Looking outside the kitchen window, I see my family sitting around the outdoor table, laughing and eating. It’s the happiest they’ve all been in a long time, and Jagger’s finally where he’s meant to be. His girl sitting on one side and his daughter on the other.

It’s been hard for him, and he deserves every good thing in his life, but days like today feel like a punishment. A reminder of all I don’t have and everything I want.

I lower my head in shame and let the familiar need of longing and jealousy consume me. This is why I need to get out of this place. Travel the world and put some space between my past and my present. I can’t waste any more time, I need to hurry up and chase my fucking future. Whatever it is.

Unexpectedly, I feel a small hand putting pressure on the middle of my back. My body freezes, knowing there’s only one other person missing from the picture-perfect family out in front of me.

“Drix.” Her voice is low and needy, the familiar nickname sounding foreign on her tongue. “We need to talk.”

My hands grip the ceaser stone bench in frustration as I shake my head at her request, “I don’t think there’s anything left to say.”

“Please.” Stepping closer, the scent of her perfume seeping into my resolve.

I exhale loudly, knowing like always, the sight of her is going to have me questioning my decision to leave. She steps back as I turn to face her, and I’m already missing the simple touch of her hand.

I hate myself for it.

I hate that all roads lead to her.

Her short honey blonde hair falls in soft waves around her oval-shaped, porcelain face. Staring at me with such desolation and emptiness, and I hate that this look is only reserved for me. Her whiskey coloured eyes that lose their light when I’m around, bore into mine. Now that I see her, the way she stands, the way she’s nervously chewing on her bottom lip, I know.

I know the girl I’ve loved for my whole life has come to break my heart one more time.  

A constant push and pull, we’ve been at it for years. One step closer, three steps back, it’s time to forget all we were, and all we could’ve been, or at least try.

I need to rid her from my mind, to find another focus. She’s been my centre for too long, and I’m done spinning around her. It feels selfish and wrong to leave so soon after Jagger’s release, but my options are limited.

I need to be immersed in a world where there is no risk of seeing her. Where the sun rises and sets at a different time, where I can finally breathe. Finally be me.

“Sasha, I can’t do this right now.”

“I need this, Drix. Before you go, I have to tell you how I feel. I have to apologise.” The air crackles. “I have to say goodbye.”

“Okay. Goodbye,” I spit out, doing my best to appear emotionless and detached.

“It’s going to be strange without you.”

“It’ll be better without me.” She shakes her head in disagreement, and I welcome the challenge. “Ask me to stay.”

“Drix,” she pleads, averting her eyes. “Don’t.”

The words become too much, my heart cracking at the painful revelations. “I’ve got to go.”

“Wait.” Holding on to my hand, she pulls herself into me. Standing on the tips of her toes, she presses her body to mine, and kisses me. Quick.

Time stops. A single moment to process. A single moment to realise that’s never going to be enough. Reaching out, I take hold of the back of her neck and pull her to me. Smashing my mouth to hers, I steal the kiss I believe I’ve earned.

I capture her moan, and I drown out the noise. Rough and frantic, our teeth clash, our tongues duel, and the desperation between us becomes gut-wrenching.

The sound of the back door opening has me lifting her up, and wrapping her legs around my waist. In a few long strides, we’re in my room, bodies pressed on to the back of the door, mouths melded, both of us refusing to come up for air.

My body’s vibrating with hurt and anger, while my dick is throbbing with need. If this is it for us, we may as well burn in fucking flames.

Moving us to the edge of the bed, I lie her down, and she shifts. In one swift movement she takes off her dress, deep purple lace covering the parts of her I’m itching to see. Reading my mind, she takes off the last bits of her armour, and meets my eyes with unfiltered desire. Seductively she crawls to the centre of the bed, her ass up, back arched and flushed face ready and waiting. I can’t get to her quick enough.

I shuck off my jeans and underwear, and pull my t-shirt over my head. Dropping each knee on the soft mattress, I kneel above her, naked and hungry.

Palming my cock, I focus on her pale flesh, dusty rose nipples, and round arse; my mouth and hands tingling in anticipation.

Unable to restrain myself, I lunge at her.

“Why?” I ask in between kisses. “Why do you want to give yourself to me now?”

Her eyes find mine, tears building up as they take me back to when things weren't complicated, when things weren't hard, and when she was unmistakably mine. “We need more good memories.”

My hands find her tits, my tongue tracing her nipples; over and over, never getting my fill. She runs her hands through my hair, sinking her nails into my scalp at every wet swipe. My dick rubs against the bedding as I glide my mouth down her body, the friction providing the smallest relief.

I stop at the top of her slit, my breathing heavy, my heart racing. I close my eyes, trying to slow it all down. But she pushes her hips up, letting her needs be known. Her intoxicating scent makes it impossible for me to hold off any longer. My tongue parts her pussy, licking, and tasting. I tease her clit, flicking and biting.

“Drix,” she cries, and I know the sound of her wanting to come is one I’ll never forget. Wanting her to feel me on every part of her, all at the same time, I thrust two fingers inside her. “I’m so close,” she groans. Rocking herself into my face while my dick begins to leak at the sight of her. My tongue laps at her clit, and my fingers twist and push farther inside of her. Peering up at her, I memorise this very moment. Hooking my fingertips into just the right spot, I watch her stomach and legs begin to shudder. Head back, neck stretched, body arched, and her orgasm all over my face. This is my paradise.

As she comes down from the high, she watches me, anticipating my next move. I rise and her eyes fall to my thick and needy cock.

“It’s yours if you want it,” I tease. Wordlessly, she sits on her knees, her mouth in direct line with my shaft. She circles her delicate fingers around me, and I hiss at the contact. Stroking up and down, I grow harder in her hands. She lowers her head, licking the tip before sliding me deep down her throat.

“More,” I growl as I thrust ferociously. Selfishly, I fuck her face, and she takes all of me. I curse the gods above as I grab her head, and empty myself without warning into her mouth.  Again, I memorise this very moment. How flushed her face is, and how tender her lips look; she’s both alluring and submissive, swallowing every drop of my come. This is my paradise.

Lifting her up, we both kneel, our eyes locked on one another. The salacious moments of earlier pale in comparison to what we know is coming next. I cup her cheeks, kiss her lips and let our bodies fall to the bed.

Her legs drop open slightly, and the silent invitation has me hard again in no time. Lining myself up, I push into her, and a noise akin to bliss leaves us both. Finding a rhythm, our bodies move with ease and familiarity.

Unable to look anywhere else, I stare into her amber eyes, as tears stream down her face. With every thrust, I give her all of Hendrix Michaels. My happiness and my heartache, both which have been at her mercy. And she’s right, it needs to end.

“I’m sorry,” she whimpers.

I catch her cry, apologising to her the only way I know how. She clings on to me for dear life, while we make love for the first time, and the last time. My body gives her the last fifteen years while my heart prepares to close it self back up for protection.

Together we pick up the pace, the love and hate between us pushing us farther off the cliff. Each stroke drags along the walls of her pussy, and I feel her start to quake.

Harder.

Deeper.

I bury myself in the only place that can hurt and heal me. Her nails dig into my shoulders and I pull back, thrusting with reckless abandon, watching her come undone one last time.

“Drix. Drix. Drix.” My name falls out of her mouth like a prayer, each heady pant echoing around me.

“Come for me, Sasha,” I order. “Let me remember you like this.”

After fifteen long years, we both finally fall off the edge, our hearts shattering as we land.

This is my paradise.