Wow. If she’s this much of a wild thing when she thinks she’s dreaming, what would she be like wide awake? My cock is straining against the fabric of my pants, begging me to find out.
“My lip is fine, and I don’t want you to be sorry about what we did…unless you didn’t want to and I—”
“No. It wasn’t your fault. I practically ravaged you in your sleep. God, what else can I do to throw myself at you?”
“Tracey, it wasn’t anyone’s fault. You didn’t throw yourself at me. It was incredible the way you rode my hand and screamed my name when you were coming…all in your sleep.”
“Ugh. Could you please not be quite so graphic?” she whimpers. “Besides, I thought you said friends don’t—”
“I know what I said. But as a friend, I totally didn’t mind if you needed to use me to fulfill your wet dream.”
Nope. I sure as shit didn’t mind. In fact, I’m still so hard it hurts.
Even in the dim light I can see the deep crimson blush of her face. Maybe it’s from embarrassment or it could be from the epic way I made her come all over my fingers. I’m leaning more toward the second one.
“Okay look, this doesn’t need to be weird. It was beautiful. You’re beautiful. I’m not sorry this happened and I won’t pretend I am. But I stand by what I said earlier. It’s obvious by your reaction you’re not the type of chick who has casual hookups and I’m still dealing with…I’m dealing with some shit too. I can’t be what you need.” My brain is being all logical, but my dick is throbbing in disagreement.
I know I sound like a hypocrite, but I care about Trace. Even though I almost gave in to the insistent longing of my hormones to be inside her, I didn’t know about her past experience. I’m not going to join the list of assholes who fuck her and move on because they can’t commit. She deserves someone who has way more to offer than a hit and run.
I couldn’t resist helping her find a little release, though. When she said ‘Dakota please,’ how could I refuse her? A guy doesn’t turn down a woman in that kind of distress. Okay, so it wasn’t all about her distress. I’m ready to ignite every time I glance at her, and when she pressed her ass against me I thought I’d let go right then. But I’m trying to think about her and what she needs and not what my raging hormones are telling me I need.
“What…what are you saying?” She’s blinking her incredibly long lashes rapidly. And oh shit, when you see a girl do that, it can only mean one thing. She’s trying to hold back tears. Her brow creases like I’m speaking another language and she can’t understand what I’m saying.
I’m not sure what I’m saying. What I want to say is, Tracey, let me show you how many other ways I can make you moan and scream my name in wide awake pleasure. Then my mind goes right back to the thoughts of her deserving better…more than I can offer. She deserves time to heal, time to learn to trust another guy, not another prick who is as confused about his past as she is about hers. I can’t tell her about Abbey, though. I’m not ready to lay the whole mess on her. She’s had enough of an emotional rollercoaster for one night and my emotions are pretty twisted right now too.
“I’m saying, let’s think of this night as two friends getting to know each other, having some fun, and continuing to be good friends. Do our project, practice and perform our skate routine and hang out whenever we get the chance…as friends.” While it sounds like bullshit even to me, I can’t risk the possibility of hurting her again. She’s had enough assholes in her life.
Damn. I may’ve stepped into an alternate universe. I’m actually saying no to my throbbing dick and the sexiest girl I know. Declining sex with her even though she offered herself to me, no strings attached. This has to be one of the signs of the apocalypse: war, famine, plague, and Dak Andersen keeps his determined dick in his pants.
“So…no sex,” she says slowly. “Even after what just happened.”
“Um…yeah. Even after that. I think it’s the best thing,” I affirm and try to smile to feign feeling good about the crap I’m dishing out. I know it’s a schmuck thing to say after what took place a few minutes ago, especially since the truth is I’ve never wanted a woman more than I want her. Dammit. I know I’m right about this. She deserves more than a fuck and run, even if she thinks that’s all she wants.
She tilts her head and those big doe eyes narrow to tiny slits. Why do I feel like the mouse about to be pounced on by the mountain lion? Fuck. I know what she wants, what I want. The easy thing to do would be to slip her out of those clothes and make her feel all the things I want her to feel. But she needs someone she can depend on.
“Good friends…without the spine-tingling benefits.” She purses her lips and sighs.
“I don’t know, I think there’s lots of benefits to being friends with you.”
Mental images of her naked body supply all kinds of graphic material for my own wet dreams.
“Oh yeah? Like what?” She smiles.
I’d like to take her in my arms and show her all the benefits. “Like having a super smart study partner. Or having a friend who can do touchy feely skating routines with me. Or having a friend who enjoys good food and can eat as much as I do, even if she doesn’t like to share her fries.”
“You’re such a jerk.” She giggles and lightly punches my arm.
“So you keep telling me.” She’s an extraordinary woman and as hard as this is, I’m determined to do what’s right for her.
“So it’s okay for you to do the deed with all those other girls, but not me.”
Uh oh. The lion may pounce after all.
“No…it’s just. Dammit, Trace. You’re not a puck bunny and you need—”
“Don’t tell me what I need. I know exactly what I need. Yes, Sean messed with my head, and I was screwed in lots of terrible ways. I gave him everything I had—my love, my trust, my friendship—and he threw it all back at me and stomped on it.”
“I know. And I’m not going to be the next asshole who treats you like that.”
“Exactly! Having sex with you would be perfect. No chance of any of that ever happening, because you would never be like him and I could never fall in love with you.”
“Ouch. Kind of a twisted compliment. Should I say thank you or be offended?” I scratch my head in confusion.
“You know what I mean. You could never fall in love with me either. You don’t do love and feelings. Right?”
Right. I don’t do love and feelings…anymore.
“Forget it. Forget I mentioned it.” She rubs her eyes. “I’m too exhausted to think straight right now or argue with you. Let’s go to sleep.”
I don’t even know what to say. I get where she’s coming from. No one knows better than I do. She wants me to fuck her because she doesn’t want to risk being with a guy she might end up caring for. I get it. Been doing the same thing for years. Fucking girls that is, not guys. But should I be insulted or gratified I’m the one she chose to be her unlovable fuck buddy? Isn’t she offering me exactly what I’m in the market for right now? I should be jumping all over her and her offer. So why am I feeling like shit about it?
“I’m pretty exhausted too. I’m not thinking right either. Let’s get some sleep.” A disappointed look sweeps over her face. But I need time to think about everything going down between us. She was hurt bad and she’s still hurting. I’m not the right guy to help her overcome her pain.
She forces a grin, sighs, and lies down, enveloping herself back into her cocoon of blankets.
“Oh and Dak,” she says from inside her sheath, “please stay on your side of the bed. No telling how I might lose my head again if you touch me and I wouldn’t want to put you through that again.”
I don’t get time to answer before she’s making soft sleep-induced breathing noises. I lie down as far away on my side of the feather mattress as I can get and stare into the hypnotic flames. It’s a long time before I fall asleep.